Anybody who follows what I write over the past 6 months would notice that I've been focusing on beta game recently, and have been publicly denouncing using the term "beta" as a pejorative, because the behaviors themselves are not inherently bad.
Why have we focused on alpha so much recently?
The tides have turned in our culture, shifting the sexual marketplace to demand more alpha qualities, and leaving anybody following the family provider life-plan in the dark, often doomed to a failure he will not recognize the cause of. But this is not necessarily due to the beta behaviors, but instead the betafication of the male, and the staunch misunderstanding of proper usage and correct timing of beta behaviors.
Rollo has written extensively about these shifting tides, but to paraphrase: the push in the west to allow women to fully realize their hypergamy while simultaneously failing to anticipate their future needs has rewarded the alpha to the detriment of women's own long-term mating strategy to look for providers.
Our reaction (or overreaction as it might seem) has been amping up the alpha to 11, and reaping the rewards. But these rewards are fleeting and I believe leave much to be desired- spinning plates can fulfill your sexual needs, but doesn't address men's desire to start a family, or find a life-long partner.
Now, before I begin I will start with a disclaimer. I believe that the marketplace has changed in such a way that regardless of what men want, long-term monogamy may very well be a pipe-dream, and the legal climate may have changed to the extent that the hope of starting a family is all risk and little payoff. I will not look past the fact that women have sufficiently changed the market to everybody's detriment. And no matter how much you may want some of the things I'm about to discuss, there may not necessarily be an option to get them. Nevertheless, the conversation should take place, because I don't see much about it here, and I've spend the past half of a year studying this in great depth.
Women's mating schedule
For those who have not yet read Rollo's series on Preventative medicine, you need to start there. This is absolutely crucial information that cannot be skipped. Anybody wishing to learn about the red pill needs to fully grasp female schedules of mating and related strategies. Rollo's series is the most thorough analysis of women's mating strategies, and the timeline thereof that I've ever seen, you will all do well to read it.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Rollo has always focused on women's pluralistic mating strategy, colloquially phrased on this forum as "alpha fucks, beta bucks," but more kindly explained as women's need for obtaining the highest quality sperm for her offspring (alpha), and her need to provisioning to take care of her young (beta).
Women will seek out both behaviors, and optimally will try to find both in the same man. This can be seen when women try to tame the bad-boy. They've already obtained the alpha fucks, and will eventually try to tame him into the beta bucks (often unsuccessfully), and will eventually "mature" into a refined taste in men and end up with a man who is a much better provider to take care of her and her alpha-spawn.
Women will "settle" for a beta male, after riding the cock carousel- or after optimizing her strategy to obtain alpha fucks, but failing to obtain the beta bucks. The reason this is more common today, I believe, is that the matriarchy has not passed down the knowledge to women that they should be attempting to satisfy their beta bucks strategy during their peak, and they only realize this far too late- something previous generations of women did not suffer from.
We typically refer to women riding the carousel as sluts and consider them to be poor quality stock for long-term-relationships. And while many criticize us for this as "slut shaming" it holds true in a very real sense for men: Women who are settling down after the cock carousel may resent their "settling" afterwards- having not optimally found a combination of alpha and beta qualities in one male. Settling with a woman in this stage puts you at a disadvantage- she is an alpha widow, and you are the beta bucks. You will not gain her respect, and will most assuredly be in second place in her mind to the men she preferred to fuck (and still would be fucking had her looks not began to fade).
This problem exists because women in our culture have been encouraged to explore this portion of their sexual strategy with no holds barred, and with no understanding of their future needs nor the immediacy of their requirement to fulfill them. They've been lied to about their peak sexual market value and will formulate a less optimal strategy because of it.
So how does a man capitalize on women's pluralistic mating strategy?
Obviously, as a reaction to this change in the market, we've embraced alpha qualities to the exclusion of beta qualities. We see men embracing beta qualities and chastise them for it, as it appears sub-optimal given the current market.
But is there no other option?
Well, as I mentioned before, the answer to this might be no, or more likely it depends on your local market. But let's say for example that there were women who were either raised with a better understanding of their mating needs and timeline, if such a woman existed, when would be the optimal time to strike, and how would be the optimal way to do so?
These are the questions I would like to answer in a search for the long-term relationship.
When to strike?
First it needs to be said that women will be open to certain traits based on where they are in their schedule. Beta traits will be a positive for you when women are seeking them, but a hindrance to you if they're not. (sidenote, if they're not looking for beta traits, you are barking up the wrong tree for LTR). That said, it would be poor advice to aim for women in our culture who are in beta-seeking mode when they typically get there... approaching and after the wall.
Instead, consider when a woman is young. I've heard a lot of people on here go on and on about how they don't think a younger woman is "experienced enough" to carry on conversations or debate philosophy. But the fact is, you're looking for an optimal mate, not a guy friend. Women will grow and mature as the years pass, and you can learn to connect and have conversations. It is crucial that you begin the journey with a woman who has not yet been alpha-widowed, and has not passed her prime... for your own success. These are the important elements to look for if you wish to succeed at long-term-relationships.
I personally feel as though 21 is too late to begin with a woman, as she will have began to go to bars and recognize her sexual power and feast on the validation that thousands of thirsty dudes will give her. At this point, she is lost to the carousel, you will never compete for her fleeting and quickly-averted attention, as no single man can. You can recognize this in a woman when her attitude begins to change, she will act more experienced, or weathered. She will wear her experience as a badge, but it will sour her attitude. She will adapt more masculine behaviors and begin to self-handicap at this point, indulging in cigarettes, tattoos, and other risk-seeking behavior. Women may also begin to adopt a bold, careless, often bitchy attitude, getting rough around the edges. These are not good signs for a long-term investment, as these signify at what point she is at, and should warn you to stay away.
Before this point, you may find women to be more feminine- more soft spoken, kinder, gentler, and generally more pleasant.
How to strike?
With both alpha and beta game. As has been mentioned multiple times in this post and in the past- women want a combination of alpha qualities and beta qualities.
The alpha qualities that are important are most important during the attraction phase. Piquing her interest via game, dodging shit tests, and a generally cocky attitude is important. But the girl that you are looking to land in an LTR may require a slightly different approach, and may respond slightly differently. If she has an active interest in securing a long-term mate, she may be turned off by too heavy of alpha behavior, she may actually recoil at overt alpha behavior. While I do not believe making this mistake will hurt her actual attraction to you (gina tingles are gina tingles), she may have the self control to steer clear of somebody she believes to be a bad-bet. She may recognize over alpha qualities as too risky for her, and she may actually pass, or increase her compliance testing to ensure that you actually present long-term provider potential.
A woman who is actively looking for a mate will be testing for compliance. Now, we typically refer to compliance testing and shit testing as the same thing-but in the context of long-term mate selection, I will put forward that there is a stark difference, and that difference is the intention for which the test is given. While women will test an alpha's mettle by giving him shit tests to see if he fails to comply, a woman will test a man's potential to provide by testing his compliance and see if he intends to provide.
In this context, you should recognize compliance testing for what it is and learn to pass them while maintaining frame.
Your goal is to boost comfort and the feeling of security, but do not lose your alpha frame- as she is looking for both.
Some ways to accomplish this are to embrace Athol Kay's Captain/First mate dynamic. When a woman acts out, or throws a compliance test, it's important from an alpha standpoint not to be submissive, while from a beta standpoint you want the outcome of the compliance test to encourage her feeling of security- which is why she threw the test in the first place.
If a woman throws a compliance test, the best way to approach it is not to validate her test with a reaction (anger, surprise, validation, etc), but instead to take a proactive approach that establishes dominance, shows that you will not be manipulated by a test, but shows compassion and your willingness to lead.
For example, after initial attraction is established:
"You probably flirt like this with all the women..."
Alpha response: "Only the hot ones!" (Boost alpha frame, create insecurity)
Alpha+Beta response: "Only when I feel like it, and today I feel like flirting with you." (Maintain alpha frame, boost security)
Failed response: "Oh, no, I swear I don't. Only you m'lady!"
In this example, you haven't lost your frame, but you've put a little extra emphasis on making her feel good. You're communicating that you can flirt with others, but you've chosen to flirt with her. I wouldn't recommend proceeding with all tests like this, but pepper it in maybe 1/5 of the time to help her feel the security she's craving. She will try to full-on betatize you, and you don't want that. But going full alpha will also send her looking for a new branch to swing to if she's in beta-seeking mode.
A proper alpha-beta mate will maintain his frame but appear gracious and intentional with his affection. He is important, high status, and busy, but he wants to direct his affection towards his woman because he has decided that is how he will proceed. He does not seek validation from a woman, but instead validates his woman with a proactive, not reactive, form of affection to boost security and comfort while never communicating subordination.
It's important to take note here that a strictly beta male is submissive and subordinate, but that an alpha that adapts beta traits is not.
I will need to revisit the definitions of these terms in our glossary, because we have been using beta incorrectly. Beta traits are indeed important to embrace when women are seeking a provider. Alpha traits are important to embrace when women are seeking either sex or a provider. Beta is not bad in and of itself, but instead describes a list of provider traits. When not couples with alpha traits, beta traits are bad and communicate subordination. When coupled with alpha, you have yourself perfect long-term relationship material.
Good luck gentlemen.
As an aside, I will be adding a new LTR flair to the sub for more discussion on LTR game.