How do you view sex? I’ve seen many complaints and discussions and arguments about what sex is and why it’s important/not important.

First I’d like to know a tiny bit about yourself.

Age/sex/general location or region/religious or not. I know we like anonymity here so a range would work.

Me 43/f/Pacific Northwest/not religious

Okay. On to the question and observation. Some people say that sex is basically a biological need. Akin to water and food as is needed for survival. Some people say sex is more akin to education and healthcare, as in a thing required for a healthy mental and physical sense of wellbeing. Some people say it’s just a requirement for reproduction. Some say that sex is just a fun thing to do. These are just somethings I’ve heard. But I’d like to hear what your opinion is.

Next. When talking about sex in relationships I’ve heard is described as a requirement in a sexual or romantic relationship. Ie why be in a relationship if you aren’t having sex. I’ve heard it described as a duty or obligation. I’ve had it explained to me as if sex was something like going to a meeting at work (it’s something you have to do even if you don’t want to) it’s part of the deal. If one partner wants sex the other should perform. Whether they want to or not. I’ve heard some people say that the partner should fake desire during this sex. Some people say they don’t care how the other person responds as long as sex is had. Some people say that sex should only be done if all parties involved are enthusiastic about it. Some people say that trying to arouse or change somebody’s mind about sex is coercion. Some people say that arousing or changing somebody’s mind about sex is part of the communication part of a sexual relationship. Some people say sex makes them feel more connected to their partner. Some people say sex makes them feel more desired by their partner. (For people who expect sex even if not wanted does this hold true for you?) Some people say sex makes them less stressful in general. Again. There’s going to be nuances and variations. I want to know your nuances if you can describe them.

For me. I think sex is part of a healthy sexual or romantic relationship. Although not a need or requirement for my physical or mental health outside of a relationship. I can feel sad, insecure, stressed, etc if I get turned down or if my partner doesn’t touch me or flirt with me. I need enthusiastic consent. I would feel disgusted with myself if I found out my partner only had sex with me because I wanted sex and not because they wanted sex with me at the time. I want my partner to want me like I want them. I want us to have great sex when we both want to have it. I think both partners should take time and make it part of their priorities. Foreplay should start when the last sexual encounter ends. I also believe people have mental/physical/environmental/situational things that will come up that puts sex lower on their priority lists. I think that’s understandable. I’ve gone through depressions and have not wanted to be touched in those moments. I’ve also been depressed and making love to my partner felt like a silver lining in all the grey and black. I think good communicating is necessary in these times. Sometimes talking about sex and desire can lead to having desirable sex. I think most if not all relationships are going to have mismatched libidos at times. Some more than others. If it’s a big mismatch then maybe the relationship shouldn’t continue. I think both parties need to put effort into making sex easy to be a priority. This is going to be different for different people. Knowing what works for you and what works for your partner is going to vary greatly. And some people aren’t good at vocalizing their arousal needs. Some people are completely unaware of what those needs are.

So what say you? How do you view sex? Where it is in the hierarchy of wants/needs? Where do you put the agency of your partner? I’d like thought out responses if possible. I’m trying to understand the different views and perspectives of this “sex” thing.