Looking for advice for 'nice guy' kids

ReddJive · 2019-08-07T14:35:50+00:00

Not a lot there. I keep thinking about posting more.

One thing to understand there is no cure. you won’t stop whatever they decide. The best you can do is prepare them so that they will recall and course correct on their own.

No man can be convinced of what we talk about. Those days have left. The best you can hope for is that when they hit a wall they will go. Yep. My dad taught me this. Should have listened.

My advice is don’t go for the tropes of manhood, or the Miller Lite Masculinity as it’s being called. Example. My boys don’t play sports. I think those days of sports being the essence of what a boy learns are long long gone.

My oldest is in Civil Air Patrol. Search and Rescue qualified. He has performed 2 actual SAR missions this summer. He has a civilian pilots license (can only fly with CAP missions just to be clear). he is also going to fighter jet training soon (the USAF is making huge investments in getting young kids interested in being pilots apparently their projections show a shortage in a decade).

My youngest is in Navy Sea Cadets. At 14 a SCUBA diver, wreck and rescue certified. He has dived to 80 feet and has mapped out ship wrecks for tourism use. He has just returned from training that taught him how flight operations on a air craft carrier are performed. He is also rated by the USN within the sea cadets as Aircrew certified. we are just now exploring what that opens up for him.

My point is this. Lead them to things. Don’t just put them into the mill press of what ever one else does. Most people want thier kids to be sports stars. Those days are done. Yeah every kid learns to play ball but not every kid flies to military bases and learns some pretty cool shit that can benefit them later in life. Not every kid learns to be on their own at these young ages. It’s those lessons that stay with them.

I don’t have to be the guy that knows everything and does everything. I just have to be the guy that knows how, where to find things and then how to make it happen. Make them try a lot of things. Make them learn a lot of things. Even if they don’t like it they will have some pretty cool stories when they are done.

Westernhagen · 2019-08-07T15:22:25+00:00

Straight out of the book:

Nice Guys are created due to a fear of abandonment. Their parents neglect them, shame them, put unrealistic expectations on them, or use them to gratify their own needs. If you're doing any of that to him, stop it. If your wife is doing any of the above, you have to intervene decisively to stop it.

LongRoad_518 · 2019-08-07T14:35:47+00:00

This is very low on details.

How old is your son? Is he showing behaviors your recognize? Or is this your own concerns because you feel like there's problems in you or your wife's (also you) parenting?

ArborioRice · 2019-08-07T14:27:41+00:00

What are you doing to raise your son?

RP_PO · 2019-08-07T14:36:38+00:00

Fix yourself and you’ll likely end up preventing that. Focus on yourself, the byproducts may or may not come. My mission is all about me, but I will leave a legacy, including my kids because that is what I want. In the end they will be who they want, but not for lack of discipline and tools that I will give them.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-08-07T16:31:19+00:00

So vague... but sure

my son may eventually fall under the curtain of NMMNG.

AMALT. If hypergamy is the curse all women are subject too, being the "nice guy", abdicating leadership, DEERing, passivity, and weak behavior is ours. Asserting oneself into alpha behavior is learned either by family, culture, or in most of our cases, through pain and suffering.

I have sons 21, 13, and 8.

I was SO BLUE when raising my oldest, but he and I talk regularly about the behaviors he witnessed and the fallout. I send him and the 13 year old videos, articles, and memes. I've also lent them books from the sidebar that I own, but he hasn't read them as far as I am aware. I've made the 13 year old read some material. Specifically trying to teach him to not DEER, so I've printed some of the MRP posts and given them to him on paper to read when he's at my office. My wife (their mother) has hard wired herself as their primary source of approval and because of her nature, has programmed them to seek female validation. It's a mess and I am working hard to un-F the situation. The wife backs me up NOW but that only truly began in the past 3-4 years and it began as a trickle, still only at 75% compliance. So the earlier you get on it the better because mothers and culture are definitely NOT on your side.

SailorAground · 2019-08-07T16:32:20+00:00

Boys need challenges and rites of passage in order to prove themselves as men. That proving themselves bit is as much for him as it is for other men. What have you done to challenge him? What have you done to train him so that he has confidence in his abilities? What have you done to give him opportunities to learn self-reliance, self-discipline, responsibility, leadership, etc.?

Reading your post, it sounds like you've allowed him to drift in the wind or just haven't done any work to help him. Come up with a plan, take action, reassess depending upon how your plan goes, and adjust fire as necessary.

PillUpAss · 2019-08-07T16:29:48+00:00

I struggle with the same. Agreed with other comments that you need to provide more details. BUT..

Kids learn at select moments based on the experiences they are having. If a woman / women hadn’t crushed you, you likely wouldn’t be able to truly internalize RP either. Boys haven’t been crushed yet, so many RP lessons make no sense to them. All you can do is:

1 - teach them the basics that aren’t so hard to believe (you are the prize, the need for continual improvement, the benefits of lifting, what frame is, social savvy skills like AM and AA, apply abundance mentality to friends, etc.). Get him started on those basics early.

2 - wait for that narrow window of opportunity where he will be open to seeing the code in the Matrix.

He’ll still have to fully unplug someday, but you can make it easier for him.

Rifleshoot · 2019-08-07T14:52:33+00:00

Sons copy their fathers. Internalize RP alpha behavior in yourself and display it to him as well. Be the head of you household and he will follow in kind.

unnaturalcontrol · 2019-08-07T17:11:14+00:00

I think another source that may help is The Rational Male: Positive Masculinity. The first section of the book is about raising children to have a red pill lense.

Title	Looking for advice for 'nice guy' kids
Author	wtf_ever_man
Upvotes	15
Comments	19
Date	August 7, 2019 2:20 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cn6eje/looking_for_advice_for_nice_guy_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/looking-for-advice-for-nice-guy-kids.249039 https://theredarchive.com/post/249039

Comments