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New here. This doesn't seem to be working

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June 11, 2017
8 upvotes

So the approach I have been taking can be summed up as "I am the man of the house so everything is my responsibility." I have to make sure everything is done. I manage the bills, I manage the food, the cleaning etc.

Since this is new she is not liking the change. She feels I am encroaching on her territory. She interprets my taking over as her not doing a good enough job even though I have told her that's not the case. She is definitely bucking the system.

Perhaps I am doing something wrong or maybe I should just wait it out and see how she responds.


Post Information
Title New here. This doesn't seem to be working
Author newredpiller44
Upvotes 8
Comments 25
Date 11 June 2017 05:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206021
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6gml0p/new_here_this_doesnt_seem_to_be_working/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

She wont like it. Sge will fight it kicking and screaming.

Until its working, then it was her idea all along.

Or shell leave, and you can replace her with a woman worth a damn

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Until its working, then it was her idea all along.

Hahaha FACT.

[–]MRPFuckMe16 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

You actively stop her from doing things? That'd be weird. The bills, yes. But I've always interpreted owning one's shit as doing what needed to be done. If she's doing it already, i.e. cooking and cleaning, then it doesn't need to be done.

If you come home from work and the sink is full of dishes and nobody's on top of it, do the dishes because you don't want to live in a house with a sink full of dishes. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the impression that you come home and she IS doing the dishes and you body check her out of the way and do them yourself.

[–]newredpiller44[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Lol no. Its more like the sink is full of dishes, i do the dishes, she gets upset. If she is activly doing them i let her. I never stop her from doing something.

[–]drty_prRed Beret12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

like the sink is full of dishes, i do the dishes, she gets upset.

Let her get all pissy. STFU. Do the dishes again and let her get all pissy. STFU. Soon enough, you won't come to a sink full of dishes too often.

You're setting a boundary of "The dishes should be done punctually. If you're not going to do them, I will". Couple this with the improvements you're already making and she will connect the dots.

It's important you frame it with indifference and not condescension. Otherwise, you come off as an idiot. Always remember to be fun.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

The reason I know this works 100% is I work from home and pre-MRP I was the one getting pissy and whiny when she'd come home and do the dishes or in general do anything I was "just about to do". Pretty soon my most important job was getting the kitchen tidied by 5:15 before she got home. Shit works because at my lowest I allowed the mrs. to lead a me in exactly the same way.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like your feedback lately. Upvote.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I started lifting last month, I saw no results. I said fuck it. It's easier to be a fat fapper.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of questions.

Do you lift? Is your shit tight and squared away? Taking care of what you were taking care of before, well and regularly? Is work/profession going well and under control? Are you improving in your physical appearance and overall attitude/outlook on life?

Now. "Leader" and "man of the house" and "everything is my responsibility" does not mean "I do everything and delegate nothing".

Good leaders delegate and then don't micromanage that which is delegated. You're the leader. You don't have time to micromanage everyone else's tasks. You give them the tasks to do and expect they'll be done adequately.

Plus, if you don't have everything else squared away and under control, you don't have the credibility to be the leader who micromanages how others do their tasks.

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your mistake is to think that whether or not she likes it is relevant to it working.

[–]nightmancommeth2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is known as red pill Rambo. Google 12 levels of dredge and follow them. The first few months are improving yourself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You aren't responsible for her irrational emotions.

You've lived too long in a world that screams happy wife, happy life, and it's so engrained into your core that you need to re-train yourself that it's the worst platitude in the English language.

You do what needs to be done. If there are dishes in the sink, do them. If she screeches, smirk and give her a little kiss and say, "you're welcome, babe!"

Your first year should be all about improving yourself. While you shouldn't necessarily give zero fucks about her, it should be close to that. She's responsible for her emotions. Not you. Let her be pissed. Learn to not let if affect you. You're happy and smiling and going forward with your awesome life regardless of her bitchy, pouty attitude.

[–]RedishPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How about:

Happy man, happy clan Wifes a bitch? She needs the switch Happy Dick, happy chick If the wifes a bitchin' put her in the kitchen

...or just reword the original: Happy life, happy wife.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Slow down Rambo.

Changes should be slow and subtle. Concentrate on lifting, reading, and STFU too start.

[–]newredpiller44[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

STFU would help. I say what I am going to do before I do it to give her a heads up. I should just do it.

[–]briareos_uk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Taking care of your shit is good, but everyone comes into redpill thinking under a different set of circumstances. Did you own any of this before? Where are you at with the sidebar/lifting?

It's very easy to get carried away and implement too much too forcefully. Many of us have been there.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You need to provide some more context. How long have you been at this? Are you lifting and raising your own attraction? Are you fun and flirty?

As captain, yes, ultimately you are in charge of the ship. However, that doesn't mean micromanaging. Only do that when necessary. Delegation, training, and oversight are also your friends. It's hard to know where you fall in this.

MRP is a long process for most and not a quick fix. I don't know if you have gone Rambo or not, but the transition should be for the most part subtle/steady mixed in with some major establishments of frame when warranted depending on how hard/often she tries to shit test you. Some women will submit more easily than others.

If you have been a drunk captain and are now all of the sudden sober and trying to change things that's great for you. The problem is that she still thinks you're drunk. It takes some time for her to come around. Plus, if you aren't attractive yet, your taking over appears even more unattractive to her. You have to have your shit together before you start throwing your weight around. Otherwise, you are just ugly Rambo.

[–]newredpiller44[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've been slowly improving over the last 3 years. Before I even found red pill. There's other resources on being a responsible male.

I've lifted since high school. I'm no body builder but i've always been strong.

I'm not micromanaging and telling her how to do her job. I am doing the job myself so i know it gets done right. I probably just suck at delegating. But if something isn't done right and I want it done right then my options are to either do it myself or micromanage. So I've been doing it myself.

With budgeting i hate debt. This has been going on for years. Its time for me to handle all spending to avoid debt. If i confronted her then she would be correct in saying I think she isnt doing it right. But instead of trying to train her i'm taking the approach of doing it myself. I've asked her to get rid of credit cards and just spend what we have but she wont.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But instead of trying to train lead her i'm taking the approach of doing it myself.

I fixed it for you. Leading is hard, uncomfortable, but very masculine. Get working on it.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not gonna read your post because the headline says it all. Give it time.

[–]atlhartRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On the surface, she likes her life they way it is. You're a beta faggot loser. You pay he bills, she doesn't have to do too much. No dick sucking. Only has to do the dishes and pick up the house if company she wants to impress is coming over, maybe not even then.

Life is good. Not too much work.

Then you come in and change it. You raise the bar. By cleaning up what is dirty, you're changing the status quo. Suddenly life starts to involve more work. This is shitty. She does not life this. She gets pissy.

Stay the course.

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So you went Red Pill Rambo and you're surprised she freaked out? My guess is you've been beta or a drunk captain all this time and she's had to do all the hard work and now, suddenly, you show up and start bossing shit around. Why the fuck should she trust you? You're already shown her you're not capable of handling things and she needs to do it herself because you're going to fuck it up.

You need to remember to go slow otherwise she's going to make changes to accommodate you and you will not like the changes she's going to make. Slow your roll. Read all the side bar and start lifting.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She interprets my taking over as her not doing a good enough job even though I have told her that's not the case.

So you have told her...but is it the case? Why do you feel the need to suddenly take over everything and encroach on what she does? A leader doesn't just suddenly come home and start barking out orders. You probably need to delegate and to gain some respect- yes I said it- for the critical role of First Officer. A good Leader doesn't micro-manage his subordinates.

[–]tslextslex0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you were to draw a Venn diagram of all the things you can control and all the ways she feels about things, the total area of the intersecting circles would be. . . . zero.

Always.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I am the man of the house"

True but acta non verba.

For the love of god do not tell her that or discuss it.

Eventually my wife started asking permission to do the dishes. Yes I'm serious. She got scared because I was basically autonomous. Now she says she'll do them... and she actually does. Amazing Grace.



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