I kind of just want to get this out there quickly so I'll spare everyone the full details of my story for now but happy to fill in the blanks as needed.

The short version is the more I read up on it, the more it's clear my impending divorce (still in process, had the official "talk" about 2 months ago, still living in the same house with our 2 boys 6.5 and 2.5) is a classic walkaway wife scenario. I'm not naive or self-centered enough to try and deny my role. She called out her issues and needs many times and made plenty of attempts to get me to make meaningful changes and fulfill her unmet needs. She said multiple times that one day id wake up and this would be the result if things didn't change. Over several years. 2 years of couples therapy. Sometimes I brushed it off as nagging, or said I do all these things and deflected it back to what she was failing to do for me/the marriage. Sometimes I did make what I felt was an effort but obviously not enough. By the end of course it didn't matter how sincere I was about fixing things and doing the work, as is the classic ending of the walkaway wife scenario.

My question in all this is, for those of you who have been through similar and (and this is the key part) can willingly acknowledge and admit that your ex voiced her concerns and told you what she needed to see from you and this still happened -- how did you ever find peace? I feel like in acknowledging all that, I'm acknowledging that this was in fact all my fault, that I fucked up my marriage and family and life because I didn't listen and make changes that I could have made. I could have fixed it and I'd still be married, family intact. I want to blame her or at least be able to say we both had an equal part to play. She contributed too. But when my case fits the walkaway wife so perfectly and I'm honest enough with myself to acknowledge I didn't do these things.... I don't know, I guess I just feel naive, and stupid, and like a failure, and like I'm completely to blame, and that I'll never have any peace with all this.

Am I making any sense at all? I need some feedback and support from the group. Thanks.