Have any of you gone from being nervous and not able to talk to girls to being comfortable and relaxed around them? Is there hope for me?

hwheheei · 2025-02-16T18:51:04+00:00

Everyone can do it. Its about exposing yourself to these situations over and over again, and after some time youll feel that youre more comfortable, just keep trying.

vladiVP · 2025-02-16T18:20:33+00:00

Yes. Me.

omoyetenet · 2025-02-16T18:29:42+00:00

epimpstyle · 2025-02-16T19:21:56+00:00

I was like that and now watch VIDEO, VIDEO, VIDEO - walking alone in a foreigner country and having a friendly attitude that makes wonders.

Of course there is hope for you, it is a process that can take up to a week with the right desensitization exercises, and getting the right mindset. It is like someone who is afraid of spiders gaining the courage to hold a spider in his hand - it will not happen overnight, but in a few days.

Cookies993 · 2025-02-16T21:25:05+00:00

Take a second to think about why you’re nervous.

Is it because you’re outcome dependant? Well, stop caring about what she thinks, enjoy being you and the right girls will love you for you

Is it because you don’t know what to say? Start living a more interesting life and start telling people some amazing stories AND start learning how to be interested in what people tell you, ask them questions

Also, just get experience, talk to more girls, also the ones you’re not interested in, and learn to have fun conversations with them, and just do the same thing with the girls you’re actually interested in, don’t worry about the escalation part until you can be more comfortable, having a fun and enjoyable conversation will do a lot of the initial work

Valravn6666 · 2025-02-16T20:10:10+00:00

Yes. Cultivating a healthy lifestyle solved that issue for me. Working out, eating clean, and not watching pornography naturally increased my testosterone levels. As a result, no anxiety and a chill stoic demeanor.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2025-02-16T19:49:14+00:00

Self hypnosis.

Necessary-Jaguar4775 · 2025-02-16T21:52:02+00:00

Yes, that is me for sure. I couldn't even approach or get the nerve to speak to a girl I like but now Im pretty relaxed and confident even around the most beautiful of girls.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-02-17T03:32:56+00:00

I've written a post on both how to mabage your emotions infield and a post on approach anxiety. Both proven to work for myself and my students alike.

Brutal_De1uxe · 2025-02-17T05:30:52+00:00

Yes.. worked on myself, for me. Lost a bit of weight, developed healthier habits and felt better about myself in general.

Crucially, gave up actually trying to sleep with them. Made me a lot more relaxed around them and so made them more relaxed and open around me.

Just wish I had known this in my 20s lol

es_programming · 2025-02-17T06:40:50+00:00

I have anxiety, but with time (I'm 30 now) it became easier to be around women and engage in basic friendly conversation. Working out helped. Anxiety is still with me, eye contact is a struggle, and I do notice tension in my body, but not as much as it was some time ago. I still have no clue how to approach women though, how to talk and how to escalate

Dwerg1 · 2025-02-17T07:02:01+00:00

There's always hope.

I used to have really bad social anxiety, but now it doesn't exist in me. I might even be a bit too comfortable sometimes...

I got started by exposing myself to what I found uncomfortable. It helped in the short term, but it also brought up deeper stuff I had to deal with before really getting comfortable in my own skin in a more lasting sense. It was hard to go through, but I really really wanted to become the guy I have become, I couldn't stand living in fear anymore.

MechanicReady3523 · 2025-02-17T07:43:56+00:00

You cannot be comfortable without being uncomfortable first. There really is no magic trick you just have to give yourself experience. How do you talk to your best friend? Are you nervous? Of course not. She is just another person with her own life and problems. Your only goal should be to make her enjoy your company and associate you with positive feelings.

I think the main problem people have is that they look at talking to women like some great task/challenge. A lot of the time it’s portrayed that way in this sub. There is no challenge and there is no test. Just another human who you have a chance to connect with, and what’s the harm in that? Approach her in a good mood and with a smile, and if she rejects you, leave with a smile as well. I promise you that you’ll never regret it.

redspikedog · 2025-02-17T09:27:01+00:00

Start making friends with guys first. Then, make friends with girls. Point is, it's about having the idea that you're just making friends. Relaxing yourself by reminding yourself your just there to hang out, nothing more.

People try to get to level 99 when they're level 6.

SonOfSunsSon · 2025-02-17T13:05:45+00:00

By doing a lot of deep inner work. I viewed my underlying fear of talking to women as an expression of the wounded inner child. I also knew that I carried a significant amount of childhood trauma within me and had a mother wound that caused me anxiety around women. Because of the way my mother abandoned me emotionally as I grew up I had become terrified of seeking connection with the feminine, while simultaneously obsessing over it and longing for it more than anything else. I used to be terrified of being rejected or abandoned and was a chronic people pleaser, but I understood that this wasn’t me. It was an expression of a wound.

So over the years I focused on doing shadow work and began to work through the layers of fear with the help of therapy, somatic work such as breath work and therapeutic use of psychedelics. Studying mature masculinity also helped tremendously. The scared little boy inside of me began to feel more and more secure as I learned to listen to his fears and emotions, learned to put healthy boundaries and began to be able to assure him no mater what happens I would be there for him and protect him.

As I began to heal and let go of all the dysfunctional patterns a more authentic version of myself began to emerge and this truer version of me loves women and isn’t afraid to show it.

That’s the inner work part of it. Then there’s learning more surface level stuff like reading body language, understanding social cues and the signals she’s giving, getting comfortable with touch and flirting, joking and having fun together etc. I feel like I genuinely can connect with women in playful and authentic ways today and feel comfortable in showing them my desire for them.

Focus on the inner work and the rest will follow naturally.

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-02-17T18:39:21+00:00

There is definitely hope. Feel free to DM me I love talking about this stuff!

JackSquirts · 2025-02-18T00:56:04+00:00

It's called beer bro.

balthazardous · 2025-02-18T13:50:37+00:00

It happened to me about 2 years ago. I got so disillusioned by my then-girlfriend that it flipped a switch in my head. I suddenly didn't give a f** anymore.

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-02-19T17:51:56+00:00

Yes. There is no way out but through. Keep failing and working on it

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