I’m a 42-year-old Korean-American. My wife is 33 Maori/Kiwi and we’ve been married for 8 years. In 2023, we sold our home in Kansas City and moved to Melbourne, Australia so she could be closer to her family in New Zealand. It was a huge sacrifice, but I supported it because I wanted our family to have a good life. The first year was tough, but I finally feel like I’ve adjusted to living here.

Last Friday night, the only night we’ve had a babysitter since moving here, my wife told me she wants a divorce. She said I’d become too complacent. Too much work, daycare, groceries, and the same routine every week. She wants independence, wants to travel, and feels like our lives have become boring.

The thing is… I was tired too.

We both work full-time. She works 8–5, and I work 2–10. We intentionally chose opposite schedules so I could take our four-year-old son to daycare every morning, and she could pick him up after work. It wasn’t an exciting lifestyle, but I honestly believed we were doing what parents are supposed to do. Working hard and putting our son’s needs first.

We don’t have much family support here. Her aunt and uncle have been wonderful, but beyond that, it’s mostly just been us trying to make everything work.

The part that’s destroying me is our son.

He’s four years old, and I can’t stop thinking about how this is going to affect him. I feel like everything I’ve worked toward over the last several years has collapsed in a single conversation. What hurt almost as much as hearing she wanted a divorce was hearing that she doesn’t really want to work on the marriage. No counseling. No real discussion. Just… she’s done.

What I’m struggling to understand is how wanting more independence and travel fits with raising a four-year-old. Maybe I’m missing something, but I can’t reconcile those two things in my mind. Now I’m facing decisions I never imagined.

If we divorce, I won’t be keeping my work schedule built around hers anymore. I’ll probably change my hours and possibly even change careers. The routine we created only worked because we were a team.

The biggest decision is whether I stay in Australia or eventually move back to the U.S. My support system is back home. My parents, friends, familiarity—it’s all there. But if I leave Australia, I’d almost certainly be leaving my son behind. That thought absolutely crushes me. Right now I feel numb. I can’t concentrate. I barely sleep. I walk around my own house feeling like I don’t belong there anymore.

For those of you who’ve gone through divorce, especially if you’ve had children: If you were in my position, would you stay in Australia and rebuild your life from scratch so you could stay close to your son? Or would you move back home to your support system and try to start over there?

I’m not looking for validation or someone to tell me who’s right or wrong. I’m just trying to make the best decision I can for my son and for my future.

Thanks for reading!