I’m 28 and got married last summer to a man I deeply love. I saved myself for marriage, and we entered marriage with the expectation of lifelong monogamy. We talked about being a strong example of a committed, traditional marriage.
About a year into marriage, my husband has developed a belief that polygyny is God’s ideal family structure and feels called to publicly promote it. To be clear, he is not currently pursuing another wife, but he believes the practice itself is morally good and beneficial for society.
Part of his reasoning is that he believes many modern women are hypergamous and end up unable to find a husband or have a family. He argues that polygyny would allow more women to marry, have children, and be provided for rather than remaining single.
This has been incredibly difficult for me because monogamy wasn’t just my expectation - it was a foundational assumption of our marriage. If I had known before marriage that he held these beliefs, I honestly don’t know if I would have married him.
What makes this more complicated is that he is otherwise a loving, faithful husband. He’s not coming from a place of wanting to cheat or disrespect me. He genuinely believes he’s following truth and is willing to discuss evidence and arguments. At the same time, I feel blindsided because this belief emerged after we were already married.
As women, we often hear that we are free to leave if something fundamental changes. But when you’re deeply bonded to your husband, have built your life around him, and love him intensely, that doesn’t feel like a truly free choice. It feels like choosing between two devastating outcomes.
I’m not looking to debate whether polygyny is biblical. I’m more interested in hearing from women who value traditional marriage, respect male leadership, and have dealt with a husband whose worldview changed significantly after marriage.
How did you navigate it? How do you distinguish between supporting your husband and maintaining your own boundaries when the marriage you agreed to seems to be shifting underneath your feet?
Truly would take any and all thoughts.
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