The after/eternally persistent test ... ?

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June 30, 2017
6 upvotes

Another user posted this question. To summarize, suppose the conversation goes something like this:

Her: You'd better never talk to younger hot girls again. [Unreasonable demand; seems like an obvious ST.]

You: [A&A] Sure, but how are we going to get that three-way I bet you've always wanted?

Her: <> Cute ... but seriously. Tell me you're not going to do it.

You: [Redirect] Not sure what to tell you. You hungry? Let's go get some pizza.

Her: Stop playing games. Tell me you won't do it ever again.

You: [Nuke] You don't look good in red; especially when it's all over your face.

Her: <> I need an answer.

You: [Command Respect] I love you, but you can't treat me this way. I can set my own boundaries.

Her: Maybe I'd respect you if you weren't so evasive all the time.

You: [Assume it's really a CT in disguise; Distract with sex] Don't worry about it. <> We're good. <> You can count on me. <>

Her: <> Are you crazy? You're still trying to evade responding to me?


I know this whole situation is a bit obscene (and maybe I'm not far enough along yet to realize how test-passing mechanisms work), but the point is you've tried everything and she still wants to continue the conversation.

Is it really as simple as: "I'm going to do what I want to do. If you don't like it, you're free to go" and then walk away? What if she just starts following you around the house? You leave the house? Try to go to bed and ignore her? I assume these are all correct answers, but I'm still clueless :p

I get the impression that all of this "test-passing" stuff is really just evasiveness. That's fine, it proves that you don't answer to her and she needs to see that in her leader if she's going to submit to her role as co-captain. My wife often calls me "captain" or similar terms, but thinks she's an admiral sitting in the co-pilot chair with authority to evaluate my performance ... Regardless, asserting the role boundaries is obviously crucial, but is it just that the first several methods are a lot less jerk-ish than just saying, "I don't have to answer to you" every time she's angry? Sorry ... probably getting off topic now and I know any more questions down that line will just be responded with: "Read more sidebar!!!"


Post Information
Title The after/eternally persistent test ... ?
Author Red-Curious
Upvotes 6
Comments 64
Date 30 June 2017 05:23 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205924
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6kdz63/the_aftereternally_persistent_test/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
A&A
Comments

[–]AustralianArm7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Being evasive is different to AA/AM/Fogging

"I can't help it if they start chatting to me. I do seem to attract hot women." grab ass and wall kiss

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I've seen this a million times, but have no clue: what is AM?

Because of the "I am" form of the word, this is pretty much impossible to google and the red pill glossaries don't include things like AA/AM.

[–]SeamusAwl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amuse mastery. Basically it is how you would tease a kid sister that is like 5 years old. But you should lace it with sexual innuendos.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

AA- agree and amplify

AM- amused mastery.

Common responses to shit tests.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fugg me. That's pre-req stuff before even taking the 101 level courses.

Do some reading!

[–]zeteomegaleio6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

Guys (and people in general) are usually linear/systematic/process-oriented thinkers combined with men specifically having a preference for logic rather than emotions. So it's natural to want to know solutions to all these situations.

If A, then B. So you keep asking "what is B?" in all your posts.

That's fine, and a necessary step. Especially early on as you are learning to crawl. So I'm not being critical of you wanting to know this answer.

Still, there is a line in The Matrix where Neo asks something like "You mean I can dodge bullets?" which is what you are wanting to do here.

Morpheus replies that he won't have to.

That's where you need to focus on getting to. That's why men here repeat "sidebar" ad nauseum. Because what does the sidebar suggest? Lift, read, and STFU. And what happens when you do that for a month or two? Your mindset shifts and this kind of question becomes silly to wonder about.

Because if you are a man in control of himself, owning his shit, awesome husband/dad, etc., then you just don't deal with this shit from the same mindset that you are currently approaching it from. Shit tests are amusing if they happen, or even playful, rather than worrisome.

You're still scared of confronting your wife or upsetting her.

If LTR said something like this to me right now, I'd tell her she doesn't get a say in who I talk to or not and move on with my life. I could use a funny quip about how she doesn't have to worry because she's my main bitch or something, but I wouldn't because I'm not even entertaining that what she said is in any way acceptable in our relationship.

And I can say that because I don't give a fuck if she likes it or not. It's a hard boundary that no one gets to say who I can or cannot talk to. I'm not going to be controlled in my relationship and she can leave if she doesn't like it, because it is an entirely unreasonable and downright stupid request and I'd be better off without someone in my life who would even try to control me like that.

That's also paired with me not being the type of guy who hits his ex-girlfriends up on Facebook, but that's a separate issue.

Stop giving a fuck about standing up for yourself. Eventually most of them get it (except maybe the biggest cunts out there who have big underlying issues), and they settle into the comfort, security, and fun provided by a man owning his shit. They just stop saying that kind of bullshit for fear of upsetting their newfound awesome life. They no longer shoot bullets, so you won't have to worry about dodging them. And if they do on occasion, you will be in such a different frame and mindset that you will already have the ability to respond without needing to get the answer from here.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Morpheus replies that he won't have to.

this is the answer OP. hopefully, someday when you're no longer operating in her frame you will figure out that the gun she thinks she holds is loaded with blanks.

I get the impression that all of this "test-passing" stuff is really just evasiveness.

wrong. just the opposite in fact. the point of passing her fitness test is to demonstrate your imperturbable frame because (a.) why would you want to be any other way? and (b.) it will cause her gash to gush. now you can do this by either being cocky/funny (your best bet when the topic is not serious/real); STFU (starter kit for those with no frame and extremely for tons of her stupid shit); or tell her to STFU.

she's going to submit to her role as co-captain first officer assuming she is competent

there is no such thing as co-captains, ever, in any situation. someone is always subordinate. is that you or her?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is fucking awesome.

Thank you for posting it

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wonderful explanation. Thank you for taking the time to write this up.

[–]thunderbeyond3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I reckon this is both a shit-test and a comfort-test. She's trying to force you to change your actions, because her hamster is running around madly. You gonna let her tell you how to live?

If you were a fat ugly schlub with no chance of scoring, would she care that you're talking to hot women? She's feeling the Dread. That's where some comfort can help.

I get the impression that all of this "test-passing" stuff is really just evasiveness

Yep, possibly. Sometimes a straight answer to a straight question is warranted. But in this case, I think of it as not getting into the hamster wheel with her. Let her go through the motions while you STFU and go and do something more important.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

At this point where she's persisting and becoming overt in her feelings of dread there's nothing wrong with setting a boundary overtly yourself. Example: "No I won't tell you I'll stop talking to other women because that would be a lie. I don't want to lie to you."

Also, read this: verbal intercourse is optional

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That was an incredible post. Thanks!

[–]thewholefnshow5472 points3 points  (45 children) | Copy

AWALT. She is flirting with other guys. All women will openly flirt with other guys. She is probably freaking out because there is a "flirting gap", and she is at the wrong end of it or she senses that she is losing the lead. So her plan to close the "flirting gap" and possibly put her back on the positive end is to constrain your ability to flirt. Fuck that noise. You do you, she deals with it.

I have been doing some research on an idea I call the "flirting gap". Goes like this. In your beta/blue pill world, a woman gets man to commit, man gets oneitis, man turns off the hot chick radar, man quits flirting with girls and only has eyes for her. However, woman get man to commit and continues to audition new perspective men, radar never turns off and flirting frequency never stops or wavers. Her flirting continues at the same pace, only 95% of it happens when you are not around. As you can see this puts the man at a competitive disadvantage, what I call the "flirting gap." Women are very comfortable at the top and the gap, conditioned men are comfortable at the bottom of the gap, and in her eyes, this is exactly how a relationship is susposta work (feminist conditioning.) When you close the gap or flip the script, the signifies a major change. You are no longer playing by the feminist established rules. Expect major backlash, you are no longer fitting into her feminist conditioned vision for a relationship.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 1 point2 points  (44 children) | Copy

Very interesting. Thanks for the input. If it makes a difference:

  • I wasn't flirting. I was just answering a question for someone who happened to be young and hot. I get questions all the time. My wife knows this. When she asked about it at first, I tossed her my phone and said, "Here, take a look. I've got nothing to hide." She read some of the conversation, saw that I was telling the truth, but still came at me afterward with the, "I don't want you talking to other girls any more" stuff.

  • My wife doesn't flirt. EVER. Even with me (though that's my fault). Her big push-point in this whole conversation was, "I never talk to any other guys one-on-one outside the home, ever. It hurts my career to do that. People probably think I'm sexist because I only meet with other women in the office, but I do it because those boundaries are important to me and that's what we agreed on when we got married."

    • I did, when we were first married 9 years go, agree never to be alone with another woman. I viewed it as a boundary with rational flexibility, she views it as a pillar of fire surrounding our marriage. For example, when I have a female client in the office and the meeting goes long so all the other employees leave the office, she expects me to kick the client out so we're not alone in the office together, even though this is grossly impractical and unprofessional. Rather than complying with that request, beta-me just avoided situations where that possibility could arise.

With these things in mind, here's what I'm contemplating saying next time. Let me know your thoughts:

I love you. I want a strong marriage, just like you. What we've been doing hasn't been working. I'm sure you've noticed me changing some things, and I dare say you're liking those changes. A new way of doing things means new boundaries. You'll just have to trust me where I set them.

And then let that be the end of the conversation. If she continues to argue, I just refrain, "Trust me," or if she really needs to hear it [i.e. comfort test], "Trust me, I'm not going to cheat on you."


Regarding the flirting gap thing, that's pretty clever. But again, I think my wife is the outlier on this one. For a myriad of reasons, on that bell curve she's the one on the outermost extreme.

Even if she really does fall into the AWALT category on this issue (which will be really darn hard to convince me, but I'll go with it for the sake of argument), she's been big-pregnant for the past 6 months, and now that the baby is born she will literally be at home with 4 kids for the next 6 months (yes, very long, fully-paid maternity leave) with pretty much no male contact other than me. So, at least as far as temporal proximity goes, it's extremely unlikely that she's been flirting with anyone for the past 6 months, and even less likely that she'll be flirting with anyone for another 6 months to come.

Perhaps that plays into your theory. If she really did have a flirting life that I'm totally oblivious to and she's bold-faced lying to me (again, something I simply can't imagine from her extremely conservative "must follow every rule or I'm a bad person" upbringing), then I suppose the fact of her unavailability to flirting could be why she perceives that gap closing.

In reality, I think her expectation is just: no flirting from either of us at all ever. In that sense, she internally assumes there is no gap. As I'm improving, she's fearful that I will be increasing that gap in my favor when there just should be no flirting from either of us at all, and this makes her upset, specifically because it violates an overt (as opposed to covert) contract that we have explicitly stated early in our marriage.

[–]All_Ads_Deceive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Is she breastfeeding?

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yes, and she will be for an entire year. I assume that makes a difference?

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

RP theory delves heavily into attraction very much in a biological level. I am no biologist, but when a woman is pregnant or nursing her hormones are in a completely different state than they normally are. Physically, her body is not trying to create more babies. As a protective measure to keep her from being overwhelmed with offspring, mother nature literally stops her cycle (in most cases when nursing) making it impossible to procreate. When she ceases, it signals her body that the child is sufficiently strong to no longer need her and that she can have another child.

When she nurses, oxytocin is released which "bonds" her to her newborn. This is the same feel good hormone she gets after orgasm as well which "bonds" her to you. Another hormone prolactin is elevated during nursing. This is a libido killing hormone. In fact, it is released in males right after ejaculation. It is what makes your penis go flacid and reduces your drive/ability to continue going. How horny are you five minutes after ejaculating? Likely not very and this is how she feels while nursing pretty much all the time.

In summary, mother nature is ceasing her cycle (to prevent another pregnancy) and it is also flooding her body with a libido killing hormone (to prevent pregnancy). This puts sex very low on her priority list from a biological standpoint. This does not mean that MRP, self-improvement, etc. is useless during this time, but you will have to keep your progress in perspective in the sex department as you are fighting an even steeper up hill battle than normal.

Also note, that there have been a lot of cautions thrown out here about women behaving irrationally and out of the RP norm when either pregnant or nursing. Pretty much, RP theory doesn't have a solution for women during these times from what I can tell. So, I'm not saying that nothing you will do will not work or you should stop. You may have to align your goals accordingly and realize that Rambo can happen even when you are not Rambo.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Very insightful. Thanks! This gives vey good perspective.

What's Rambo? I see that a lot and know the movie by cultural references ... but what does it mean in a RP conversation?

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Some of us, when we figure out how we have been manipulated and controlled etc. and permitted all of this garbage to happen to ourselves, start to get pissed off. Angry at ourselves. Angry at our wives. We learn strategies in the books on the sidebar and have likely been dealing with problems in the marriage for quite some time. There is a tendency to want to fix everything all at once. This comes off abrupt and angry by those around us (mostly our wives).

So, Rambo in the movie gets kind of that angry scowl on his face and just starts shooting at everything. It doesn't really matter what he is shooting at, but pretty much everything he shoots blows up.

The idea is to be much more tactical in our approach so as not to alert the enemy (our wives, even though she is not the enemy, but you get the point) when applying MRP. Not the Rambo approach.

Edit: Going Rambo has potential to blow up the relationship by "shooting" at everything.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gotcha ... this is slightly different from what I would have though. Thanks for this. I don't think I'm at risk of going Rambo :)

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]straius0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Search the family alpha blog for "creating your slut"

If the sex is vanilla and she never flirts, you probably have some intimacy building to do to create the necessary safe environment for her to explore her sexuality with you free of judgment because she's probably not comfortable or feels awkward trying to be sexy.

If that's true, this is going to heighten her sensitivity to flirting if she feels deficient in that area to begin with.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

intimacy building to do to create the necessary safe environment

Yeah, I definitely botched this a couple years ago, and it takes her forever to move on from things. There was one isolated time when she brought whipped cream and strawberries into the bedroom. Beforehand, we hadn't had sex in over a month and I was getting home from a night out with the guys long after she normally goes to sleep. As a result, I had no reason to expect sex and had gorged myself on on food before coming home. The thought of more food (even whipped cream and strawberries) made me want to barf. I tried to act excited, but she could see right through it, noticing that I was disgusted. I was too beta to control the situation.

Long story short, we didn't have sex for another 3 months after that. Even after sex resumed and I confronted her about it being vanilla (which I have done periodically) she explained how embarrassed and mortified she was at how disgusted I was the one time she tried to do things differently, thinking it was her that I was disgusted with, not the pukiness from being so stuffed.

Fast-track a couple years later and despite a few efforts by me to try to do some different things (handcuffs, blindfold, etc.), she has been incredibly resistant to anything beyond missionary or cowgirl. For example, she refuses doggy style because: "I'm not an animal." She refuses oral because, "I would never do oral on you and I don't want to feel guilty for you doing something on me that I won't return." Even if I say I want to do it, she's hesitant and the guilt would still come.

Either way, I'll look into that blog. Thanks for the reference :) Not that it's going to stop me from bettering myself, I am extremely doubtful about the prospect of her ever turning from the "good girl" to the "hot slut." At least this doubt affirms to me that I'm doing this for my own purposes and not to get something out of it ... but it would be nice to have something to look forward to also :/

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Forgot to add that if she has severe anxiety or insecurities about faithfulness or relationship security (Ie... a disney view of love), there may be a need for some long haul deep dive therapy to get to the root of that.

That will drive a lot of irrational behavior and may reach situations and arguments that get completely divorced from reality to the point you almost feel like you're being gaslighted.

At least I've seen that with a friend's SO. There are a lot of familiar details in your story to theirs.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It may seem unlikely, but it's there, deep down. She has a lot of cultural messaging to unravel that "women don't do this" but her biologically based desires and wants are still there. She won't allow herself to feel them and inflame those passions unless she's in an absolutely "safe space" to explore those things without judgment.

Don't be afraid to look into sex therapy too. I thought there'd be a ceiling with my wife too, but I'm seeing more and more signs of the fallacious idea that is. And there are plenty of victory stories around here to support what may feel unimaginable right now.

[–]thewholefnshow5470 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Few points: Your no flirting rules are seriously limiting your alpha cred and your ability to foster dread. You probably know this by now.

No flirting rules also hurt your game. Don't be afraid of the competition, dominate it. Your game should be designed to beat the competition, even while married. If you eliminate the competition, you will get stagnant and relaxed, your game will suffer. Remember you are always in competition. Always.

I am not trying to call you a liar, no insult is intended, but she is kind of genetically programmed to flirt by way of hypergamy...I would just assume that she is, there is a flirt gap and deal with that. Telling a woman not to flirt is like telling a cat to quit sneaking around. You are thinking that she thinks like a man. She doesn't. The words loyalty and honor mean as much as the words quack and bark to her. Its OK that she flirts, my wife flirts with other guys. I am OK with that. She's hot and has a magnetic personality, other guys want to talk to her, what am I gonna do? Watch her 24-7? Naw, I just run the best game. Plus turnabout is fair play.

Its probably been 10months since she had felt sexy, plus women tend to go a bit cray-cray after the kid comes. She is likely fearful that you are interested in other women because she as been unable to present her self as a sexy wife for the better part of a year. She is probably overwhelmed, out of options and feels she can do nothing about it except recall your no flirting rules and force you to follow them. Which I would if I were you. You agreed to that deal, and you should honor it until she bounces back from the kid. Then figure out a way out of that deal, and any other limiting deal you have made.

[–]Red-Curious[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good points. No insult taken. I do agree that at her core, there is some innate desire to flirt in her. I just think it's been sooooo deeply repressed through extreme religious conditioning throughout her entire upbringing that it's highly unlikely she'll ever act on it, even if I did give her that freedom.

That said, would it be worth explicitly giving her that freedom? For example, telling her plainly, "Hey, why don't you go up there, ask like you're asking the clerk something and smile at the guy sitting at the counter?"

My thought is this. She thinks I find her attractive because I have to by virtue of being married, Bible, etc. In reality, although she's very physically attractive (solid 8.5, probably a 9 due to my tastes), her attitude is totally unattractive and I don't even want sex half the time because it's bad sex. She doesn't feel sexy because my attraction to her is "obligatory." As a result, she never presents a sexy attitude.

I'm thinking that maybe if she can see other guys also find her attractive, she will feel sex, then start acting sexy, then I'll be attracted to her and she's going to want it more because she'll believe once again that my attraction is genuine and not obligatory (and by that point it will be).

Thoughts on this? Also tag: /u/straius

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife doesn't flirt. EVER.

You're in a tremendous amount of denial.

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]All_Ads_Deceive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop talking so much. You're planning on telling your wife all your game plan because you're still in her frame and you need her permission to grow balls.

Better option: STFU and lead with your actions

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You'd better never talk to younger hot girls again.

Sure thing! I'll stick to body language.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is all so gay and tryhard.

Her: You'd better never talk to younger hot girls again. [Unreasonable demand; seems like an obvious ST.]

Me: hahahahahahahah. okay.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Regardless, asserting the role boundaries is obviously crucial, but is it just that the first several methods are a lot less jerk-ish than just saying, "I don't have to answer to you" every time she's angry?

As /u/weakandsensitive frequently and rightly reminds us all,

Don't be afraid to cause discomfort in the relationship when warranted.

If this has become tiresome for you, you may prefer just to inform her of your boundary rather than forcing her to work out the whole perimeter by repeatedly probing it.

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What is this co-captain crap? That isnt even biblical. Infact the bible calls the husband the head of the family. Also in proverbs 31, lemuel is advised to never give his strength to women. I.e no co captaincy.

As for passing fit tests, you have to view them as that. She is asking covertly "are you fit to be my man". That is the way she was designed. It is her role to evaluate your performance. It is your role to be the man God created you to be. Passing them actually turns her on. Failing them turns her off. Why? Because God wants males to be men.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the reason I sometimes don't get why WISNIFG is such a big thing.

I'd say straight out something like, "You don't get to choose who I talk to."

No bullshit fogging like "I can see how that could make you uncomfortable." I mean, if I did this shit on a daily basis, I'd never get rid of the sales people that are constantly calling. Sometimes, dreams and ideas need crushing.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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