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Does anyone feel trapped?

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December 29, 2016
7 upvotes

I go through phases of thinking this - is it realistic that a man and wife can still be very sexually attracted to each other after years and years of being together, or are we fighting against a facet of human nature which dictates that men will always have the urge to go elsewhere and women will always look for a 'better' man?

In my case, we've been together since we were 18 and we are now mid-30s, with 3 kids. I was her first, and I myself had a very limited sexual past before her.

We're both roughly 8/10 for looks I would say, judging by the amount of attention we both get from others. Jealousy has been a pretty extreme problem at times but since finding mTRP it's no longer an issue for me.

My fear is that we get to the point that we resent each other for getting together so young and not being able to 'sow the seeds' like most people do in their youth. This could happen in 1 year, or in 10 years, who knows? Maybe it has already started. I get a lot of looks on the street from women, all different kinds of women and as Joey from Friends says, it sometimes feels like being Superman but without your ability to fly. This works both ways obviously.

The sex life is up and down. At the moment ok, but we've had long periods of maybe 1 or 2 times per MONTH, less at times. I put this down to my long line of pre-pill beta mistakes and a loss of attraction, but also because we're tired a lot with 3 kids - and being together for so long, the spark is not quite the same.

Since finding mTRP my beta ways have been slowly eradicated, but I do wonder if they can ever be forgotten by my wife. Real beta shit, stuff like jealousy, crying in front of her, constantly worrying about health, panic attacks in my 20s...

Why do I feel trapped?

  • I can't talk to her about this as it would signal the beginning of the end I think.

  • I don't want the marriage to end, mainly because the thought of my kids in a broken home and being up by another random guy makes me feel physically sick.

  • I can't act on any flirting from other girls. I don't even feel like I can practice, get numbers etc as in general girls see being hit on by married guys as incredibly creepy. There is also the very real risk of being caught out and being divorce raped.

  • Even if I wanted an affair, which I don't, logistics make it nigh on impossible and I don't feel I'd be able to live with the guilt.

  • her lack of attraction and the AWALT principle may see her finding some Chad soon, with or without my knowledge, but by that point I may be too old to go and plate other girls - I'm already on the cusp of being too old for bars and clubs.

Maybe this is just married life. I made my bed at a very young age and now I have to lie in it. Just wondering whether anyone else was in the same situation and feels like they are fighting against human nature in a long term monogamous relationship.

The grass is not greener on the other side, but at times it feels like it should be.


Post Information
Title Does anyone feel trapped?
Author MattyEvans35
Upvotes 7
Comments 25
Date 29 December 2016 04:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206721
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5kxtg8/does_anyone_feel_trapped/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaAWALTChadmonogamyplate-pill
Comments

[–]Coniferous_888 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

First, go here:

https://thefamilyalpha.com/

Read it all...his stuff is written for guys like you.

Second, spend some time improving yourself and develop some abundance mentality...even if you have no 'plans' of fooling around, just knowing that you could will boost your confidence and she will sense that. Women can literally sense that. Read up on Dread game. The BPP wrote an excellent book on it.

Also, your assessment of your age/SMV is off too...Rollo contends that a man's SMV peaks in his mid-late 30s...Read his book Preventative Medicine. There is an awesome graph in there about this.

Finally, get the fuck out of her frame. You're very quick to self-limit your sexual options, but then worry about her and Chad. Fuck that...she should be worried sick about you finding someone younger, tighter, sweeter, and willing to hop on your dick whenever you want. This goes back to abundance mentality and Dread. If she isn't worried about the options you may have, while you worry about her potential options...then you are operating in her frame.

Become the prize, act like the prize, and you will be treated like the prize.

[–]Aaren_Augustine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

His relationship PTSD article helped me get out of anger phase.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Feeling trapped is the major struggle in my life. I'm mid-30s, successful, and above average looking. Girls flirt with me every day. I wish I had some easy answers on how to get over the feeling of not sowing your wild oats in your 20s. In my case, religion is my blue-pill excuse. I had hot naked girls throw themselves at me and I backed off. The resentment has been suffocating at times. Here's what's helped me:

  1. I shouldn't resent my wife. She's not responsible for my life choices. And she's not the one keeping me from screwing around.

  2. Having an affair. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have internalized the fact that no woman is special and the sex is rarely worth it.

  3. Focusing on making my life interesting outside of my family life. Manly hobbies, career advancement, house projects. I'd rather build my body than have a 4-second orgasm with some slut.

  4. Since I'm sticking in my marriage because of my daughter, I own the shit out of raising her. She's 2, but already I've taken her climbing, skiing, camping, hiking, etc.

  5. I take a weekend a month to go on a trip with the guys. Most of the time, the outdoor adventure I do is better than sex anyway.

This is some of what I've done. Good luck and hang in there. If nothing else, get buff

[–]atlhartRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You've got a lot of work to do. Have you read the side bar? Specifically the Pre Reqs (especially NMMNG) and The Rational Male? If not, STFU with your wife, lift, and read those books. Don't do anything else until you've read those.

You're post is full of beta shit. You've been indoctrinated by the feminine imperative. Almost all of us were or have. I get where you're at, but you need to reframe things. You're living in her frame.

I can't talk to her about this as it would signal the beginning of the end I think.

So what? What are you afraid of? Your wife has you living in fear. You'll never have the love or life you want living in her frame. You're her beta bitch as long as you are afraid.

I don't want the marriage to end, mainly because the thought of my kids in a broken home and being up by another random guy makes me feel physically sick.

Then start being the fucking Alpha you know you can be. Want Chad raising your kids and fucking your wife in the ass? Keep being a beta bitch.

I can't act on any flirting from other girls. I don't even feel like I can practice, get numbers etc as in general girls see being hit on by married guys as incredibly creepy. There is also the very real risk of being caught out and being divorce raped. Even if I wanted an affair, which I don't, logistics make it nigh on impossible and I don't feel I'd be able to live with the guilt.

Again, you're afraid. You're in her frame. Your in the frame of the feminine imperative. Listen, most of the guys on here aren't fucking other women. That's not what it's about. It's about abundance mentality. It's about existing in your frame. It's about knowing you could have any woman in the world (because you are the prize), but that at this time you choose your wife. Flirting with other woman is about establishing abundance mentality. And, when the time is right (Dread), letting your wife see it will only benefit you. When the time is right, your wife needs to see that you are the kind of man that other women want to fuck.

her lack of attraction and the AWALT principle may see her finding some Chad soon, with or without my knowledge, but by that point I may be too old to go and plate other girls - I'm already on the cusp of being too old for bars and clubs.

I mean this with love man, but you are so fucking beta right now, but you can fix that. It's not even that hard. I mean, it's work, but it's not difficult. First off, if you aren't lifting 3-4 times a week to exhaustion, start immediately. TODAY. Download the Strong Lift 5x5 App and go to the gym and lift. It's gonna hurt that first morning after, but after you pop your cherry, you're gonna be addicted. In under a month your t-shirts are gonna fit tigher across the chest, and you're gonna feel like a man for the first time in who knows how long. Second, start fucking doing your homework. Read NMMNG immediately. This should only take one night, maybe two. Then read the other Pre-Reqs, then The Rational Male. Sort MRP by top posts (all time) and ready the top 25. Do all this as fast you as you fucking can. At night if you aren't at the gym, you need to be sitting in your favorite chair reading. And don't fucking as your wife if it's ok if you go to the gym tonight. Tell her. Say "Wife, after my responsibilities are done I'm going to the gym". And don't hide the reading. I mean, don't feel like you have to hide it. Go downstairs, go to your living room. Go wherever and read. If she asks what your doing, say "reading". If she asks what tell her self help. It's your frame. You do what you want. If you want to read self help books then that's your prerogative.

And STFU. STFU is what you do until you learn to walk.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mate you should print this out and carry it in your wallet

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can't act on any flirting from other girls. I don't even feel like I can practice, get numbers etc as in general girls see being hit on by married guys as incredibly creepy.

This is BP thinking. Start by just trying to have a normal conversation with them. "Hitting him them" isn't the way to go in any case. Read the sidebar – there's plenty of good material on the subject

[–]redxanaxe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kill your oneitis.

You're operating from a standpoint of fear. Nothing screams "I'm not the prize" like being afraid to live without your wife. She knows you won't ever leave, change, or be exciting so why should she put in any effort?

As a child from a "broken home" - don't make your kids an excuse to be unhappy. They will see the resentment between you and your wife and grow up thinking that's the gold standard for relationships. You can 100% not be married and still maintain a happy healthy home.

Get fit, read and internalize the side bar. Make your life look like you want it, then invite her to join you. Realize the only person in your way right now is you.

You feel trapped because you have no confidence. You have no confidence because you got lazy and complacent, just like 90% of the guys here (my self included).

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's a complete waste of time and brain power. Own your shit one way or another. You say you "feel" trapped, but it's a cage you choose to be in. Handle your business, but get busy becoming a great man and chasing your goals with vigor. It will take time, but time favors men. You're still very young and if you work hard you have a lot to look forward to. No more wasting time on this "feeling trapped" bullshit.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Can't talk to her

Lonely is the road we walk

Physically sick

Then what are you willing to give up? Time? Money? Monogamy? (if she cheats will you stay for the kids?). Keeping the marriage together is not a right. Whoever cares less about their partner has the power in the relationship..

Can't act on flirting...getting caught.

Betas always clump catch and release with die-hard fucking multiple women behind your wife's back cheating. It's not. Look at marriage laws too. In the event you do get caught flirting, if she blows up and divorces, judges don't give her bonus money because you cheated.

Affair

No one is saying you have to have one. In fact it is advised working marriages can stay at dread level 5 (although I'm a solid believer that all men should be at 7).

Too old

Are you kidding me? Read more posts on here. You'll learn of much older guys apply the same principles and getting women younger than your wife.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Too old

At 39 I swallowed the pill, lost 30 lbs, dressed better, got a real haircut. I haven't had a SMV this high since I was in my early 20's. I didn't even lift back them - no gains. So likely higher now.

[–]Mecha751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do as /u/coniferous suggested!!

Also, I call bullshit on you killing off your beta. This post reeks of betaness. When I swallowed the red pill, it was in the middle of a beta whiney bitch session i was having at my wife. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was all "You donts and you nevers" and i realized (after lurking off and on for a few months) that she was only behaving based on her programming and my actions were controlling that programming. I shut up immediately and calmly told her to forget what i was just saying because i now see that my actions caused her reactions and now i have no reason to be a whiney bitch as it was all on me to begin with. She started bawling saying she was scared of the change she just saw and that it wasnt normal. I told her "welcome to the new normal". She continued and said "i dont know what to do". Naturally i said "take a shower and then we are having sex". She complied and i have been improving myself and becoming more and more alpha every single day. Now my 41 year old wife giggles like a school girl and had even dragged me off to the bed room when i get home from work. One month in and she tells me that she has never been happier in her life that past month. Her mother died that month!!!

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been with my wife over 13 years, we're older than you, tired from kids, stressed from work. We still have lots of fun sex.

I know we're you're coming from, we once had a dead bedroom. You just need to alpha up and become more attractive, and it gets awesome. Like how you imagine rock stars have it, or what you see in porn.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

once you put in he right amount of work you will look @ the wall of tripe written above and laugh

you are still in her frame with all you have written

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Done mate guarding?

Can you lift yet?

Are you any better than a month ago when you victim puked all over the main sub?

Stop value leeching. You've been given a path for improvement more than once. Take an adderall and focus.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I can't act on any flirting from other girls. I don't even feel like I can practice, get numbers etc as in general girls see being hit on by married guys as incredibly creepy."

You certainly can be friendly. They may interpret this as flirting. If they do, that is their problem.

In my experience, if your SMV is high enough and you are socially clueful, no, you're not creepy. You are fun.

Seriously, practicing isn't hard. Just don't go over any lines if your intention is to keep the marragie.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

" I'm already on the cusp of being too old for bars and clubs."

Lose weight, get fit, dress well, handle yourself well ... you can go into clubs and bars into your late 40's. Don't be silly.

unfucking yourself might take a year if you are farrr gone, but my guess is more like 3-6 months.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Flirting with other women serves the purpose of making your wife feel dread. No one is encouraging you to act on it.

30 too old lol

Jesus mate look at Jason Statham. 47? You think he's too old to impress women physically?

Too old? There were two 70 year olds running for president this election.

The examples can just go on forever... get rid of that mentality

Come on. Start ignoring society's paradigms. That's the whole point of the red pill.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Flirting with other women serves the purpose of making your wife feel dread.

No, women wanting HIM is supposed to create dread. Not him chasing others.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ha.

Men aren't bother by things so much as their thoughts about them.

Get over it. It's all I can tell you. All those things you claim are things you put into place. You've decided you have no options.

But you do. You could do anything you wanted to but you are making the choice not to. Making choices is what it is to be a man. You are wallowing over the fact that you are making these grandiose gestures, these self sacrifices, and yet you feel trapped.

FACT: These are all your decisions. You need to own them and realize that at any one point you can change them if you want.

If you don't want to have a reason and plan to get out of it. The biggest one I see is guys sticking it out for the kids, then wrapping themselves in that cloak of hamster fur. Fine...stick it out for the kids, but own that decision and move forward any way. Life to your best potential.

You have choices. You have options even if you never exercise that option knowing that it's there, knowing you can make that choice gives you power. YOu've not only made the decision but eliminated that option.

A bad plan violently executed is still the right one. This is why ignoring an option is always a bad idea. Sometimes lesser options become more palatable later on.

Lastly, some woman can't get over actions of a beta. One could argue that leadership alone should overcome, but....that doesn't seem to be the case. It means she remembers your past so vividly that she rejects your leadership and just wants her good beta back. So then you have a choice. Return to the BP fold or Move on with your life. MRP doesn't claim to save the marriage...it can...it might. But it will save the man.

[–]Coniferous_881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"wrapping themselves in that cloak of hamster fur."

That's good shit right there...the mental image alone made me chuckle.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well fuck man, why don't you just give up?

From what I see 14 guys took the time to give you some useful, actionable advice. Stop with all the "Look Homeward Angel" my buried life pussy bullshit. Take some of it. Put it into practice and see what happens. You can hardly do worse.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Brother, your best years are ahead of you. Stop thinking about your age and stop looking back, look ahead of you and get what you want.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have you read Rollo's stuff on SMV peaks for men vs women? Doesn't sound like it. Read it. You probably haven't even hit your peak but she's blown by hers.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

is it realistic that a man and wife can still be very sexually attracted to each other after years and years of being together, or are we fighting against a facet of human nature which dictates that men will always have the urge to go elsewhere and women will always look for a 'better' man?

The answer to both questions is "yes."

girls see being hit on by married guys ME as incredibly creepy.

FTFY- work on it.

If you think your wife can get older and get Chad Thundercock easier than you can get a 30 something women then you really need to work on it- and read the sidebar.

[–]GongShanks-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree and disagree. Any woman with a pussy can get laid just about. But a man who doubts himself is always going to struggle.



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