How to get out of "sure I'll do that for you honey" fram and into "sur, if you make sure you deserve it" frame?

Cam_Winston21 · 2017-12-15T11:51:31+00:00

“No.”

SgtSilverBack · 2017-12-15T12:09:38+00:00

Going to skip over the "letting your wife travel alone and party with friends" argument and the "you have finances under control that allow her to do this" argument and get right to your Q.

Do you have plans for the weekend? Would having the kids with you impede them? If so, then just go with "I have plans." If you haven't communicated that you have plans yet or don't have them, or its something like working on the car where the kids could join you, then are you really going to try and say "you need to do this for that" out of spite? Are you still keeping score?

And while you could come at it like "I can go out when I want but that bitch has to earn it", think about how similar this sounds to "I'll play with Tommy's toy whenever I fucking want." And whose frame that puts you in. More likely than not she's going to pick up on that game and play it right back to you. You'll have a fight in the future when you want to go out and expect her to watch the kids and she either bitches about it or spites you back by running out before you and leaving you with them.

In reality, you fighting back is just playing in her frame and has literally nothing to do with if she fucks you or not. It's just a covert contract you drew up in your head that you're now trying to make overt and negotiate with her.

Persaeus · 2017-12-15T12:21:39+00:00

i swear you're making a last minute bid for dumbfuck of the year on AskMRP (yuuuuge trophy).

YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE ATTRACTION

, and you are so unattractive; it seeps through the screen and dries up my gina.

MODS: OP needs some special flair. Maybe "Head Negotiator"

btw OP:

"I would like a weekend alone to go and see friends ~~etc etc~~ and get railed by Chad and Tryone"

also, if a bitch is looking for the door; show it to her

[edit] changed h to y, yuuuge . duuuuh

drty_pr · 2017-12-15T16:16:55+00:00

Doubt you're ready for this but for what it's worth

RPJMRP · 2017-12-15T12:00:52+00:00

Goddamn you're a bitch. So you want the rest of the board to better cement your massive covert contract into place?

Become attractive and fun and she won't ask anyway, she'd rather stay with you.

Stop reading just the board and start reading the sidebar.

bogeyd6 · 2017-12-15T14:03:25+00:00

I would like a weekend alone to go and see friends etc etc

Usually when you end up in MRP it is because your marriage is a failed institution. Now, for most of us this is a huge red flag. This would typically mean your wife is getting stretched out into submission by her real man. Marathon style. I don't know your background or history but this is my first impression.

As for telling your wife you will handle things that she is asking you to handle to me seems like a nice flow you have going there. Typically we might see that the wife has forgone trusting the husband to do anything. I might be inclined to agree with your assessment that this is a powerplay if you had added more context. On the surface, it looks like you might be over thinking it.

End of the day, you can say no and I would highly recommend you to start reading NMMNG and start applying it.

ice_walker · 2017-12-15T13:56:28+00:00

"Head Negotiator" huh...

I get the point, good one.

rebbit_reddit · 2017-12-15T21:43:08+00:00

I’ve never seen you all play so nice before. Must be Christmas

mabden · 2017-12-15T14:10:08+00:00

wife asks "I would like a weekend alone to go and see friends etc etc".

Translation: I find you so unattractive that I would rather spend it with anyone but you. Bonus: etc, etc = seek out a man who will fuck me like I need to be.

How do I tell her in a good way that she has to earn such things, or that my time is more vaulable than wasting on her?

Translation: She has no respect for you, since respect is earned. She does not value you presence in her life other than a paycheck and babysitting.

"Well, just do your best to keep your husband happy and content and I'm sure he'll do whatever he can to fulfill your wish"?

WTF? Where is this "example" in any of the sidebar reading? You might as wel say,

"Well, just do your best to keep your boyfriend happy and content and I'm sure he'll do whatever he can to fulfill your wish"?

wadearave · 2017-12-15T15:53:18+00:00

I think there is an opportunity to house culture here. Look at the weekend to build a relationship with your kids and frame the rebuttal for the weekend in a way that allows you to focus on the kids.

For example. “I think that’s great you want the weekend to yourself. I’ve had this activity rolling in the back of my head with the kids. But in order to do it I need all of attention on them. Leading up to the weekend can you help me get the house in order so that we can both focus on what we want to do that day.”

The provide a list of things that you want to get done and give her specific assignments. i.e. Chores, yard work, meals etc.

This shows that your leading the house not just her and that you’re interested in big picture.

In order for her to want to fuck you the way that you want her to you need to change everything. Women are skeptical and shit test you through change every step of the way until you can prove them wrong.

You may not get what you want right away by taking this step but it shows that you are taking control of your life together and willing to give within boundaries.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-12-16T17:44:01+00:00

I'm fed up with doing stuff for her, since she's not fucking me anyway

Welcome! Sidebar is to the right. Dive in.

just do your best to keep your husband happy and content and I'm sure he'll do whatever he can to fulfill your wish

COVERT CONTRACT ALERT!!!!

Don't tell her what you are doing or why. Simply tell her that you are not going to take the kids this weekend because you have x, y, z planned to do.

rollston1000 · 2017-12-15T12:04:09+00:00

You do understand what a deep shit are you in?

As for your question - book time for yourself. Lift 3x in a week, pay in advance, and tell her you have did that and she will take care for kids.

Work on frame, and as you improve, you can gradually shift focus.

ice_walker · 2017-12-15T14:05:12+00:00

I'd rather invest the weekend in myself

What would you do on a free weekend to invest in yourself?

StandardIlluminant · 2017-12-15T14:48:30+00:00

Note that your proposed solution to this dilemma is to talk, to justify, to explain. This means you're already framing the situation as you being on the defensive, reactive, rather than viewing the situation from your own perspective as an initiator of your own changes. It also never seems to cross your mind to just say "no" when confronted with the demand that you spend the weekend taking tare of the kids. So reiterating another comment, you need to read WISNIFG.

How do I tell her in a good way

Some things are better done through action than words. You start talking like that and you're essentially laying out a transactional relationship in which you negotiate roles. You want to demonstrate that you're the kind of guy who is worth staying at home with. Just saying that will likely make you into kind of a joke in her mind.

screechhater · 2017-12-15T22:17:14+00:00

Why in the fuck are you in such a fucked up frame of mind, agreeing to if something has to be done to get x ?

Why in the fuck is she not fucking you anymore ?

let me tell you something, telling her "no" will not be catastrophic since she is holding back on the pussy anyway

just saying

you lift ? how about read as in the sidebar ?

sleepkeeping · 2017-12-16T01:23:52+00:00

First, you learn to proofread your post titles, and correct any errors. C’mon, you’re asking for help - put in the effort for us.

Second, there’s no quick fix to your shitty frame. Read the sidebar, lift weights, and come back in three months.

How to get out of "sure I'll do that for you honey" fram and into "sur, if you make sure you deserve it" frame?

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Title	How to get out of "sure I'll do that for you honey" fram and into "sur, if you make sure you deserve it" frame?
Author	ice_walker
Upvotes	4
Comments	67
Date	December 15, 2017 11:37 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7jz66w/how_to_get_out_of_sure_ill_do_that_for_you_honey/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-to-get-out-of-sure-ill-do-that-for-you-honey.205058 https://theredarchive.com/post/205058