Got hit with a major outburst last weekend from the wife. She started complaining about how I never offer to take her out on the town for dinner, drinks and general socialising.

When the outburst came at me, I didn't know what to say in reply that wasn't DEERing and would have added fuel to the fire. I let her outburst go until she was out of steam and said to her "Don't you just like to stay home?". She simply replied "Yeah, but that's not the point" and it was pretty much left there.

Trouble is, I am always suggesting we should go out and have the kid stay at friends/aunties/uncles/grandparents but her response is generally "Nah, I'd rather stay home and cook a good meal at home". We both cook really well and I don't see a lot of point in spending $30+ on a main meal I can make at home for under $15. But I also love going out and enjoying the nightlife.

Fast forward to the past weekend (no mention of outburst topic all week)...

Kid was away at grandparents for a few nights, I came up with a plan for a night out and put it forward that I will take her out. She seemed okay with the idea at first, then a couple of hours later she said "I'd just like to stay at home and cook ourselves dinner". I couldn't get her to budge on this.

So we stayed home. The night out wouldn't have been as fun without her. I really enjoy my time with her whether we are at home or out.

My question: I'm sure this is an AWALT thing. Why do they complain about something that they never really want in the first place?