Years of self-help and some therapy later, I still can't approach or find any social success.

otcsoldier9708 · 2024-07-15T20:50:50+00:00

Damn I suffer the same thing

Chicagoj1563 · 2024-07-15T21:28:46+00:00

Alot of this comes down to getting more social, finding a place to practice, and having a little info about a process you can put in place that is actionable. This is a solvable problem.

The question is, what are you currently doing about it? I know you said therapy. But, what have you tried in terms of meeting women? Have you gone out anywhere? Tried online dating? Ever approached a girl cold?

Also, do you have access to a city? Is it a decent size?

And what about funds? Do you have money to spend on a coach if you wanted to go in that direction?

epimpstyle · 2024-07-15T21:04:33+00:00

I've tried to be more social, go out, and whatnot but I just can't make anything happen

How have you tried?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. What step did you take yesterday? When was the last time you said something to a woman?

I'm 46 years old and I've seen that if I don't open my mouth to say a word, women don't say anything, they don't bother me if I pretend not to look at them. If I pretend not to look at them, they won't think I'm mysterious (as I thought a few years ago), and also because they can't read minds, they won't know you want to talk to them.

At 39 you should lower your beauty standards of a woman, you can't expect to have a gorgeous woman, just look for women in your category - this is the old "league" that men hate, but to make your life easier don't aim too high.

SnooEagles8555 · 2024-07-16T04:09:38+00:00

I'm in a similar boat (Horrible social output) due to ADHD and CPTSD My parents are fucking nuts, both are most likely narcs or BPDs. They genuinely sabotaged me throughout my life to keep me from being an accomplished human.

Currently I do dancing classes twice a week(Salsa + Bachata), go to a MMA course twice a week, visit a self help group and go to a shrink, which I found to be a very potent combo. The dancing soon will lead to events where these dances are performed and me having tons of non forced interactions with others. Maybe try the same route, I'm far from there due to my inner issues, but path is clearly forming. I can more and more feel how I'm holding back my true self due to the way I was treated, and how I can heal by letting lose

Independent-Cod-5938 · 2024-07-16T08:03:01+00:00

Do those week bootcamps where you travel To the PUA artist location, and they force you to cold approach.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-07-15T20:08:58+00:00

Sorry to hear that man. I found this problem everywhere. More and more men are either isolated or hit the walls, or even finally gave up. There’s a term in Japan called Hikikomori. Looks like the problem is global wide.

If I could ask you, when you said you can’t approach women, what do you mean? You can’t talk to them? Can’t get their phone numbers? Can’t go out on a date with them?

I think in the past week or 2 there are some guys posting in this sub offering private tutorial. Maybe you can talk to them and see how they can offer you a solution.

Rabbit-Punch · 2024-07-15T22:53:26+00:00

Approach people. You can approach people, you’re just scared of what might happen. Pay somebody to force you to approach people. That’s money better spent than a therapist

Mysterious_Pickle_78 · 2024-07-16T04:11:16+00:00

Your body-emotions is like an elephant, your mind is like the rider. Happiness hypothesis the book goes well into this.

Your body is not going to change quickly and like things quickly, it takes time to adapt. A good rider knows that the elephant is dumb and emotional animal. He will train is slowly and be patient with it, be kind with it.

Therapy is mainly for the mind. You are training the rider. However the elephant is a dumb animal.

In this case, you the rider, are whipping your elephant for not changing fast enough, and it doesn't like it.

Be patient and deprogram your habits. Take your time. Read the right books. Find the right people. Be gentle with your elephant.

If it all fails. GIVE up. fuck the society, save some money go to thailand and fucc some whores and have a jolly time.

HarpertFredje · 2024-07-16T07:13:08+00:00

If you have trouble approaching in a direct way, maybe try to ease into it by doing something more 'safe'. Go up to a woman and ask for directions (even if you know the place). Do that a couple times to get comfortable with opening your mouth to strangers.

After that just give simple compliments, without committing to a deep conversation. "Hey, i just had to say, I really like your T-shirt" or something like that (be genuine), wait for her response and then just say "have a nice day" and leave.

Once you're comfortable with doing so, try to stay a bit longer, by introducing yourself and talk about what you/she were doing. Keep building on that by complimenting yourself afterwards for every step you took.

Kylearean · 2024-07-16T14:46:04+00:00

I was the same.

The only advice you need, the only advice that worked for me came from an old man: " Talk to everyone. The cashier, mailman, delivery guy, banker, old lady, person in line -- it doesn't matter. The more people you talk to in every day life, the easier it is to talk to the ones you actually want to."

I'll add to this, when you have the opportunity, always speak to people with the intent to learn. You build rapport the fastest when you allow people to talk about themselves. You also learn what they value, what's going on in their lives, etc. The other massive advantages of talking to everyone: (1) it demonstrates social value. If a woman sees you engaging with people, you're seen as less of a "player" and more of a genuine person; (2) the other advantage is that you'll probably generate some stories out of these interactions that you can letter relate to a potential partner.

You can accomplish this without being in "interview" mode. For example, making leading statements about something that's common about the environment that you're in, that invites their participation or opinion.

Also, talking to everyone, including men, helps you calibrate. If you're alone too long, you start to develop animosity toward women. This is natural. When you're in a healthy relationship with a woman, and you have female friends in your life, you pretty quickly lose that animosity -- that suggests that it's not based on any rational basis, it's simply a reflection of your frustration. Therefore, talking to everyone helps you get socially and emotionally re-calibrated across the board.

Necessary-Jaguar4775 · 2024-07-17T00:12:43+00:00

Have you considered becoming a passport bro? If you have money, I think you should take 6 weeks to 6 months in Latin America or South East Asia to gain more experiences and maybe even a girlfriend.

Consistent-Rest977 · 2024-07-19T15:17:02+00:00

Bro even if I did hire a dating coach, lost 35pounds, hire a stylist I didnt had any success too I just realized that my happiness is the only thing matters and I dont need women, sex or relationship to be happy

nurture420 · 2024-07-16T04:13:14+00:00

Hey bro, I don't know if this advice will help or not, but I think the bigger issue is you got to keep working hard to feel better about yourself. I really think rather than worry about approaches, why not spend the next 6 months really training towards a fitness goal? Feeling better about yourself does a WONDER on just making you more naturally upbeat and draws women more towards you. When we get into those downward spirals, they can pick up on that like a scent in the wild. The best thing you might want to start doing is strength training, or walking, and getting yourself feeling better about your holistic self. That's just my two cents...we have ALL had feelings of being destroyed...but if you keep investing in yourself, you'll feel better out in the world and project more inner-strength. Keep hanging in there man, it's not over yet and you got DECADES ahead of you to continue to improve and progress!

Jironasaurus · 2024-07-15T20:44:15+00:00

I've tried to be more social, go out, and whatnot but I just can't make anything happen.

I'm confused as to why this is the case? If you're going out being social, then your chances of meeting people naturally go up. Or are you saying you're hitting a wall and getting nowhere with doing this?

One thing I know that doesn't help is I can't approach strangers, women or otherwise.

Likewise with this. You can't approach strangers because of severe social anxiety, or...?

I'm not attractive, I have no good friends, most definitely no wingmen, and I feel like I've run out of options and time.

Sorry you're feeling this way. It can be very difficult to act once you feel like you're completely stuck with absolutely no solution in sight. I believe you saying you're not attractive points a lot to your psyche. This bit is the hardest and will take the longest to fix. Based on my experiences in the various men I've helped as well as those who've simply come and go in my life, image is typically the first thing most men need to fix.

In your case, it sounds to me like it's image + lifestyle + mindsets. Image, very obviously because if you look better, you will just find it easier to meet and attract women. Self image is of course, part of this process. Lifestyle, so that you have more women that can come into your life without you having to go "hunt". And mindsets, to help you boost your confidence over time.

My personal advice is reach out to a dating coach, and see if they can help you in these 3 areas. Do your research and see if their philosophy resonates with you, before you hire them. I've met some coaches whose teachings don't align with my person, and that wasted more of my time. A coach that aligns with you will have a good dating philosophy that allows you to be authentic, as well as give you a good action plan so you can learn better and faster. In the meantime, do share more of your situation with us. Feels like some parts of the puzzle is missing, and it's hard for anyone to give you any specific advice, without those parts.

rag3light · 2024-07-15T20:11:13+00:00

Therapy is stupid and only worthwhile for women. Because it does not and never will produce any predictable systematic results.

Women love it because they have no social obligations and so it just provides a nice story to accompany their life floating.

Deep down you know the truth already

ZenoGeno · 2024-07-16T08:14:06+00:00

Therapy for this is a scam, you wasted your money there

MentalCelOmega · 2024-07-16T20:16:49+00:00

Some people, no matter how hard they try, are fated to not have success. Guess you are one of them.

Title	Years of self-help and some therapy later, I still can't approach or find any social success.
Author	AkibaPrime
Upvotes	18
Comments	74
Date	July 15, 2024 7:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1e43sc5/years_of_selfhelp_and_some_therapy_later_i_still/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/years-of-self-help-and-some-therapy-later-i-still.1524375 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524375

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