Girlfriend wants kids, I definitely don't. We're at a crossroads and I feel like I'm losing my best friend. Has anyone else survived this?

bes753 · 2025-12-17T16:59:53+00:00

This is a fundamental incompatibility. Neither of you would be truly happy if you compromised. Go your separate ways.

FUMoney · 2025-12-14T16:07:32+00:00

Do not have children you do not want.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-12-14T14:35:32+00:00

First post divorce GF didn’t have kids and wanted one. I was clear I was done from the beginning but she’d bring it up from time to time. I ended up ending it a year into it for that reason and some other circumstances that weren’t a fit. I bounced around dating for 7 months regretting it but eventually found someone way better and I’m glad I walked away from that earlier instead of us wasting each other’s time

Cross_22 · 2025-12-14T08:25:06+00:00

I gave in to her wishes, leaving me resentful ever since. Don't make the same mistake.

Cheddar18 · 2025-12-14T05:36:31+00:00

If you're both confident in your decisions, it will be the hardest thing ever... but you need to end it :( currently getting divorced and it's possibly the hardest thing I've / we've ever gone through. I move out in the next 2 weeks and it's absolutely destroying me.

It'll be so hard, but end it before it gets to this point. Otherwise there's a MASSIVE chance she'll resent you years later and divorce happens anyway and it'll be too late for her to have kids.

I also recommend the book the Baby Decision for anyone in the fence for this massive decision, and the subreddit fencesitters helped me a lot as I grappled if I genuinely want kids or not. Turns out I do 🫠

Adding to say- I'm so sorry you're navigating such a difficult decision as well. It's really tough and trying to talk to people who can't imagine that someone may not want kids makes it even harder

Marginal-Gainz-365 · 2025-12-14T01:21:17+00:00

If your girlfriend wants kids and you definitely don't then this relationship is honestly at an end. You need to face this and make a mature decision. Either she forgoes having children for your preferred path and resents you for it later in life, or you reverse your vasectomy mentioned in other comments to possibly have kids and end up resenting her for doing something you didn't want to do. Kids are beautiful, but they are so hard and absolutely add stress/pressure to relationships. Different values of this magnitude will more than likely lead to divorce, especially in todays climate the way people get married and divorced at such alarmingly high rates. It's over mate, let her go so she can have kids and live the life she wants. You can find another woman who doesn't want kids.

PghSubie · 2025-12-14T01:14:35+00:00

If you're dating five years and not married, then it's time to move on

NewDay0110 · 2025-12-14T00:35:55+00:00

GET OUT.

During the divorce my ex-wife slandered me with false accusations that I was doing inappropriate things to my daughter. Enduring a character assassination trial where awful, untrue things about me were said I had to prove my innocence was the most difficult thing I've had to endure in my whole life. I could only think of a few things more stressful than that. The preparation for this trial took months and over $10,000. I prevailed in the end, winning 50/50 parenting time but I still have to pay some amount of child support and cover most of her medical expenses. I still deal with anxiety and trust issues from what I went through.

It's been tense, but stable for 3 years. This week, out of the blue, my ex-wife filed another motion in court with a fresh attack. Same thing - no evidence, just character smears and accusations. I will have to go through this entire thing all over again throughout 2026.

Aside from raising a child being the most intense responsibility I've ever had because it never stops 24/7 and completely exhausts you, I have to endure these unrelenting attacks on me through the court system. It's destroyed my dreams and taken away my ability to accomplish any sort of meaningful career or financial success.

SireSweet · 2025-12-14T00:33:24+00:00

dont do it. It’ll be much worse if you give in and will do much more damage.

euphramjsimpson · 2025-12-14T00:30:23+00:00

Don’t get married. There’s more pretty girls than one.

CRobinsFly · 2025-12-14T00:27:52+00:00

If you havent already gotten a vasectomy.... shoot.

gaelorian · 2025-12-14T00:06:39+00:00

This is something you both need to agree on. Otherwise it is doomed.

CutsAPromo · 2025-12-13T23:49:39+00:00

Has this been a lifelong goal of hers or has it popped up recently?

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2025-12-13T23:28:54+00:00

All I can say is do what you feel is right. I will tell you my story, I was dating my serious GF and we were cool never having a kid. One birth control miscommunication later, shotgun wedding elopement and now three kids total. They are amazing kids. Divorcing process now and all I fear is for their future without two stable incomes and the unfair bouncing 50/50, mental toll on them. I will never resent them, but I sure resent my wife for giving up. It’s your life and you only have one, live it by your rules

gwil297 · 2025-12-13T23:25:59+00:00

I told my ex she could all the kids she wants….. but I’m not having any …. lol

miami2881 · 2025-12-13T23:20:22+00:00

The fact is both sides won’t change their mind on the kids. Even if you stay together, one side is making an extreme sacrifice and will build animosity towards the other. Just time to get out now before it gets worse.

P.S. On a side note, your SO should never be your best friend.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2025-12-13T23:19:30+00:00

A). This is for divorce.

B). Be honest. Break up.

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