Anxious / Emotional Texts

BobbyPeru · 2017-02-15T17:39:30+00:00

"I'm sorry Having a rough day baby. Let's talk about this in person when I get home. "

And yes, your leadership is lacking here. Instead of buying into and feeding her hamster; listen, provide comfort, and then come up with effective parenting strategies. Say something like "ok, so we have a problem. Now, let's come up with a strategy to make your life easier." It's important that you let her hamster run itself out and provide comfort first... Minimize the texts, talk in person where you can do things like give her a hug. This is a comfort test.

UEMcGill · 2017-02-15T17:38:49+00:00

Texting is for logistics. Find another route.

If any mother fucker posts how to handle this via text I will ban his ass.

Scurvemuch · 2017-02-15T22:08:45+00:00

Her: I actually want to go back to the hospital. My anxiety is through the roof when I'm here with them both

Daddy help me, I don't want to be an adult and don't know how!!!

or you know, she is actually crazy.

Sit her down and tell her if she can't do the SAHM job, then she needs to get an outside job to that the kids can go to day care and she can pay for it.

Or work with her at finding what it is she is unable to do and have her take a parenting class or something.

If she can not do the job, make sure you know it and that she knows you know it... and that she at least acknowledges it.

weakandsensitive · 2017-02-16T12:50:25+00:00

jesus. why are you engaging in conversation when all she's doing is whining?

come up with a solution - which may as well be, "since you can't handle the kids, I'm going to find a daycare that can."

being an attractive man 101 is to be able to assess a situation correctly and implement a solution. i've had this exact conversation with the wife - "if you can't handle it, i've already got a day care lined up that will take care of it."

remove and withdraw responsibility - /u/bogeyd6 overdid this a bit, but i'll bet that it was more helpful in the long run instead of playing the role of girlfriend.

my 18 month old likes to try to pout as well. i don't indulge her either. why am i going to indulge a grown ass woman?

saint_chalet · 2017-02-15T17:49:57+00:00

This probably won't be popular. But you're living with a wild animal (woman with 2 kids under 3, SAHM) at the moment and sometimes, drastic measures need to be taken.

Call her after the first anxious text of the day and just listen (or just pretend to listen). She just wants to unload. She doesn't care if you're listening or not. Let her unload for 5 minutes and then let her know you gotta go, you hope the day turns around and that you think she's doing a great job. Ignore all other non logistics txts of the day.

In her mind, she'll know that she's talked to you and you seemed to care about her situation (whether you do or don't doesn't really matter). It's 5 minutes a day for as long as it takes for those yard apes of yours to grow up a bit and be less demanding.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-02-16T00:22:53+00:00

So.many.words in text. You spent all that time talking about how you are on a path and this is not an example. You only work 4 days a week and she can't handle her job while you're gone?time for tough love w/ her. Start polishing up her resume and get her working.

Also, lots of beta enabling wrt your kids. They don't have crap for leadership w/ a weak SAHM is why shit is loose over there.

drty_pr · 2017-02-16T12:50:08+00:00

Ignore her texts, go home, kiss her on the forehead, big hug and take the kids out of the house and give her some relax time. Rinse and repeat as necessary. The ridiculous texts will stop when you show they mean nothing to you.

If your woman is worth her weight in salt, she will not use this as a means to do less while you do more. She will see it as a threat by how little you actually need her. She will correspond to your leadership here and mom up her shit. It boils down to lack of frame man. You need frame.

If she doesn't mom up and becomes a lazy SAHM, then you'll need to deal with that accordingly in due time. This is a concern for a later date. Right now, stop being a pussy and be a fuckin man.

bogeyd6 · 2017-02-16T13:34:23+00:00

Torn between wondering why your wife cannot handle children and you not bothering to pick up the phone and call her. You knew not to text, you did it anyways.

RBuddDwyer · 2017-02-17T16:43:21+00:00

I've mulled over this post a bit more, and my wife has been bombarding me this morning with the same dumb shit. It now occurs to me what is going on. She is looking for your leadership. These texts are her venting her frustration. She is frustrated because the kids are behaving in a way that she does not want them to behave. She is venting on you because she doesn't know how else to handle this, and that's what women do, they bitch about problems instead of trying to solve them.

Give her something to do. Realize that what she needs here is some guidance from you about what to do, and something to occupy her time. Give her a homework assignment. It's too late now, but next time this happens, tell her you understand this is frustrating, and something needs to be done about it. Tell her to research some of the various methods for dealing with disciplining kids, and report back to you when she has found several different ways. Be specific, don't just tell her to send you the first link to parenting.com she comes across. Specifically tell her you want at least three different methods that address the specific behavioral problems she is seeing. If she is genuinely concerned about the behavior, then she will jump right on it. If this is just her bitching about it without really caring, she'll drop the subject. If she does come back with some results, and you find some good ones, develop a plan for how to address the behavior, and tell her specifically what you expect her to do about it. Give her the leadership she needs. Don't be afraid to tell her to keep looking if you are not satisfied with the results. This accomplishes several good things: it sets the frame of you as the leader, and her following your lead; it (potentially) solves a problem; and it teaches her not to bitch about her shit to you, especially via text message.

SampsonBrass · 2017-02-18T18:08:35+00:00

My gut reaction to this is: "Just don't reply. Text is for logistics only. She's emotional but she's at home with two kids, this is doable for her and it's on her to figure it out. Don't get sucked in."

Apparently you need to teach her how to be a parent. If she can't figure it out and you don't feature a life of misery with unbearable children then you better take it in hand. Caring for children isn't impossibly difficult, merely tedious, requiring energy and consistency to train and teach them. Looks like she needs to be trained and taught first. Better get on it.

Not something you can do by text.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-02-15T20:16:32+00:00

Text her, if you are on an iPhone, an eggplant. Or, take a picture of your recently groomed balls and send them to her.

Hoping this won't get me banned by uemcgill...

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-02-15T19:55:55+00:00

This is probably my own unresolved anger issues coming out, but if she's offered sex only three times in 1.5 years, and doesn't even have a job, then why offer any comfort at all? What the hell is she giving you?

RBuddDwyer · 2017-02-15T20:02:51+00:00

Texts are for logistics, and you should never become her emotional tampon. That being said, this is more a woman who is looking for stimulation, not just to unload her emotional baggage. Tease her and flirt with her. Stimulate her emotions through all the usual ways. Don't jump right into doing this, as you teasing her will likely be incongruent to who you used to be. You'll have to calibrate and ease into it. Ideally try it when she is not in the middle of a mandibular menses. But that's how to read this, she is really just bored and looking for some stimulation. Fuck with her, tease her, and give her that emotional range she craves.

Title	Anxious / Emotional Texts
Author	resolutions316
Upvotes	1
Comments	46
Date	February 15, 2017 5:30 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5u8vuz/anxious_emotional_texts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/anxious-emotional-texts.206510 https://theredarchive.com/post/206510

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