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Am I going rambo?

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July 26, 2018
7 upvotes

Long story short is, married in a 10-year long relationship, two kids (3.5 and 1.5 y/o). It’s definitely been a bumpy relationship, wife is bossy as all hell. I’m beta at heart, but very individualistic, I value my freedom and being able to enjoy it has been an uphill battle since day one.

Been reading MRP for about a month, losing weight and exercising heavily.

Let’s get to the subject itself.

I let her know yesterday evening that I had plans for myself today, work related. We’re on holiday with the kids but she didn’t seem to mind much. As I was about to leave the apartment in the morning she protested, as she couldn’t take care of both kids. She said I should do work stuff in the evening, to which I conceded as usual. The she started to needlessly bring up other previous issues (note I had already agreeed to do it in the evening) pointing out what a bad father and husband I am.

At that point I thought her words had gone too far so I just left the apartment. First she wouldn’t let me open the door, kicking and screaming. Then as I opened the door calmly and silently she started insulting me and hitting me in the back. More insults as I was walking away towards the lift. I didn’t even turn around. So far so good I thought.

Now I got two messages saying we’re getting a divorce. She can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned but the kids need me.

It makes me sick to the stomach to think soon there’ll be a “new dad” around the house. My kids need me as much as I need them.

How to react short term, walk back in an hour or so like nothing happened?

What to do long term?

UPDATE (night 0)

Thank you brothers, the day flew by and I didn’t back down, didn’t apologize, hardly spoke unless necessary.

She was whinier than her usual self, “how could I abandon her just like that” (left for 2.5 hours) and the expected feels before reals. Still, it all went fairly smoothly.

One nice little detail is she postponed the divorce until after our vacation. You know, for the kids, wouldn’t want to ruin their holiday. Rolled my eyes at her so hard I could see my own asshole.

Again, thanks to your posts I felt like my decision made sense.

UPDATE (night 1)

Had a good day, I behaved as usual playing with the kids and doing some chores. Thought things were settling down but after the kids were sleeping she brought the whole divorce thing up again.

Long story short, job situation where I live is not great (low pay, long hours, uninteresting projects) so I’ve got a few job interviews lined up for uk and other places. The plan was for me to fly back home every other weekend and spend time with my family.

This setup is less than ideal but makes sense as an interim solution so as to avoid moving the kids to a different country, while making quite a bit more money which is good for everyone right? It’s also good for me because I can focus on work and have some time to myself which would be otherwise impossible.

Anyway tonight she’s backing out of what we had agreed, and says that either I look for a job in our home city or we’re breaking up.

I don’t want to shoot the puppy but having to settle down for a mediocre career in an uninteresting place might be asking too much. Anyway, going full steam ahead with my plans.

I hope she’s bluffing. She had watery eyes while saying all if this but was quite calm. I didn’t say anything, listened calmly, didn’t apologize.

UPDATE (night 2)

She brought up us breaking up twice today, I stay put. Didn’t talk much, didn’t show any emotion. I’m still going ahead with my job seeking plans and she is still going ahead with the breakup after the holiday with the kids.

Then at about 11 pm she decided to go for a drink on her own (which she has never done in 11 years) to which I said fine.

Then upon returning home maybe an hour later she wanted to fuck me, which I politely declined. I felt sorry for rejecting her but I just didn’t feel like it. This is kind of an ongoing thing, I’ve lost almost all interest in having sex with her, all the shit we’ve been through as a couple just puts me off entirely (can’t fuck someone who’s making my life miserable).

No idea what’s going on. Is it still a bluff? All about this feels very very strange. There is no drama, no feelz on either side. I just keep doing my thing trying to keep myself busy and try not to think. She just seems oddly cool, where normally she would be extremely mad at me.

Don’t know guys, not feeling great about this.

FINAL UPDATE fucked like animals, wife is ok with my international job search now


Post Information
Title Am I going rambo?
Author goingfullrambo
Upvotes 7
Comments 59
Date 26 July 2018 09:44 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204161
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/920uu4/am_i_going_rambo/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]thunderbeyond10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do not text back.

When you get back to your house, you are calm. You are in control of yourself and your emotions.

If you're only new, then STFU is your friend. It means you minimize your communication with her. Don't turn into a mute-tard... rather know that she gets a brief response then you have better things to do. And have some things to do.

"I'm not talking about this now, I have xx to do."

"Sorry but I have to get yy done."

Do not worry about "long-term" you just need to get through the 24 hours. So you have to know in your mind that you are on the right path. Trust me the shit tests fly thick and fast at the start.

Treat these as frame tests. You're starting. Good for you. You got this.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, this kind of comment with do’s and dont’s helped me react well when hard pressed. Very helpful.

[–]ILoveBeingPostWall1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously, you fucking dummy.

She's trying to talk to him like an adult, he should talk back, if it gets out of control, go ahead, excuse yourself. But using words to try to solve problems is an ability unique to humans that happens to have raised us above all other species.

Anyway goingfullrambo, follow this guy's advice and enjoy your divorce and estrangement from your kids!

[–]FeralRed7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

Being physical is a huge indication that shit is well and truly fucked up.

And that's your fucking fault.

You need a massive mindset and plan and well... fucking EVERYTHING shift.

Stay and read, but shit runs deep if she thinks she can hit you without repurcussions. Get to work, your relationship and captainship is supershit.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy

No. Sometimes it is her fault.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

No one held a gun to OP's head and made him stay with this woman.

"I'm beta at heart" this is the issue. No self respecting man would agree to be in a relationship with a woman like this.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm just referring to the hitting.

My kids would never hit my wife, they love playfully laying into me.

Physical size and strength is one nice benefit of being male. It's why men don't hit women.

But if she can't control her anger (like a child), well, pound away little friend.

Unless it's regular, or she is smashing bottles on his head, I see no problem here.

Need more info OP.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I found the hitting quite amusing to be honest, not to be cruel but it felt like I was the one in control, pushing her buttons and watching her lose it while remaining confident and calm.

Felt amazing.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see your point. My gf punched me in the chest once and I couldn't help but laugh. Female "violence" isn't the end of the world as long as it isn't serious. Op's girl sounds crazy as fuck though but I guess as long as he can handle it and it's worth it, but I'm sure there are more sane girls out there.

[–]FeralRed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's about drawing a line in the sand.

What if you can laugh off her puny attempts at striking you? She's funny. Laugh. But you're allowing bad behavior.

Next time she comes at you with a fucking butcher knife, frying pan, cheese grater? (She's used to using items from the kitchen, right?)

Once shit gets physical and you don't shut it down, it's on you.

She goes to the cops with a black eye from a slap and bruised arms from you defending yourself..... You're FUCKED.

No physical violence.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

Her beta finally stood up for himself and she’s throwing a Hail Mary to get you back in line. She does not want divorce. This is a flailing power play. Do not give in. Do not apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong other than not put up with her shit.

[–]bear_helper_170 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Do not give in. Do not apologize.

Agreed. Saying something like "i regret you feel that way" is better than apologizing.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

don't even say that. "that must suck for you" is better

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes "Go fuck yourself" is better still.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I will be using this one at some point for sure, thank you.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you this helped stay focused. Did not apologize or did any remark of the sort. Feel pretty good now.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy

Go plan is the same as the stay plan. She's following the woman script to the letter, she's freaking out that her woman intuition isn't working anymore. The uncertainty is killing her.

Your worry about this "new dad" that will meracusally show up the second this "divorce" happens. A divorce takes time, it's a slow moving disaster, the person you grow into as a result of a life change like that will be so DIVORCED from the person you are now it's useless making statements about the version of you that will exist at the end. That's the fun part anyway, the growth. Is there a chance that you worrying about the new dad that doesn't exist and you saying how much the kids need you an ego protection racket in your head because you are scared of a split?

Can you shoot the puppy?

Keep lifting, diet, record your Food, count your macros, establish a rich social network. Forget about your fuckig wife.

Watch the movie Rambo! The stickfighting scean in the second one is perfect gym motivation.

My wife for psyical a couple of times at the start, they are looking for a response that they can point at and be a victim. Don't fuckig give it to her. She gets like that you walk out the door and hit the gym or just walk and get some low intensity cardio in. Burn a calorie.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

To add to this, OP should go get a consult at a lawyer if it bothers him - I found the uncertainty was way worse than reality. At one point I was actually intrigued by the possibility of a new life but decided I’d to follow the plan and change myself then decide.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve got a booking with a lawyer specialising in divorce set up in a month’s time, just to evaluate possible outcomes. Thank you.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect - make sure you have a list of questions ahead of time it will let you get all of your information in one quick session instead of saying oh shit I forgot something.

Make sure you hit these points:

  • Custody
  • Alimony
  • Child Support
  • Property Division: House, Retirement, Bank Accounts, Cars etc.
  • Medical/Dental Insurance
  • Life Insurance
  • Any stock options / business holdings

While you are there you might as well ask for the cost of a living will, trust, power of attorney, etc. basically you would need to know how to do estate planning if you were single so she doesn't get all your money and use it how she sees fit.

My wife makes a decent income like 140k USD so in my case I actually wouldn't have to pay alimony, I could keep my house (she can't afford it) and I could avoid child support if I took over their benefits. Nothing builds a little OI like knowing you won't get divorce raped and will see your kids just as much as you do now. If you are doing MRP right you will be busy and not be home every night anyway so when I did the calculations I would actually get about the same amount time with them minus missing like 2-3 bedtimes a week which would suck but could do over FaceTime.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I see your point about the difficulty in finding a new chump. Good luck with that one I guess. But sometimes I can’t keep it together and the sheer thought of the whole “new dad” situation makes me collapse mentally.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“new dad” situation makes me collapse mentally.

Who the fuck steps in and becomes a "new dad" like that. That shit is all in your head. There is only one man as invested in these kids and that's you. The next guy if there was one is some low value chump that's so thirsty he's fucking a woman with a bunch of kids! Like some level 10 super guy is going to step in and your kids are going to swoon.

Collapse mentally? That's not going to fuckig work around here.

Jesus man, you need to sit on an exercise bike and sort some shit out.

You are no where near shoot the puppy.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmm I see a lot of my own thought processes here. I don't think it represents reality and this is just your own fears. I always tell myself that whatever happens I will be ok and to stop being a faggot. Your a man now

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha, I had this! congrats for finding your balls. You do what you want, I was fortunate when I went back I played the nice card and so did she ....like nothing has happened. The first time I said no to something she outright stonewalled me for a week. Again reset the nice card, she isn't liking the balance of power that's shifting. She will be witchy for a while :)

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep there will be some consequences to what happened today, some annoying, hopefully a lot of good if I keep at it.

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Take the power back!

Congratulations, you found your balls! You always new after you put them in her purse, you'd have to fight to get them back, but is there anything worth fighting for more than the chance to live your own life on your own terms?

At that point I thought her words had gone too far so I just left the apartment.

BTW: STFU and EXIT are never RAMBO! It is always fair game to remove yourself from childish behavior and you don't owe her a word. In fact for my wife, hearing the echo of her own diatribe in her mind is the best way to leave her.

two messages saying we’re getting a divorce

This will pass. You slipped out from beneath her thumb and part of her is scared she is losing control of the ship because she likes control, another part is happy you seem to be taking your balls back because it is what they REALLY want, but she doesn't trust you yet. Go home after work or whatever and pretend nothing fucking happened. Be stoic and it won't be as dramatic next time. She only tried this because she thought it would work and it didn't. Good for you.

On the word "divorce".

By the way, when you make up, and you will, I have a rule that in my marriage no one says the word divorce. I have told her "if you feel the need to fuck other men, just go on and do it. If you feel like we have to kill our family, have your lawyer send me papers. Otherwise, from now on let's both not use that word to express anger and frustration." Used to hear it every week for 10 years, haven't heard in the past 11. My brother is actually getting divorced right now and I noticed she even avoids using the word in the context unrelated to our marriage.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve read this message many times. Very good points, thank you.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Please update tomorrow

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

See, the physical abuse is where I would draw the line. That’s a hard boundary.

How are you going to handle that, OP?

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If he thinks it’ll happen again maybe try and record it...?

[–]goingfullrambo[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’m going to stay calm like a rock and shut up like one too.

Thanks everyone, will report back at the end of the day.

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Remember not to get your ass arrested.

If she breaks a nail beating you up and then calls the cops, in some places you're going to jail for domestic violence.

The courts are NOT fair about this shit.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you, I’m well aware of this. Here if she calls the cops on you for domestic violence you’re spending the night in jail for sure, while things are being looked into.

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hell, I met a guy who called 911 after his wife stabbed him with a kitchen knife resulting in a collapsed lung while he was bent over and tying his boots before he went to work in the morning...

Still went to jail after he got out of the hospital.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

She can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned but the kids need me.

FTFY. Of course the kids need you, but you can be a great father without staying married.

And stop saying "new dad". You'd still be their dad, she'd just have a "new chump" to kick around.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Well, the situation is kind of hard that way.

The reason for potentially breaking up is I want my freedom back, and that means working out of different places around the world.

If we do break up for that reason I’d have to delay my plans until the kids are older, although she would no doubt take advantage of the situation by turning them against me, and trying to replace me. Hence the well founded “new dad” concerns.

Tough call to make.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I feel you. If it was easy you wouldn't be here.

Be mindful of whose frame you're operating from. Making a deliberate decision to sacrifice one thing you want for another that you want even more is fine. Hell, it's more than fine... it's life. But portraying yourself as a victim of circumstances is prisoner mentality.

"I'd like to have my freedom back, but I'm more invested in raising my kids" = owning your shit and making a decision = strong frame

"I want to leave but the kids need me/the wife will punish me" = slave to circumstances = weak/no frame

It sounds like nitpicking, but self-talk shapes who you are. You chose to marry this woman, you chose to have kids, you chose to abdicate your role as captain. Own that, and own that with every decision you make going forward. Eventually you'll shift your entire way of thinking, and life becomes so much easier at that point.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great insight into what’s going on in my head. Many thanks.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she's willing to go physical and threaten divorce willy-nilly, then she may not understand how consequences work in real life. She probably never learned consequences from her parents' house, and she definitely hasn't learned them in your house (it is your house, right?). You could pay the price big. DV charges are nothing to sniff at. She could make it happen against you.

You should consider a voice recorder. Something you carry in your pocket. Start recording when you walk in the door. And just leave it on all night. Don't try to make something happen that you want to record. Just record what happens as if it's not in your pocket. Store the recordings somewhere to be able to prove nothing happened that would warrant a DV charge against you. This would hopefully prevent a trumped up charge from sticking - as long as you aren't engaging in any physical fight .. that is.

I wouldn't tell her about the recorder. But I also wouldn't lie about it either. You've got a healthy fear for yourself and the kids. You are taking steps to mitigate risk as you deem appropriate. If you have to sell this to yourself, then you would probably feel guilty for doing something like buying a recorder just to keep yourself and your interests safe. This is called frame in this situation. You decide if a recorder is a good idea or not. Then you act. You act from a place of congruence.

You're not going rambo. You just went out of the house when you wanted to.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you, will get a voice recorder, probably one easy to conceal.

[–]brynte90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try a recording app on your phone. Cheap and easy

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Going through this right now.

Do not, under any fucking circumstances leave the martial home. Period. DO NOT.

Carry a voice recorder with you 24/7.

Docment everything. Everything you do with the kids, everything.

Get your own checking account ASAP. Move your direct deposit over to it. Take 50% of the joint funds.

Freeze credit cards.

Remove her as an authorized user from any credit cards in your name.

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

Go to the sidebar and read /u/red-curious posts on divorce, pre-empting the DV charge, all of it.

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

Do not give a fuck about a new man in your kids lives.

One step at a time bitch. One step at a time.

Become an expert in divorce laws in your state.

Start to conflict out the best attorneys in your area.

And one more time...

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

[–]goingfullrambo[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Duly noted, thanks.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

“ I’m beta at heart, but very individualistic, I value my freedom and being able to enjoy it has been an uphill battle since day one.”

Stopped reading after this.

If you’re beta, you don’t get to enjoy freedom faggot. She’ll crack that whip and guilt you every fucking time.

Once you become alpha/dominate, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Only then can you enjoy your freedom.

You haven’t put in any of the required work.

Get out of here piece of shit.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good points. Still, you gotta start somewhere, and I’m working on myself, my plan and her.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I fucking hate whomever coined the phrase Redpill Rambo. Probably jacktenofhearts. Yes, yes, it was, I remember now, it was that stupid alpha-as-wolf guy who was such a brutish sperg, he was ogring his way into a sexual assault charge from his inability to read a situation, and take everything here without any critical analysis for context or utility. If you can find it, the reference about hitting all the knobs on his car and wondering why he wasn't making it to his destination was good.

There's some really unpopular redpills, I don't mention them often, most haven't really internalized them. Maybe they are wrong, but they are fucking useful:

You don't get to have children, she does

Take a look through all the MRA grievances. Whining or not, they have a point. If mom decides you will not be in the childrens life, there is almost nothing you can do about it. The best you can hope for is her allowing you to take on the nurturing role in their lives 50% of the time. Did you know that children used to be the property of the father? I'm sure if there's exceptions they will chime in, but I've never seen fathers have sole custody, except in the cases where mom opted out from being a mom. There's a lot to unpack with the nuances here, and I don't want it to read like some hopeless testicular cancer meeting. I'm not Bob with his bitch tits, the general theme:

You get to be a father at the whims of mom

TFA is doing some good work, maximizing his 'burden of performance' that mom has. Game doesn't stop with the ring. ce la vie.

Nothing pisses a woman off more than a man who wants her approval or validation. Nothing fucks up more men than validation seeking behaviour

I have source amnesia, but it was one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever read on sexual dynamics, it's served me well over years.

you have to be a little cold/aloof to keep interest alive It was counterintuitive at first, and the very first day of my map solidified it. It explains histeric bonding sex, the cardinal rule of relationships, push/pull … all of it. the less she has you, the more she wants you. Rambo has since been twisted to work against that, this is why it bothers me so much. You have to have a little bit of hate for her. How much is dependent on her options. It's a mindset change. I used to get anxious around girls nights out. Now, I encourage them, with the implied 'Give me a reason to kick your ass to the curb'. I forgot this thing that I naturally did when we were dating. I didn't try to make her my girlfriend, I didn't try to have her sign common law papers to make it official, none of it. I gave her enough rope to hang herself with, and she kept dodging the shit like a trooper.

So to answer your question, are you going rambo?

Been reading MRP for about a month, losing weight and exercising heavily.

I let her know yesterday evening that I had plans for myself today, work related.

She was cool, but at the 11th hour She said I should do work stuff in the evening, to which I conceded as usual.

... pointing out what a bad father and husband I am.

Blocks you physically and has a temper tantrum. Escallated to verbal insults, then to physical violence

then hail mary cries for attention via divorce. She can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned but the kids need me.

It makes me sick to the stomach to think soon there’ll be a “new dad” around the house. My kids need me as much as I need them.

I see nothing that could possibly be interpreted as Rambo, with the exception of you working with her frame. If you do something and she acts a damned fool, thats completely different than you acting without regard for the feedback you're given.

Best I can tell, you have a woman who is flapping in the wind, no idea how to actually adult through life. This is child behaviour, impulsive and violent. Frankensteins monster, and you are the doctor.

the only suggestion I would add to your detaching your head from her ass is to build a narrative for her to latch on to. So long as she has her kids as a threatpoint against you, she has no reason to change. Get to a place where she's scared of losing you, not a place wheres shes angry for not controlling you. And sort that shit out like you would a petulant child, because she will keep escalating, which you incentivised by buckling so many times in the past, and still continue to.

Case in point. My dog can jump on the counter and steal a whole loaf of bread while I'm at work. 99 times out of a 100 its too far backfor him to reach. But that one time I forget? He gets a loaf of bread, and will jump harder the next 100 times.

you've created intermittent rewards (which are fucknig powerful) except you've done it for this shitty behaviour. time to use these powers for good, not for shit

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

“Get to a place where she's scared of losing you, not a place wheres shes angry for not controlling you.”

Need to think about how to achieve this, thanks.

Also good call with the intermitent rewards, you clearly know what’s up.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We literally wrote it down, step by step, it's aspie proof.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you think this is Rambo?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

to which I conceded as usual

This is why you’re in such a big mess right now. Stop conceding to her. Give an inch and she’ll take a mile.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How to react short term, walk back in an hour or so like nothing happened?

yes. when she says "we're getting divorced" again say "ok." fog the shit out of her and agree with anything and everything she says, but don't agree to any arrangements. don't concede anything. so agree with but don't agree to, does that make sense?

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I did. Thanks.

[–]2235520 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Relax buddy. You are just at the beginning of your journey, and you are starting to push back, and your wife doesn't like it. She is going through her standard ways of manipulating you. Firstly using guilt to get you to stay at home, you succumb. Then she is giving you shit about other things. Now you are starting to push back, and not putting up with it. Her subconscious goes in overdrive, and gradually increases in intensity (screaming, kicking), it doesn't work, then next level - insults and physical, still not working, then next level again threatening with divorce.

I highly doubt she will want a divorce over this... Stay radio silent. Do what you need to do today. Reset (let your hamster settle, there will not be a "new dad" any time soon..) Come home in a normal mood. You need to show her, you are not affected by her crazy.

Because you are still early on, don't go setting boundaries left, right, and center. But at some point you will need to address the disrespect and insults.

Keep reading, lifting, and reading posts here. You will find an answer to pretty much any situation here.

[–]goingfullrambo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent advice. Many thanks.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know stfu is the go ahead response but there is a time for boundaries. Threatening divorce is a red line that should never be crossed. It is like carrying concealed weapon. There is only one situation in which you draw- that is when your life is in immediate danger and you cannot retreat. Then and only then do you draw and then you empty the clip center mass.

Your wife is brandishing and that is illegal. When times are calm put a stop to it. Tell her we don't use that word on this house ever again.

[–]auspiciouslyanon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it doesn't sound like you really care about your kids. what is apparent is that you care only about you.

you aren't in the right here. you dissappeared, disconnected from your family and responsibilities, and now it's not surprising your wife wants a divorce.

do you have any idea how difficult it is being the primary parent? i can see through you story like high end glass. you are a child your wife is looking after and she will be better off without you.

your wife is acting unreasonably with screaming and insulting you -- but remember, look at what YOU did. what's your role in this? relationships do not happen in a vacuum. you are not in the right either. are you able to hold two thoughts at once and understand that she is being unfair, but you are too? you are not in the right. neither is she.

you are lazy, entitled and selfish. she is hurt because of your selfishness. be a PRESENT parent and you will find that she will be happier. parenting is not one way street.

so you think all women are like that?

this is all your fault. you are the one who married her. you are the one who acts like the world is supposed to revolve around him. ou made your bed, now lie in it.

remember that.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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