The Fantasy We All Secretly Cling To

We want dating to be like a romantic fairytale from the 18th century. Two people lock eyes, something mystical about their mutual energies pulls them together, and suddenly they’re in a passionate relationship that ignores every flaw.

He loves her for her. She loves him for him. Nobody else matters. They don’t care about looks, status, or money, only the depth of each other’s souls.

And deep down, we all want to believe this: that someone will find us warts and all, see a light inside us we didn’t even know was there, and accept us fully. Our insecurities won’t matter. Our shortcomings won’t matter. We’ll be loved just as we are.

The Harsh Reality Check

Well, how’s that been working out for you? Pretty shit, I’d imagine. And you know why? Because it’s not reality.

Dating = Business, Whether You Like It or Not

The truth is that modern dating operates almost identically to modern business. Nobody is buying into you “just because.” Let me explain.

Imagine I release a new car called the Nebula Elysium. Nobody’s going to buy it just because I worked hard on it. Nobody cares about my sleepless nights, design headaches, or the fact that I’ll go broke if it flops.

They only care about one thing: what’s in it for them. The questions they’ll ask sound a lot like dating checklists:

Is it cool and well-designed?

Is it fast, powerful, smooth to handle?

Is it comfortable and safe?

Will it boost my status?

Will it help me achieve my goals?

If they don’t believe the Nebula Elysium improves their life, they won’t buy it. That’s business. And dating works the same way.

Why Modern Dating Feels Ruthless

Our ancestors lived in small tribes, maybe 120 people. Subtract the too-old, the too-young, and the same gender, and you were left with maybe 20 viable mates.

Now? Thanks to apps and social media, people live in “tribes” of millions. A woman opens Hinge and sees more men in ten minutes than her ancestors saw in a lifetime. Standards rise. Competition skyrockets. Hierarchies get brutal.

The Netflix Effect on Love

Remember being a kid with one DVD to your name? You watched it on repeat, even if it wasn’t great, didn’t you?

Now with Netflix, if a movie doesn’t grab you in five minutes, you switch instantly. That’s modern dating. Swipe, sample, discard, repeat. People always think something better might be one scroll away.

Here’s the nuance: real love exists. People do care deeply for each other. But to even get to that point, you have to qualify for entry. You need to tick certain boxes before anyone gives you the chance to reveal who you really are.

When we’re insecure, we invent stories to soothe ourselves. When I was fat, I told myself fit people were shallow and dumb, while I was “deep” and would connect better with women because of it. It wasn’t true. Nothing about me being overweight gave me an advantage. I was just me, they were just them. One of my weaknesses was obvious, and pretending it made me superior only held me back.

No One Has a Built-In Advantage

A poor man isn’t spiritually superior to a rich man. A rich man isn’t soulless just because he has money. A fit woman isn’t incapable of deep connection compared to an obese woman. People connect emotionally across all walks of life. Strengths and weaknesses just look different depending on the person.

The Male Reality Equation

For men, the equation is pretty simple:

Social skills

Status

Wealth

Confidence

Looks (to a lesser degree)

That’s the toolkit you need to thrive. Whine about it all you want, but it won’t change. Just like AI is here to stay, so is the reality of modern dating.

Your Three Choices in the New Dating Game

At this point, you really only have three options: Make peace with the way things are and live your life.

Level yourself up so you attract higher-value options.

Do a mix of both.

You don’t have to listen to me. But deep down, you know this is true. Dating isn’t the fairytale you were sold. It’s the marketplace you live in. Accept it. Adapt to it. Or ignore it at your own expense.

Excelsior!

Kieren