Am I going rambo?

thunderbeyond · 2018-07-26T10:37:01+00:00

Do not text back.

When you get back to your house, you are calm. You are in control of yourself and your emotions.

If you're only new, then STFU is your friend. It means you minimize your communication with her. Don't turn into a mute-tard... rather know that she gets a brief response then you have better things to do. And have some things to do.

"I'm not talking about this now, I have xx to do."

"Sorry but I have to get yy done."

Do not worry about "long-term" you just need to get through the 24 hours. So you have to know in your mind that you are on the right path. Trust me the shit tests fly thick and fast at the start.

Treat these as frame tests. You're starting. Good for you. You got this.

FeralRed · 2018-07-26T10:38:32+00:00

Being physical is a huge indication that shit is well and truly fucked up.

And that's your fucking fault.

You need a massive mindset and plan and well... fucking EVERYTHING shift.

Stay and read, but shit runs deep if she thinks she can hit you without repurcussions. Get to work, your relationship and captainship is supershit.

bear_helper_17 · 2018-07-26T10:20:09+00:00

Her beta finally stood up for himself and she’s throwing a Hail Mary to get you back in line. She does not want divorce. This is a flailing power play. Do not give in. Do not apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong other than not put up with her shit.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-07-26T12:40:07+00:00

Go plan is the same as the stay plan. She's following the woman script to the letter, she's freaking out that her woman intuition isn't working anymore. The uncertainty is killing her.

Your worry about this "new dad" that will meracusally show up the second this "divorce" happens. A divorce takes time, it's a slow moving disaster, the person you grow into as a result of a life change like that will be so DIVORCED from the person you are now it's useless making statements about the version of you that will exist at the end. That's the fun part anyway, the growth. Is there a chance that you worrying about the new dad that doesn't exist and you saying how much the kids need you an ego protection racket in your head because you are scared of a split?

Can you shoot the puppy?

Keep lifting, diet, record your Food, count your macros, establish a rich social network. Forget about your fuckig wife.

Watch the movie Rambo! The stickfighting scean in the second one is perfect gym motivation.

My wife for psyical a couple of times at the start, they are looking for a response that they can point at and be a victim. Don't fuckig give it to her. She gets like that you walk out the door and hit the gym or just walk and get some low intensity cardio in. Burn a calorie.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2018-07-26T09:51:01+00:00

Haha, I had this! congrats for finding your balls. You do what you want, I was fortunate when I went back I played the nice card and so did she ....like nothing has happened. The first time I said no to something she outright stonewalled me for a week. Again reset the nice card, she isn't liking the balance of power that's shifting. She will be witchy for a while :)

helaughsinhidden · 2018-07-26T13:42:43+00:00

Take the power back!

Congratulations, you found your balls! You always new after you put them in her purse, you'd have to fight to get them back, but is there anything worth fighting for more than the chance to live your own life on your own terms?

At that point I thought her words had gone too far so I just left the apartment.

BTW: STFU and EXIT are never RAMBO! It is always fair game to remove yourself from childish behavior and you don't owe her a word. In fact for my wife, hearing the echo of her own diatribe in her mind is the best way to leave her.

two messages saying we’re getting a divorce

This will pass. You slipped out from beneath her thumb and part of her is scared she is losing control of the ship because she likes control, another part is happy you seem to be taking your balls back because it is what they REALLY want, but she doesn't trust you yet. Go home after work or whatever and pretend nothing fucking happened. Be stoic and it won't be as dramatic next time. She only tried this because she thought it would work and it didn't. Good for you.

On the word "divorce".

By the way, when you make up, and you will, I have a rule that in my marriage no one says the word divorce. I have told her "if you feel the need to fuck other men, just go on and do it. If you feel like we have to kill our family, have your lawyer send me papers. Otherwise, from now on let's both not use that word to express anger and frustration." Used to hear it every week for 10 years, haven't heard in the past 11. My brother is actually getting divorced right now and I noticed she even avoids using the word in the context unrelated to our marriage.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-07-26T11:07:31+00:00

See, the physical abuse is where I would draw the line. That’s a hard boundary.

How are you going to handle that, OP?

goingfullrambo · 2018-07-26T13:09:52+00:00

She can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned ~~but the kids need me~~.

FTFY. Of course the kids need you, but you can be a great father without staying married.

And stop saying "new dad". You'd still be their dad, she'd just have a "new chump" to kick around.

redwall92 · 2018-07-26T13:17:06+00:00

If she's willing to go physical and threaten divorce willy-nilly, then she may not understand how consequences work in real life. She probably never learned consequences from her parents' house, and she definitely hasn't learned them in your house (it is your house, right?). You could pay the price big. DV charges are nothing to sniff at. She could make it happen against you.

You should consider a voice recorder. Something you carry in your pocket. Start recording when you walk in the door. And just leave it on all night. Don't try to make something happen that you want to record. Just record what happens as if it's not in your pocket. Store the recordings somewhere to be able to prove nothing happened that would warrant a DV charge against you. This would hopefully prevent a trumped up charge from sticking - as long as you aren't engaging in any physical fight .. that is.

I wouldn't tell her about the recorder. But I also wouldn't lie about it either. You've got a healthy fear for yourself and the kids. You are taking steps to mitigate risk as you deem appropriate. If you have to sell this to yourself, then you would probably feel guilty for doing something like buying a recorder just to keep yourself and your interests safe. This is called frame in this situation. You decide if a recorder is a good idea or not. Then you act. You act from a place of congruence.

You're not going rambo. You just went out of the house when you wanted to.

red-sfpplus · 2018-07-26T15:21:17+00:00

Going through this right now.

Do not, under any fucking circumstances leave the martial home. Period. DO NOT.

Carry a voice recorder with you 24/7.

Docment everything. Everything you do with the kids, everything.

Get your own checking account ASAP. Move your direct deposit over to it. Take 50% of the joint funds.

Freeze credit cards.

Remove her as an authorized user from any credit cards in your name.

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

Go to the sidebar and read /u/red-curious posts on divorce, pre-empting the DV charge, all of it.

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

Do not give a fuck about a new man in your kids lives.

One step at a time bitch. One step at a time.

Become an expert in divorce laws in your state.

Start to conflict out the best attorneys in your area.

And one more time...

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME!

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-26T15:24:47+00:00

“ I’m beta at heart, but very individualistic, I value my freedom and being able to enjoy it has been an uphill battle since day one.”

Stopped reading after this.

If you’re beta, you don’t get to enjoy freedom faggot. She’ll crack that whip and guilt you every fucking time.

Once you become alpha/dominate, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Only then can you enjoy your freedom.

You haven’t put in any of the required work.

Get out of here piece of shit.

Rian_Stone · 2018-07-26T17:13:40+00:00

I fucking hate whomever coined the phrase Redpill Rambo. Probably jacktenofhearts. Yes, yes, it was, I remember now, it was that stupid alpha-as-wolf guy who was such a brutish sperg, he was ogring his way into a sexual assault charge from his inability to read a situation, and take everything here without any critical analysis for context or utility. If you can find it, the reference about hitting all the knobs on his car and wondering why he wasn't making it to his destination was good.

There's some really unpopular redpills, I don't mention them often, most haven't really internalized them. Maybe they are wrong, but they are fucking useful:

You don't get to have children, she does

Take a look through all the MRA grievances. Whining or not, they have a point. If mom decides you will not be in the childrens life, there is almost nothing you can do about it. The best you can hope for is her allowing you to take on the nurturing role in their lives 50% of the time. Did you know that children used to be the property of the father? I'm sure if there's exceptions they will chime in, but I've never seen fathers have sole custody, except in the cases where mom opted out from being a mom. There's a lot to unpack with the nuances here, and I don't want it to read like some hopeless testicular cancer meeting. I'm not Bob with his bitch tits, the general theme:

You get to be a father at the whims of mom

TFA is doing some good work, maximizing his 'burden of performance' that mom has. Game doesn't stop with the ring. ce la vie.

Nothing pisses a woman off more than a man who wants her approval or validation. Nothing fucks up more men than validation seeking behaviour

I have source amnesia, but it was one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever read on sexual dynamics, it's served me well over years.

you have to be a little cold/aloof to keep interest alive It was counterintuitive at first, and the very first day of my map solidified it. It explains histeric bonding sex, the cardinal rule of relationships, push/pull … all of it. the less she has you, the more she wants you. Rambo has since been twisted to work against that, this is why it bothers me so much. You have to have a little bit of hate for her. How much is dependent on her options. It's a mindset change. I used to get anxious around girls nights out. Now, I encourage them, with the implied 'Give me a reason to kick your ass to the curb'. I forgot this thing that I naturally did when we were dating. I didn't try to make her my girlfriend, I didn't try to have her sign common law papers to make it official, none of it. I gave her enough rope to hang herself with, and she kept dodging the shit like a trooper.

So to answer your question, are you going rambo?

Been reading MRP for about a month, losing weight and exercising heavily.

I let her know yesterday evening that I had plans for myself today, work related.

She was cool, but at the 11th hour She said I should do work stuff in the evening, to which I conceded as usual.

... pointing out what a bad father and husband I am.

Blocks you physically and has a temper tantrum. Escallated to verbal insults, then to physical violence

then hail mary cries for attention via divorce. She can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned but the kids need me.

It makes me sick to the stomach to think soon there’ll be a “new dad” around the house. My kids need me as much as I need them.

I see nothing that could possibly be interpreted as Rambo, with the exception of you working with her frame. If you do something and she acts a damned fool, thats completely different than you acting without regard for the feedback you're given.

Best I can tell, you have a woman who is flapping in the wind, no idea how to actually adult through life. This is child behaviour, impulsive and violent. Frankensteins monster, and you are the doctor.

the only suggestion I would add to your detaching your head from her ass is to build a narrative for her to latch on to. So long as she has her kids as a threatpoint against you, she has no reason to change. Get to a place where she's scared of losing you, not a place wheres shes angry for not controlling you. And sort that shit out like you would a petulant child, because she will keep escalating, which you incentivised by buckling so many times in the past, and still continue to.

Case in point. My dog can jump on the counter and steal a whole loaf of bread while I'm at work. 99 times out of a 100 its too far backfor him to reach. But that one time I forget? He gets a loaf of bread, and will jump harder the next 100 times.

you've created intermittent rewards (which are fucknig powerful) except you've done it for this shitty behaviour. time to use these powers for good, not for shit

simbarlion · 2018-07-26T12:19:14+00:00

Do you think this is Rambo?

[deleted] · 2018-07-26T14:23:00+00:00

to which I conceded as usual

This is why you’re in such a big mess right now. Stop conceding to her. Give an inch and she’ll take a mile.

goingfullrambo · 2018-07-26T17:58:40+00:00

How to react short term, walk back in an hour or so like nothing happened?

yes. when she says "we're getting divorced" again say "ok." fog the shit out of her and agree with anything and everything she says, but don't agree to any arrangements. don't concede anything. so agree with but don't agree to, does that make sense?

223552 · 2018-07-26T22:41:22+00:00

Relax buddy. You are just at the beginning of your journey, and you are starting to push back, and your wife doesn't like it. She is going through her standard ways of manipulating you. Firstly using guilt to get you to stay at home, you succumb. Then she is giving you shit about other things. Now you are starting to push back, and not putting up with it. Her subconscious goes in overdrive, and gradually increases in intensity (screaming, kicking), it doesn't work, then next level - insults and physical, still not working, then next level again threatening with divorce.

I highly doubt she will want a divorce over this... Stay radio silent. Do what you need to do today. Reset (let your hamster settle, there will not be a "new dad" any time soon..) Come home in a normal mood. You need to show her, you are not affected by her crazy.

Because you are still early on, don't go setting boundaries left, right, and center. But at some point you will need to address the disrespect and insults.

Keep reading, lifting, and reading posts here. You will find an answer to pretty much any situation here.

BluepillProfessor · 2018-07-28T14:42:55+00:00

I know stfu is the go ahead response but there is a time for boundaries. Threatening divorce is a red line that should never be crossed. It is like carrying concealed weapon. There is only one situation in which you draw- that is when your life is in immediate danger and you cannot retreat. Then and only then do you draw and then you empty the clip center mass.

Your wife is brandishing and that is illegal. When times are calm put a stop to it. Tell her we don't use that word on this house ever again.

auspiciouslyanon · 2018-08-03T15:35:29+00:00

it doesn't sound like you really care about your kids. what is apparent is that you care only about you.

you aren't in the right here. you dissappeared, disconnected from your family and responsibilities, and now it's not surprising your wife wants a divorce.

do you have any idea how difficult it is being the primary parent? i can see through you story like high end glass. you are a child your wife is looking after and she will be better off without you.

your wife is acting unreasonably with screaming and insulting you -- but remember, look at what YOU did. what's your role in this? relationships do not happen in a vacuum. you are not in the right either. are you able to hold two thoughts at once and understand that she is being unfair, but you are too? you are not in the right. neither is she.

you are lazy, entitled and selfish. she is hurt because of your selfishness. be a PRESENT parent and you will find that she will be happier. parenting is not one way street.

so you think all women are like that?

this is all your fault. you are the one who married her. you are the one who acts like the world is supposed to revolve around him. ou made your bed, now lie in it.

remember that.

Title	Am I going rambo?
Author	goingfullrambo
Upvotes	8
Comments	59
Date	July 26, 2018 9:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/920uu4/am_i_going_rambo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/am-i-going-rambo.204161 https://theredarchive.com/post/204161