Divorce finalised last week after 9mo separation (while living in the same house).

While I was abroad I turned on Hinge and started to get a decent amount of matches. I said to myself that I would just do this for emotional validation: to prove that in the realm of romance and charm I wasn't faulty, digusting or broken. Well, I've somehow set up four dates in the next week.

I came home to my house after the trip (in which XW is living for another 4 weeks) and found 2x champagne glasses in the dishwasher, leftovers of a fancy meal in the bin, and beer she doesn't drink in the recycling, etc. - and I got angry and hurt. Later on that night (on valentines), she left the house in date mode - and I felt awful.

I realise this makes me a complete and absolute hypocrite, and frankly it tells me that I'm not ready for a relationship. BUT, I have multiple people in my life telling me that a little tryst, a little casual encounter or two, etc. would do wonders to clear my headspace: to prove in a venal sense that while I may have work to do, there is nothing lacking there.

I feel a little bit like a dog who has caught the car, and now doesn't know what to do with it. I was urgent in the sentiment to feel like I was worth something, but now that is bearing fruit I'm not at all sure it's what I want. Please help.