You win

WingsOfTime87 · 2025-04-04T18:54:06+00:00

Dear friend, many men here went through this. I used to think the same... Take it until you can for as long as you can, always fighting, always having something to sacrifice, proof and display that you are worthy of love and appreciation.

It's all wrong because the only person stopping you from seeing your woth is actually you. The question is why have you ended up with a partner like this and have you learnt to set the healthy boundaries for yourself?

Just the fact you're giving this so much thought makes a clear argument that you were there giving the best you could.

Love shouldn't be so hard and the fact it was only means you weren't appreciated and loved. How much support did you get for any goals you've set? How much understanding and love was there from the otherside? In my case there wasn't any and she always needed more no matter what I did. At some point I realised it'll never be enough and it's an infinite hole to fill. Reasons for that run deep all the way to her childhood and it's easier to project rather than to face the problem.

The truth is we are never supposed to fill someone's holes in the first place. People need to do that for themselves. Also anyone trying to find and keep love should be focused on giving and not only receiving. When you find a steady person that isn't in constant need of validation, approval and support eventually you realise loving someone is very easy and you feel like relationship doesn't bring you down, but lifts you up. Of course it's all about teamwork and cooperation but if someone loses that line of sight it all becomes very unhealthy for both.

Stop worrying about her and start making this life about you being the best version of yourself you're able to be.

Time heals and hard work pays off. I wish you all the best!

dfb54749014 · 2025-04-04T00:51:21+00:00

You aren't broken. She didn't break you. She just mixed up all the pieces. You feel broken because you don't recognize yourself anymore.

We all go through this. We lose our sense of self because we pour ourselves into the relationship. We put our spouse, kids, and family first. We do everything we do, putting them in the forefront. Then one day you wake up not knowing who or what you've become.

Now is the time to concentrate on you. Gather those pieces and rebuild yourself. Put them back together and become the man you were.

Or, take this time to rearrange them how you want. To become the man you want to be.

Fit-Foundation-2155 · 2025-04-04T00:49:58+00:00

Damnit - I wish I could have sent that to my ex 2 years ago- - you’re a true wordsmith sir’ now, truly cut that arm off if you dare reach for her again my friend. It took a few years, married 24; together for 28. 2 kids one in med school the other jr in college. With that said, I now know that what I thought was the end of my world, was something much bigger. A path to real peace, happiness, joy and freedom. Stick to your words brother- it might be tough so carry a knife always in case. Best of luck -

georgehatesreddit · 2025-04-03T15:07:11+00:00

Feel it in my heart, I need to get my son through his next two years of High School (private all boys runs me 16k a year) then I can free myself.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2025-04-03T14:14:35+00:00

Say this to a therapist not her. Its just baiting her back into an argument which is not helpful at this point.

Be emotionally disciplined. Vent to friends and family or whoever appropriate, just not to her. And if you have to write a letter - never send it.

regertsrus · 2025-04-03T12:04:34+00:00

None of what you think will stay true. You will forget the good times. You will forget her and everything you had. As long as you find better. Start looking

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-04-03T03:38:24+00:00

She didn't break you, you're far from broken. Or if you were broken, you are no longer. You got this, you'll be alright.

Legitimate-Corgi · 2025-04-03T02:05:33+00:00

Write it down and then burn it. Dont give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you

wulffboy89 · 2025-04-03T00:03:30+00:00

Thank you for posting this and I wish you the best. This is exactly what I'm feeling and going through, I just haven't convinced myself to just say fuck it and leave. My daughter and finances are what's keeping me here.

ReinventingOldDog · 2025-04-02T20:49:52+00:00

Time to find a good lawyer. Wish you the best.

alifeofpeace · 2025-04-02T20:40:40+00:00

You’ll be good brother. You loved and you lost you’re not the first or the last you got this man. You’re gonna be all right. Let it all out. Feel the pain feel the loss grieve the loss cry. It’s OK we’ve all been through this shit.

jack_isgar · 2025-04-02T20:02:23+00:00

Very well put, this is how I felt as well.

Maybe_an_Abyss · 2025-04-02T17:45:01+00:00

If you can accept the silence and not send her another message like this for months, DM and I will buy you a beer or other enjoyment of up to $12.

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-04-02T15:46:41+00:00

She didn't break you, brother. She played herself.

There was a time I'd have taken a bullet for my STBXW. Not anymore. Now she has nobody who'd do that for her, no one who cares that deeply for her and it's all her doing. Sounds a lot like where you are.

She didn't break me, she just opened my eyes.

chuyito801 · 2025-04-02T12:41:49+00:00

I don’t know if women consciously understand that in every man’s heart is the innate ability to create something from nothing, despite any circumstances. Keep your head up.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-04-02T10:23:34+00:00

At least she confirmed you were right about her.

You said your piece and now you get to move on and enjoy the rest of your life and maybe find someone who actually loves you.

I know it hurts.

InternJimmy07 · 2025-04-02T10:19:53+00:00

She may have won the battle but you can still win the war. Head up things work out in the end

Title	You win
Author	BatKeith
Upvotes	66
Comments	31
Date	April 2, 2025 7:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jpj1i1/you_win/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/you-win.1548378 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548378

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