How do I get over my fear of women? 28M

norwegiandoggo · 2026-03-21T12:57:02+00:00

Driving most of the fear you have underlying unhelpful / limiting or wrong beliefs, such as perhaps:

Failing with women makes me a loser
Shooting my shot makes me creepy
If I succeed, she will break my heart
If she rejects me, that means I'm worthless
I need to say "exactly the right things" or she will reject me
I don't know what to say or talk about that is "correct" and will make it work out
A woman's opinion of me is more important than my own opinion of myself, so I really need to make women like me

You need to have an internal argument / battle with your unhelpful beliefs where you dissect them, prove them wrong, throw them out. First look for evidence for why those beliefs are wrong.

Then comes the second step: Develop new and more helpful beliefs to replace them. Then you look for evidence to confirm your new beliefs.

You can adopt more helpful beliefs by being around other people that already have those helpful beliefs. And you can read or listen to autobiographies from people who have those beliefs and that can help you adopt their mindset.

There are also often exercises you can do in the realm of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to reframe and change beliefs.

Self-help books also often help reframing unhelpful beliefs.

If doing this difficult, then some therapists are also really good at helping you with it.

Back2theCouture · 2026-03-21T12:02:15+00:00

Before you find out how, ask yourself why. Why are you scared of women? Nobody here can answer your how and your why. We can only speculate and the possibilities are limitless.

Vox_Dissidens · 2026-03-22T14:59:49+00:00

I don’t know if this will help, but it helped me.

Once, a girl burst into tears while we were doing the dirty, because she wasn’t flexible enough for a position she wanted to do. She went on this big spiel about how much pressure women have to be good in bed, and how I’d never understand what that’s like.

I was bewildered, because I thought it was just the universal perception that men have the pressure to perform, and that women set the standard for men to meet.

Since then, I’ve asked a lot of women in my life what they think dating is like for men. Turns out, even some of the most attractive women I know believe things like:

Most men don’t feel nervous around women
Most Men have the same amount of options as women
Most men can easily date multiple women
When men make a woman uncomfortable, they usually know and just don’t care
Rejection doesn’t really affect men for long, they’ll just move on to another girl

Obviously, not one of these are true.

My fear of approaching women came from the idea that they were confident, self-assured, and judging me from a higher position.

What changed everything was realising a lot of women are looking at men through a similar kind of distorted model. They often assume we’re more confident, more experienced, have more options and are less affected than we actually are.

After that realisation, the “hot girl at the gym” stopped feeling like someone above me evaluating my worth, and started feeling like a normal person who might be just as uncertain and insecure as I was. Once it clicked, a lot of the fear evaporated.

Strong-Usual9618 · 2026-03-21T11:52:05+00:00

I’m also in the same boat as you. Although I’m 23. Yesterday I was at the gym and I saw a girl I find cute doing the same exercise I was going to do. I approached her and asked if she is finished doing it. She said that she had one more set left. Immediately she left the machine and said I can do my workout and we can switch. I asked her how come she works out on Friday, she replied: haha there is always time to work out, no matter what day. Then I felt awkward and continued my workout as if nothing happened. The point is that I pushed myself to talk to her. I didn’t get the outcome I’ve would’ve wanted, but at least I have spoken to her. You can also do small steps like asking a girl how much time she needs at this machine or just say hi I like your style or something like that. You might not get her number but I promise you, you’ll make her smile or at least get her to say thank you to you.

My first love was in the gym and it happened because I asked a girl how much sets she has left on the leg press (that’s why never skip leg day haha) and it got to the point where we were a couple.

Good luck in making your first small steps

epimpstyle · 2026-03-21T13:05:35+00:00

You need progressive desensitization exercises. Real progress comes from small, repeated wins, not from failures! It’s hard to give you a specific drill without knowing your comfort zone, at what point do you start feeling out of place? I need more info, or else I'm just giving you generic advice that won't actually work.

Foreverseeking47 · 2026-03-21T12:31:15+00:00

You're in a good spot. It means you're alive and it's important to you. That said, you have to internalize the fact that as long as you let that fear dictate how you act and have power over you, you won't be able to show up in a way that makes these women want to keep interacting with you.

The best version of yourself might still feel some fear but he acts anyway and doesn't let anything outside of his own authority dictate how he is supposed to act. What I think you should do is to slowly get more comfortable feeling what you feel in those situations and understand that they are not a threat to your safety. You feel this because your primitive brain thinks you are going to get ridiculed and kicked out of the tribe for being such a nuisance and threat to the well-being of the group.

You gotta work with where you're at so hold eye-contact a bit longer each and every time (reasonably so and according to context) and breathe through the discomfort you feel. At some point, you'll be desensitized and that's when you just say something to them and with each interaction get more and more at ease expressing yourself freely. Nothing bad is actually gonna happen, it's all a game and I mean that in the literal sense; you are never going to go through something that is bad for you or anyone by simply talking to a girl unless ypu do something very stupid or not calibrated to the specifics of the situation.

In the end, you wanna get to the point where interacting with women all the way through having sex with them is normal to you and you can still keep being that light and energetic version yourself. That version has to have a clear and vibrant mind and body and that can't happen if the energy you have is being used worrying about anything and being anywhere else but in the moment with the person you're talking to. Good luck and enjoy!

Matter_Still · 2026-03-21T18:21:04+00:00

You begin by realizing there is nothing to fear. When you were a child you feared the dark. Now you don’t. Why? Because there’s nothing in the dark except what you put there in your imagination.

ProfessionalGoat551 · 2026-03-21T22:03:42+00:00

You don’t fear women. Your ego fears rejection

Pedro_Moona · 2026-03-22T01:53:42+00:00

Start with a strip club where they will talk to you because they want your money. Than date a very unattractive woman and work your way up.

Scared-Button3674 · 2026-03-21T15:07:46+00:00

You have to mentally practice this as improving yourself in other aspects of life does not directly correlate with speaking to women. It about practice and putting yourself in those situations as well as building off from where you were and mustering up the courage for interations

Dandys3107 · 2026-03-22T04:45:33+00:00

The point is about making small steps so you can feel comfortable with minimizing the risk of situation getting out of control. Keep improving your sexually attractive traits so you can get good initial feedback from girls, learn seduction tricks and mindsets, find opportunities where you can interact with beautiful women casually. These are pretty much “free of risk” aspects of seduction which will greatly improve your confidence and experience with women. Escalate gradually, stay casual, keep improving. And remember about using deep and clear voice, keeping proper posture, look straight in the eyes, get a bit closer, put that nice smile on your face. Are any of these any complicated? Imagine you will keep developing those features and skills over the time. Bam, problem solved.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-03-22T07:14:28+00:00

Exposure therapy. Join social clubs with lots of women. That's theater, dancing, yoga, sewing, choir.

The other part is to rewire your limiting beliefs. Each limiting belief must be listed as a text and then you must work at writing a new belief that's more healthy and more true to reality. For example, False: I'm afraid of women because they might hurt my feelings. TRUE: most women are very kind and nice, they wouldn't hurt me at all; those women who are mean are actually hurt at their core because of their history, and not because there's something wrong with me. This is how you work through every single belief you have. You can use ChatGPT to create better beliefs if you have no idea what's false and what's true.

CatInTheHatDog · 2026-03-22T20:19:53+00:00

Train Brazilian Jiu-Jitstu!! Dead serious I was walking down the same path of life that you're on, at the same age too, studying dating strategies and going to the gym, but with little confidence. I joined a BJJ gym and it all got easier. You're anxiety melts away in all social situations. You feel like 007/24.

ResentCourtship2099 · 2026-03-21T11:48:24+00:00

Just another reminder of what comes with Nature's territory

dykjozo · 2026-03-22T12:24:20+00:00

[ Removed by Reddit ]

argoshark · 2026-03-23T01:40:56+00:00

Why do you fear women at 28 bro? They’re humans like us. You gotta get social and join activities and expand your circle.

Rndzle · 2026-03-25T15:38:32+00:00

Listen to metal pussy https://youtu.be/iGmqM2tSZh4?si=E2GEcujI2NSyyUwF

Wonderful_Tip_2023 · 2026-03-22T13:45:01+00:00

Take action bro. That’s the hard part, and trust me I’ve been there. My best advice is trying the app Shawty to track you important convos and gain actual insight on your approaches. Good luck, you got this

Title	How do I get over my fear of women? 28M
Author	mstheze7
Upvotes	14
Comments	32
Date	March 21, 2026 11:39 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rzpawx/how_do_i_get_over_my_fear_of_women_28m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-get-over-my-fear-of-women-28m.1576057 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576057

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