Talking to STBXW about divorce, need help.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-07-12T21:47:51+00:00

Is she Borderline? BPD

Specific-Bass-3465 · 2024-07-12T17:17:56+00:00

Is there someone in her family she trusts? Tell them.

DEVICEGRIP · 2024-07-10T20:51:40+00:00

Didn’t read the whole story, but for the most part… I don’t agree with a divorce simply because you aren’t happy. Create your own happiness by finding a hobby etc.

Badwater134 · 2024-07-10T20:23:02+00:00

My ex-wife filed in June 2022 and took her own life at age 45 a year ago this past Sunday (07/07/23). I had gone no contact since October 2022 and relocated out of state in December 2022; however, I had heard from others that she had not been doing well dating back to March 2023, perhaps earlier, when I suspect the affair fell apart after no more than six months.

She had crafted a false narrative for her social circle of how great divorced life was and had mastered the art of projection, complete with many of the behaviors others here have also observed. I had begun finding indications of alcohol use dating back to 2018 and she had an anti-depressant prescription, although she was not particularly adherent. She never made any verbal threats to unalive and in retrospect, I don't really recall any significant causes for concern. I certainly would not have overlooked them had I suspected. It is usually the person on the receiving end of the filing (males 80% of the time, of course) that is prone to take drastic measures, not the person who filed. Just be wary that there need not be conclusive comments or behavior. If she has a victim mindset or a history of impulsivity/making rash decisions out of spite, tread carefully.

It has been a monumental challenge to work on overcoming but I can also appreciate that I emerged from it financially unscathed, not imprisoned on false accusations, and not dead from her increasingly irrational, impulsive behavior.

Particular_Car7127 · 2024-07-10T18:55:34+00:00

I suggest you make a study of people who unalive themselves and the warning signs of it. You may even call a hotline and see what they say. Talk to a lawyer and see what they say. Also, go see a mental health counselor yourself and get as much information as you can. Men are more likely to unalive themselves over divorce than women are.

Doubledolla · 2024-07-10T17:48:07+00:00

It's a business negotiation now...... remove feelings and emotions. Easier said than done but does help when entering into conversations/ negotiations with stbx starting with that mind set

AirSailer · 2024-07-10T17:04:26+00:00

Your marriage is over, it's been over for a while. Her threatening to unalive herself is a manipulation tactic, and situations like this never get better meaning the manipulation will escalate. You need to do absolutely everything you can to protect yourself. She's an adult, she makes her own decisions and is ultimately responsible for herself; you are not responsible for her.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-07-10T14:05:21+00:00

Mine says the same thing. It goes from crying, self harm statements, guilt ridden statements like, “you wasted and ruined my life”, then to flat out rage and physical violence on her part. The last big divorce talk ended in her violently attacking me, to include: punching me, slapping me, scratching me, breaking dishes in the kitchen. I tried to leave, and she threatened to call 911 and cause self harm and say I did it.

I sent her to her parents for a month several hours away. It sucks, because she’s in denial and thinks it’s a vacation for her and my daughter. She thinks she’s coming back to a normal life. I’ve hired an attorney and he’s drafting up the paperwork. Not sure how the hell I will serve her.

Sounds like you’re in a similar situation as me man. It hurts when they say those things, because I still love mine as a person I’ve spent the last 12 years with (married 7), and have a beautiful daughter with. I would never want her to hurt herself or hate her life just because I want out. But I cannot love her and deal with her emotional immaturity and baggage. I suspect mine has childhood trauma too, as she was adopted from an orphanage in Eastern Europe. No telling what happened there. She’s just different and hard to describe. People who know us feel sorry for me for being married to her.

I wish you the best and feel free to message me. I’ve approached this divorce subject 100+ times and it only goes south. I sleep in a separate room. I would move out but can’t afford a mortgage and rent in the expensive part of the country I live in. Just sucks man. The sunken cost fallacy is hard to get past too.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-10T13:39:34+00:00

Might be good to read up on borderline personality disorder. Two things you mentioned: early childhood emotional trauma and this suicide thing. Usually people who intend to kill themselves don't really announce like that. They just do it. So don't be afraid yet, but this is obviously emotional manipulation, and I bet if you looked at the checklist for BPD, you'd find even more. I ignored the obvious symptoms.for 20 years, and guess what kind of shit storm mess I'm in now?

captainchippsixx · 2024-07-10T13:05:24+00:00

You write a log of your conversations - dates and times. She is trying to manipulate you. It hitting her that the resource train is leaving soon. Women think about what they are going to do and say ahead of time to further their plan.

Does she have sister or brother you can call?

Quaddro21 · 2024-07-10T13:01:52+00:00

Man my stbxw came into my bedroom last night and woke me up to say the same shit. I’d feel guilty somewhat, but I feel like I need to push this through

Noobinpro · 2024-07-10T12:17:50+00:00

If she threatens that again notify the police immediately. Go through with the divorce and live your best life.

Title	Talking to STBXW about divorce, need help.
Author	alwaylearning47
Upvotes	13
Comments	43
Date	July 10, 2024 11:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dzte0c/talking_to_stbxw_about_divorce_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/talking-to-stbxw-about-divorce-need-help.1523824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523824

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