707,481 posts

Knowing the path and walking the path

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July 30, 2019
22 upvotes

Haven't posted here in a long time. I'll try to make this short.

Found MRP. Was in a bad place with wife and kids like most of you. Started lifting, reading and implementing the sidebar. Had some real success in the beginning, but the wife just couldn't take it the more I improved. It got to the point where she was so stressed with the situation that she decided she wanted to bail out. I honestly believe I could've been an MRP guru (was far from it) and it still wouldn't have been enough. My turn was definitely over and looking back there were so many red flags with her behaviour it should've been nuked much sooner.

So now I'm separated, in the divorce process and living in an empty house without my kids. It's a more peaceful place and the kids don't need to see a sparring match between parents every day.

But since the split I've backtracked, picked up old habits and not doing what needs to be done. I have the tools and knowledge, but finding it really fucking difficult to get back on the golden path. Is it acceptable to slip up for a short time to grieve over the corpse of my old family life? Or am I being a fucking pussy and need to man up and get the shit done that needs to be done?

Right now I know the path, but I'm not walking the path... I'm stumbling around drunk in the fucking bushes


Post Information
Title Knowing the path and walking the path
Author Awakeningof17
Upvotes 22
Comments 33
Date 30 July 2019 10:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/247519
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cjzi1t/knowing_the_path_and_walking_the_path/
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Comments

[–]stoicstephen30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

The problem here is that your mission was to improve your marriage.

Now that there is no marriage, there is no mission.

Without a mission there is no motivation to improve and evolve.

Get a mission, preferably one that is not dependent on other people.

[–]Cmvplease22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's the right answer OP. I was about to say this but instead looked for the right comment to upvote.

[–]tspitsatgp22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

The thing is that you are going to feel shit no matter what you do, so you might as well focus on doing the “right” things while you feel shit, instead of compounding that shit feeling by continuing your drunk captain habits.

That means continue to lift, eat well, get sleep, socialise, be a good father, educate yourself, etc.

Use this solo time to rebuild, learning from your past mistakes.

[–]BuddhaGorilla16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

Posted today in /r/stoicism:

"You cry 'I am feeling severe pain.' Are you then relieved from feeling it if you bear it in an unmanly way?" - Seneca, Moral Letters.

The manly path is that way —->

[–]Cmvplease22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OMFG. Brutal.

I've read his On the Shortness of Life. I'll have to check out the Moral Letters

[–]lololasaurus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What an excellent post.

Well said.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm stumbling around drunk in the fucking bushes

Welcome to the party pal!

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hes off the golden path red, he needs help! Hold my hat I'm going in, I'll save him.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sound like a guy to whom things happen.

.you should try to be the guy who happens to things

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The world doesn't happen to you—you happen to it.

Brian Thompson

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would Chad find it acceptable?

We each have two lives... the second one begins when you realize that you only have one.

Get to work faggot.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is it acceptable to slip up for a short time to grieve over the corpse of my old family life?

Yes, any man must be able to reflect on mistakes and make changes. Its the rebuilding that counts. Rian Stone u/RStonePT/ talks often of burning it down, rebuilding V2.0 (or 3.0) better than ever.

Get busy.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are prime example of turning the gas up to quick to boil the frog. “Slowly” turn up the heat. Most of all STFU.

Reset. Take stock and move forward.

Your mangina assessment of the situation tells me you really have not got it and you are prone to rinse and repeat.

Lift. STFU to your own hamster and getvon with your life.

Instilling MRP is not hard. STFU when you want to persuade someone to jump on your idea of MRP is.

[–]helaughsinhidden11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Is it acceptable....

Sure. Take as long as you need sweetie, you deserve it. Get some wine, chocolate bon-bons, put on Lifetime movies for a couple years. You are a strong independent woman and don't need no man! snap snap

[–]Awakeningof17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I needed this.

[–]unnaturalcontrol2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, it’s ok to grieve. Yes, you’re a pussy. u/BuddhaGorilla said “The manly path is that way ———>” Notice the arrow is pointed forward,not backwards

[–]FlyingSexistPig3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go ahead and grieve. My girl recently left me.

I'm so happy she's gone. I have plans, and I can implement those plans now.

But I still had to take a couple of days to grieve. And this was just a girlfriend, not my wife.

Take the time you need to process your feelings.

[–]Rogue684862 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your biggest risk is being beta and recreating the same dynamic in your next gig

Who are you?

We determine this when the chips are down. Not when we're winning.

This is not an either or

Take some time for yourself and do RP activities.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Another tragic hero of his self created problems.

I want to make one point clear.

The failure of OPs marriage isn't indicative of anything. His mindset is. He's clearly navel gazing and needs to get his dick out of the dirt.

We'd like to say because he's divorcing he didn't do it right and that may be. He may have pushed the car over the edge. He also may not have.

MRP saves the man not the marriage. He may have been too beta too long for her to accept anything else from him.

There's a slow debate about how much is a man's fault. The promarriage movement within the manosphere would like us to beleieve every failure is ours. Probably true when you are first starting out but it is equally egotistical to believe you are the sole lynchpoint of success and failure as it is to say everyone is fucking things up.

When you no longer expect the world to be as you wish but accept it for what it truly is, then you will know with certain that some things are not your problem.

Either I'm right or it truly won't be your problem any longer.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Probably true when you are first starting out but it is equally egotistical to believe you are the sole lynchpoint of success and failure as it is to say everyone is fucking things up.

We do a lot of this here - messaging to those just starting out is different than the vets. We say STFU but in the same breath know that at some point you have to open your mouth to be congruent. The same holds true for ownership - it’s all your fault until you have owned enough shit to recognize what isn’t your fault and even then it’s your fault if you continue to tolerate it.

He knows he went Rambo and blew shit up - you can hear it in the way he writes about it. I’m not one to judge as I prefer action over in action but you should own the consequences of those actions and not pawn it off on the wife.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely.

Never have a problem with Rambo. He gets shit done. There's an issue when Rambo goes hey why isn't she sucking my dick? What's wrong with her

[–]Imaginary_Historian5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am not sure you did this right. Sounds like you went Rambo on her and blew up the marriage. Not saying this is a bad thing necessarily.

Well, there is another possibility. Was your wife psycho?

I know AWALT but in my experience, some women do not respond well to RP. The ones I have encountered like this, though, are psycho in the first place. And by that I don't mean normal psycho (as all women are a bit nuts) or even most out on the fringes, but real psychos, like actual diagnosable mental health conditions.

Don't get me wrong, as I think that true psycho women are still fundamentally attracted to RP, but some are just too psycho to deal with it and they crack.

[–]Awakeningof17[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think she definitely has mental issues and in the beginning I did go Rambo. Now she's gone I'm seeing the true beast in her through the constant attempts at gaslighting etc.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Continuing to not own your shit - I’m sensing a pattern....

[–]Awakeningof17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm definitely continuing to not own my shit and the pattern needs to be broken.... guess it had to come to this for me to truly appreciate how much of a fuck up I've been.

[–]40mullet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You learned only to dodge bullets. You are nowhere near where you don´t have to.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put your foot back on the gas and grieve simultaneously. Having a pity party won’t solve anything

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Butch up you fucking pussy.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The stoics are correct in this.

[–]abratoki0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Time will pass anyway no matter what you do. You will get older, wrinklier and the number of days on this earth will diminish.

What do YOU want to do with your time now? Do you want to grieve? Thats OK. Do you want to do something that is RP. You probably should.

Ultimately RP teaches you that you get to do what the fuck you want to do, but if you do DO it at least be fucking deliberate about it.

[–]lololasaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't do enough because you did it for the wrong judge. Do it for you. Fix yourself, and the marriage might come along.

I do know this is easier said than done but that's why it's hard work.

Hit the sidebar. Lift. Fix you. Go. Fight. Win. ----->

[–]Tbonesupreme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope you had a written custody agreement entered with the courts BEFORE you moved out of the house. If not, you fucked yourself.

No, your kids don't need to see a sparring match between parents... but that's not as bad as having a whiny pussy for a father.

Man up. Go lift something heavy. Fuck whores. Get into a fist fight. SOMETHING other what you're doing now.

[–]ice_walkerHead Negotiator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can grieve while you lift. You can grieve while you read. You can grieve while you cook healthy meals. You can grieve while you go out for beer with mates. You can grieve while you pay bills and set up your budget. And the list goes on...



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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