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Low T - acta non verba?

by ChokingDownRP | December 07, 2018 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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Age 40, 6'4" 241lbs (down from 283), 21% BF, Married to SAHM, 39. 3 kids, 7, 3 & 3. Unplugged in January, things have progressed nicely, life is good. Still working on the physical, but my head is in a good place

Never thought I'd be asking this question, as I don't see myself as the person that I would think has low T, but apparently I do. Just got checked for the first time and came back low 265 ng/dL, Dr. Recommending a 2nd test, which, if confirmed low, would refer me for TRT injections.

I've been reading about TRT, and am somewhat excited about the prospect of starting TRT and seeing what kind of difference it makes for me (physically and mood-wise).

I haven't said anything to my wife about it, but I think I will after the re-test if confirmed. Would like to hear how others handled this. On the one hand, I don't want to acta non verba, and have her walk in on me with a needle in my hands (I have some drug history, but nothing like that), then freak out that I didn't tell her about T injections. I also think that it will lead to a ton of shit testing if I do tell her. My frame can handle it, but it's still not desirable.


Post Information
Title Low T - acta non verba?
Author ChokingDownRP
Upvotes 15
Comments 71
Date 07 December 2018 04:10 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203748
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/a3w7or/low_t_acta_non_verba/
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Comments

[–]robertwservice197414 points15 points  (11 children) | Copy

Hiding it is a Nice Guy move.

How is this any different than any other medical treatment?

[–]WesternhagenWinner7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not hiding it is like openly telling her you are reading the sidebar books and the redpill subs. You are already on hard mode, and you are making it even harder. There is no benefit to you whatsoever from sharing this knowledge with her. If you already have the invincible titanium frame needed to pull off "this is just like any other medical treatment" (or "this is not about you, I am doing this for myself") then great, but I doubt that very many of the "newly unplugged" have that kind of frame.

[–]robertwservice19741 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hiding it is giving too many fucks and a covert contract: If I can hide it from her, MRP will be more effective and she’ll be more likely to fuck me...

OP is not a noob and can handle the shit tests.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Telling her about it is also a covert contract, just like showing her your sidebar reading. "See, I am improving!" (not said: "Now you have to fuck me!") OP says he is having good, frequent sex, so apparently there isn't even a requirement to make her more likely to fuck him. (If she wasn't attracted to him, she wouldn't care how much T he injected, she'd still find his attempts to initiate repulsive and annoying.)

It requires hardly any fuck-giving to hide something that takes five minutes a week.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

This is my train of thought as well. Just curious how others have handled and pros/cons of having told their SO or not.

[–]robertwservice19742 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I haven’t been tested yet (later this month), but I told my wife (who is a physician), that if I’m low, I’ll get treatment. She responded with an immediate shit test: “If you go on TRT, I will divorce you.” I laughed and told her, “Huh..okay.”

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

although her delivery was hyperbolic, i think her sentiment is very common of the group (older women with older men). the fact is she does not want to put in the work to keep up with you, and assuming she is past child bearing either by age or choice it's a pretty natural response.

i never had a conversation with my wife about TRT because she's not my doctor and it's none of her business (i don't quiz her about her gyno visits). on the other hand, i made no effort to hide my use of Axiron.

after i dropped DL12 on her, several weeks later she told me that the TRT was to blame and i had to stop using it. i laughed and just said "not happening". end of discussion.

i would recommend not making a big deal out of it; but also not hiding it. excellent opportunity to not DEER when it comes up.

[–]robertwservice19741 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

“she does not want to put in the work”

You nailed it. She’s starting to put in the work, but I can tell she’s not happy about it (and that’s her problem).

Your wife blaming TRT for DL12 is interesting.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

wife blaming TRT for DL12 is interesting.

That hamster has entered the speed force.

[–]Itstinksoutthere1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did the same thing, funny thing is my wife goes in for progesterone shots every two weeks. Despite testing my wife thinks I’m exaggerating despite my tests showing low T.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you go on TRT, I will divorce you

I am not sure that is a Shit Test

It sounds like a threat- and a statement that tells you exactly where you fall on the Alpha/Beta divide.

[–]robertwservice19740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I treated as a shit test, but there’s always the possibility that we are both right.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

A good diet, lifting hard with heavy weights in the full body compound lifts are key.

Do not talk about fight club.

The anti slut mechanism runs wild and hard. And, as others stated, would not admit to wanting a good dicking on the regular.

A woman married to an unattractive horney beta finds it repulsive. A horny alpha on the other hand well, he needs to be taken care of

[–]The_LitzRed Beret11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

"You can stop the T now" - Mrs Litz

Having a higher sex drive automatically ups the Dread as well. Her hamster knows you are going to fuck someone or something.

You will get shit tested. Women like the sausage, they don't want to know how it's made.

I don't get it why you bovines have to self inject every couple of days. I get a shot that lasts for 3 months. Annual check in with the urologist.

Your mindset needs a little tweeking. You still feel the need to explain yourself. Focus on why that is, it is not about the T.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think I'll have any trouble handling the discussion, and I don't feel a need to explain to her, It's as simple as "my doctor recommends T and I trust his judgment." It's more recognizing the fact that she'll certainly shit test me over it.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Test U isn't available in the states. Pinning isn't so bad.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge19 points20 points  (10 children) | Copy

Mommy mommy look at me, I’m getting injections to fix my Faggotness.

If you tell her she’ll blame it on the injections every time you want to fuck. You’re going to want to fuck a lot. She just wants you to “get it” as well as “have it”. Anything outside of yourself will feelz fake to her.

Do it for you.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

It's definitely not a mommy look at me scenario. If anything, I'd rather not tell her that I'm not naturally man enough without TRT. I can definitely see her throwing it in my face at every initiation - "it must be the T," "I can't believe you'd put that in your body," or "I liked you more before you started shooting yourself full of T." I can totally see those coming. I think my frame is strong enough to handle it because I am doing it for ME, not her.

On the other hand, she's a well educated medical professional (well, before becoming a SAHM). She once suggested that I should consider getting my T checked (i complained about feeling tired in the morning). There are downsides and potential risks associated with TRT. She may recognize negative side effects/symptoms that I wouldn't. We share a home, and bathroom, and medicine cabinet and mailbox...it would be difficult to keep from her. I think that running around hiding something is the beta faggot move here.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

As always, it comes down to frame. What is your frame here.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Simply a well documented medical condition for which there is effective treatment available. This treatment is being recommended by my doctor to treat my symptoms (fatigue and slower than expected muscle gainz/fat loss from working out for close to a year). Whatever her response, I think I can handle it, was just hoping to get perspective from those who did or did not tell their SO.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can do either. Personally I’d own it, but don’t ever use it as en excuse why you sucked before. Consider it like eye glasses. Your sight sucked, now it’s normal. Nothing has changed. Own it, take it, and don’t talk about it. If asked treat it like you would answer someone asking about a vitamin.

[–]Kpwn881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"So my doctor told me my T levels are low. I'm going in for a 2nd test so they can verify. They are considering putting me on TRT."

Simple as that.

[–]WesternhagenWinner-2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

We share a home, and bathroom, and medicine cabinet and mailbox...it would be difficult to keep from her.

So you are incompetent. Stop being incompetent. It is not difficult at all to hide.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

But why should I hide anything?

[–]NightFire453 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You shouldn't and don't. I don't hide the books either because it's what I want to read. These guys hiding their lives are weak.

[–]LongRoad_5181 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hide it. I had Low T... got on Clomid (off label use but protects fertility). This all happened months ago before finding RP. Increased a bit but still low. Started lifting and numbers shot up back to normal for my age. Wife blames the Clomid for wanting to fuck all the time and suggested I stop it. Don’t you dare share this. If she finds out it’s one thing and own it. But it your business not hers. Are you doing it for you or her?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Wife blames the Clomid for wanting to fuck all the time... ”

Exactly what I said.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being fat will increase your estrogen, which lowers your testosterone. If you arent primary hypogonadal, you can increase your test levels without injections.

If I were you, I would try to go the natural route before going the TRT route. If you get a shitty doctor you can be screwed for life. TRT is complicated and you need the best doctor you can afford.

Lose the fat, eat right (eat only REAL food), sleep enough, lift. You could also see if a doctor can recomend you clomid and/or tamoxifen to see if your levels go up, and maybe a small dose of anastrozole. Eat a shit ton of broccoli, it naturally decreases estrogen.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-increase-testosterone-naturally/

Read this book before starting TRT:

https://www.amazon.com/Testosterone-Guide-Second-Nelson-Vergel-ebook/dp/B003JBI22A/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1544202248&sr=8-2&keywords=testosterone+a+man%C2%B4s+guide

[–]En0der2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

I keep wondering how low is low enough for the replacement therapy. I live in a country where doctors are very reluctant to administer it at all (probably afraid of unresearched probable long term negative impact, at least that's what one of them told me). I'm 44 with levels around 270-310 and all the symptoms of low T, but I wonder if this is low enough to push them harder, or they may have a point and I'd rather stick with what I have. Any opinions?

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Doctors in the USA are like that, too. It is necessary to find a doctor who will treat you based on the symptoms not "the number". The "official" number that defines low T is totally artificial, after all, and has been changed at least once.

It is a myth that TRT has negative long-term impact. TRT is not associated with increased risk of heart attack or prostate cancer, contrary to popular misconception.

[–]En0der0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think the impact they had in mind was like "once you start getting it, you will have to do it for the rest of your life, because your natural T production will drop to shit". I don't know if it's true, but kinda scared me enough not to press to hard.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I’m in Canada, and my doctor refused to even test my T levels. I’d love to get tested but I haven’t found any clinics in my area.

[–]mattizie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

In Canada

Identify as a chick, and say you need TRT to help you transition into a FtM tranny.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go to a men's clinic or a youth clinic and get your script privately.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My opinion is that our society is so screwed up that doctors prescribe Estrogen (which we KNOW causes cancer and many other problems) like it is candy on Halloween. The same doctors are squirrelly about prescribing T (which we HAVE NO EVIDENCE of long term problems) and won't prescribe it even when a person is low drive and suicidal.

It is a damn conspiracy to suppress the (Beta) male sex drive. I am convinced of it.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. Though I don't think it is a conscious one. The hypergamous feminine primary social order sees anything that increases Alpha traits as a threat. Primarily because those medically aided traits don't get passed on genetically. Thus impossible for her base level gene-optimizing programming to tell whether she is getting true alpha seed. Similar situation occurs with guys who don't like fake breasts, its a fertility symbol that no longer indicates a fertile mate. Most guys being more pragmatic seem to logic their way out of it and get over that hurdle easier.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not delaying anything, not sure what you're getting at. Full steam ahead

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

I think you feel shame over this. The facts are that something is causing low T levels in men and has been for 50+ years. You are taking control of your health and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Keep your needles up high where the kids can't get into them and get yourself a jar for used needle storage (most places you can't just dump needles in the trash). Otherwise, there's really nothing to talk about.

Make sure you are aware of high e2 issues, you have a bit of fat on you, so it may become an issue, you may end up on some arimidex.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I think you think about my feelz too much. I don't feel any kind of shame - I suppose I'd prefer not to have any medical diagnoses that require any treatments, but I certainly do not feel shame over it. Great pointers about needle storage.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I think you think about my feelz too much. I don't feel any kind of shame

It was a cold read. Otherwise, I couldn't think of any reason why you are making this such a big deal. You should be thrilled, you are going to feel great.

Just don't be weird about it.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I am not making a big deal of anything...just want to hear from others about their experiences in epithet telling our not trekking their SOs...judging from the responses, it's a total mixed bag. Whether I tell her or not, is not the same as whether I get TRT or not.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One other thing not mentioned -- you may want to hold off on telling her because for some men, TRT doesn't take effect at all, and for most men it takes a few months to get the dosage just right (and there may be some other issues like needing to take anastrazole). No point in telling her before you know it works and you are committed to taking it for the long term.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

"Up high" is not good enough for needle storage when you have a 7 year old. A sufficiently motivated 7yo could still get at them. A portable safe (if you don't have a full-size safe for guns or documents) is a good solution.

For disposal, I wait until I am going to throw out a plastic detergent bottle, then put all the used needles in that.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a biometric (fingerprint) gun safe I can store them in.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

At a certain point, training kids is needed. Yes, both of my kids could get at them if they wanted to, but neither will. It's more for having them out of sight for friend's kids, etc. A safe does seem a bit like overkill when I have a drawer full of knives within easy reach.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have a gun safe anyway, and using that means I don't even have to have the "don't touch daddy's medical needles" conversation.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

something is causing low T levels in men and has been for 50+ years.

We know exactly what is causing it.

  1. Phytoestrogens in plastic leach into the food and water. Since it is a female hormone that feminizes men they have no problem with it. Nothing to see here guys. Move along now and get back to work.

  2. Synthetic Estrogens are given to women like candy and they piss it into the water supply for men and young boys to drink.

  3. Social conditioning and the pussification of men along with "no dodgeball" and "nobody ever loses" drastically lowers T in men.

No, I am not kidding and no, water treatment does not completely remove high levels of Estrogen in the water. Estrogen BLOCKS T receptors and prevents the body from making T- exactly as planned.

They know all of this, and this crop of low T men was the planned result from the beginning. You can find feminist papers from the 70's and 80's talking about strategies on how to lower men's T and how T is a poison that must be eliminated before women can take power.

Even when young boys grow tits (gynocemastia) from all the exposure to female hormones the doctors laugh about it and perhaps suggest you get a water filter. No big deal. Nothing to see hear. Move along boys and get back to work.

[–]Landonjo011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your level is extremely low. I started getting injections 3 years ago and my level was 350. I really didn't even realize I had low T symptoms until I started injecting. I can't imagine my life without it now. I'm a new man. I hid it for about a month, but I knew that would bite me in the ass. Women are ignorant about TRT and most would never want you to start it. However, once you do and she see's the man you become, she'll love it.

You'll probably get shit tested at first like me. I just showed her the blood test that clearly said "low". I inject at home, but never in front of her. I don't even talk about it anymore. All she see's is me with more energy, better mood, more muscle and confidence.

You're a man. Take care of yourself. Do it for you.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only man that would hide testosterone injections would be a transgender that was once a woman.

Go ahead and hide it. Thundercock is right.

Faggot.

I was tested 3 times in my mid 30s each one < 210. Trt completely fixed my wagon. If you are pulling numbers that low definatlly go on replacement therapy. It will change your life. And you will act less faggy.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i agree with nastynick that you should pursue the natural route first because you avoid potential side affects and you should be doing these natural things anyway

fwiw though, i did all that over a 2 year period and it did not change my numbers (~290) one bit. the juice did, and it's great.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, this one hits home for me....my first shipment of T is on its way as I type. I told my wife about it.

"Jesus....that is the LAST thing you need," she said with a giggle...

Seems to me no different than telling her you got tested for sleep apnea, or got a cavity filled.

I'm sure she'll use it as an excuse to fuck with me at some point. I'll treat it as no different than any other thing she likes to test me on.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can see my wife saying something like this. Once we started fucking more (after I stopped being a bitch about initiating and started being fuckable) one day I was going in for round 2 and she said "jesus, are you on testosterone supplements or something, all you want to do is have sex." Then we fucked. I can handle her response to it, and her words can tell me that she won't like it...but we know what to do with a woman's words around here.

[–]redPillOnHard1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her. It's for life basically, once you start. It will come up eventually.

Mine got pulled out when going through customs one time with family for vacation. It would have turned in to a major shit show if wife didn't know about it prior to that. No issue with customs, it just looked suspicious on x-ray.

Also, you may end up in the hospital some day. Your spouse should know what medications you are on.

I told wife I was starting when I did. AA'd when she eventually shit tested. It doesn't come up much since. Been a couple years. She likes the changes, but won't admit that.

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Although the top voted comment suggests you're hiding it I would suggest that proclaiming "my testosterone is low and I'm going to get injections" is twice as gay.

Lots of dudes feel compelled to point out that KEEPING SHIT TO YOURSELF is "hiding" shit. I don't agree. You don't need to talk about that. You don't need to communicate that. You don't need to do shit.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I will neither hide, nor make proclamations. I will, however, tell her about it once confirmed and once I've determined my plan of treatment. I value her medical expertise and want her to be aware of my medical history in the event of a medical emergency. She has been named in my legal documents as my medical power of attorney should I become incapacitated...so there are practical reasons to consider beyond "OP is a faggot for speaking to his wife outside of gaming her."

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If you can't do it without her knowing about it, you are completely incompetent. It takes 5 minutes to inject. Go in the bathroom and lock the door. Do you not lock the door when you take a dump? If she asks, that's what you were doing. Keep the needles and the T in a safe - which you want to do anyway because you do not want your kids getting their hands on new or used needles. Alternatively, you can keep all the stuff at work and inject there (preferably you have your own office and a desk drawer you can lock).

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I could absolutely do that at work...hadn't thought about that.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Each time you inject you need to clean the top of the vial with alcohol and a cotton pad. Then you need to scrub the injection site, also with alcohol. It takes me a little while to find a spot where I'm not going to hit a vein, inject and the clean the site again. I couldn't think of a spot where I could do this without at some point, some coworker weirdness and I have an office with a lock on the door.

[–]TheThirdT0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

What is the difference between asking permission from MRP or permission from the wife?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

can't tell if this is a real question and you think you're being edgy or or you're just that stupid

he's not asking our permission on whether or not to do something - take TRT and/or tell his wife. he's asking for advice and experience on how he should do what he want to; and what are the potential pitfalls. it's the difference between asking the internet if i should go to Tahiti or how i should get there and what should i do once i get there.

second, some of us are on OP's team as much as a rando can be. OP's wife is definitely not on his team.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Finally someone who knows the score. It seems all anyone here wants to do is call everyone else a faggot...it seems to get upvotes somehow. I certainly don't need anyone's permission to do anything...if my retest comes back low, I will absolutely seek treatment regardless of what my wife or Internet strangers think.

[–]TheThirdT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's exactly right.

[–]TheThirdT0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Good points. I always wanted to go to Tahiti. You ever been?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No , but have been to Hawaii

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you tell her, she shit tests you about TRT. If you don't, your frame will be weakened from within because you know that you're engaging in weak beta behavior. In the long run you'd probably get shit tested more about that than the TRT.

I'd wait for the 2nd test results and then mention it casually, but in a way that makes it clear that the decision has already been made that this is something you're going to do. You aren't asking for permission or for her advice, just sharing relevant medical information with your wife. Then just deal with the shit tests as they arise.

[–]SkimTheDross0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Somewhat similar situation - I tested total at 495 and want to increase as much as I can naturally before going the TRT route.

I bought pine pollen tincture after another user recommended it on my OYS. It’s photoandrogen - plant based testosterone(basically the opposite of phytoestrogens in soy).

I just ordered it from Amazon and it showed up. Wife asked what it’s for.

“It’s a male supplement”.

Nothing more was discussed.

So, I didn’t hide it nor did I make a big deal about it either.

W/r/t the pine pollen - I think it works. I have ton more energy. Haven’t been back in for a retest yet.

[–]officerkondo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I bought pine pollen tincture after another user recommended it on my OYS. It’s photoandrogen - plant based testosterone(basically the opposite of phytoestrogens in soy).

Why the fact would you eat tree dust non-testosterone when you can just inject testosterone? Why is swalling noot-testosterone more "natural" than injecting real testosterone?

[–]officerkondo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I started blasting and cruising about a year ago. I've never hidden it. What's to hide?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why the fuck is it even any of her business. Does she tell you when they change the dose on her anti-depressants? Did you even know she was taking them? Does she tell you when they change her Birth Control prescription?

None of her damn business but nothing for you to hide either. Why are you sneaking around and hiding like a 14 year old girl?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe she does tell me her full medical situation....far more of it than i care to listen to. She is my medical POA (power of attorney, not piece of ass) should I become incapacitated, so that, to me is reason enough for her to need to know my medical history should I have a heart attack related to the T.

I honestly don't see the downside to telling her....I believe the faggot move is to not tell her, as she will almost certainly find out one way or another.



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