I’m a volunteer paramedic. I don’t get to use every skill in my arsenal. I am not in the trenches every day all day. Though I have seen a lot I don’t get 5-6 cardiac arrests in a week or see 3 MVAs per month. Some skills get rusty and I make mistakes….not really what you want to hear but that’s why there are 2 medical at a call. We support each other.

 

So it becomes incumbent on me to keep my basic skills fresh. I have to review videos, be humble and ask my partners during our downtime….I go over and over them. Even still things happen.

 

Here’s a quick story to illustrate. We get dispatched for a patient who had compound fractures on his left leg. So we're hot to the call. Lights and sirens I'm all amped.

Fuck yea-boi. Para-awesome guy on the way. Let's go.

 

We get on scene, I am large and in charge. My partner is taking care of bystanders and handling vitals while I assess the injury and care options. And by golly what do you know, he’s in pain!

 

i set the IV, first time go...OMG I am REALLY DOING IT!!! Where's my mother fucking cape! Leg getting immobilized by my dope partner.

 

I do what I'm supposed to do and grab the morphine…fuck yesssss! MORPHINE!!

 

This will save you buddy don’t worry.

So grab a syringe and a draw needle

And I do what I was taught to do when drawing meds from a vial. Turn it upside down and push air into it to draw it out. mother fucker look at me. I am the shit now. I am saving lives today.

 

I. fuckin. Gawt. Dis.

Except that when I launched the plunger I sprayed morphine all over the ground. it's REAL hard to pretend you MEANT to spray morphine on the ground!

 

Here’s the point. When removing your time and attention you just don’t walk away. It’s like going through all those motions I did to perform the right intervention only to get caught in your ego and ideas of self-grandeur. You don't want morphine all over the place trying to convince everyone you meant to do it or you have no idea how it happened.

 

I’ll show her. I’ll just walk on out of here

 

Thing is women can’t overtly communicate anymore then you can covertly. Just getting up and walking away is telling her your pissed and nothing but a childish asshole. And you may be pissed BUT this isn't what you want her to see. You don’t want her seeing the morphine on the ground.

Your girl will turn you down for sex, maybe anything that displeases you enough to force the issue. you'll be tempted to just get up and stomp out of the room. ReddJive did tell you to remove your time and attention right?

AHAH fuck her!! No more access to cool guy.

 

Don't do this. Breathe. Push the emotion aside and focus. One of the few times I’d advocate for stoicism to suppress emotion. At that very moment, continue to do whatever you were doing. Keep watching the Gilmore Girls….look at the titties. After all, it’s all you’re getting tonight. Maybe consider how the fuck you got here. On the couch watching someone play out a fantasy on TV with a woman who can’t even be bothered to dress like the character she loves so much. Better still she’s laughing at the male-female dynamics saying all she needs to do is have sex with him....and you’re like bitch, please.

 

Or maybe consider about your MAP. Rethink it. Consider what you need to fix.

Then when the show is done. Get up go to the bathroom. Sit down. Let it out. Get pissed off shake your fist at the world. Recognize that you didn’t make this world but you have to live in it. That these things are not you. They are just happening. True you have given them permission to happen, but they are not you. You need to change that. When done go to another room. Doesn’t matter. But find something to do maybe you just remembered something. Close the door doodle faces on some paper, I don't care just don't come here and tell me about it. During this contemplate how pathetic you are that you don’t legitimately have some important shit to do. Maybe write 1000 times I am a pathetic beta.

In the morning she is going to expect everything is fine. You know it’s not you’re still raging pissed. You’re going to be pissed that she acts like nothing is wrong. She’s going to talk, be ready for the day, fuck she’s going to give you lists of shit to do. When the fuck did she have time to do this but was too tired to fuck. All the while you’re going to wonder why she gets what she wants and you get nothing.

 

She asks if everything is ok? You just beta bitch out. Yeah, I am tired. Didn't sleep well.

Of course, you didn't. Your dick was pitching tents all night.

 

Then the texts roll in. She’s complaining about her day. about the drive, about her co-workers, why you don't spend enough time with her, or this is a good one....how you need to be more available.

She reminds you of the same bullshit she told you this morning but this time it’s as if she thinks you didn’t do it….because of course, you haven’t. Being at work isn’t really the point. She didn’t get your attention NOW.

 

Of course, you’re going to do it. Of course, you are. After all, MRP says you get shit done right? Most of the tasks are really home related. So show her that you can make shit happen…..

 

only. You’re still a loser. Still, beta because all that is giving her the time and attention she wants. You don’t have a life that says. Hey, not watching Gilmore Girls because I have a softball tournament. Or you haven’t set the boundary that gym is sacrosanct. No…projects are weekend time and she doesn't set the schedule. Maybe you don't have buddies that need you to help out with some man shit.

 

Just suddenly cutting things off is just going to piss her off. Just STFU and walking away is the same as her cutting off sex. Ok sure maybe you do it once or twice and feel good because you got back at her but I am telling she doesn’t see it that way. IT isn’t effective long-term.

 

You need to have something else that gets your time over her. This is the essence of removing your time and attention. She literally has a lesser priority in your life vs that other thing or things. Then when you decide to be with her she will then know her priority in your life.

she will get the message then.