I hit milestones but then they feel like they don't mean anything

0ldLeeech · 2024-07-16T14:09:58+00:00

Hey man. Youre doing better than me. I cant even bring myself to approach. Keep it up

norwegiandoggo · 2024-07-16T14:23:56+00:00

You hit on women in grocery stores. That can work but this isn't exactly the ideal spot to be hitting on women.

To double your success-rate, go to places that have mostly single women. Because about 50% of women are in a relationship. So that means 50% of your approaches will fail by default of you hit on random women in the grocery store.

But if you're in a place with a lot of single ladies, that should improve your odds by a lot.

Rabbit-Punch · 2024-07-16T15:43:51+00:00

Bro you did 20 approaches. That’s great but it’s going to take a lot more to make shit happen. In our heads we probably all believed we just needed to do one approach and we would have a girl. You got to keep going, don’t get frustrated yet. Also, there’s a lot of good info online. So keep going, get a social media and use that so people can see who you are and you aren’t just sending texts, do more approaches, keep evaluating your beliefs

GymBroTRT · 2024-07-16T14:52:33+00:00

So I know what your problem is (most likely), but you won’t like what I have to tell you and you won’t like the solution.

I’ve been exactly where you are. Doing the mandatory 100 approached a week, a bunch of numbers, a bunch of cute and teasing messages and trying to get women out on date. I approached a lot and went on a lot of dates and still managed to mess up. I couldn’t figure out what my problem was. Why? Was something wrong with me? Did I have some weird energy or vibe about me that would doom me to only dating undesirable women at best?

The reality is that the issue that trips up most men is the issue that is least spoken about and almost never dealt with properly. But it is actually the first thing you need to deal with if you want any of the techniques you are implementing to g to work. And if you don’t deal with it, no matter how hard you try, how many women you approach, you will almost always fail. Or if you get results, it will be bitter sweet because you had to work like a dog for them.

So, are you ready? Think about what motivates you to go out and approach women. You may think it’s sex, but hey, you can just jerk off and you will get relief ASAP. Your motivation likely comes from a feeling of lack. Lacking sex, love, intimacy, women. You probably don’t feel very happy or fulfilled and believe women and sex are the source of happiness and fulfillment.

This is actually the cause of neediness and neediness is the biggest turn off for women. More than height, lack of money, lack of looks, etc. That’s why a guy who approaches a ton and is constantly asking girls out can still strike out, although he is putting in more work and effort than anyone he knows. The problem is his motivation for doing it, which is to fill some emotional gap in his life.

Why doesn’t neediness work? There is a universal law that states:

People NEVER want what they CAN get and ONLY want what they CAN’T get.

Think about it. Do companies like Apple, Gucci and Louis Vitton give away their products in order to generate interest? No way, Jose! There are usually lines around the block in front of their stores, because they are seen as exclusive. What happens when you put too much money in circulation in the economy? You get inflation, which is another way of saying that money loses its value in he more available it is.

A needy man who is constantly pursuing women and coming on too hard is the equivalent of too much money in circulation. Similarly, he loses value and others demand him less. Many guys think the secret to getting laid more is to lower their standards and hit on every single girl. But that actually lowers their value even more. What raises someone’s value in the eyes of others is exclusivity and scarcity.

Needy men are the opposite. They make themselves available and some even throw themselves at women desperately. But they are only communicating: “Please take me! I have no inherent worth and need someone else to make whole”. It’s not a great selling proposition is it?

Believe it or not, but the solution to being better with women is to actually learn to be happy without them. That doesn’t mean that you have to cut off your dick and go live like a monk in a cave for the rest of your days. It means that you stop seeing g women as the source of happiness and fulfillment. You need to stop waiting around on women to rescue you from your lonely and sexless life. Because if you do, you are the guy they can have and they almost never want the guy they can have.

This involves taking a break from approaching and socializing with women and maybe, if you are brave enough, socializing with other people period. Of course, still honor your work or school commitments, but beyond those, try to spend the next month or two mostly by yourself. Focus on filling your schedule with activities that have a high capacity for being enjoyable. Meaning, don’t sit at home, jerk off and play video games. It means go to the museum, go to the movies, join a soccer league, learn to play tennis, take scuba diving lessons, learn to cook, etc. Fill your entire free time with things to do so you don’t have even a minute to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. None of these activities should involve women in any way, shape or form. Just focus on your own enjoyment.

At the end of each day, sit down and do a quick assessment of your day. What activities did you enjoy doing by yourself and which you didn’t. Keep that journal as proof that you can be fully happy when doing things by yourself.

As you learn that you are able to experience happiness without women, you will stop seeing them as a trophy to be won or as the source of your happiness. You will start seeing their true nature, instead of the fantasy that you’ve built in your head. Once you have reached that conclusion, meeting women will be easy. You won’t have to dedicate daygame sessions to it. You will be able to go about your day with purpose and only approach women if you have the time or inclination. And trust me, they will respond to you much better.

Keep some rules of thumb still. Don’t over text, don’t think about a woman beyond the time you are spending with her in real life. Don’t get overly excited about meeting someone or going on a date. Treat as something that’s normal and happens to you all the time.

SpaceCheeseWizard · 2024-07-16T15:45:30+00:00

Damn dude, I’m kinda in the same boat as you now, although I only did 23 approaches in total over the last months, with most of them in the last weeks or so. So doing 20 in a week is pretty wild imo.

What I’m doing is, I’m keeping track of all the approaches in my note app, and then reflect on the stuff I did, and what I could have done better, basically rescripting the scenario. With that I’m seeing slight improvement in my confidence, and less issues with high nerves / goofy errors. With that I can experiment different styles of interaction that would suite me the best and make me feel comfortable. Because damn dude, cold approaches and talking up strangers is something I’ve never had done before.

With the 23 approaches I got 4 numbers, and 2 potential dates, but could still end up as ghost.

I’m also struggling with chats and flakes a lot lately.

I think what we’re doing here is creating a flow that works, something that you can stick to. So by experimenting different ways and styles, you can find out what works and adds to you as a person. Right now I’m still building like you, but let’s not give up. Keep on going, and don’t push the milestones away, celebrate them, as small as they can be.

Good luck

zebekias · 2024-07-16T21:34:29+00:00

How old are you? I started at 36yo clueless about girls, not confident that I "deserve" a hot gf. But I had determination to figure things out. I had lots of rejection and self-wonder, but I never gave up, and kept studying about game, inner and outer, and trying to improve myself. Naturals already know what to do, but for the rest of us it takes a while to "get it". I had some success 8-9 months into it, but it was around 4-5 years before I started taking out hot young girls (I was 40 by then). There was no single breakthrough, it's just that as you improve as a person, learn game, travel, work, gain confidence, improve appearance by working out, sharp clothes, good grooming, etc, you become a more attractive person and it shows before you even open your mouth. And remember, if you do something that's not working, stop doing it. Adjust, figure out your blind spots, ask friends that are very good with girls how they see you and what you should improve on. Don't get stuck doing the same things over and over - I recall friends that got stuck the the same routine, and never improved, don't be like that. Embrace the discomfort of adapting, changing, learning. I look back to 15 years ago and although I am the same good guy, I just didn't have it together as an attractive man.

Your race is unlikely the issue. I mean, for some girls being black equals an emphatic no (in their head), just like being hairy can mean no for other girls - my first gf (months into the journey) eventually told me she would never ever in a million years thought she'd be with a hairy guy like me (but she totally fell for Mr. Hairy). While I am all for constantly improving yourself, when you are out there hunting for your hot girl, you do you and unapologetically go after what you want and don't worry about race, anxiety, clothes, demeanor, posture, etc. be confident about the guy within. Confidence is delicate, you can be super polite to everybody (and you should), calm, chivalrous to all women, and have the confidence that you are a cool guy that a lot of women want. I guarantee you there are cute women right now in your city that would love to be with you, but I can tell you that until I'm blue in the face and it won't mean a thing until you truly believe it yourself, and that will probably not happen until you start having some success. It's ok to fake it til you make it (I did it). Eventually things will definitely click, and it's worth putting the effort to get there! It took 10 years to find my 10. 7 years of marriage and 3 kids later, the journey continues and I love every minute of it.

Several_Ad_8363 · 2024-07-16T14:47:58+00:00

You ask about race. Are you the same race as the girls you are hitting on or different? Most girls only date within their race/social class/caste groups.

That doesn't mean you can't try with others, of course, but don't beat yourself up about it if the results aren't great.

What was the last message(s) you sent before the girl ghosted you?

Silly_Randy · 2024-07-16T15:27:55+00:00

Your game must be shit. 6"4 black dude? Dude, you could get laid without saying a word.

You must be talking too much. Maybe stfu and let her talk. Body language must be cool and sensual.

Not sure dude. But your vibe could be needy, toooo confident/ playerish/ fuckboi. Just a thought.

driller20 · 2024-07-16T14:46:54+00:00

I think you have to relax. Think that caveman were doing this without all those modern extras.
Is normal.

l1ght- · 2024-07-16T17:58:07+00:00

Sounds like you’re reaching a point where you suddenly think everything will be perfect.

Then you get there and it’s not yet perfect.

Just keep going and work on the internal judgements you have going on.

DaygameCode · 2024-07-16T19:46:12+00:00

I have probably done about 20 approaches this week. Mostly in Grocery stores. I got two numbers.

Stop going for numbers and go for instant dates and same day kisses on those instant dates. The numbers give you the ilussion of success when in reality it's just an easy way for women to get rid of guys.

Going for numbers or contact details is overrated. In summer a lot of women are far more likely to be willing to do something spontaneous if they like a guy so go for instant dates and stop with the "i have to get her number mentality" which does more harm than good.

So now I'm asking all type of questions. Is it my race, anxiety, clothes, demeanor... etc

It's more that you don't approach women from the right frame. You approach women to get numbers rather than to evaluate whether they even deserve to see you or hear from you again. No matter how the conversation goes you will usually make the mistake of asking for a number to see if you can get rewarded, which is a bad frame.

You want to make women feel that you are rewarding them meaning that wanting their numbers or an instant date or whatever must feel like they earned it, that you would not normally do these with any other random girl and that requires you to justify why you even want their number which is something you are not doing or not effectively. You are missing qualification stage.

staier0 · 2024-07-16T16:04:00+00:00

Ok. What do you need to understand to get immediate success: go to a place full of girls your age or obout. Have fun and observe who is interested in you. Aproach without fear, just with an interest to what is next. Say hi. See what us next. If failed , see who is interested next.

aiwendil_brown · 2024-07-16T17:58:33+00:00

Seems to me like you’ve set up your routine entirely around picking up women, like that’s your ultimate goal and the most important thing in your life. That might be coming across in your interactions more than you realize. Impossible to know for sure without watching you approaching, but there’s a non-negligible chance that you me be giving off desperate vibes. I think you would benefit from stepping away from dating for a while.

Awsumguy68 · 2024-07-16T18:06:08+00:00

Look everywhere else to approach women as well. Also, it sounds like you're looking for validation in these women. Your confidence needs some work. It needs to be solid.

From_God_to_Dog · 2024-07-16T18:25:04+00:00

Make sure ur flirting before number

enoughsaidbro · 2024-07-16T18:33:21+00:00

Eventually you will laugh at the idea of caring about what women think. Keep going.

Funky_hobbo · 2024-07-16T21:43:51+00:00

Progress is still progress, you are doing better than most guys that are reading this, including me (I must admit).

Frustration is a part of growth.

Ronnyvar · 2024-07-16T21:55:23+00:00

life is meaningless bro fuck bitches get money

50ate · 2024-07-16T22:05:28+00:00

Non verbals and Inner game come with time

Honestly a socially awkward GQ guy can get turned if he has lack of confidence and I meant Dreamy whites

Don't rush enjoy the process, have fun

Neloangelo1814 · 2024-07-17T00:26:29+00:00

Are you looking to date or to get laid

Kylearean · 2024-07-16T16:02:55+00:00

First of all, you're doing great -- keep working. When you workout or practice something, do you see immediate gains? Nope. Keep praciticing. Talk to everyone, this will help you stay calibrated.

I will say that east coast (from Virginia to Maine) is pretty hard on average. People are generally distrustful of strangers and people approaching them. The main reason for this is that we (people in urban areas) get approached all the time by a wide variety of people who are usually looking to scam you.

I think it's best to be environments where the "stranger danger" defense is lower, such as bookstores, library, supermarket, clubs / meetups, volunteer situations, etc. somewhere where you can end up talking for a bit in relative privacy.

Elbynerual · 2024-07-16T18:39:45+00:00

You should learn seduction. It's really useful and provides good results.

Cold approach is not seduction.

Title	I hit milestones but then they feel like they don't mean anything
Author	duh1111
Upvotes	40
Comments	48
Date	July 16, 2024 1:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1e4osie/i_hit_milestones_but_then_they_feel_like_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-hit-milestones-but-then-they-feel-like-they-dont.1524433 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524433

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