i went to 3 bars for a total of 2 hours and couldn’t make a single approach

number2chevyfan · 2025-09-06T04:19:43+00:00

Watch some clips of your favorite comedian before going out. And stay busy during the day. Do something cool before going out

Visualize_ · 2025-09-06T04:21:19+00:00

Warm up with something less intense than pure opening. Do drive by compliments or talk to the bar waitress or bouncer.

Healthy-Falcon1737 · 2025-09-06T04:24:33+00:00

get a wingman

thenuttyhazlenut · 2025-09-06T04:43:55+00:00

The more you hesitate and think about what you're going to say, the more likely you'll talk yourself out of it.

If you're receiving indicators of interest you can open with anything generic and do well

Pureevil1992 · 2025-09-06T06:48:21+00:00

I used to go to the mall and either buy some clothes or pretend I wanted to buy clothes. You are basically forced to talk to the usually pretty girls who work at those stores and you can even try to flirt a little or atleast just ask their opinion of what would look good on you too, even if she's just selling you a shirt if would probably help your confidence a bit.

Stay in a high energy mood, listen to your favorite songs on the way to the bar. Try to focus on having fun first and you'll probably naturally wind up talking to people, especially if they look like they are having a ton of fun, just go over and see if everyone wants to get shots(dont buy the whole group a shot). The last tip i have is your just have to shove those nerves and anxiety and bullshit down and go do it. The first approach of the night is the worst, but you're going to be so nervous and weird that first one you have a near 100% chance of getting rejected, that's gonna last all of 15 seconds. Then you are going to realize its so loud and noone even noticed or cares. Then every approach or conversation it gets easier until you are just doing it without ever feeling anxious, and then you can really work on other parts of your game. That should pretty much be the goal, is get to the point you can approach whenever you want to.

your-brothers-keeper · 2025-09-06T05:38:59+00:00

Self belief is something that makes the world oblige to your commands, seek pain for your pleasure, you are not approaching a god, just an opposite gender who is as clueless as you are, take your shot, embrace failure :)

tenheo · 2025-09-06T09:42:21+00:00

Go with the intent of being rejected

random_question4123 · 2025-09-06T05:42:52+00:00

So what were you doing for those 3 hours?

As someone else suggested, it’s better to get a wingman. Not only do you have the excuse and fallback that you’re there with a friend, you also have someone to help talk to the girl’s friend (most girls wouldn’t just go to the bar solo).

Perfect_Reception864 · 2025-09-06T05:57:58+00:00

You have to warm yourself up and gather momentum before you start approaching women. Talk with the bouncers, talk with the barman, shoot the shit with people standing at the bar, etc. Get yourself in a social state so you can easily transition to talking with women.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-09-06T09:37:55+00:00

Meditation; being comfortable approaching starts with being comfortable stood there passively, not approaching.

If you can't relax, be immersed in the moment, not thinking, not judging, not comparing, not analysing, not feeling 'threatened' and trying to piece together a way to fit in, you have no chance. Forcing yourself to approach from a position of low self-esteem is just torturing yourself at that point.

I recommend meditation to learn what it means to actually be relaxed and have an effective means of being overstimulated, being at mercy of the environment, calming down and moving into 'neutral'. Once you're relaxed, once you're not stood there with tense shoulders and hypervigilant to every detail in the environment, you'll be aware at that moment you're just stood there not doing anything, be bored and want to take action.

The 'problem' is in you, it's about how you can adjust to the situation. Approaching is the easy part; walk over and say something; the psychological load you're trying to carry is the problem. Breathe, physically relax, shake it off, shift your focus, embrace how you feel and allow it to pass without fighting it, etc.

Amazing-Weakness1246 · 2025-09-06T04:24:45+00:00

Should have drank more

burncushlikewood · 2025-09-06T04:50:45+00:00

I don't know what to tell you..pull the trigger, fortune favors the brave, I believe you'll be more confident and comfortable with approaching if you have good social and communication skills, and you do it more often. I love that feeling of adrenaline pumping before an approach, open your mouth and use your speech, we as humans spend time in school learning so we can be effective communicators

cocoadusted · 2025-09-06T05:08:55+00:00

Keep trying

Jironasaurus · 2025-09-06T06:03:49+00:00

You already know how to break the ice. Your problem is you're too paralysed to make a move. Take away the fear and you'll be fine.

keptit2real · 2025-09-06T06:22:57+00:00

The best oper is "Hi! , I'm (your name)" word to the wise go for those who are showing some sort of reciprocation back to you

markemusic · 2025-09-06T06:37:21+00:00

The best way to go about it is not to expect much at all to start. You can literally be passing by to go to the bathroom and make a compliment to some chick and keep walking. Just get used to saying something. You work yourself up to a conversation eventually. Go out to make friends not to pick up. Probably the best way to get out of your own head is to be like customer service you are out there to make someone or multiple people feeling good and to have a good time. That's it.

epimpstyle · 2025-09-06T07:43:19+00:00

What openers have you prepared?

Why do I feel like they lack context and put pressure on you, turning a simple approach into a challenge? Do they come across as compliments? Do those openers require confidence and boldness? Have you tried adapting those openers to your own style and personality?

AlastairXXL · 2025-09-06T15:25:50+00:00

Try a few waves first or how was your nite when hanging out outside at the end

weaster43 · 2025-09-06T20:37:51+00:00

Don‘t get caught up on rehearsed openers and good pick up lines, those feel forced and lack authenticity.

Instead open with either:

an Observation (comment about the venue/bar/club/music, any shared experience in the moment that gets the convo going, doesn‘t matter how basic)
a Question (like what they think about the music, or ask for directions to somewhere)
a Compliment (on something unique they‘re wearing)

Ok-Training-7587 · 2025-09-07T20:17:09+00:00

You have to walk before you run. Start wearing down your anxiety by talking to strangers who you are not trying to sleep with. Ask strangers in the street directions, what time it is, just nod and say hello when passing someone. Do that till it does not scare you at all THEN go to a bar

Title	i went to 3 bars for a total of 2 hours and couldn’t make a single approach
Author	entitledwank
Upvotes	25
Comments	22
Date	September 6, 2025 4:17 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1n9q6ct/i_went_to_3_bars_for_a_total_of_2_hours_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-went-to-3-bars-for-a-total-of-2-hours-and.1561390 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561390

Comments