I know that Toxic Masculinity was pioneered by Shepard Bliss to describe his father. Where he defined it as a militarized, authoritarian form of masculinity treated as unhealthy or "sick", not masculinity itself.

I also know that feminists and society have taken the term to basically mean the unwanted behavior of men and boys. Going so far that the same behavior can be seen as wanted or unwanted depending on the situation. Depending if a women wants men to be strong and stoic or at times vulnerable and expressive. When societies expects men to be violent through the use of the draft, or other legal requirements, etc.

But in the end I keep fighting with the term itself. I find Toxic Masculinity to be a hateful and bigoted term. It defines the same behavior as toxic or positive depending on the outside observers view of it.

I get the idea that men shouldn't go to therapy because purely because a real man doesn't need it is a harmful way of thinking about it.. But at the same time I don't get how calling this toxic is going to help. Why can't we see why that man is the way he is. What galvanized him to believe that. What did his life look like. He was most likely shaped to be that way by how he was raised and how society tested him.

It's also used as a smoke screen. There are dozens of legitimate reasons men and boys don't seek out therapy or if they do how it fails them since they are male.

I just can't sit comfortably with toxic masculinity. For the most part it's used in a very hateful way. Its used as a way to blame men for not asking for help or not utilizing services. We never ask, why are the services not inclusive or repsonse to these men.

On top of that I hate terms like healthy masculinity or positive masculinity. There just a version of toxic masculinty with a positive spin. It still implies a toxic and positive version of masculinity and that it's up to men to correct themsleves before they can get help. Almost every male charity, or male program focuses on healthy masculinty. That if we just get men to take on a more positive or healthy masculine approach they're lives would be better.

It's honest so regressive and bigoted. Including the more positive sounding adjective.

I don't know, I am just looking with a way to live with and conceptualize the term. At times I can see why it exists, that it has some use. But then I see how hateful and bigoted the terms are, including healthy masculinity. It's almost like describing masculinity is the wrong thing to do all together. That we need a new approach to this term or meaning.

Maybe I would feel more comfortable with therm if Toxic Femininity was used. Or if other demographics were labeled as toxic and in need of more healthy approaches.

Using positive and toxic gender norms would feel better. But it's the same thing in the end. It's still putting a box around an attribute you were born with. As if you need to prove yourself before being seen as a human being.

In the end this term has been corrupted and the vast majority of people are using it improperly or even prejudicial ways. Especially world governments, male charities, feminist orgs and more.