Long story short, I(35M) asked for a divorce two separate times and both damn times caved and agreed to try to make things work.

Things go fine for a few weeks, then slowly but surely go back to how they were when I decided I was done. I dont love her, I dont enjoy being around her, i dont even find her attractive anymore(she is objectively attractive and most men would agree I think, but i think there is an emotional block for me)....I haven't initiated sex in probably close to, or over, a year. Its been her every single time and I pretty much fake it every time. Thats hell, btw.

But.....I'm just stuck feeling. We have two kids, 17 and 11. Things are not terrible at home, but im sure both know something is up, as I sleep on the couch every night voluntarily. That cant be easy on them, which makes me feel like shit.

I know this wont work. Im almost positive I'll never love her or be attracted to her ever again, but I stay. My mental health is at an all time low, and I'm basically suffering through life right now.

Give me some words of encouragement to grown some fucking balls and end it. Or advice on what to do. Do I tough it out for another 18 months so child support is less when my son graduates? Idk...I'm fucking lost here.