My wife is....different. I would like to hear brutally honest opinions.

whinemoreplease · 2015-10-15T19:39:20+00:00

Edit: it boggles my mind that all my fellow MRP posters immediately buy into his bullshit that there's something wrong with his wife because of how he phrased this post. the fact that he spends his entire time bitching about his wife's behavior should raise more red flags about than OP's wife. It's pretty obvious that OP has significant ego issues which automatically makes me doubt his wife is any different than your regular AWALT (i.e. women take the shape of the container). How OP's wife does shit does not fucking matter and any judgments based on the assumption it does is automatically shitty advice because the only thing OP can control and fix are his own issue. OP is very whiny and very needy with a very fragile ego -- so I'm not surprised he finds so much offense at everything.

Almost every single one of your responses deals with OP's wife instead of OP, as a result almost every one of your answers is complete shit.

I know for a fucking fact that I could sleep with any girl I wanted.

Maybe you could. But would you? What's the point of could if you aren't willing to do it?

Our communication is shit. She does not express emotion like all other women I know. She's nothing like the wives I read about on MRP. She's a brick wall. She doesn't give a fuck about apparently anything - not that I ever try to talk to her about my day but she straight up told me this when I did ONCE tell her about a major financial initiative I was working on that could really benefit us: "Yeah, I don't care about how your day went unless you have something interesting to tell me save it." She NEVER seeks emotional validation. Grandmother dies? Blank stare and silence then "You know this means we need to go to PA for the funeral." She never expresses any needs to me. Physical, emotional, nothing. Only wants. "I want a new house, this one makes noises." Otherwise just blankness. During certain parts of her cycle leading up to shark week she refuses to be my FO - she wants to be the captain and when I don't let her she withdraws completely. During her period she refuses to do anything physical no matter how much game or dread I throw at her. No shower sex. No BJs.

I like how you start with "our" and then spend the entire paragraph bitching about your wife. I actually don't give a shit about your wife because how she acts doesn't matter. Your whiny, pathetic response does. Re-read that paragraph you wrote and see the little whiny bitch you are. Booo hooo hoooo. Even if you don't ever say it, that's what you feel - that's what you'll subcommunicate (and it comes out in your actions too). Throwing yourself a giant ongoing pity party is attractive as hell. I highly recommend it.

"Then I guess I'm a filthy person but I'm not cleaning the shower, if it bothers you so much you clean it" I'm not cleaning the fucking thing god dammit on principle alone.

You don't see the issue with your attitude? You're not a leader who takes care of his own shit. You're a whiny cunt.

Lets just cut the crap right here. You think your shit doesn't stink. You're a shitty leader with a fragile ego who is vindictive. The idea of adding value is probably a thought that doesn't even cross your mind. I read this and the only thing I think is a little boy who goes through life thinking a little girl doesn't like him when in reality she doesn't give a shit because the boy is so lame he doesn't even register. But boy oh boy does that little but stew in his butthurt.

Not really a surprise your wife doesn't think much of you, because you frankly suck. You don't own your shit or do shit because you feel it's important, you treat entire situations as if they're combative for no good fucking reason. You're a gigantic pussy -- sure you lift, but do you have any idea what it means to lead because your biggest issue is that you reek of butthurt.

NevrEndr · 2015-10-15T14:52:16+00:00

Alright alright, I'm thinking more about this.

You're obviously going to make the call whether she's keepable or not. So fuck coming out here complaining about your special metal-snowflake.

Your ABSOLUTE, WITHOUT A DOUBT, MAIN ANGLE needs to be a heaping helping of A.A. IDGAF with this type of chick.

Not cleaning the bathroom, if it bothers you is stupid. That being said, if there's more than one bathroom, you let her keep the pig sty and you just use the other one. If she knows at some point there is no way in hell you're going to clean it, she just might. But now something tells me she knows it'll bother you more than her and you'll just do it.

She likes that forced feeling of being "taken". She demonstrates that to you left and right. Stop fucking thinking and calling it marriage rape. Rape is when they don't want it. She clearly does. She wants to wrestle sex. Much more accurate term. If you can't beat her in wrestling (in her head) , you ain't worthy.

Find someone else to complain to.

Find ANYONE else to get warm and fuzzies from. All the better if you can find a female friend willing to platonically mother you a bit if you need it. [Could bring out some interesting competition vibes from your wife, she may bend just a little, but look for something weird and out of character if you can pull this type of friendship out of your back pocket... redder lipstick, she makes you a special meal. I'd think little soft things would speak volumes coming from browife].

Treat and interact with your wife in all the other ways. Stop expecting the softness. You'll only look butthurt when you expect it from her.

With you just her ignoring shit tests, and not amusedly crushing them head on, she's spinning it into butthurt. [By all means if you don't feel like dealing with it, walk off, but don't exhibit anything that could be construed as a sulk] Demolish this shit with outright A.A. hard. Say really funny MEAN shit. She needs / wants that emotion. See what happens. But regardless. ALWAYS BE AMUSED , MOTHERFUCKER. You're Mr Swole, Big Swinging Dick , who gives a Shit. Who's new female friends or compadres listen any time he needs to be even slightly listened to.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-10-15T15:14:11+00:00

Is this sociopathic behavior?

No, nor is it a Lucifer's Daughter, narcisistic personality disorder or BPD. Consider yourself lucky for that at least. Your wife is just a bitch, not mentally ill. You can't fix crazy but this can be fixed.

Awwwww NevrEndr hasn't gotten any booty in a while so he's going to act like a little bitch? What's wrong bitch boy? Are you horny? I'm so sorry.

This would have triggered Dread Level 10 for me. I would look her straight in the eye and tell her it is one thing to tolerate her cyclical denials and remain faithful, but you will not tolerate this type of disrespect. Period. Then leave for several hours. Never discuss it again. If she brings it up again (unless it is the whining, near crying bullshit they do) I would leave again.

She seemingly tries to withhold sex and affection just to fuck with my head and apparently enjoys that more than anything else.

Yes, they do that- IF you let them. If she denies sex you should nope the fuck out of there without giving her little dopamine reward from seeing your pain.

itstartstoday123 · 2015-10-15T15:16:42+00:00

You haven't mentioned where you are at in reading. When you post tell us where you are in reading so it can be assessed where you can be guided for some extra enforcement of ideas presented here.

This is my 1 and only victim puke. It's shark week and I have not had sex/bj/anything in 6 days. My brain is not functioning correctly and I need to spill this shit to anyone who will read it.

Sex addict.

I lift heavy 4 days a week. I'm 6 feet and 175 lbs can bench 250 for reps with 8% bodyfat year round. Six pack. Big arms. Ripped chest. Wide shoulders and 32 waist. Confident.

No focus on thus if it's true. If it's True then you can rule out attraction physically.

I dress well. I know for a fucking fact that I could sleep with any girl I wanted. She is apparently oblivious to this.

Probably not. If you know for a fact that you can it tells me that maybe you have tested this. Infidelity in the marriage?

We butt heads A LOT. Our communication is shit. She does not express emotion like all other women I know. She's nothing like the wives I read about on MRP. She's a brick wall. She doesn't give a fuck about apparently anything - not that I ever try to talk to her about my day but she straight up told me this when I did ONCE tell her about a major financial initiative I was working on that could really benefit us: "Yeah, I don't care about how your day went unless you have something interesting to tell me save it." She NEVER seeks emotional validation. Grandmother dies? Blank stare and silence then "You know this means we need to go to PA for the funeral." She never expresses any needs to me. Physical, emotional, nothing. Only wants. "I want a new house, this one makes noises." Otherwise just blankness. During certain parts of her cycle leading up to shark week she refuses to be my FO - she wants to be the captain and when I don't let her she withdraws completely.

Sounds like a failed comfort test.allot of people may say its a shit test. IMO. If she has sociopath tentacles then things may be backward in how she presents them.

She left a bobby pin thing in the shower for A YEAR. I took a picture of the rust forming and sent it to her daily for a week. "I know you see this every day. Clean the shower." "No. I don't care about how dirty the shower is" "It's filthy." "Then I guess I'm a filthy person but I'm not cleaning the shower, if it bothers you so much you clean it" I'm not cleaning the fucking thing god dammit on principle alone.

So you nag her, not very Alpha. Captain gets things done. She probably is doing it just to fuck with you. Failed shit test.

Is this sociopathic behavior?

I think you may have some sociopathic behaviour as well. Your doing what gets results but you don't like it. Why do you continue doing it?

I know my game is strong - we fuck when I want outside of her HANDS OFF (like literally she removes my hands from her body) period week. What works (and she probably has a huge rape fantasy) for is to be "marriage raped" - that is what i call it when she is in bed and I come upstairs and start playing with her pussy "Stop" "No" "Stop please" "No" always ends in loud, hard sex.

I'll let someone else rip you for this. Obvious red flags.

It appears that our relationship means just about nothing to her and she is just a warm hole to stick my dick in when I feel like it. That's not enough for me in a LIFELONG relationship.

It sounds like that's how you feel. And it sounds like you treat her that way.

I send her graphic texts about what I'm going to do to her pussy throughout the day. I ask her to go to the stall and take a pic of her g-string for me. Nothing. I get home and....nothing.

She doesn't want to. Get it through your thick skull. Stop texting, its not working and she doesn't fucking care. It's making it worse. Texting is for logistics only. Stop doing what doesn't help or work.

Always. I am the oak.

Ha ha ha, Oak, no man your not.

This morning when I ignored shit tests, like literally did not say a word in response she said "Awwwww NevrEndr hasn't gotten any booty in a while so he's going to act like a little bitch? What's wrong bitch boy? Are you horny? I'm so sorry." In that moment I wanted to punch her in the fucking face ya'll. I just left instead. She doesnt react as you'd expect when I a&a.

You hold frame? Holding frame is Internal, you say you want to punch her in the face? I bet you have haven't you? Maybe you are a bitch boy. Did she make you cry?

Being silent isn't necessarily holding frame. Your face gave you away. If you your a confident outgoing person and then you go silent then she knows she has got you. She treats you the same way you treat her I bet. She berates you cause you berate her, see shower incident. She smelled blood and went for the kill.

Please break down my marriage and tell me why this is happening before I go see a lawyer and leave my 2 young girls without a Daddy at home. I'm afraid I married a complete psychopath/sociopath/idiot and I can't live like this forever. Dread level 10 is fast approaching if I remain in this state of mind. ugh.

This is all your fault. You two are both fucked up it sounds like. You need to stop talking. I bet there are people around you that think your obnoxious, your wife. You need to initiate and if she says no then walk away. Unless marriage rape is One of you and Hers established fantasies. It doesn't sound like you like it and has made your wife go cold emotionally. If you our wife has not always been like this, maybe in opposition to MRP I don't know, it's sounds like you killed your woman. If she has always been like this then I'll let someone else address that. You don't seem to care that as a female she has emotions and while I you may be getting what you want there are consequences. You not Alpha, you aggressive, confident and unyielding. That's not Alpha, people can't help but like alphas, your wife is providing ample evidence that she does not think you are.

All of guys will tell you that you may be too Alpha, I'm gonna contend that you are not. I think you are Just overbearing and obnoxious. I think your wife has thought about punching you in the face or more for a long time.

Basically who gives a fuck what you are or think you are. The results you are getting I think make you feel guilty and ugly and you don't want to get what you want like this.

You should probably go monk mode cause j do think you may have some sexual addiction that goes beyond need. Stop texting Her, stop pushing through hard no's and stop calling Her the idiot. Your the one who can't get what you want in the manner you want it. Kill your pride and ego.

Glennus626 · 2015-10-15T14:38:06+00:00

It's not an excuse, but maybe she's worn out from the kids? Was there a major change after she had the kids, or is this how she's ALWAYS been? She doesn't sound moody beyond when you have a direct confrontation, so I'm not sure about post partum depression.

If she's always been like this, did the kids just "happen" without any planning ahead of time? What are her aspirations, does she have a career?

Honestly, she sounds like an emotionless android/lesbian, based on your description. Either that, or you're only painting part of the picture. A guy who got a stone cold bitch treatment like that, probably wouldn't have had kids or elevated her past plate status.

itstartstoday123 · 2015-10-15T16:00:16+00:00

Looking through your post history it looks like your idea of agree and amplify is off.

Also, stop wending her graphic texts during Her period. Yield a little beta during Her period. The full "alpha" thing is not working during Her period. If she is completely hands off during Her period then pushing sexual stuff as Hard as it sounds like you do during that period probably burns her out. It sounds like your relentless. I identify But as i wrote one time.

"You take her caveman style, not take it like a caveman. Your attempting to hit Her over the head with your club and take her into your cave."

sexyshoulderdevil · 2015-10-15T14:25:57+00:00

What attracted you to this hard woman in the first place?

Why did you have kids with her?

All women come with different baggage. Yours is that your wife wears a suit of impenetrable armor, acts like a dude, and if you're cool with a fuck-bro, never need or want that soft side that women can give, then she's the woman for you.

She have only a ton of brothers and was always a rough and tumble tomboy?

<or, horrible as it may be>

She molested as a kid?

Strictly speaking that's really all academic.

Nothing changes with the toolset. What do you want? Make a map, solidify your frame. But with particular flavor of vixen I'd imagine she might not make it through the process. But who the fuck knows. I can't even tell from your post if she respects you at all. If she never had a soft bone in her body, never demonstrated or showed you that before...then you're not going to "magic one" now.

[EDIT] please see my other comment for something more useful. I think I went off track here upon more reflection.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2015-10-15T14:27:01+00:00

In general, would you consider your wife intelligent?

[deleted] · 2015-10-15T15:02:55+00:00

This is probably happening because of her baggage, her personality, and/or her career.

What does she do for a living? I know a lot of female lawyers with personalities like you describe (though I know nothing about how they act with their husbands).

The only thing you've said about her personally is that when you were dating she had a rockin' body. Does she still?

Women who were good looking in their youth attract a LOT of male attention, and they can get that attention from the most attractive men. In her youth, your wife probably got that attention and learned how to use very attractive men, and probably got used a few times. I suspect she developed that tough exterior at least in part from the rough and tumble of being used for sex and goodies by very attractive men, and having to go toe to toe with those men.

The way you deal with this kind of woman is, as others have said, by going super alpha all the time. All women want to submit to an alpha man. She does this with you. The kind of sex you describe supports my conclusion -- she's tough herself, but willingly submits to a man who's even tougher, even more alpha.

You just have to go at her with unshakable frame if you want to keep the marriage together. You have to be even tougher, even more alpha, even more IDGAF, than she is.

[deleted] · 2015-10-15T15:36:10+00:00

I'm new, so take this with a grain of salt...

But it's pretty obvious to me your wife does not believe you are both willing and able to fuck some other woman. Whether you actually are is not the point.

If she truly believed you'd go out and get your dick sucked by a hot little tart, she wouldn't taunt you like she does when she withholds sex.

Either that, or she just doesn't give a flying fuck.

Either way, your physical SMV may be through the roof, but your dread level is not nearly as high as you think it is. It doesn't sound to me like you create any dread whatsoever.

What's the financial situation? Does she earn enough to make it on her own without you? She doesn't act like she needs you for anything. Does she?

MoorishRP · 2015-10-15T17:20:05+00:00

I'm new. So take this with a grain of salt, but is it possible she wants more domination, more alpha, like full blow total power exchange? Her reactions seem like nuclear shit test looking for the next level of reaction from you. If this is an ill informed view, please do shoot me down guys.

edit - I do agree with the chasing. I have been doing less and less of this and it's making an impact on creating goosebumps when I do graze her the right way.

spexer · 2015-10-15T17:42:04+00:00

My wife is similar in some of these ways (very alpha, doesnt want to talk about feelz, etc.)

In reading your account, it appears you are chasing her, a lot. How about you stop that for a bit, because you have better things to do? Spend more times having fun with your girls. Don't do your marital rape with her, but instead lose interest if she is cockblocking out the gate, and go do something else.

This is not being butt-hurt - this is you demonstrating that you are not interested in the behavior she is offering.

You got better things to do.

SorcererKing · 2015-10-15T18:29:17+00:00

Holy shit, a ton of analysis here. To me this is much simpler. Draw a straight line. Cut through the noise.

Define what you want, set boundaries, and enforce them. If you truly have tried RP tactics and she is not responding then either she isn't into you or she is damaged goods. Given that the sisters say she has always been like that it seems like she is damaged goods. If so, she always will be. You can't change her, you can't save her. Lay your plans and execute them.

If you like a woman who likes it rough and needs total domination, stay with her. If you'd like a different wife, get rid of her. Although, if she's as weird as you say, you can probably divorce her and plate her.

mrprm · 2015-10-15T20:28:13+00:00

Reading through your post and responses to comments, you come across as focusing too much on trying to control her behavior (the shower thing is a good example of this). I've only been following this sub for a few months, but there is one valuable insight that I've picked up - I cannot control my wife's behavior, I can set boundaries and then enforce them, but I can't make her do something.

Using the shower incident as an example, it seems you may be setting boundaries but not enforcing them, so she keeps pushing and pushing to see how far you will let her push you. I would highly recommend you read NMMNG (again since you claim you have already). Dr. Glover has an example in the book where he will put some string on the ground or something and tell a guy that the string is the guy's boundary and that he is going to cross it and to stop him when the guy is uncomfortable. Then he will proceed to violate the guy's space and push him back, sometimes pushing the guy up against the wall. That is how your post reads to me. You have put the string on the ground but your wife is violating your space and pushing you against the wall and you are not stopping her.

Once you set a boundary, you need to be willing to enforce it. This does not mean forcing her or controlling her, that means enacting the consequence of the boundary being violated. An example in my marriage is when my wife gets a pissy tone. In the past I would just let her bitch at me and the kids in that tone, but I've now set a boundary that it is not appropriate. When she crosses that line I tell her to watch her tone. This usually results in her changing her tone or going silent and sulking. In the rare case she keeps it up I leave, or if it's involving the kids I'll take over the situation (i.e. she can't handle the situation in a mature way as my FO so the Captain is stepping in). See, I can ask her to stop, but I can't force her to. If she doesn't stop I need to enact the consequence, which is removing myself and possibly my kids from the situation.

Given the fact that you need to be willing to enforce your boundaries, you also need to decide if something is worth setting a boundary over or not. To me the whole shower thing is petty... if you don't like the bobby pin in the shower, just fucking pick it up. She knows this is eating you up and she is finding great pleasure in watching you squirm. I'll defer to the other comments that have pointed out how whiny you sound with this one. If you want a clean house and she's not willing to pitch in and that's a big deal to you then set a consequence. For me it might be something like this "Look, I like a clean house and you're not pulling your weight in that department. Either we work together on this or I'll be hiring a maid service to keep the house clean."

Your current approach of just doing the chores and then expecting her to react to that in some way is, as someone else pointed out, a covert contract - "I am keeping the house clean therefore I expect that you will.... " And then you are getting butt-hurt because she is not doing what you expected her to.

This went on longer than I intended, so to recap:

Set boundaries and enforce them, you can't control her behavior, only your own.
Drop the cover contracts
Read NMMNG [again]

strategos_autokrator · 2015-10-17T16:55:30+00:00

Blah blah blah I have a weird woman, it isn't i'm not a captain, it is her fault she doesn't follow, blah blah blah.

Weak sauce. AWALT. She isn't special, you are just weak.

Kidterrific · 2015-10-19T09:19:59+00:00

It sounds like your wife is a master at maintaining her frame, while ignoring your hamster.

You could learn a lot from her, Mr FO.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-10-23T22:37:22+00:00

This thread should be in the MRP Wikie for nothing but /u/whinemoreplease and /u/jacktenofhearts tag teaming some amazing analysis and advice.

NevrEndr · 2015-10-15T18:35:22+00:00

Along this thread there are terms like "struggle with her" or along the lines of compete with her etc.

Do you compete with a child? Treat her like one. IF she is not open to it, thats because you have more invested in her than she does in you. whatever your other stats are, to her, you are not worth more than a less than minimal investment.

I can't tell you how, but if you want "this" to "work" she HAS to be at least slightly more invested than you.

"Baby boy didnt get fucked, aww" --- AA may be nice and all, but she doesn't know that you can get your dick wet anyplace you want at any time, and don't give a shit about marriage consequences. If you are going to play the big swinging dick alpha, she has to dread the lack of dick.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-10-15T14:02:22+00:00

I don't believe any of this.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-10-15T15:12:43+00:00

My wife is....different.

I am just starting to read now. I'm getting a chuckle now, I will be very surprised if this is the case.

Well, not different, just extreme.

Dude, clearly she doesn't respect you, and your dread... isn't. If she had the slightest doubt she'd lose you(or care if she did), she wouldn't be acting like this.

Maybe she's socio/psycho, maybe it's just a battleaxe of a wife who thinks you're an absolute putz... not enough info to say one way or the other.

Personally, I wouldn't put up with that kind of shit. I think even the highest dread will just have her call your bluff (I'm guessing it's a bluff)

File papers, leave them on the desk, tell her flat out you weren't put on this earth to be someones bitch, sign em and get the fuck out of my life woman. If you don't get a reaction, then you have your answer.

If it hits her like a sack of potatos, then it's maybe saveable.

And unless she's hot as fuck, and earning like a motherfucker, I can't figure out why the hell she's acting like her pussy shits gold.

Title	My wife is....different. I would like to hear brutally honest opinions.
Author	NevrEndr
Upvotes	2
Comments	84
Date	October 15, 2015 1:30 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3ousef/my_wife_isdifferent_i_would_like_to_hear_brutally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/my-wife-isdifferent-i-would-like-to-hear-brutally.208016 https://theredarchive.com/post/208016

Comments