You see it all the time. Guys list off their attractive qualities like a resume:

They’re tall, they work out, they make a six figure salary, they say all of their female friends wonder why they’re still single, etc. They wonder the same thing themselves. They don’t have trouble meeting women, but none of them want to stick around, and they’re often befuddled by this.

It’s the misguided Checklist Mentality that Nice Guys live by.

It’s because attraction isn’t based solely on having superficial qualities based on what society are desirable. Attraction is not a checklist, nor is it a points based system.

The Nice Guy believes that if he buys a woman a nice dinner, opens doors, treats her a certain way, that in return she will fall for him. False.

The same concept applies here. If you are boring, too available, too nice, you don’t have your own hobbies, you are too formal, having superficial attractive qualities will only sustain you for so long.

For instance, if you have a large circle of single female friends who tell you what a catch you are, but none of them want to date you themselves, then that is in indication that you are too subscribed to the “I’m a catch mentality”. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • There is a difference in believing you are a catch on a superficial level and that you a prize on a deeper level. When you feel like you’ve marked the checkboxes-good looks, money, etc-this is the false belief of “being a catch” you should avoid. That is simply a crutch for your ego. When you truly believe that you’re a prize, you believe you are interesting, unique, independent, that you offer something that most people can’t, aside from just looks or money.

  • You’re likely too nice/boring. This doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole, but you likely have a false White Night mentality, that since you’re this great handsome guy, you have to be overly polite, agreeable, and put the woman in your life on a pedestal.

  • You might be getting false feedback, or have a false self-perception of your looks. You might not be as physically attractive as you think you are. Sometimes when people encounter rejection, they inflate their self image as a defense mechanism. You have to take an honest look at yourself and your deficiencies, and work to develop those areas.

  • You are too available and predictable. This doesn’t mean you should be deceptive and withdraw yourself, but if you are a dynamic person, you should be busy and not readily available at the drop of a hat. If you are being active, working on your career or passion, maintaining your other personal relationships, your time will be limited. It is a turnoff for men and women alike If they person they’re seeing is willing to drop what they’re doing at the drop of a hat every single time to see them. A little bit of mystery and limited access is attractive.

Be interesting, be ballsy, be independent, be busy. Have some whimsy and some edge. Don’t assume that a woman should be happy to be with you just because of a few stereotypically desirable qualities—you have to have depth and mystery.

TLDR: Listen, looks are very important, but the impact of looks is very fleeting. It simply gets you more initial opportunity. With good looks comes higher expectation of calibrated social skills. If you look good physically, but are insecure during your social interactions, you’ll flounder. Don’t assume that improving external factors can make up for lack of Inner Game.

Full article on topic: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/hes-handsome-in-shape-makes-six-figuresbut