Partner says I’m like a man

worldlysentiments · 2024-10-05T22:52:45+00:00

I definitely used to be like this with guys; for ref I think I am somewhat on spectrum as well. An opening for you, may be to let him do things if/when he offers. I found myself being like “no I’m good” to any and all requests to serve or help me in any way… mostly bc I have particular ways I like things and anything offsetting that makes me uncomfortable/ and a lot of the time it felt dumb to be like “sure” over small stuff. (Hyper independent and constant need for efficiency vibes here lol). Now, with my husband if he offers anything, even a small gesture… “you want me to fill your water”… even if it’s mostly filled, I oblige. He’s asking because he wants to show a small piece of affection, and letting them do that, is giving a tiny bit of control to him. ESP if you’re not emotional, he prob finds very little space to let you be soft for him in the sense of emotional vulnerability, so try to let him perform that in other ways. Now I know if my husband even offers a bite of something he’s eating to me and I don’t even really care or want any, I let him feed me a bite 😂😂 because that minute connection can def make them feel like 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

RatchedAngle · 2024-10-05T19:15:56+00:00

What am I missing?

It sounds like you’re missing vulnerability. You give him a lot but you don’t create an opening for him to give you anything. You don’t need.

Have you ever had an overpowering craving for a certain type of food? To the point where it’s all you can think about?

A man can tell when you’re in the mindset of craving him. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. When you crave food, you salivate. There are subtle signs of emotional craving, mainly a look in the eyes. The way your tone changes when you speak to him.

I don’t think it’s something you can force or imitate. The only way to achieve this is to connect with your emotional self and become vulnerable, perhaps with therapy. And with a therapist who specializes in people who are on the spectrum.

Deliaallmylife · 2024-10-05T19:48:38+00:00

Without specific examples, I tend to agree with /u/RatchedAngle that it is an issue of vulnerability and needing him.

Usually I recommend that women read "For Women Only" but there is also "For Men Only" and it's all about what women tend to want/need/be in a relationship. Since you are asking for a step by step guide to what it means to be a woman in a relationship - this may be up your alley. It will give you the language to identify where you are different from the average woman and maybe help talk about it with your partner.

And while I know people will say "don't change who you are" and "you are still vetting for compatibility", it might help you identify small changes that you are willing to make. As a for instance, I know I'm not a particularly affectionate person. It doesn't bother me to be touchy but it doesn't come naturally to me. My husband likes to be touched. Trying to do more of that isn't natural for me but I love him and am attracted to him so it's not terribly difficult to remind myself to touch him more as an expression of my affection rather than say, making him dinner (which he loves and wouldn't change but isn't the only thing he needs to feel cared for).

RedPillDad · 2024-10-05T19:12:47+00:00

I don't know the personality of your boyfriend, but I can tell you that complainers will complain no matter which way the wind blows.

My wife is feminine by nature and as she has matured she became more logical, more capable of solving problems. I don't expect a 'Goddess of Lightness and Fun" but maybe that's what your boyfriend expects.

I watched a video from Alexander Grace and he talked about how women shut off their brains in a relationship. That's the LAST thing I would want. He played this clip of a boyfriend sharing how he saved his girlfriend from being hit by a truck. It's probably just a skit, but I found her careless, ditzy attitude disturbing. What sort of mother would she be with her brain shut off like that?

tornteddie · 2024-10-05T19:08:48+00:00

Anyone in comments pls feel free to correct me bc i may be wrong here.

But i truly feel like this is just him having a slightly skewed idea of what femininity is. I guarantee if you were crying every day he would find that annoying and childish. You also mentioned youre on the autism spectrum, so this doesnt sound at all out of character for an individual with autism.

I would mention the autism thing to him and maybe send over some material (videos on youtube) about how autistic people express emotion. Specifically videos you relate to, not necessarily every single one bc everyone is different of course.

If youre not sensitive i dont think thats something you can really change, nor do you need to. Unless its something like youve built up a wall due to trauma.

Ask him for specific changes hed like to see, maybe its for you to be more affectionate when he is expressing stresses and struggles in his life? I dont know, you would have to ask him bc thats personal to the two of you.

CountTheBees · 2024-10-06T01:30:59+00:00

First thing I can think of is with everyone telling you to be vulnerable and whatnot it's not immediately actionable. They're probably right but there's no way for you to check it out now.

Here are some sentence parts that would demonstrate vulnerability.

"I need you"
"I really need your help with"
"If you weren't here I would be <some sad idea😥>"

Have a think about these ideas and whether you would ever say them. They are great relationship builders and ways to build interdependency and make the man feel needed. Think of ways you can incorporate them in daily conversations. I disagree with the idea you can't fake it, you totally can! You can do it so much you start to depend on it. For example, let's say you ask for help with doing something you don't like doing even though you're perfectly capable of doing it. And the way you phrase it is in emotional terms - it's not about how you're incapable but "it would be so NICE if he could help you do it because it would save you so much headache".

Your man is all triumphant, dons his armour and gets on his white horse to save his fair maiden. You squeal a bit when he finishes doing the thing, do a girly clap giggle and spin [this is way advanced girl game though, beginners should not attempt], and next time he does it again. Eventually you forget how to do it or never bothered to learn the new way he does it, or don't know where he leaves the tools, so now you can't do it even if you wanted to. Voila, you are now dependent on him, he feels needed and he feels like you are grateful for him.

Plus, "don't fall for natural".

Hammokman · 2024-10-06T03:07:29+00:00

My interpretation is that he is trying to say you are easy to be with on an emotional level. Not that you are not feminine.

Men often have difficulty expressing feelings of emotional attachment in a way that women correctly interpret, especially in a fairly new relationship.

Before I was married I was in a few relationships were there was always some sort of drama, some of which was due to my girlfriends over thinking my actions and comments.

My wife of 25 years has lots of the qualities you say you have. She is easy to be with on an emotional level, no head games, very pragmatic, logical.

I think your boyfriend could have expressed himself better, but don't take this as a negative.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2024-10-05T20:41:19+00:00

I would also recommend the book Fascinating Womanhood for step by step instructions/descriptions of femininity.

throwawaytalks25 · 2024-10-05T21:42:02+00:00

He did say that I approach everything from a logical/scientific standpoint and that sometimes it feels cold and masculine. But I do not understand how that is a bad trait to have?

I personally do the same thing, and I don't believe it is a negative trait to have. Nor do I believe having a logical/scientific mindset is masculine or feminine, it just is.

His main complaints were that I am completely unemotional, not very sensitive, and I don’t do the lovey-dovey things that other women do in relationships.

I am very physically affectionate, we have an extremely active and passionate sex life (that I initiate more than not), I always make sure to tell him that I love him, I make nice dinners for him, I put effort into my appearance, and I’m careful of not being disrespectful.

I have to remind myself to be more sensitive because sometimes I tend to be more realistic than emotional. I'm also very matter of fact, so I have to make more effort to soften things. I also loathe crying.

I do look for ways to show affection; holding his hand, giving him a back rub, sitting close to him on the couch, and at least once a day giving him a hug and a kiss. In the bedroom is where I naturally go all out to please him, show desire, etc.

It sounds like you are already doing these things! I think perhaps he is mistaking different for not feminine, especially if he can't now down at a specific example.

Ryandopplol · 2024-10-07T01:33:24+00:00

Read this book called why men love bitches it’s life changing

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-10-05T19:38:26+00:00

Geezus. Tell him to shut up, enjoy the clear and logical thinking and lack of emotional terrorism, and stop complaining.

WonderfulBarracuda93 · 2024-10-05T20:50:31+00:00

I don’t see anything you have written as being a problem. It can be a typical that men ‘think’ whilst women ‘feel’ and this can cause problems as ‘feelings’ are not truth. You being the opposite of such and emotionally intelligent reasoning and rationalising over ‘feeling’ something is an asset and allows a man to have a more peaceful and cooperative life. I would humbly open communication lines with him respectfully asking him to explain the negatives of your behaviour he sees so that you can understand them and watch out for them to rein them in as you don’t want to displease him. This motion is humble and respectful and will should have him marvelling at you in respect. It will also show him that you’re teachable and changeable and he’ll need to then explain himself and what it is which is displeasing him to better be able to get to the bottom of it. If it is something that is indeed incorrect you’ll be able to work on it. I just can’t see atm personally where any of what you have written is anything but a joy an asset for a man however.

plein_old · 2024-10-05T20:23:12+00:00

He did say that I approach everything from a logical/scientific standpoint and that sometimes it feels cold and masculine.

In my experience, this is almost always a sign that a woman does not trust a man. Once a woman begins to trust a man, she starts to let down her guard, letting her emotions be expressed a bit.

I always make sure to tell him that I love him, I make nice dinners for him, I put effort into my appearance, and I’m careful of not being disrespectful.

These all sound like carefully controlled outer behaviors, or outer performances.

Maybe your bf wants to get to know YOU a little bit better, on the inside? Not just admire your magnificent performances. If it's okay to put it that way - just trying to be helpful here, not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or anything like that.

Sometimes when we are little children, we realize that we cannot trust the environment that we find ourselves in, and from that moment on, we put up our walls, put up our guard, and begin trying to function effectively in the crazy, unsafe world we are in. But then later on, maybe we are in a safer situation, but we are still operating the same way as we did as infants / young children........?

yktvvvvvvvvvv · 2024-10-06T07:03:07+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with being masculine, but in this case you’re with masculine men so your energies are opposing.

Femininity isn’t just actions. It’s an energy. Feminine woman are warm, nurturing, loving, and receptive. Masculine men are leaders, doers, protectors, and providers.

From what he’s stated, he wants you to be more vulnerable with him. Speak from an ‘I feel’ standpoint rather than the logics.

I think you would benefjt from reading some feminine/masculine energy books. I recommend ‘Getting to I Do’ by Pat Allen.

No-Violinist4190 · 2024-10-09T06:34:31+00:00

Stop! Stop trying to understand mentally. When I read your ‘list’ of what you do feels like you are crossing ‘thing to do’ on a list. It’s all rational.

Asking for a step by step ‘list’ will not change a thing. It needs to come from the heart. High cause you feel like it not because it is something you SHOULD do, have sex cause you feel like it and want it, not because it is a recipe to ‘make’ a man happy.

Being on the spectrum I understand it can be challenging. Maybe start some mindfulness and meditation to get more in your body and FEEL more instead of thinking.

I think your man senses you are not in touch with yourself.

The only ‘magic’ recipe it to feel in touch with yourself more. Stop the racing in your head.

I know from experience it is hard, especially in this world full of expectations. Try to relax more into your body.

No-Comfort1229 · 2024-10-05T20:09:20+00:00

it seems you’re already putting in a lot of effort, but off the top of my mind you could try writing him love letters (if he needs more emotions and sensibility) or you could try to cuddle up to him when you get the occasion to. like, let him wrap his body around yours and feel like he’s protecting you, or hang to his arm while you walk together. these are subtle ways but can feel really nice and shift the energy in a way that he may like and you may be comfortable with. it’d be surely more helpful if he was more specific about what he wanted.

Independent-Story883 · 2024-10-06T00:49:35+00:00

Disclaimer: Do not follow advice if he generally likes this part of you! But your post suggests not.

I feel for you. I can be this way myself if you are a post history follower. Clearly. Ha!

I say keep your true inner self and practice the following lies. I had to learn some these things below from other longterm married wives :

1) Tell him you need him. Involve him in decision making and demonstrate how important his opinion is. Start small,

“ Babe I have no idea what to wear to bring to this tailgate. I don't want Sarah to have anything nasty to say, Jeff is dairy sensitive and I know you like the casserole and the deviled eggs. Which one? Deviled eggs. You got it! That's why I keep you around.smile“

“ Hey babe, I know you are at work but I really need you to pick up the a small bottle of shampoo. You know the kind I always use. I can't find it anywhere, you are a lifesaver”

2) Touch him often. Outside of sex and foreplay, touch him. Fix his hair, dab the mayo off his chin, hold his forearm as you he leads you through the door, straighten his collar, trim a stray hair from his nose. Preen his peacock feathers.

It seems silly but note that another man can't do this to another man in public without some serious stares. Touching a man. Even non-sexual, is feminine

“ ooohh babe let me get this” “ mm we can't have you leave the house like that, let me fix this” “Thanks babe for getting the door, navigating out the car with these shoes can be difficult.”

3) Share more of your positive emotional stories from child hood NOT negative.

Instead of “ I remember when my sister beat me up, I swore I would never let another woman hit me again. That's why I worked hard to be manager.

“ You know the reason, I chose this skirt today? Its because it reminds me of my old roommate. She wore skirts so well and ironically was Irish. I wish I was more like her”

I think those 3 are small doable, you don't have to change your inner self. Best of Luck

AutoModerator · 2024-10-05T18:48:02+00:00

Title: Partner says I’m like a man

Author ellecat13

Full text: My (39F) partner (56M) today made a remark about how dating me is like dating another man (personality wise). I was very taken aback by this as I’ve put a lot of effort into trying to be more feminine and submissive. We have been together 6 months, in case that helps

His main complaints were that I am completely unemotional, not very sensitive, and I don’t do the lovey-dovey things that other women do in relationships. I asked for examples but he said he couldn’t give one on the spot but would next time something came up. He did say that I approach everything from a logical/scientific standpoint and that sometimes it feels cold and masculine. But I do not understand how that is a bad trait to have?

This has been a recurring theme in my relationships so I know it’s a me problem. I just don’t know what exactly I’m doing (or not doing) that is the problem. I am very physically affectionate, we have an extremely active and passionate sex life (that I initiate more than not), I always make sure to tell him that I love him, I make nice dinners for him, I put effort into my appearance, and I’m careful of not being disrespectful.

What am I missing?

TLDR: I know I am not emotional, I do not cry (rarely did even as a child), and I am on the autism spectrum. I literally need some step by step guidance as to what being “emotional/sensitive/lovey” looks like other than physical affection and saying “I love you”. Because I am at an absolute loss here.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-10-05T18:48:02+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Comfortable_Nail1553 · 2024-10-08T05:13:59+00:00

Submissive isn't synonymous with female

Title	Partner says I’m like a man
Author	ellecat13
Upvotes	49
Comments	35
Date	October 5, 2024 6:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fwxcom/partner_says_im_like_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/partner-says-im-like-a-man.1532165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532165

Comments