How keep coming up with conversation topics out of thin air at a bar

gusthesuperbrawler · 2024-12-07T00:50:45+00:00

I agree with you here but usually judging on what the woman is telling you asking questions that expand off her answers. “ what do you do for fun”, she says she likes to travel and read. Ask her what genres she likes to read , what her dream vacation spot is, why, tell about how you had a friend who visited etc

Some nights or people it just won’t click so you walk away to the next.

JohntheAnabaptist · 2024-12-07T01:51:07+00:00

Take an improv class

GarugasRevenge · 2024-12-07T01:24:27+00:00

If you're just asking what's your favorite x then you're not having much of a conversation, you need to ask why is that your favorite, so you can get more understanding of the underlying philosophy of that person. Fair warning, you're going to find out most people are lame.

What's my favorite color? Red. Why? It's the color of passion, love, and fire to me. It's exciting to me.

What's your favorite color? Blue? Why's that your favorite color?

She said idk I've just always liked blue.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-12-07T03:31:12+00:00

The most fundamental way to let go the burden off your shoulder is by changing your paradigm.

You probably started with a mindset that you need to complete a task. That you have to keep asking her questions, entertain her, keep her engaged. By doing that, most of the times all those efforts backfire. Instead of keeping her engaged, she’s getting bored. Instead of having an interesting convo, she feels like she’s being interviewed.

A better mindset would be: “hey I’m here just to initiate a small talk with you. i’m not even trying to get you engaged or entertained. This will be an interesting convo if I find you interesting enough. We’ll see if it’s gonna be fun”.

By maintaining this frame, you actually shift the burden. You don’t have to impress her. You don’t even have to “interview” her as if you’re a journalist and she’s a local celebrity. She may look hot, but maybe she’s just hot air in her head. Who knows? That’s for you to find out.

Just because you approach her, doesn’t mean your value is lower than hers, nor that you need to prove her that you’re worthy and interesting enough. You and her are equal. This is exactly the paradigm that you always have whenever you engage with your friends. You don’t have any expectation on them whenever you talk to them. So treat her like she’s one of your friends, in a way that you have no filter, that you’re not trying to impress her.

Like one of your friends, she can either be interesting or be boring. Again, it’s gonna be fun when you figure out which one she is.

Evilb3ar · 2024-12-07T02:07:31+00:00

Just make observations. WOW can’t believe people are drinking this, doesn’t this place feel small. One will hit and you will talk more.

heroyi · 2024-12-07T03:26:36+00:00

its all about discovery

dont ask questions that are binary ie yes/no. Like some of the other comments have said, you want to ask somewhat open ended questions and go from there.

Asking do you like music is a pretty stupid question to shoot for. But asking what genre of music do you like is far better because it forces an actual response and then you go from there

thai-rhone · 2024-12-07T03:45:53+00:00

You also need to be comfortable with silence. Which is a great opportunity to maintain eye contact and create tension.

One simple topic I bring up is her family. Have her talk about her parents, siblings etc

AromaticPlant8504 · 2024-12-07T03:56:23+00:00

Stop overthinking. Just make a comment about the surroundings or them, keep it light, and let them do the talking. If they don’t talk much tease them about it. Once they start laughing or engaging, you’re in. If they get offended, learn how to recover—don’t flinch. Owning the moment is half the game. After that, just keep the momentum going by reacting to their comments—push, pull, tease a little. Get two or three laughs, and you’re good to start pushing things forward.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-12-07T08:36:43+00:00

how will I know what they enjoy talking about?

This is the fundamental problem. You present whatever you're saying with enough passion and charisma to 'sell' what you're saying; no one is fully digesting it anyway, they just want the enegy of your expression. You're either 'fun' or not. That leads on to this:

I have a hard time talking about things I don't truly care about

You need to 'divorce the content from the emotions'. You don't need something interesting to talk about to be interested in what you talk about. It's about enjoying the expression itself. It's about adding emphasis, variation in cadence and rhythm, projecting your voice, fully immersing yourself in what you're saying/doing. Nothing anyone is saying is that novel or noteworthy, it's the energy you put into it.

Content is important, in that you need something to present. If you don't have anything to present, you're not being stimulating. However, the content is just a catalyst to use your voice and express yourself. You're not trying to find something interesting, you find something (anything) and make it interesting (through your delivery).

'Free association' is a skill you can learn but you don't even need to, just get out of your head and open your eyes. There is so many choices that went into the environment you're in; the layout, what's on the walls, how she's dressed, how you're dressed, what you did the rest of the day that lead you there, assumptions about her, the music, the atmosphere, and so on. Even in a blank isolation chamber you can talk about the lack of atmosphere, being alone, thoughts, talking to yourself, hygeine, what you miss, what you would be doing otherwise, what it's going to be like sleeping on the floor, how shiny the floor is, whatever.

You just need to:

Open your eyes (there's literally thousands of prompts flashing in front of your face).
Have some energy to present what you're seeing as if it's interesting and draw them in.

epimpstyle · 2024-12-07T09:26:45+00:00

That's why there are scripts/routines/gambits, they create a topic for the conversation, they help you keep the conversation going, how to be playful, create opportunities to escalate, it always fill an awkward moment of silence during conversation. A script that help you to continue a conversation when you run out of things to say is to look at her t-shirt/bracelet/ring-whatever and tell her: "I say your t-shirt/bracelet/ring-whatever, it reminds me of .... [insert a short funny story]" or in the worst case and you see nothing to comment tell about surrounding "this music/this silence/this loud reminds me of .... [insert a funny story]". Either way you can still use a funny story that will give you the chance to change the subject and will break the monotony of the conversation.

Another method is to actually watch someone talking to a girl and see how they create a topic of conversation out of nothing. It is always difficult in the beginning, for only the first 1-2 minutes, because later the conversation flows naturally, especially if you have a good vibe. If in those 1-2 minutes you are nervous, you start asking her interview questions, it is bad because it will dictate the vibe of the conversation.

zero_introspection · 2024-12-07T11:02:09+00:00

She should be doing 90% of the talking anyway, but improv classes are amazing for improving

Solid-Frame-6860 · 2024-12-08T00:53:42+00:00

I've had the opportunity to review all of the replies to this post, and I think they all leave you wanting. So let me give you something actionable to put to use while on set.

Define your goal clearly and unambiguously. a. I'm out to get laid. b. I'm out to find a wife (I feel so sorry for you). c. You get the picture.
Girls are just as anxious as you say you are. Trust and believe this because it's true and important.
Most girls desperately adhere to old-fashioned, draconian social rituals. You can take advantage of that. How?

a. You get to shape the topic and take it in a direction of your interest.
b. Much has been discussed below about "what to bang on about." Forget that, women are all about the drama, shoes, and handbags.
c. Unless you're a gay dude, steer clear of the latter two. The first one is so dangerous that if you don't keep it in check, she'll lull you to sleep—she'll talk your head off so much. Some blokes never reawaken; she talked them to death.
d. So my goal is always option A. Therefore, start with a fail-safe opinion opener.
e. Whatever you choose, always begin the interaction with, "Hey, I need a female opinion (pause)...." She'll bite every time. Girls cannot resist this invitation. The great thing is, it works on solo or group sets.
f. Your opinion opener should be direct, situation-based, and directly or tangentially (depending on the venue) related to your goal above.

One of my favorites is getting her opinion on how to repair your relationship with your "friend." Your friend believes you're sleeping with your hot neighbor who lives in your building. Never admit whether you actually are. Let her ask, but push and pull the possibility throughout the entire interaction, keeping her guessing (is he a devil/bad boy or an angel/dork?).

This conversation offers many pivot points to take the convo sexual. If your goal is to learn more about your princess... get all gooey with LTR probing questions and see all fall to ruin.

What you can expect from a good attraction-building opener like this: her full body language and interest will peak in a manifestly obvious way, the same with group sets too. The opener conveys instant high value because it implies (never brag or state overtly, state matter-of-factly - definitely better to draw from real experiences):

You have a girl who you purposely characterize as simply a "friend," but the friend clearly sees/considers your relationship to be more.
That you're potentially fucking the hot girl in Apt 22B.

If you didn't see the latter, it's because you're NOT a girl. Trust me, she'll see that angle a mile away. It's subtle, and most men wouldn't see it 10 out of 10 times. It takes the paranoid mind of a girl/woman to put that together. It's quite reliable and rarely fails.

During this interaction, you should throw a light qualification at her (e.g., you seem cool, I like girls who laugh at my jokes, etc.). Always work your hands, apply KINO, and typically, if you've narrated the opener correctly, she'll be KINO-ing you already.

g. Break rapport from the opinion opener or it will never end (you can make it a hook later if an awkward silence appears imminent). When asked, resist answering interview-style questions (e.g., what do you do?, blah, blah, blah). Never answer those questions initially. Answer using push and pull responses (Favorite: I'm a model. (Really, what kind?) ...Well, a hand model, or I work at the mall as a security guard (with a straight but sinisterly humorous grin)). After she begs, then answer her question.

BE CAREFUL: Never ask any interview questions yourself. It presents as too much of an investment in her. Instead, make general remarks about the set or talk about how hot you both look together. I rarely offer a compliment to any girl/woman. If I do, I use push/pull to yank it back with a neg.

h. Amplify themes and bits during the opener that caused a positive feeling in her earlier. Do this, by revisiting/weaving them into the current topic. Each pivot conversation should be in furtherance of your cause/goal.

Your entire attention should be keeping the conversation flowing in the direction of your goals. Gauge her body language, her KINO on you, genuine laughter/interest, willingness to walk the path you've laid out to your goal of full-blown open sex talk, sex acts (holding hands, kissing, rubbing, etc.).

asanskrita · 2024-12-07T03:38:03+00:00

Simple, escalate before 15 minutes goes by and you run out of conversation topics. Move away from the bar to a table. Go to a different place. Make out. Whatever. If you are not enjoying talking to people for the sake of talking, do something else that you want to do instead. Be creative.

Charge36 · 2024-12-07T06:15:16+00:00

Take improv classes and be genuinely interested in learning more about her as a person

Amaran345 · 2024-12-07T14:16:39+00:00

It's ok to start with shallow conversation topics (hobbies, career, etc), but quickly push the convo to personal topics like discovering her attachment style, ask her what does she think of herself, other people, the world, her exes, about topics like trust, about her parents and what does she think of them.

Then push the conversation to the topic of intimacy, how does she handle emotional intimacy, the sharing of feelings and emotions, what are her emotional and physical boundaries, and so on.

After getting a good understanding of her as a person, you should have enough calibration to flirt well, put everything she said to test by offering her intimacy and closeness, with escalation.

If she's an avoidant she will close up super hard, and super ghost you after a convo like this, no problem, this will save you lots of time to chase more secure women.

Pay close attention to her openness, ideally it should be in the middle, sharing information, but not overexplaining and oversharing, if she's extremely reserved, then that's an dismissive-avoidant red flag, a woman that doesn't want to work with you and that will ghost hard, if she gives you an amazing date and then ghosts, then she's probably fearful-avoidant

therealwoujo · 2024-12-07T22:31:44+00:00

Your problem is that you are trying to entertain her. You should be trying to entertain yourself. Find a subject you find interesting, make sure she finds it interesting too, and then go from there. To get started you can just start with a broad question like "how was your day"?

DisruptorMor · 2024-12-07T02:28:51+00:00

Where does your genuine interest lay down?

For example, I am curious about things that most people don't care about that much.

So if there is a pretty girl around me and I feel some kind of desire, this feeling is often accompanied with some personal observation about the environment.

Last week I was at a bus station and a blonde curly haired angel came by.

Some time passed until I made my desire for her conscious and at the same time I remembered about a talk I had with my father about "why is the road near the bus station different?", which is quite a simple curiosity, but strange enough to get her attention.

If the girl does not care, it's okay, I was just following my nature and sharing my thoughts. Perhaps we could flow in a conversation and God knows where it will lead us.

I like the patient game. I don't want a one stand, I much rather enjoy her with more intensity, so her reaction towards my true nature helps me filter the girls I want.

Know yourself.

Know your game.

Know your target.

Title	How keep coming up with conversation topics out of thin air at a bar
Author	prettygoodprettypret
Upvotes	33
Comments	30
Date	December 7, 2024 12:44 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1h8gfoy/how_keep_coming_up_with_conversation_topics_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-keep-coming-up-with-conversation-topics-out-of.1537812 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537812

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