Looking for advice on teen daughter

jarnock · 2026-02-20T14:42:01+00:00

I have a similar situation, although not as bad, I just tell my daughter I don’t need to know anything about their mother and that its unhealthy and inappropriate for me to know about their mothers love life. If you want to be petty you could say something like I don’t need to know who your mother is sleeping with. I also wouldn’t try to one up the ex and talk about your dating life.

PostTrenchesDad · 2026-02-20T06:38:38+00:00

This is tough. My oldest son became his mom's confidant and therapist too - "man of the house," looking after his brother constantly when in her care. I get what you're seeing.

At 15, unless something severe is happening, no one (CPS, courts) will intervene on this. She's being included in adult conversations and loves the attention. You'll likely notice her inserting herself into adult conversations more and more.

Addressing your ex will have the opposite affect of what you want. Keep the communication door open with your daughter. Help her process what she's hearing instead of trying to stop it.

Get curious:

"How did you feel when mom/friend/etc shared that with you?"
"Sounds like there might be something on your mind about that?"
"That's pretty heavy for a 15-year-old to carry. How are you doing with all of it?"

Let her know: "If you ever hear anything that makes you uncomfortable - from mom, friends, anyone - I'm here to help you work through it."

This isn't just about mom's oversharing. Your daughter will hear inappropriate things from friends, at parties, from other adults. Teaching her to process and set boundaries now serves her everywhere.

Is it as simple as being the steady, stable parent?

Yes. And it sucks. You don't get to stop the inappropriate behavior. You get to be the one she can talk to when it gets uncomfortable.

Over time, she'll recognize the difference between a parent who treats her like a friend and a parent who treats her like a daughter. But that clarity might not come until she's 20, 25, or has her own kids.

Right now, your job is to stay steady, keep the door open, and help her develop her own sense of what's appropriate - not by telling her, but by asking questions that make her think.

This may not be what you want to hear, but it's how you can be there for your daughter and build trust.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-20T00:55:14+00:00

Question if I may:
What do you think is more exciting to talk about for teenage daughters? Dating and probably any hilarious things your ex gets up to when she is dating (hopefully nothing sexual being discussed) or any other everyday mundane things like homework or school activities?

Perhaps this is how she and her mother bonds. There is nothing you can do about the way your ex is interacting with your daughter when she is with her.

Is this correct behavior from the mother? Is she not allowed to confide in her daughter and the other way around? Is she not allowed to be a friend and a parent at the same time. Ask rather is it affecting your daughters school work or other aspects of her life. I say this because I have been in a similar position where my stbxw discussed her divorce options with my teenage daughters whilst we were all still living under the same roof even before I knew of her plans to leave. I also felt it was inappropriate to involve the kids in our divorce but there was nothing I could do about it.

Just make sure you have a great and stable relationship with your daughter and check that she is doing well in school/life.

According-Designer15 · 2026-02-20T00:54:20+00:00

Your instinct here isn't jealousy, it's parenting. There's a real difference between a mom and a teenage daughter having a close relationship and a mom using her daughter as an emotional peer because she doesn't have another adult to process with yet. You're seeing the second one and it's worth paying attention to.

The hard truth is you're right that you can't control it and confronting your ex will just make your daughter dig in harder to defend her. At 15 she's going to interpret any criticism of her mom as an attack.

What you can do is be the parent who doesn't do that. Not in a preachy way, just by example. When your daughter shares stuff about her mom's dating life you can just quietly not engage it. Not lecture her, not react, just redirect. Over time she'll notice the difference between a parent who keeps things age appropriate and one who doesn't.

The side taking thing is probably the most painful part of what you wrote. That usually levels out as they get older and can see things with more context. It doesn't feel like that now but 15 is not the finish line.

You're asking the right questions. That matters.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-02-19T22:16:48+00:00

None of your business what happens in moms world. Keep the focus on dads world. When either of your kids mentions anything about their mother or her new squeeze just nod and then change the subject.

Your kids only need one stable parent to be fine. You are 100% in control of that.

kndkit · 2026-02-19T21:55:12+00:00

I don’t think it’s a big deal your teen daughter is having these conversations with her mom. It seems sweet imo. She’s 15 not 7. Just ask her not to share with you?

Eric_C_Productions · 2026-02-19T21:53:57+00:00

First of all, you need to establish a relationship with your daughter. Its not really any of your business anymore on what your ex-wife is doing with her free time. Worry about yourself. Your ex-wife checked out a long time ago and has moved on. So should you. If your daughter is her confidant, let her. You are not in a competition for her attention. Be the parent. Listen to her. Your daughter is a teenager. I am sure she has heard worse from her friends. If your daughter is so willing to share details about your ex and her life, be careful about what you share with her. She may relay that information on to your ex. Women can be crazy and use that information against you in the future. You must remember that you were once a teenager as well and probably thought you knew more than your own parents. Teenagers these days are sharp and pretty smart. They grow up faster than you think and are exposed to more than you think. Let your kids know that you are there for them. Be the better parent in this case. Show them stability but also be understanding as well. They are dealing with both their parents divorce and the chaos that comes from that. It isn't uncommon that they show resentment towards you and your ex or both. I was there in your shoes. I had two teenage sons and they both dealt with it differently. You have your own place, establish your ground rules with them. Worry about your life and move on.

FUMoney · 2026-02-19T21:43:10+00:00

I think it’s inappropriate how much my daughter knows about the dates my wife is going on.

You may be correct.

But far more important: you cannot do a damn thing about it. Nothing. Zero. You will never ever control how an ex-spouse interacts with the children. You have no say, none, in the interactions or in the information flow.

So stop f-ing commenting on it. You can’t do jack shit about it. Focus on what you can control, and start learning to never give an F what your ex-spouse does.

This message has been repeated here a million times. Why are you NOT getting it?

survivingtheyellowbr · 2026-02-19T21:39:52+00:00

Seems like you’re more concerned about her dating someone else to be honest.

Immature and lack of accountability or care, that’s what most of faced during our divorce. Yeah it sucks

But Why are still trying to make her happy? You mentioned this in your post and I’m confused.. She’s checked off the relationship.

Your daughter is 15 and sees her mom going with a new guy. She’s obviously going to know about it. Whats appropriate and inappropriate is relative based on opinions.

The bigger question is why do you care ?

As long as your kids are positive and happy about them selves in midst of there parents separating - that should be your most important concern.

Not trying to an ass here but I think you’re not over her.

Reflog1791 · 2026-02-19T21:34:17+00:00

Don’t worry about what your ex is doing or saying. All you can control is how you show up for your kids.

Model a healthy and happy lifestyle.

To feel better, hit the gym, get buff, update wardrobe and hairstyle, pick up a fun new hobby that brings you joy (I suggest golf).

Once you focus all efforts on improving your own life, your problems will go away. Think hard about the new life you want and make it happen.

NotYours25 · 2026-02-19T21:27:22+00:00

I’ve been dealing with this for almost 4 years with my oldest daughter that recently turned 18. My only advice is to show no emotion regarding the topic. Control what you can control.

Yes, it’s inappropriate and you’re right for being concerned.

Play the long game.

This is just another version of the flying monkeys. Post separation women will do anything to get attention and validation regardless of who it is or who it impacts. - including children. It’s fucking sad really.

UrAristotle · 2026-02-19T21:22:19+00:00

This isn’t something you control, so it isn’t something you should be discussing with your 15 year old daughter, either. Right now it feels novel to your daughter because she’s being let into a world of adult relationships. At some point she might realize how inappropriate it was for her mom to do that. Or she might never come to that realization. Either way, your role is to be her rock and her foundation.

It’ll be hard when your daughter mentions something mom and Chad did last weekend, but you have to stay strong.

Title	Looking for advice on teen daughter
Author	Dirty_Lew
Upvotes	8
Comments	24
Date	February 19, 2026 9:11 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r9bk2p/looking_for_advice_on_teen_daughter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/looking-for-advice-on-teen-daughter.1573835 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573835

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