Long story short is, married in a 10-year long relationship, two kids (3.5 and 1.5 y/o). It’s definitely been a bumpy relationship, wife is bossy as all hell. I’m beta at heart, but very individualistic, I value my freedom and being able to enjoy it has been an uphill battle since day one.
Been reading MRP for about a month, losing weight and exercising heavily.
Let’s get to the subject itself.
I let her know yesterday evening that I had plans for myself today, work related. We’re on holiday with the kids but she didn’t seem to mind much. As I was about to leave the apartment in the morning she protested, as she couldn’t take care of both kids. She said I should do work stuff in the evening, to which I conceded as usual. The she started to needlessly bring up other previous issues (note I had already agreeed to do it in the evening) pointing out what a bad father and husband I am.
At that point I thought her words had gone too far so I just left the apartment. First she wouldn’t let me open the door, kicking and screaming. Then as I opened the door calmly and silently she started insulting me and hitting me in the back. More insults as I was walking away towards the lift. I didn’t even turn around. So far so good I thought.
Now I got two messages saying we’re getting a divorce. She can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned but the kids need me.
It makes me sick to the stomach to think soon there’ll be a “new dad” around the house. My kids need me as much as I need them.
How to react short term, walk back in an hour or so like nothing happened?
What to do long term?
UPDATE (night 0)
Thank you brothers, the day flew by and I didn’t back down, didn’t apologize, hardly spoke unless necessary.
She was whinier than her usual self, “how could I abandon her just like that” (left for 2.5 hours) and the expected feels before reals. Still, it all went fairly smoothly.
One nice little detail is she postponed the divorce until after our vacation. You know, for the kids, wouldn’t want to ruin their holiday. Rolled my eyes at her so hard I could see my own asshole.
Again, thanks to your posts I felt like my decision made sense.
UPDATE (night 1)
Had a good day, I behaved as usual playing with the kids and doing some chores. Thought things were settling down but after the kids were sleeping she brought the whole divorce thing up again.
Long story short, job situation where I live is not great (low pay, long hours, uninteresting projects) so I’ve got a few job interviews lined up for uk and other places. The plan was for me to fly back home every other weekend and spend time with my family.
This setup is less than ideal but makes sense as an interim solution so as to avoid moving the kids to a different country, while making quite a bit more money which is good for everyone right? It’s also good for me because I can focus on work and have some time to myself which would be otherwise impossible.
Anyway tonight she’s backing out of what we had agreed, and says that either I look for a job in our home city or we’re breaking up.
I don’t want to shoot the puppy but having to settle down for a mediocre career in an uninteresting place might be asking too much. Anyway, going full steam ahead with my plans.
I hope she’s bluffing. She had watery eyes while saying all if this but was quite calm. I didn’t say anything, listened calmly, didn’t apologize.
UPDATE (night 2)
She brought up us breaking up twice today, I stay put. Didn’t talk much, didn’t show any emotion. I’m still going ahead with my job seeking plans and she is still going ahead with the breakup after the holiday with the kids.
Then at about 11 pm she decided to go for a drink on her own (which she has never done in 11 years) to which I said fine.
Then upon returning home maybe an hour later she wanted to fuck me, which I politely declined. I felt sorry for rejecting her but I just didn’t feel like it. This is kind of an ongoing thing, I’ve lost almost all interest in having sex with her, all the shit we’ve been through as a couple just puts me off entirely (can’t fuck someone who’s making my life miserable).
No idea what’s going on. Is it still a bluff? All about this feels very very strange. There is no drama, no feelz on either side. I just keep doing my thing trying to keep myself busy and try not to think. She just seems oddly cool, where normally she would be extremely mad at me.
Don’t know guys, not feeling great about this.
FINAL UPDATE fucked like animals, wife is ok with my international job search now