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Do you have access to your wife/LTR's phone, passwords etc?

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February 5, 2019
10 upvotes

Why or why not?

Curious to see the various views here. I've always opted to not bother with having access to those things just to avoid mate guarding, looking insecure, and driving myself crazy with checking up on shit. I always felt like if you had to keep tabs on that stuff, you're probably already fucked. I also think if someone wants to cheat they can find ways to hide their shit no matter how much they're watched, unless they don't know they're being keylogged or something.

On the other hand, I've seen a few posts around here where guys say if you're not watching your woman's shit you're fucking up, and I can see how that has some merit as well.


Post Information
Title Do you have access to your wife/LTR's phone, passwords etc?
Author pridebrah
Upvotes 10
Comments 42
Date 05 February 2019 12:01 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217767
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/an842o/do_you_have_access_to_your_wifeltrs_phone/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
mate guardinglong term relationship
Comments

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret39 points40 points  (4 children) | Copy

It’s meaningless, her behavior will tell you all you need to know.

[–]JameisBong7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

This.

[–]RStonePT3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Feedback is good, trying to find out if she is fucking around is beta. I think that's how i see it.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed generally, but at the same time I'm not a fan of being caught off guard.

My personal policy has been to occasionally do "checkups", maybe once every 6 months or so. Particularly if there is a time that would be a good opportunity for her to get up to trouble. Maybe she is off from work during the day I might look to see that her phone is still at home.

Is that in her frame? Maybe. But for me it is less about mate guarding and more about being a captain who knows what is going on around him. If I did catch her up to something it would start the wheels in motion for a most favorable divorce, which can be best planned before she knows it is coming.

What you don't want to do is go full Snowden and constantly worry about what she is doing, that does you do good.

[–]Redpillbrigade1734 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy

No and don’t care. When I am tempted I recognize that’s the beta shit goblin on my shoulder whispering to check her texts. My energy should be spent on improving myself and not checking her. Blink and you’ll miss it -she’ll be gone while you’re in her frame, whining like a boy.

[–]testy684 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beta shit goblin. 🤣

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have access to her passwords, and she has access to mine. Same with the phone. More from a disaster recovery standpoint.

I've been married for quite a long time now and haven't felt the need to snoop on her phone, and she hasn't been in mine.

Of course, I also read TRM while sitting next to my wife on flights and the beach, so do what you feel comfortable with.

[–]mrpthrowa20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

She gave all her passwords, it just happened e.g. I needed to take a picture with her phone, or login to netflix, or click an activation email... she probably engineered all of these situations to give me the passwords.

I have never actually logged to anything of hers beyond doing what's required above. She goes way and beyond to show me she's not doing anything nefarious - stuff like tell me about every little interaction she has, where she's going, etc...

Again I don't know show I care about any of that stuff... "it just happens"


I think snooping is losing frame. Where there is doubt, there is no doubt, so trust your hunch.\

Early on she hit me with one of very few shit tests she threw my way, "how can you be sure that I don't do bad stuff when you're not around...". I told her... she can do bad stuff whilst I'm around and I can be none the wiser, and I'm not here to police her, she can do that herself... translation: I've seen girls do far worse, and I don't have time for nonsense. Her response: immediate backtracking and "I am a very loyal girl blablabla". Hasn't raised an issue since.

[–]RiderHood2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly the same here

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve heard this sentiment before, but I think the reality exists in grey area... your black and white mentality sounds ideal but simply not realistic.

If it were as easy as you make it sound, OP wouldn’t even be asking the question

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (9 children) | Copy

My ex wife gave me her laptop password so I could watch Netflix on it when my laptop broke down.

I had downloaded chrome cause I hate safari, anyway I needed to use keychain to retrieve the Netflix password to login to chrome with it.

This was where I realised she had saved password accounts with sugar daddy websites from before we dated.

If I hadn’t innocently been scrolling through keychain I would have never known she once dabbled in selected prostitution...

I don’t know what moral to take from that... if you’re lady used to be a whore, do you have a right to know?

If you buy a second hand house, do you have the right to know it was used as a meth lab? I mean if you can’t tell, does it matter?

Ideally you shouldn’t be so invested in a relationship that you feel the need to know what’s going on... but in practice if you’re thinking about bigger picture stuff like having children together... you really should know who your lady really is both past and present...

[–]0io-Tsundere5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

Out of curiosity, did she ever talk to you about it? It would be kind of interesting to figure out how much "love and affection" money can buy on those sites. I could see it could either be an ego boost or depressing. Ego boost if you were getting for free what everyone else had to pay for, depressing if you're spending a fortune compared to "market price."

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy

$1500 a night minimum. Which includes nice dinner/breakfast. Usually hotels, some of the cities wealthiest 50+ year olds would do it.

We broke up shortly after this.

Ego boost in the sense that she was fucking hot... but honestly soul crushing to essentially be sold one personality only to learn shes really someone completely different under the hood ...

She had such an innocent persona about her... even held out with sex when we were dating... said she would wait 3 months, we ended up fucking after 6 weeks... which was an eternity for me

[–]0io-Tsundere7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

That must have been a shock, and a real betrayal thinking you knew someone well enough to get married and then find out about it the way you did. Total mindfuck. Would be a lot different if she had been up front about it, I guess. It's amazing how many surprises there can be in life, you never know what's coming around the next corner. Glad you're still around and doing well these days!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yea tbh I think the thing that most rattled me was the realisation moment of just how common it was. I started to see women differently. I started to really see things as they were rather than how I was raised to think or how it’s portrayed on tv or movies...

I think it was kind of the final blow to any kind of blue pill mentality... after that I fully understood the red pill and what it means to me.

There were girls from my greater friends circle who were always travelling or going to expensive meals and posting on insta... I remember asking my wife at the time... is Jess doing it? What about Sylvia? Yep and yep... I felt like an idiot... should I have known?

It also gave me huge power in terms of picking up women... I never got laid as easily or as often as I did after the divorce... and that’s with girls in their early 20’s when I’m in my 30’s.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

AWALT is real. And yeah, the pill can be bitter.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

She had such an innocent persona about her... even held out with sex when we were dating... said she would wait 3 months, we ended up fucking after 6 weeks... which was an eternity for me

Smooth. A 3 month wait, which she tactfully gave up at 6 weeks to make you think she caved.

[–]RedPillCoach7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yah, she is a real pro!

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

6 weeks, wtf dude.

“If she wants you to wait for sex, the sex is never worth the wait.” Rollo Tomassi

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she once dabbled in selected prostitution...

Pics or GTFO!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can check but when I do I find nothing. Her phone is very boring to look through.

So is mine.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you have access to your wife/LTR's phone, passwords etc?

Hell no. I'd much rather spend all my time and energy living my own awesome life than vicariously following my wife's life; I let her filter it and fill me in on the good stuff when it interests me. Only a loser who thinks his wife is a prize while he's not would have time for that monitoring shit.

[–]UnbreakableFrame3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only the ones that I want... like Netflix and her Amazon prime.

[–]C_Till1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have access but choose not to look.

1) I don’t care. What’s in her phone is her business

2) if you feel like you need to snoop, it’s already over.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes and weirdly enough when you have full access there is rarely a need to check on it. In situations where there is a loss of trust (read infidelity) then open social media, and possibly geo-tracking is a minimal requirement for moving forward.

However, checking up on a spouse's social media posts is usually seen as very unattractive, needy, and off-putting. You are better off building 0ptions and expanding your OI than you are mate guarding.

[–]Grimsterr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Why? Because I have to unlock it while she drives if a text comes in to see if it's important.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. I have a thumbprint on my GFs phone and she has one on mine 🤷🏻‍♂️

Makes finding songs on Spotify easier for the other when driving and taking selfies when we are out on dates.

Don’t really give two shits about anything else, nor does she.

[–]atheists_are_correct1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

indeed, everything is there unlocked to be looked at, but i dont ever bother. what would be the point, to even check is to lose frame.

Indeed, having a look is the epitome of insecurity that will make her respect you less.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you kidding me? I want her to snoop on my phone. That means the dread is working.

I dont look at her phone. If she had a side thing and managed to keep it from me then shes operating at the level of Hanabil Lecter and I'm impressed. I would just discard her like a spent condom and roll another right on my dick.

If anyone has the time to kill listen to this mans story. Marrying medusa. That bitch was like Hanabil lecter. The guy was surrounded with some of the best and brightest guys and he was no sucker. You never know.

[–]CakeDay--Bot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey just noticed.. it's your 1st Cakeday RedPill-BlackLotus! hug

[–]nantucketghost1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. I have hers, she has mine. We are married and use a lot of the same passwords for accounts. Whatever.

The code for her phone is the same on mine. It's the same for the alarm system on my house and my garage door key pad.

She doesn't check my email nor do I check hers. I also have nothing on my phone worth checking. Look into digital minimalism. You shouldn't have any useless apps on your phone or time wasters. Get a fucking life.

You are either going to be the reason she stays or she leaves. You and you alone. Be a man, do manly stuff, own your shit, get in shape, be a leader of the family. That's all there is to it. The rest is just noise.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do I have access? Yes.I have access because I am the tech and she is absolutely not. I have to make her create a password and then tell her what it is most of the time.

Do I trust her? Yes.Men are the leaders and we set the precedent. If you are NOT trusting her, she will automatically not trust you AND start giving you reasons to justify your doubts.

Do I look? Yes.Mainly out of boredom and I turn on the "save browsing history" feature on Amazon. That's how I make sure to buy her the right dresses, gifts, sex toys, lingerie, and learn basically what kink she's curious about lately.

Have I found odd shit? Yes.She once googled an ex-boyfriends name. I didn't directly call her out, reveal that I knew, and definitely how I knew that information, but armed with that information I had a conversation to see what was going on. I facebook stalk and look up people for a variety of reasons and I deemed it was out of curiosity. No text message, DMs, inboxing, and she was not acting unusual towards me, so I left it at no-fucks-given.

Does she have access? Yes, sort of.She has access to my phone, but no one touches my laptops ever. Nothing shady, but those are for work only, not looking up keto snack ideas on pinterest or watching dailybumps on youtube.

If you're not watching your woman's shit you're fucking up

This is true to a degree, but it's more important to watch her behavior first and foremost.

  • First, it is unattractive if you force her to share in the first place because she'd know it is out of jealousy and insecurity.
  • Second, she'd know your looking. She'd just delete history, create a second facebook account and keep it logged out, and just generally tighten up OpSec.
  • Third, you'd be lulled into a false sense of security. RP says to watch her actions and don't listen to her words. Having a clean phone/laptop may as well toss in there too. Keep your eyes open and observe. In fact a woman's tone is often 10x more reliable than her vocabulary. In the same way, unnecessary runs to the grocery store or a contemptuous tone in her voice are better indicators than her inbox.
  • Fourth, as mentioned above, you're creating an environment of distrust and secrets. Accuse a faithful person of cheating long enough and they will eventually fuck your best friend to spite you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have all of hers and she has mine. I don't snoop and at least as far as I know she doesn't either, but I'm upfront with everything I'm doing anyway so it wouldn't really matter if she did. It's mostly just a matter of convenience, ie if she needs to get a number from my phone she doesn't need me to unlock it.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When i started my relationship with my ex wife yes(she uses the same for literally everything).I became super beta and snooped one night. Anyway she's gone now so whatever. You are the prize in the relationship, if you feel something is off... End the relationShit and get back on the market.

[–]theShark19850 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah mainly because I’m the one that sets stuff up that needs passwords Netflix ect

[–]csawyer860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We have access to each other's stuff but not because we don't trust each other. We have kids and sometimes one of our phones is dead and we use the other one as a Roku remote lmao. And we have the type of relationship where if someone texts us and the other one happens to be right there we ask each other to text them back or whatever.

I agree with what some people have said, if you need to snoop on their phone you have trust issues and you need to fix that shit ASAP .

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I used to care about knowing what she was texting/ up to. That’s beta faggotry so I’ve stopped caring. Sometimes still find myself curious but that’s rare.

If she wants to do something like cheat or flirt with guys, if she’s smart you having her passwords won’t mean shit.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.00 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I know all my wifes passwords etc. If I demanded them she would give them to me as well.

But I dont demand them and I don't check. First and foremost its mate guarding and you look like a bitch.

Second and more importantly OPSEC is a slippery slope. You constantly question everything. Every little detail comes into question and there arent many answers. Even if you don't find an answer you assume you arent asking the right questions or looking in the proper place. You are literally living in her frame doing this. You will drive yourself mad.

Unless its a ONS, which you wouldnt find out about anyway on a phone or email, long term affairs always out themselves to men who are RP aware, because we see the signs that men sheep miss. That is when you trust but verify.

80% of men out there let their egos get in the way of seeing whats right in front of their eyes. A cheating whore of a wife. The average man doesnt either notice the signs or is far too ego invested to ever think his woman would cheat on him.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Open phone is basic for an ltr to me.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t want any part of it. If you’re so nervous or jealous or weak that you give a fuck what she’s doing or who she’s texting, you are hopeless.

[–]ManguZa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I always assured access, and checked, her fb, historics and such, even before rp. Information is the force of the war.



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