LTR searched ex on FB, soft next ?

vandaalen · 2019-08-01T10:25:26+00:00

A soft next is something completely different from what you think it is and it is solely applied for the creation of unnecessary drama, where the girl knows what she did.

In your case she does not even know you seen it and a soft next would cause drama and problems.

The constant accusations of cheating would have justified a soft next though and even a hard next for repeated offenses.

Also soft nexting does not work on women you are co-habitatong with.

Nexting a woman you are living with and have a child with because she searched an ex... It doesn't get more insecure than that, although it indeed should make you suspicious.

Overall this looks like something is wrong in your relationship. Most probably it's you. Fix yourself.

My bet is on she lost attraction and is fantasizing about cheating and she idealized the time with that guy she searched.

Observe her though. Don't start snooping, but have a very close look at suspicious actions.

drqxx · 2019-08-01T11:08:19+00:00

You have a child with her, I would do everything I could to maintain the relationship. but if you are going to leave the earlier you can do it the better. Do yourself a favor make sure you're in that kid's life at least 50% of the time, because otherwise I'll be like my dad. He's in his late 50s and struggles to connect with his son (me) so instead of fixing the relationship he just avoids me even more.

Conversely, I left my wife after 3 years we had a one-year-old son. He is curently crashed out on the couch next to me. He's almost nine. I cannot imagine my life without him.

Remember the choices you make now have long-term ramifications so think everything through as much as possible.

deathhandmachiavelli · 2019-08-01T12:32:44+00:00

Don't overreact. A lot of people have searched for their ex out of curiosity on social media.

Pwnishment87 · 2019-08-01T12:30:27+00:00

STFU, man up and handle your shit. You shouldn't be getting this pissy over an ex on facebook. You have a kid and live together you are strapped to her for a minimum of 18 years whether or not you are in a relationship. Have a stern discussion with her and lay out your terms. If she doesn't like your terms or you can't compromise its time for her to find another place to live. Simple as that. If she's keeping up on exes then you are obviously doing something wrong. Lift, work you ass off and provide for your family, do things around the house, and stop bitching so much. She'll either fall in line or want to leave.

CainPrice · 2019-08-01T14:17:15+00:00

ALL girls look their exes up on Facebook. Every single one of them.

captaintrippay · 2019-08-01T10:19:13+00:00

Damn you're insecure. Although if your instinct says somethings wrong, there mostly is. Instinct is more powerfull than you think.

Cods_gift_to_reddit · 2019-08-01T11:45:24+00:00

Don't leave a marriage and kid because you found her searching an ex on facebook, that's insane.

A conversation and some explicit boundary setting will do fine. something like this:

"I found this on your phone when we were looking at 'x'. I'm not happy about it, it hurt my feelings and I don't want you talking to any other guys while we are married (or whatever your boundary is). You can choose whether to follow this boundary, or sacrifice our marriage together and the stability of home for our child. It's your choice, and I will be following through on this threat if you speak to other guys socially/on facebook while we are married. It's a deal breaker for me. I hope we won't have to have this conversation again."

But I mean people search exes all the time - you don't even know whether they spoke to each other! If it was just a curiosity glance at a profile to see what he's up to then that's really common human behaviour. Probably not the healthiest and a bit immature but people do it all the time.

boom_bostic · 2019-08-01T13:54:38+00:00

Hell no, don’t leave this woman—who is your child’s mother over her FB search history!! WTH is wrong with you, man?

I have FB and I’m married. Do you think I haven’t searched my ex’s profile out? It’s a pretty common curiosity.

I think you need to address your insecurities, bro. If you were owning your own shit, you wouldn’t be sweating whether or not to next your baby mama over her FB search history.

My advice to you would be to work on yourself....and I promise, all the rest will fall into place naturally.

maljo24 · 2019-08-01T11:14:59+00:00

You have a child together - stay together.

actually-guy · 2019-08-01T13:44:05+00:00

You need to get her full attention, and don't break eye contact:

"Enough. I'm not cheating on you. Don't ever ask me that or accuse me of that again, not even one more time. If I'm cheating on you, I will tell you: 'I fucked a girl.'. If I'm going to break up with you, I will tell you: 'We are breaking up.'. You will not have to guess, and I won't be hiding anything. Right now, I want to be with you, so I'm here with you. If I didn't want to be with you, I'd be gone. Do you have ANY questions?"

chazthundergut · 2019-08-02T07:35:16+00:00

I would demote her from LTR. All her suspicions and accusations are red flags

_Ulan_ · 2019-08-01T13:23:39+00:00

Just no.

YouNeverKnowAnyone · 2019-08-01T16:41:07+00:00

Paternity test

Ohboohoolittlegirl · 2019-08-01T16:52:01+00:00

A girl accusing you if cheating with no ground for such accusations is 100% cheating herself if she is also being cold and shady and redirecting attention. If her behavior hasn't changed, I wouldn't worry too much. If she's been awkward, distant and doesn't feel like sex and needs her own time, I have no doubt.

MurkyArtichoke · 2019-08-02T00:11:19+00:00

Christ, why do people overreact so much after reading a bit of TRP?

Snowaey · 2019-08-01T13:30:30+00:00

You brought a child into this world, now you should make his life as good as possible, it's your duty.

fds_1 · 2019-08-02T06:25:35+00:00

You'ved done two things TRP is not really advising. You got a child with a girl and thus have to live with her and you can pretty soon find out why does the community advise against these things...

LTR searched ex on FB, soft next ?

Comments

But ultimately...

Nearly a year later:

Title	LTR searched ex on FB, soft next ?
Author	CalfsOnDeck
Upvotes	43
Comments	51
Date	August 1, 2019 9:50 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ckm8n3/ltr_searched_ex_on_fb_soft_next/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-searched-ex-on-fb-soft-next.247643 https://theredarchive.com/post/247643