Or if you were in a relationship with an insecure person, what worked and what didn’t?

I’m very insecure when it comes to attraction, sex and romance. I can crush on a guy all day long and be fine. But if he shows the slightest possible interest in me, I’m a fucking wreck. I want to tell him all the reasons why he shouldn’t be interested. I want to show him how ugly I am. I know he’s lying. He just wants his dick wet or he has a fetish and I’m nothing more than an object. Same thing really. When I was younger it was easier to disregard “the c*nt that lives in my head.” Then I had my first and only boyfriend.

We were friends. He was a 23 yo virgin. I was 29 and definitely not. I told him I liked him first. He rejected me. Told me I wasn’t his type, he didn’t see me that way and he asked if we could still be friends. It was the reaction I thought I’d get. It was the reaction I always got. So I was okay with it. We stayed friends. Then one day, months later, I got a text message asking if I would be his girlfriend. It was like 2am and I thought he was drunk or maybe accidentally texted the wrong person. We talked. Lots of questions were asked. And I said yes. Every time he called me pretty. I heard “you’re not my type, I don’t see you that way.” I’d get angry or feel like a fool. I don’t like being lied to. He’d turn me down for sex. He didn’t initiate. I complained and he said he never had the chance to initiate. So I said I’d stop. We went over a month until I broke down and initiated. We both made mistakes. I played games I didn’t know I was playing. I loved him. I never believed he loved me. He was just alone and didn’t want to stay that way. We were together for 2 and a half years. And what was broken already inside me shattered in that time.

I’ve worked really hard to understand where my insecurities come from. How to deal with them. It’s hard having this duality inside me that can logically know one thing and feel something completely different. I keep thinking about what I should do if somehow, someway, I get into another relationship. Should I mask when I’m around them and cry myself asleep? Do I seek outside validation so that I don’t keep asking them for reassurances? Do I let myself admit to one insecurity every 5 or 10 times they happen? When I know it’s “the c\nt”* talking I can try to fight her. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s her or me. And I know sometimes it’s going to be something actually said or done that will trigger a come to Jesus moment from “the c\nt.”*

This sub is full of a varied array of individuals with lots of strong opinions. And lots of insecurities. I’ve enjoyed most of the conversations I’ve had, even if I don’t agree with you. So I thought I’d ask this group of humans. What would/did/should you/I do?