Learning from a blue pill father

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April 11, 2019
6 upvotes

Hi all,

I'm in a red pill relationship. I'm 33 and shes 29. I grew up in a blue pill home and didn't k ow it for the longest time. Basically my mom cheated on my dad when I was 13, they stayed together and you all know the rest.

i really want a family so I'm getting married. been with my lady for 2.5 years. Just hoping for some advice because honestly, I dont know what a long term red pulled marriage looks like. It was chaos growing up and I dont want that.

Look forward to your responses.


Post Information
Title Learning from a blue pill father
Author the_mountains1985
Upvotes 6
Comments 52
Date 11 April 2019 04:58 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/225052
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bc29ti/learning_from_a_blue_pill_father/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
cheatingthe red pillthe blue pill
Comments

[–]helaughsinhidden23 points24 points  (9 children) | Copy

Vague... so very vague. I am guessing you are this way in real life too, after all we are complete strangers and you have told us almost nothing of yourself and haven't even really asked a proper question. I will say that most men here that are honest, forthcoming, candid, and humble are able to get a lot out of this community. Your approach will not yield those results. You don't go to the doctor when you are sick and tell him "I am in the best shape of my life, but just in case my parents made bad choices, how bad is my life going to be".

Just hoping for some advice ...... I dont know what a long term red pulled marriage looks like.

What do you want? Validation? Hope? To be called a faggot? A red pilled marriage is a relationship that is full of managed tension between two imperfect people in the best possible scenario for each member of it. Man leading a woman who wants to be lead, but will fight you for it. A woman who wants to be fucked, but also wants to withhold it. A woman who wants to submit, but doesn't want to be told what to do. MRP will help provide tools to navigate these rough waters, but the tension never goes away, you just get better at handling it in the moment and over long periods of time.

Conclusion: Post your shit if you want help. Tell HOW you are red pill. What are your lifts, books read, game, mission, how handle shit tests, can you spot her hypergamy, how fat are you, how are you leading the relationship, what kind of captain have you been in the past and what did you change, are you killing it in your career and finances, social life, etc. Right now, you are afraid to own up to us, how can you be owning your shit at home?

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is the nicest post you will get you lazy fuck. Communicate or beat it nerd.

[–]Rogue684864 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you want? Validation? Hope? To be called a faggot? A red pilled marriage is a relationship that is full of managed tension between two imperfect people in the best possible scenario for each member of it. Man leading a woman who wants to be lead, but will fight you for it. A woman who wants to be fucked, but also wants to withhold it. A woman who wants to submit, but doesn't want to be told what to do. MRP will help provide tools to navigate these rough waters, but the tension never goes away, you just get better at handling it in the moment and over long periods of time.

This. Learning finesse

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

A woman who wants to be fucked, but also wants to withhold it.

Genius line and so true.

The question is which of the two she finds more pleasure

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

A woman who wants to be fucked, but also wants to withhold it.

Genius line and so true.

not that i'm arguing at all, but why?

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She will find much pleasure from seeing Beta Bob’s face drop when she withholds. She will derive personal (sexual) pleasure from submitting to Chad. If her husband is Beta Bob, she may be already getting pleasure from not giving him sex, so no need to have sex for her

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

that i know. probably doesn't apply to OP but in my experience

A woman who wants to be fucked, but also wants to withhold it NOW

in other words, a woman/wife will often "flex" her power for no other reason than "muh feelz" or to demonstrate agency

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, there probably many reasons. That sounds reasonable

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

Off to a good start - you made some mistakes and appear to have learned some Red Pill knowledge...

i used to obsess over women to the point where I lost my job, got a dui and lost everything. it was terrible. sad really and a complete waste of time.

then I just focused on me. stop putting women on a pedestal. got in great shape. basically became a man.

Good work

now engaged to a wonderful woman.

Uh, oh. I hope you made that decision carefully. Why did you decide to get engaged?

I definitely want her to be the mother of my children. I've heard and been told in therapy that this is actually good.

Wait... your therapist advised it? Ehm.. do you have any underlying mental issues that you haven't told us about yet?

It was chaos growing up and I dont want that.

Trouble childhood. I see. I hope you learned from the lessons of the past.

I'm with a great gal now, we've been together for 3 years. Its steady and solid and honestly boring.

Hmm.. worrying but at least it's better than your past, I suppose...

My past was wild mood swings and constant drama. Now that it's gone I almost crave it.

Da fuck?

I spent my twenties putting women on the pedestal and it really skewed my idea and reality of a healthy relationship.

So what do you consider a healthy relationship now?

Dude - you've barely finished college and a few months ago didn't even have a job. By your own admission, you fucked up all your previous relationships and now that you are in a "stable" one, you want to marry the girl and have kids.. even though you find it boring and crave the kind of drama you had in your childhood which put you into therapy 20 years later.

I dunno, man - you've a lot of shit to sort out before you even think about getting this girl pregnant or marrying her. All I can see here is you repeating the mistakes of your own past and the mistakes of your parents and passing them on to your children.

I don't see anything Red Pill about you at all - you haven't even licked it, let alone taste it.

Sidebar for you - don't stop till you're done.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I really appreciate you taking the time to look at previous posts/comments.

No therapist didn't suggest it.

I've been back to college a couple times, I'm 33 so I'm not really fresh out of college sport of speak.

I agree that I have a long ways to go and a lot of reading to do.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to go back and read your post history to try and get some relevant info on you.

This happens all the time - dudes come in here, give a vague history of themselves and look for a quick fix to a question or problem to which there is no quick fix.

The only time you will get anything of value from TRP is if you put the effort in - and that means posting honestly in OYS and studying both the sidebar and a lot of the forum history. Some of the stuff you can garner from the forum is invaluable.

You found this place at a good time - ie., before you pulled the trigger. If you take the time and put the effort in, it will reward you in spades. Very few men will walk away from here without gaining some serious life knowledge.

Unless they are fucking idiots, of course and they never last long. Most of them are lame horses and get culled at the first fence.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

right on man. You taking the time to read and write all this out is great. posting details is definitely something I should work on more, which is ironic because I'm an engineer. In the past I always looked for the quick fix. I've been working on this more than anything in my life.

I've read no more Mr. nice guy, have read some in the side bar and currently reading the rationale male.

It has really helped me and I've fucked up enough where I want to get things right the first time. The biggest change for me was taking full responsibility for my life, even the mistakes I made when I was just a teen. being this intellectually and emotionally honest has opened the floodgates and now I'm ready to completely absorb all the information. It took me about two years from taking the red pill, fighting through anger (which I still have oocasionally), to be at a place where I could start absorbing the information.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You should read The Unchained Man.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

will do

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'm in a red pill relationship

What makes it so? FYI: post in OWS and we'll judge.

You know you can have a family without getting married. It isn't a legal prerequisite.

And if you're here looking as a kind of back door assurance from us that you should "it's just tougher". Don't.

The main thing that you are changing between your current relationship and what will happen in the future is that you give up your ability to walk away without an unimaginable amount of monetary and legal suffering.

How about don't take another step before you listen to this particular red man group podcast all the way through.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I said it because I didn't want to explain it all. didn't think it was necessary.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

We don't know you then, you lazy fuck.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (2 children) | Copy

did you see the flair?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the sidebar books, your answers lie within.

This is a place for married or ltr guys to work on improving themselves and making their lives better.

What a rp guy who happens to be married's marriage looks like is best gleaned from the many many posts on the main marriedredpill page.

Click on any flaired user and read their post history to get a sample.

[–]vox_veritas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Did you see the sidebar?

[–]rpsheepdog4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm in a red pill relationship

something tells me this might not be the case dude

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

just for arguments sake. let's just say it is.

[–]rpsheepdog1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Married RP then, read up on those sets of rules and it's sidebar

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thanks

[–]UltimateCrypto4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing red pilled about getting married and giving a chick everything she wants and screwing yourself over.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't get married.

There is no benefit to a man in marriage that he can't get from a dedicated LTR.

Marriage is not love. Marriage is not some magical shield that prevents bad things from happening.

Rethink this decision.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am the Sorcerer King and I endorse this message.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy

If getting married changes anything, you're not really redpill at your core, and you're not ready to marry.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (8 children) | Copy

I really like this. our situation will remain the same after we get married. we live together already, we have for the last 1.5 years.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha, dont tell married men that have been through it what you think will happen.

That's like the moron's without kids who think they know how to parent.

There is a reason MOST men tell you not to marry and how most men in long term marriages joke and poke about not getting enough sex. If you think your special then you will be in for a rude awakening

[–]PersaeusRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

our situation will remain the same after we get married.

L O fucking L. nothing remains the same EVER. the real question is can you own yourself and your action in such a way as to properly manage the change; and have you vetted properly

also - your woman has agency too, never forget that

[–]Dialerstring2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Situation will change. She may stop the chase once you guys are married. You should read the entire side bar and books before you pull the trigger on marriage.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep telling yourself that brother, lol It can and will change. That piece of paper binds tighter than chains, and these will be chains of your own forging.

Keep doing what your doing, have a kid if you want, but ide castrate myself with a car door before I ever remarried.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Your "situation" is surely the least important factor.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

guess I'm not sure what you're getting at

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then you'd better take a long walk through the MRP sidebar before walking down the aisle.

[–]alecesne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, it won’t.

You may believe it will. And she may tell you it will. But it can’t. If it would stay the same, why do it?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you were really in a red pill relationship, you wouldn’t be asking what ones looks like faggot.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ok

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have a few questions for you. Are you under that mind set that marriage is for life? What do you expect it to be like compared to what it is now? If you truly want that long term, just understand that you and your girl will change and evolve over time and that being married WILL instinctively change her mindset. Each case is different, but now a days, a woman's hypergamy is optimized by western law (I assume you are in the USA or Canada). She can change her mind years down the road and the courts are more than happy to hand over, in many cases, more than half your property, not to mention a potential custody battle that can be further leveraged by her due to the financial and property ties.

I'm not advising you either way, but just know that. Personally, I like being married and having a family. Just know that the burden of performance is ALWAYS on you and that you can't ever get lazy. The stakes are high my friend.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Firstly,

Thank for taking the time to get a better understanding. I am not under the mindset that marriage is for life. We both are going into this with the idea that we have our specific roles. She has said to me that she wants me to be the leader of our family.

For context, she makes about twice as much as I do and I make good money. and she comes from a much wealthier family that I do. So I know shes not in it for the money.

I'm not saying I'm some ultra alpha dude. I believe, based on a lot of reading and observing of other couples that her and I have a pretty good red pill relationship.

Does this help you at all?

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would just advise you to just understand (for you) what your expectations for yourself and for her are. As the sidebar material says, understand what covert contracts you have now, or could create, and work on mitigating those.

I can't honestly relate to you as to the financial aspect. I am and have always been the bread winner in my marriage. I make upwards of 5 to 6 times what my wife does, and she has a really good, stable job.

Is your girl good with money? You say her family is well to do, but what are her values concerning money? Just as a background, my wife was financially independent, had no debt, good savings, and is (and always was) financially conservative. This was one of my "check boxes" for marriage, but I wasn't red pill when I got married.... discovered it later on. I'm just "lucky" she didn't have a red flag in this area.

She will evolve and change and so will you. My wife and I are both north of 40 and we're different people than we were in our 20's and 30's. I'm happy with who I am and where I am now, but I always know I have to continue to perform, evolve, and improve.

Stay on your toes and be ready for anything.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you bring up really good points. yes, she is phenomenal with money. Very fiscally conservative. She hardly ever parties with her friends and her free time is spent mostly with family. We cook dinner five times a week. she hardly drinks and doeant do any drugs. major check boxes for me. When I finally took the red pill I was a drunk and flat broke. her and I met soon after so shes seen me grow and grow continually. she says that's her favorite part about me.

I understand that I will have to do this the rest of my life, like you said....continue to perform. And personally I want to even if it doesn't work out between her and I.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

From the original Red Pill Antibiotic Nuke post:

Women are hypergamous they feel entitled to a superior mate. You have to be richer than her or at least equally rich, more educated than her or at least equally educated. You need to be better looking than her or at least equal looking, you need to be more popular than she is or at least equally popular. You can offset one area (LMS - looks, money, status) with another, but if you're lower in at least 2 areas just forget it.

Now, tell me about you in relation to your unicorn.

[–]nantucketghost1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you're red pilled form the start, you'll be fine.

It's the fuckers on here that did it half way through a failed marriage with the wrong girl that are having a hard time and will tell you to not get married.

Been married 20 years. It's fucking amazing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I was looking for. thank you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s hitting the wall, and you’re not even peaking. But you know that cause you’re “red pill”, right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you were truly red pill you wouldn’t be asking for advice on here. You wouldn’t need to.

Get married. Don’t get married. Whatever the fuck you want to do. It’s your life not ours.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you need to be married to have a family? The two are not inextricably linked. Also, what country do you live in? Your post is vague as fuck so you are going to get vague answers and people assuming you are a lazy faggot. Faggot.

[–]Captain_pants40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She makes twice as much money as you do, and you like her? Get married, sidebar, work out, keep emotions in check.

Marriage is probably a lot easier if you’re red going in



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