Wife wants to take Girls Weekend to Tahoe

man_in_the_world · 2018-01-31T03:18:47+00:00

She has a spending problem.

No, you have a leadership and boundaries problem.

Rian_Stone · 2018-01-31T11:41:14+00:00

Can't believe no one mentionned the low hanging fruit here.

If issue is money, stop worrying about shit and just do fiscally responsable things.

If the issue is whether she will ride some dick while shes out. If she wants it, you cannot stop her. That you have no plan if she decides to is your issue.

At the very least, this

Or, "You think thats appropriate for a married woman with two kids to go to Taho with a bunch of divorced girls?" in a non accusatory tone, and her answer will tell you all you need to know. If she accuses you of anything, calls you untrusting, or bitches you out, then she's setting herself up for dick.

Or, if you have the spine for it, 'my wife doesn't go on GNO like that' and then shut up. you drew a line in the sand, and if you don't enforce, you're fucked

Your problem isn't that she may want some strange. your problem is, if she does, you don't have any options but to sit there and take it.

abdada · 2018-01-31T02:53:08+00:00

RT's post on "let her go" is about this.

https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/27/girls-night-out/comment-page-2/

Although it's about a GF the frame points are the same.

Get your fscking finances in order, it's on you. Start containing the ship.

Red-Curious · 2018-01-31T03:20:59+00:00

all of these things were her idea

I.e. I'm blaming her for my garbage leadership.

Why the heck are you paying that much on rent before your student loans are paid off? My wife and I collectively earn around a quarter mil ... and our mortgage is under $1,300. Set a budget and enforce it. Learn to tell her no.

I'd just tell her: Go for it. Have a great time! Take away her credit cards and remove bank access. "I thought you said I could go?" Of course you can, babe. You're just not going to use my money to do it. Have a good time on your trip. Then give a big, but not sarcastic smile. This isn't a joke or a game or a punishment. It's a boundary.

redknightofthepill · 2018-01-31T05:17:36+00:00

She's a drag on you. Her decisions have landed you here. But in this world you can only blame yourself.

Who is going to watch the kids?

I get that if the SAHM is doing a good job at home keeping the house, cooking, cleaning, fucking, taking care of the kids etc. then it's fair to say it's her money too in a way, because her doing that allows you to do what you. But if you were driving your family toward financial ruin you better believe she'd say something.

Step up and lead. Maybe you can't just flat out say "no" to every stupid thing she wants to spend money on. But you have every obligation to veto things that are going to contribute to your financial ruin.

I often think men are unwilling to do this because they're afraid the woman will spend it anyway, which will expose underlying disrespect she has for you and the relationship that you could previously ignore. Then you have to face the implications of it.

It's not a good solution to just leave her when you have kids. But you are doing TRP on hard mode, so you need to figure out how to take control.

If you're in this situation there's something basic that's missing. I don't know what it is, but you need to do some self assessing.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-01-31T08:27:45+00:00

This post mentions a lot about money, but I’m not sure that’s the main issue. What’s your real concern? That she would meet up with her trashy ex-sorority sisters and sleep around with some muscular guy while in Tahoe? Or are you just concerned about the cost?

If she truly wants to cheat on you, there’s nothing you can do about it.

And yeah.... $700 a month for utilities?!? What, do you have the lights and heat on all the time? My electric is 120 and gas is 80, and I have a large house. In fairness, I am very big on energy efficient appliances/bulbs/smart thermostat/etc.

call_of-the_void · 2018-01-31T15:54:01+00:00

If it's truly about the money, why not say" we don't have the extra cash right now, sorry".

gameoflibidos · 2018-01-31T14:26:12+00:00

so let me get this straight... your wife spends too much of your money... she made all the decisions including where you live and what cars you drive.. again with your money... Do you ride in the back seat while she drives those cars?

i'm also guessing since you are so worried about her trip with these other girls that you don't trust her and you are a low confidence male, probably don't go to the gym or even pick out your own clothes to buy.

Basically you're a giant pussy dude... she runs your entire life. You're not even the first mate while she's captaining the ship... your like a passenger in a shitty cabin somewhere without a window.

Time to start doing a lot of STFU, reading and start hitting the gym.

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-01-31T06:25:42+00:00

Your lack of leadership, and consequent blame shifting, as well as your insecurities have already been pointed out. So....what's your plan, man?

Senor_Martillo · 2018-01-31T14:35:05+00:00

Jealousy is the ultimate DLV.

2gunsgetsome · 2018-01-31T16:38:19+00:00

So… when is this trip happening? Asking for a friend…

SorcererKing · 2018-01-31T18:52:41+00:00

Time to make an explicit agreement with your wife about how things are going to be, or else, as /u/88Will88 says, you may as well get divorced now.

Does she want to be married to you and a mom to her kids, or does she want to go to Tahoe and pretend she's in college again? It's escapist fantasy, and you shouldn't stand for it. Women who are happily married and respectful of their husbands don't do trips like that. If you stand up for yourself on this, it has to be about that, not the money. That comes later or not at all.

You'd best start doing some sidebar and frame-building.

Rian_Stone · 2018-01-31T20:22:01+00:00

First = mis-step was SAHM. She was in a sorority, so she went to college. Should have put her ass to work.

Second = allowing the spending to get out of control. Yes it's on you.

Third = Heavy debt, more of the same....

You are on the edge here of falling into the beta abyss. Give her permission to do this trip, and your life will never be the same. I will fucking guarantee it.

But you knew that, that is why you found this sub and posted your short story.

The fact that your question is "what do?", means you are so deep in poop for so long, that you have gotten used to the smell.

The answer is no. Fuck no. What part of the word no don't you understand. As in saying.."wife, you need to understand that this is a line that you will not cross and remain married to me."

If she goes, file for divorce first and discuss it later, if you are still willing to discuss it then.

Tiger, you need to get your balls out of her purse, and reclaim your self-respect here.

Many men think they can have the FMOFY conversation and succeed, but few can. But you can have the "disrespect me or fuck you" conversation NOW. Sooner is better.

Notice I take a softer stance than just divorce her now. But I'm a giver you know.

classicthrowaway86 · 2018-01-31T04:52:46+00:00

I don't think money is the real issue here, why don't you be honest? If you can afford a 2500pm house and 600pm car then you can financially afford for your wife to take a weekend away. And if you really can't then you've fucked up your finances along the way.

The truth lies in your last paragraph.

I remember when I used to be you - Actually giving a fuck what my wife did.

Let her go. But start working on yourself, your finances, your leadership, OI, the sidebar.

Senor_Martillo · 2018-01-31T21:10:45+00:00

Anybody wanna go up to Tahoe and bang some ex sorority whores with me?

simbarlion · 2018-01-31T05:35:55+00:00

Hows the relationship? Do you trust her? Does she fuck you?

Can't help with money decisions, but I can tell you that right now she is either thinking (lusting) outside the relationship or is not, ie, she's happy with you.

Which do you think it is?

bob13bob · 2018-01-31T07:17:27+00:00

Sounds like problem for personal finance, not mrp. I also live in the bay area and household income significantly higher than yours, and big student loan. 2 kids 120k is poor here. Is that base salary? Or u including bonuses plus rsus in there? Typical career advice is change jobs every two years

You cant splurge like you are doing until you get in a house here, rent cost you dbouble dollar for dollar against a mortgage. I drive a 8 year old car, 14 year old car, and no cable package outside internet. Also try income base repayment in your student loan. Get your monthlies under control.

.

If you bought a house 2 years ago you would be 300k richer today tax free. I'm a real estate pro. Go for a fha loan with 3 percent down or less. Pmi is worth it.

[deleted] · 2018-01-31T14:03:57+00:00

Ever consider that maybe she's asking because she WANTS you to man up and say "no" ?

screechhater · 2018-01-31T22:23:52+00:00

“We are swimming in debt ....”

Are you out of your fucking mind ? So you seriously want to be slave to debt ? Let me tell you there are a lot of men working for the ex living in a studio apt, paying support, and they were tapped out financially, and she needed s new betabux, all because, they allowed the fucking stupidity. Key word- allowed

And, she did not take a gun to your head for those loans. It’s time to own your stupid mistakes

SorcererKing · 2018-01-31T09:47:27+00:00

Divorce her now, without prejudice. What a cunt whore you married. Your fault for marrying the filthy slut. Divorce her now, read my posts on how.

EDIT: This is not a joke, this is my real advice

creating_my_life · 2018-01-31T03:15:49+00:00

Height, weight, squat, and bodyfat estimate please.

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-01-31T03:43:43+00:00

Your money. Your rules. You need to set them and enforce them. I don't know how you think that you should be paying for her weekend with her friends when you're excluded.

HATEFULretard · 2018-01-31T08:04:52+00:00

Bro I made 50k ish last year and I live alright within my mean pay cash for everything and I have a nice car and pad.

That's nucking futs

hibloodstevia · 2018-02-01T02:00:14+00:00

So your post wall wife, who has poor impulse control, is going for a drunken rager with her post wall friends in a town where the locals are on the prowl for tourists coming in looking for fun.

Yeah, I don't see a problem here.

broneilbro · 2018-02-01T10:28:06+00:00

Gotcha. I was making 125K but killing myself at a paper mill as a project engineer.

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-02-01T20:03:07+00:00

If your objection is truly over money, then you should set a boundary called a "budget" (Google it). A budget defines how much each of you can spend on things like restaurants, entertainment, etc. Then if she wants to go to Tahoe for the weekend and it's within the budget fine, if not then she needs to keep saving.

But if your REAL fear is that she will cheat on you (and the money thing is just a cover), then this is the classic GNO Shit Test, and you need to STFU and have enough confidence to let her go and not interrogate her about what happened.

If she's going to cheat, she's going to cheat, whether it's in Tahoe or the broom closet a work.

BluepillProfessor · 2018-02-01T22:20:18+00:00

I think the girls she will be with are trashy and can have a bad influence on her. One is recently divorced.

Oh HELL No!

broneilbro · 2018-01-31T04:39:22+00:00

Bro, let her go.

I'll ask this...why don't you want her to go? You think she being around her trashy sorority girls that she will want to go hunt dick with them?

You tried to hide your insecurities with your blame.

Look at it this way, if you don't let her go she will use that against you and based on your frame rip you to shreds.

SBIII · 2018-01-31T12:46:01+00:00

Let her go. If she goes off and fucks someone else, you can't stop her and it's your fault anyway.
In the meantime, sort out your finances. You should have a detailed analysis / spreadsheet of all your income and expenditure for at least the previous 6 months. That should include everything - rent, utilities, insurances, household expenses, medical, social expenses etc. etc. etc. From that, you need to make financial projections for the next 12 months. From this, you'll be able to work out an allowance on what can be spent on each area of expenditure and that should include a personal allowance spend for each of you.

So, in the future if she wants to fuck off for a weekend, it's either in the budget or it's not. If it is, she can go, if it's not, then she can't.

Either way, you should have a 100% grasp of all your finances - that doesn't mean to say that she shouldn't have any input if she is also contributing, but you shoud know where the money is being spent and if she's over spending, you need to cut it.

Title	Wife wants to take Girls Weekend to Tahoe
Author	Doxazosin
Upvotes	6
Comments	87
Date	January 31, 2018 2:51 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7u6oac/wife_wants_to_take_girls_weekend_to_tahoe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-wants-to-take-girls-weekend-to-tahoe.204878 https://theredarchive.com/post/204878

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