They say patriarchy also hurts men, but if patriarchy hurts men do we really live in a patriarchal society?

king_rootin_tootin · 2025-11-01T18:16:20+00:00

That's just a form of victim blaming

The-Author · 2025-11-01T20:29:44+00:00

This is a criticism I've always had of patriarchy. Why is it that patriarchy is the only system of oppression that backfires on its "oppressor" class?

In societies that are racially supremacist and / or homophobic you see racial minorities and homosexuals with higher rates of suicide and homelessness. But with patriarchy, it's the oppressor class that suffers these things.

If patriarchy is a system of oppression supposedly built by men for men, then why does this happen?

I'm not sure if I 100% believe in the gynocracy/ gymocentrism theory that I've seen some people talk about here (although admittedly, I haven't looked at it in depth yet) but I think it does a better job at explaining why patriarchy seems to backfire so much on those it's supposed to benefit than feminist patriarchy theory does.

Lanavis13 · 2025-11-01T17:51:16+00:00

The issue is the feminist definition of patriarchy tends to change based on which feminist you ask and when. The actual definition of patriarchy (not the feminist assumption of it) works with that society still hurting men since simply having leadership all being men doesn't mean they actually care about men at all. But feminist theory of patriarchy tends to paint patriarchy as 100% intentional while also being something one can passively and accidentally propagate. Due to this nebulous and potentially contradictory idea, all other feminist definitions of patriarchy has wiggle room to be "men are only privileged", "men are hurt too, but it's not systemic for...reasons", "patriarchy oppresses men and women", OR something else that fits whatever narrative that feminist believes in or wants to fall back behind.

My personal feeling is that we don't live in a patriarchy if you're talking about many western countries. There are countries that are truly a patriarchy wherein only men can have leadership positions and women are relegated (benevolently, maliciously, or a combo of both) to more supportive or even subservient roles. I don't abide by the feminist assumption of patriarchy even if I recognize parts of it can be true. But like with Harry Potter, I don't believe all of the book's events happened just because parts of the series is realistic or true to life.

Jealous-Factor7345 · 2025-11-01T20:43:10+00:00

A lot of women and feminists are not great at understanding that just because the people in charge are men, doesn't mean men as a group are in charge.

Punder_man · 2025-11-01T22:00:15+00:00

The feminist concept of "Patriarchy" is insane..
On the one hand they claim that our society is ruled by men where they conspire to protect / benefit men at the cost / oppression of women.

But on the other hand they also claim: "The Patriarchy hurts men too!"
So.. according to them men are smart / powerful enough to craft a system of control to benefit / protect men while subduing / oppressing women but at the same time we as men are so stupid and ignorant that the system we setup to benefit us apparently backfires on us on a daily if not hourly basis...

Also, slight tangent here but they allude to the power of "The Patriarchy" yet if it were as powerful as they claim then why would this system ever allow women the rights to vote, get educated or have jobs / income?
Surely if the system were powerful enough they could have stopped this from happening?

But the fact that it DID happen is completely lost on them for some reason...

No_Gazelle4814 · 2025-11-01T22:16:54+00:00

I think the words “patriarchal society” have become a weapon that feminists throw around to frame the narrative and put blokes on the back foot. I believe it’s an out of date. Often my female friends admit “it’s a woman’s world” and support, opportunities, and a listening ground is geared for them

MSHUser · 2025-11-01T19:56:17+00:00

When I heard this, that was my first instinct as well.

marchingrunjump · 2025-11-01T22:16:05+00:00

Don’t try to find logic. It’s merely a rhetorical trick to deflect anyone pointing at male suffering.

Brave-Pie-9831 · 2025-11-02T03:59:05+00:00

It's all a bit of a circular argument the way that it's used. They'll claim that patriarchy harms men, but then when men express concern about the issues they face, they'll then say that they have nothing to complain about as a result of patriarchy. It's a bit of a contradictory argument because on the one hand they'll claim that men are disadvantaged by patriarchy enforced by other men, which is not an unreasonable statement. But then they'll also say 'men did this to themselves', implying that men are all a monolith that aren't made up of individual people with varying experiences.

DeOogster · 2025-11-01T18:03:12+00:00

Most interpretations of patriarchy I have seen imply some sort of hierarchy, not just men > women. In ancient Rome for example (at least in the upper class), fathers decided much about the lives of their children including who they married. Men would only get the power over themselves and others by getting into the 'tier' of being the oldest man in the household. Women had no way of getting into the highest 'tier'.

In modern times the rules and traditions are less strict, but the idea that the ruling class is slightly easier to get into for men is still popular among progressives. I don't think that's true anymore in Western Europe and Southern Europe. The idea that most men are also in the lower class is probably something most would agree with. Politicians on the left and right just don't bother to propose anything aimed at helping lower class men.

AgentKenji8 · 2025-11-01T19:21:25+00:00

History shows that only a select few people ruled over the masses. In terms of the gender of the ruling classes, its gone both ways. Sure men have enforced it but that only makes them the ruled with extra steps not rulers.

My opinion of the proposed patriarchy, it is an assumption that all men were capable of being part of the ruling class. Which has proven to not be the case. Did men have it easier in terms of rights sure.

Unless they were part of the nobility or rich. They were subject to the same punishments and lack of rights compared to the ruling class.

Different struggles, different punishment and different afforded rights. All of them equally valid.

Jacolai · 2025-11-02T12:13:11+00:00

In my own simplified opinion, for me Patriarchy is a pretty gendered term and only blames men for any inequalities societies have in terms of social, economic and political. It completely absolves or disregards the fact that some women also played a part in maintaining said inequalities in the system such as not challenging it or attempting to repeal it. I feel like Oligarchy makes more sense as it’s often always about the people with money and power regardless of gender perpetuating oppressive laws against both genders

FatboySmith2000 · 2025-11-01T22:40:56+00:00

Talking to a black woman. She doesn't refer to it as The Patriarchy. She refers to it as Whiteness. Cuz White People, men and women, keep justifying hurtful others.

4444-uuuu · 2025-11-03T18:24:28+00:00

And why do feminists fight so hard to maintain all of the things about "the patriarchy" that they claim hurt men?

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GuppySharkR · 2025-11-05T04:55:22+00:00

The patriarchs are the landed aristocracy, not literally all men.

Kindly-Yam-4460 · 2025-11-06T15:13:00+00:00

I think this is a very important point; no serious theorist would ever say something like “capitalism hurts capitalists too” except at most in an extremely vague intangible spiritual sense

But I could easily point to a myriad of ways men are significantly worse off statistically than women, and that simply wouldn’t be the case for any other systemic form of oppression I can think of

At the very least this seems to clearly discredit a radical feminist notion of what patriarchy is, even a liberal feminist idea of it that limits it to rule by male elites (rather than by all men) has far less explanatory power than just a simple old school Marxist analysis; you can’t seriously argue that Hillary Clinton etc is not part of the ruling class. Frankly not only part of but highly representative of it.

Similar-Pear4585 · 2025-11-15T00:45:22+00:00

My arguments with feminist

Me: **Explains how misandry is systematic**

Her: Everything that you described is part of the patriarchy

Me: Then it's not a patriarchy if it is actively harming men, because your definition of feminism "is male privilege at the expense of women", if that were the case then why weren't lithium-ion battery's found by the expense of women? Why weren't the Alamo and the conquering of Mexico which became Texas fought by only women?

Her: Look, you set the system up, deal with it. Stop crying in feminist spaces.

Me: So basically, the men of today are at fault for a system setup for men in the past?

Her: lmao dude stop bothering me, it's literally men in power

Me: And what have they done for the average men that hasnt been given to the average woman..?

***I get disliked into oblivion***

Guys help my Karma haha

Low_Steak_2790 · 2025-11-21T18:25:13+00:00

I have always viewed things as the rich/elites just abusing everyone indiscriminately

JoBoltaHaiWoHotaHai · 2025-11-02T03:13:09+00:00

I don't think discussing this topic here is valuable, unless we do some purging. There are lots of RW folks in this sub.

Anyway, while I believe that patriarchy hurts both common women and men, men are also unintentional beneficiary of the system. We can all agree patriarchy exists to benefit a few powerful people at the top. Historically, those people have only been men. So, they made rules where they get more power, making it just not about class, but also gender. One example that I think highlights this prominently is King Henry VIII changing Christianity in England, just so he could annul marriage with his wife.

Although, today , I'd say the patriarchal benefits aren't limited to a particular gender, but class. Although, there definitely is bifurcation based on gender within classes as well.

Gantolandon · 2025-11-01T19:18:17+00:00

In any religion, a sin is considered harmful to the sinner. This doesn’t make the sinner any less culpable.

Title	They say patriarchy also hurts men, but if patriarchy hurts men do we really live in a patriarchal society?
Author	ivent0987
Upvotes	127
Comments	58
Date	October 31, 2025 6:23 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1ol2953/they_say_patriarchy_also_hurts_men_but_if/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/they-say-patriarchy-also-hurts-men-but-if.1565833 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565833

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