The final date is Dec 18...

I've been giving cold stoic responses when she visits our dogs; it hurts to behave that way, but it's the consequence of her actions. I've been doing all dog related chores before she arrives so she can see that we don't need her and she can't just walk in and out of our life and pretend nothing happened.

Today, she decided to take them for a walk. Well, first, she was like, "I don't know if I can control both of them." I reassured her she would be fine. It's embarrassing to say, but before they left, I said a prayer at the kitchen sink, asking to face our problems and find resolution. So I asked her if she was sure she could handle them. She said yes but you can come if you want. She opened the door and was jerked down the stairs. I asked again and laughed. She said yes.

All this is to say... how do you handle this juncture between the world that was and the world that will be? It is starting to feel like I'm seeing a ghost. Imagine seeing a dearly loved missed and deceased family member but knowing you shouldn't tell them you think of them multiple times everyday or that you would move mountains to turn back time and have one more dinner, one more kiss, one more moment with them in your arms. I guess this is the part where you tell me I'm out of my mind, a fool, etc. Okay, let's have it.