New to divorce, am I being screwed?

Livid_Cabinet_9197 · 2026-04-09T17:33:06+00:00

Sorry for not responding guys, I’ve been going through it. Major depression, stress, anxiety, all of the above.

I’ve since gotten my child support knocked down significantly, however, after our divorce was finalized, the next day she filed an injunction for domestic violence against me, all false allegations by the way. I went to the hearing and was arrested for unknowingly violating the injunction by asking to speak to my kids via text message. Dumb on my part, but I missed that in the injunction order. That cost me my job, then she accused my mother of sexually abusing my oldest son, the investigations concluded that didn’t happen, but during my child support hearing yesterday, I learned she got married a week after I got bonded out of jail.

Timely-Climate9258 · 2025-06-25T14:11:04+00:00

Full custody should primarily consider the preference and well-being of the kids. If they are happier with their mom, then maybe don't fight for full custody just to escape CS payments. Focus on the tax obligation(claim 1 of the 2?) understand the filing states' CS expectations, and go for less than 100% of CC debt.

Most states have child support calculators and these have nothing to do with the spouse's earning potential, only yours. Alimony would be a different story, but it doesn't sound like she is seeking any.

probebeta · 2025-06-24T18:32:56+00:00

How much are you making and why aren't you going for 50/50 custody? Just because she's asking for it doesn't mean you're obligated to give that to her. It is stressful but you'll have to push back a lot and probably meet somewhere in the middle.

Jigglytep · 2025-06-24T05:15:52+00:00

Move back. Demand 50/50 Agree to take all credit card debt. ( use this as leverage she will never pay you… if necessary file bankruptcy you will recover in a year)

SouthEndCables · 2025-06-23T22:08:39+00:00

First of all, why did you move 10 hours away? You need to get back into a logical proximity of your children. Second, does your ex have any type of education beyond high school? If so, your lawyer will.make you pay extra, but they can do a field study to see what the market rate of her educated profession would be and your child support could be adjusted. As for CC debt, you can bargain that stuff down by giving up something in return.

I know this because I made <100k and my ex had a college education that she chose to not work in and would rather tend bar. I brought that up to my scumbag lawyer and he said it would cost more to research the job field but could eventually lower my child support. I opted not to do that, I was disgusted with my lawyer and fired him because he wanted an all out war to get blood money. I eventually represented myself and bargained with my ex and she only took me for 1/2 child support and taking no money from me. We split CC debt. For what's it worth, after firing my lawyer, the process became easy.

ageoffri · 2025-06-23T22:05:38+00:00

As others have said, in most States child support is straightforward. The calculation is written into law. In Colorado it takes a variety of factors and then spits out a number. Your income, her income, cost of insurance, number of overnights, any other child support. I might be missing a couple of things but this should give you a reasonable idea.

First off, you're screwed on parenting time unless you move closer to the kids. Most times a judge is going to look at status quo. Which means if the kids are in the same school then the mother will have them most of the time. 10 hours is quite a lot not just for the kids, but for you. Don't forget time off from work in this.

Especially with you paying child support at a minimum I would ask for every other year to claim the kids on taxes.

With the credit cards, is there a balance? If so, there's a good chance you can go for 50/50.

With what you've described your chances of full custody are zero. Your chances of 50/50 parenting time is close to zero.

It'll take child abuse or gross negligence to even have a chance.

The last question is what is the current parenting time? Again status quo is likely to be viewed by a judge, if it's over 6 months that's likely to leave it as.

yeldellmedia · 2025-06-23T21:15:40+00:00

Why are you agreeing to every other weekend?

2025-06-23T19:50:04+00:00

It sounds like she already did the math. There is nothing you can do now. Years from now if you can prove she has income, then you can go for a reduction. In most states this is how it works with stay at home moms or part time work moms who make less than you. Even if you can prove she makes half of your salary, it does very little for your child support obligations. As for claiming kids, there is no reason why she would do that while not working. That part is something you can win. If she is offering to split the kids evenly and she ran the numbers as per the state calculator, then you would be wise not to escallate. The judge will use the same calculator and unlikely to deviate unless she makes as much as you. The livein boyfriend is irrelevant to child support.

Late_Finding_627 · 2025-06-23T19:23:55+00:00

There are a lot of variables that make up CS so impossible to know for us. Get a good lawyer who understands the worksheet. The calculus is relatively standard in most states ones you set the custody time and know incomes and who gets to claim on taxes, etc etc. They will typically always ask for more than they deserve. You should counter by asking for more than you seasoning you wind up in a fair place. Dont negotiate against yourself. You have to be proactive, and stick to your guns bc she will do the same and it’s the only way to not get taken to the cleaners

pk2at · 2025-06-23T18:46:31+00:00

You'll have to be very clear that your income is small and you cannot afford $1.8k/month

campfirekate · 2025-06-23T18:29:06+00:00

What state are you in? For the child support portion it would be determined by your state law. For my husband, he gets fucked. He agreed to have the kids every other weekend because it was what his ex wife wanted. He’s a people pleaser and likes to keep the peace… but this negatively impacted his child support responsibility and he is responsible for 77% of the “expense” in West Virginia. They allocated a number for what she would potentially be making if she were employed at state minimum wage. He makes $28/hr and has to pay $1,200 in child support a month AND regardless of the fact that he paid her expenses all through their separation - she is not employed - the court went back 6 months for the money he owes her (along with some other messed up stuff but I’ll spare you). She claims them on taxes. Her food stamps and Medicaid are not able to be considered in the calculation in WV. She lives with her unemployed boyfriend in his parent’s house and they literally live off of the child support along with his son.

Your debt is going to depend on state, but in my own divorce case in NC it was 50/50 for marital debt. Student loans were excluded. Debt incurred before the marriage or during separation was excluded.

I don’t know exactly what you can do about her unreported income. I would definitely consult your lawyer and provide any information that you can about the “side business” and income. Bank statements if she made deposits, etc. I would also point out that she doesn’t have living expenses living with her boyfriend, but again - this depends on your state and may not be taken into account, but very well may make the difference when spousal support is considered.

Maybe consider other custody agreements like having the kids on school break for longer periods of time to increase the % of time you have them.

Most-Ad2879 · 2025-06-23T18:10:43+00:00

Real quick -

The credit card debt is likely community debt. You are both likely on the hook to split that. (I'm sure there are exceptions but if it's general overspending by one partner, tough luck.)

You don't mention any savings, but you could pay off the credit cards from savings, and then split the remainder of savings.

We can't say if the child support is fair as we don't know how much you make. Depends on your income and the custody arrangement (which still isn't clear.)

You moved 10 hours away? How do you propose having custody of the children when you live 10 hours away? Judges like inertia. What's at rest stays at rest. Kids are in place now - it's unlikely a judge will grant you full custody so you can take them 10 hours away from their mother. You seem to be banking on the fact that your parents can babysit. That and Mom's cluttered house won't outweigh that you are 10 hours away.

rb5775 · 2025-06-23T18:00:55+00:00

I would say she gets realistic. Split claiming the kids every other year. Cut down child support to local standards. She is liable for half the credit card debt. It would be in her best interests to keep this civil. We wouldn't want the government to take too close a look at her "income sources" would we.

Title	New to divorce, am I being screwed?
Author	Livid_Cabinet_9197
Upvotes	12
Comments	25
Date	June 23, 2025 5:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lineml/new_to_divorce_am_i_being_screwed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-to-divorce-am-i-being-screwed.1555373 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555373

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