Obsessing over cheating.

man_in_the_world · 2017-03-23T08:19:52+00:00

Idk why it's fucking with me so much but it is and I'm not sure what to do

Two possibilities to consider:

This is another manifestation of your addictive tendency, and will require lifelong effort to stay "clean" if that's your choice.
You're not ready to settle into a monogamous relationship, with her, at this time.

Start by figuring out the real reason, and what to do will then likely be clear.

mrpthrowa · 2017-03-23T13:45:40+00:00

You obsess over vices. You crave the toxic chemical reaction of adrenaline and testosterone and oxytocin and all the hormone cocktail that gets release through.

You need one thing in your life, a secret (or not so secret) behaviour to channel your energy into and take your mind off this.

You need to find it. It could be rock climbing, or base jumping, or wind surfing or whatever.

Find it.

starryeyedbum · 2017-03-23T10:20:59+00:00

Sounds like this woman has great utility to you but it's not clear how you actually feel about her beyond she ticks a lot of boxes.

You cheated before, how'd you feel about that? Feel bad, never do it again.

Feel fine-keep doing it, then, when you get caught, see how you feel about it, the look on her face, losing the woman you want kids with etc.

If you feel fine about losing her, keep cheating on your women; if you feel like dirt, (or just regret losing something of value), learn your lesson.

Correct if I'm wrong but you're on testosterone, right? If so that isn't going to help. Either way in relationships you gotta choose, in or out (especially with high quality women).

BobbyPeru · 2017-03-23T08:39:04+00:00

You answered your own question by basically saying you felt it wasn't worth losing the relationship over. So, just don't cheat... One day at a time.

0kool74 · 2017-03-23T12:57:26+00:00

Lack of pair bonding due to a high N-count isn't just an affliction for women. It can also impact men, too. Now it takes a much higher number for that to happen, but it does happen.

If she's that good of a woman, then I'd do the "right" thing and tell her that you have problems with being monogamous and let the chips fall where they may.

theoriginalcrewdog · 2017-03-23T11:58:15+00:00

SAA Sex Addicts Anonymous says to work the steps on your addiction. Whether it be drugs, alcohol or your next sexual conquest nothing outside of you will change the way you feel for very long. __1 __2 __3 __4

RuleZeroDAD · 2017-03-23T18:27:27+00:00

Does title "Self Saboteur" sound good?

Don't you think you deserve happiness or excellent simplicity in your life?

Your addict personality needs addressing more than your Rule Zero adherence. TRP is a toolbox, not a panacea.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2017-03-23T11:29:42+00:00

Very interesting. The problem is the way you entered this otherwise great relationship: with a mutual expectation of monogamy. That is a societal norm that may just not fit you. It fits a lot of people well. But a lot of many others it does not. Especially men. And then what do they do? They get frustrated. And /or they cheat.

Imagine finding a solid girl and from the very beginning you set the expectation of non monogamous open relationship. I can tell you that there will be plenty to stick around, and they may even try to mKe you change for them so they'll love you harder and harder. You must live your truth if you want long term happiness. And sticking around in a monogamous relationship when you know deep down it's not what you want may hinder you getting that long term happiness.

pm me and I will point you to good resources on this topic I found recently.

PaperStreetVilla · 2017-03-23T15:36:04+00:00

You need to sort out what you want, and start going for that.

If you're pulling at both ends, chances are one end is you bullshitting yourself, sort out which

redmountainpill · 2017-03-23T18:52:59+00:00

People are giving you great advice. But your problems are really deeper than MRP can fix. MRP is going to be a great adjunct for you, but you need professional counseling in the form of sexual addiction treatment.

Now, if you really love this woman and she makes your life better, I'd work on yourself for your own sanity.

I was having a drink with one of my old sex-addict friends. He was banging high-priced escorts until it almost made him bankrupt. But he loves his wife so he straightened out his life. Hasn't jerked off in 2 years.

Sex is controlling your life. Use it to make your life better, not be your master.

RBuddDwyer · 2017-03-24T00:22:39+00:00

But recently I've had an itch.

I keep thinking about all the random pussy and how much I miss it. I am starting to obsess about it. To a point I want to fuck all these other women and it's all I keep thinking about.

But I can't stop wanting to do it. It's like I crave something new. I have cheated once before and it fucked her up pretty bad. I know getting pussy on the side and her knowing about it is something she isn't going to put up with and will leave.

but I can't stop flirting and wanting to Fuck other chicks it's part of who I am. And it's getting to a point where they are all down and I'm about to break.

You are addicted to more than drinking and drugging, methinks. You never cure addiction, you only manage it.

PIeight · 2017-03-23T11:48:49+00:00

One point of view is that you got so much of your validation during that part of your life from fucking a lot of women and that you didn't get validation or have anything else going for you that you felt good about. Now you're trying to recreate that because it seems like the only thing that will make you feel secure. If this is the case, then it gives you a more constructive angle to beat this thing.

FireTempered · 2017-03-23T14:47:38+00:00

Did you ever hear the story about the alcoholic that managed to stay sober and function great? His life was good and getting better.

He was also the worlds greatest salesman and could make huge money. The day before his biggest sale, the sale of a lifetime, a sale that would have made him financially independent for life; he went on a bender. Didn't show up for the appointment.

Woody says, "showing up is 80% of life." Bulk_King, show up.

Bulk_king11 · 2017-03-23T17:41:11+00:00

Awesome advice. You're right. Well put.

subl1m1nal · 2017-03-23T21:37:29+00:00

Biologically, all men are wired in the way you describe. That's how we continue our genes, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it.

Now, to be monogamous, you have to set those urges aside. It's hard for me as well, and what I do is I eject from all situations when those urges come across my brain. Not that I don't trust myself, its just why put myself through it if it's making me uncomfortable. There is no value for me sticking around. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my relationship, and I don't need to dread my wife more than she already is.

RedDreadWolverine · 2017-03-24T23:31:18+00:00

Doesn't sound like you have oneitis. Sounds like maybe some insecurity and need for external validation through these other chicks. Dig into that a little more. See where you're lacking in your life and spend your time working on that. Store up value. As a former addict myself I know what can happen if you get stagnant. Always be looking for cool shit to add to your arsenal.

Edit: If you're not swimming you're drowning.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-03-27T02:02:56+00:00

Is there proper ways to cheat?

If there were a "proper" way to "cheat" then they wouldn't call it "cheating."

There may be some "proper" ways to do /r/redpillnonmonogamy where you fuck other girls so long as it doesn't affect your primary or whatever.

AustralianArm · 2017-03-23T07:28:35+00:00

She's the only one I trust and actually can see/want a future with.

Yet the itch to fuck elsewhere is still there...

Something tells me you're only with the current one out of expectation because she helped you through the bad stuff.

logger1234 · 2017-03-23T13:40:47+00:00

self-discipline. Think about something else. Eventually the desire will become less.

All_Ads_Deceive · 2017-03-23T19:05:32+00:00

This has nothing to do with sex drive. It's 100% validation.

I'm taking test daily and my sex drive is through the roof. I want to fuck 5 girls a day. Even HB 5s get tempting when no one else is around.

However, I only put my dick in girls if it's a smart decision. It's no different than me abstaining from candy even tho I sometimes crave it. The only difference is you don't brag and high 5 your friends after you eat a Twix.

You need to internalize that fucking girls doesn't make you cool. It's a hobby, a simple pleasure. Just like alcohol. Some people drink and have fun. Some people drink for the wrong reasons and it's called addiction.

It seems like you have sex addiction stemming from low self esteem beta phaggotry. I used to struggle with the same thing and it destroyed my life.

I'm not saying to be monogamous, I'm not personally, but stop judging your self worth on how many womyn let you stick your pepe in them.

Also, your gf isn't a unicorn. You can find a girl just as good or better than her. In your situation, I would break up with her rather than be a validating phaggot cheating behind her back. Then I'd get some plates and have some ONSs.

Eventually you'll upgrade a plate just as good as your current LTR. The only difference is that you need to have 3somes and establish you aren't monogamous while she is still a plate. Once she gets upgraded to LTR, she's already on board for you fucking other women

weakandsensitive · 2017-03-23T09:20:17+00:00

And losing her over that isn't really worth a nut in the end especially over someone I don't really care about.

apparently it is since you keep wanting to do it.

you write like a 19 year old.

Title	Obsessing over cheating.
Author	Bulk_king11
Upvotes	20
Comments	51
Date	March 23, 2017 7:01 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/610du0/obsessing_over_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/obsessing-over-cheating.198963 https://theredarchive.com/post/198963

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