[48 Days of Power] Day 4 - "Always say less than necessary."

pjewa · 2014-11-18T16:39:56+00:00

Transgression

Back in college I was auditioning for something. It was going really, really well. The guy auditioning me was really enjoying himself and we were getting along just fine. At the end he thanked me for coming in with a big smile.

I should have just thanked him and left. But no.

For some reason I felt the need to explain to him how much I wanted the part, how it was something I've always wanted to do, and how much fun I think it will be.

I rambled for a long, terrible minute and in that time his face changed from all smiles to complete boredom, which of course made me search for more words to try to cheer him up again. It didn't work, and I didn't get the part.

defenderzeta · 2014-11-18T21:08:08+00:00

I have always found that using "Active Listening" and asking "Layered Questions" helps to keep control of conversations. I always teach our salespeople the cardinal rule of "The person asking questions is in control." Also that the greatest salespeople aren't "closers" they instead "qualify with purpose" by asking rational or emotional questions before they talk about product/fulfilled needs.

So many people are trying to talk they rarely listen. I ask a question, give it a 3-5 count after the person finishes and then either ask a "Layered Question" by asking about a specific point of what they said or redirecting/controlling the conversation by asking something else. If you can master the power of Active Listening like a minister, psychologist or master sales person you can bond the person to you.

There is a neuro-chemical basis that people feel please by sharing things about themselves. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/10/the-selfish-meme/309080/

If you can lock it down where you are in sync with the person by mirror and matching them and then changing their state (they lean forward, you lean forward... stay that way for 10-30 seconds and then change your posture and see if they follow you... works the same way with voice only conversations over the phone with speech tempo). This is one the basic skills of NLP.

The classic Dale Carnegie story in "How to Make Friends and Influence People" is where he went to a party and only told folks his first and last name and then asked questions about the person. He tuned into their favorite radio station WIIFM (Whats In It For Me) which is allowing people to validate themselves by having someone find their interests interesting. The next day his friend who hosted the party said he was really popular and everyone said how interesting he was as a person.... all he did was ask questions and allow others to feel validated talking about their favorite subject... themselves.

I'm not a musician.. but if a salesperson has a advertisement from Guitar Center with expensive guitars hung up on his wall to motivate him.. i'll ask him about his gear. If a person is reading a motiviational/salesbook i'll ask them what gems they have picked up from it and let them feel like a wise-man for a few minutes.

Everyone is always waiting for the other person to shut up so they can talk themselves... active listening is stopping your own mental chatter, focusing on what the other person is telling you and affirming what is interesting to them is interesting.

One of my co-workers loves to talk about how he is trying to learn to play poker to go professional. I think its crap, but i allow him to brag for a bit how to won this or crushed that guy at the table. I listen long enough for him to feel good about sharing his interests and then affirm its pretty cool. Honestly I rarely tell anyone what interests me... i know they don't care.

I teach my salespeople to learn that everyone is self-centered... and that's "OK". Don't get upset by the fact that every other human being only cares about themselves... leverage that knowledge to rule them. If you learn to control others by using their need for validation to emotionally/intellectually bond them to you its going to the next level of the game. Some of the salespeople get it... some miss the point. Some Will, Some Won't, So What. :)

magicalbird · 2014-11-18T17:27:26+00:00

Some girls get wet just by you being stoic and letting them talk themselves into getting into you. Of course this works best if you're already high SMV.

gt35r · 2014-11-18T17:15:30+00:00

This is probably one of the biggest changes I can see that I'm grasping. Text game, and in the work environment I'm in. Over the phone I'm short and precise to my point and get it across as efficiently as possible without rambling. When texting I let them respond last unless it's an answer they are waiting on, I'll let it stew for a short amount of time before responding.

It's absolutely hilarious to see some of the judgmental messages I receive after not responding right away, or with one word answers.

apollyon_jd · 2014-11-18T18:59:49+00:00

To amplify the authors point, this was of course the shortest chapter in the book.

"Keys to power: Power is in many ways a game of appearances, and when you say less than necessary, you inevitably appear greater and more powerful than you are. Your silence will make other people uncomfortable. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation; they have to know what you are thinking. When you carefully control what you reveal, they cannot pierce your intentions or your meaning." "By saying less than necessary you create the appearance of meaning and power. Also, the less you say, the less risk you run of saying something foolish, even dangerous."

Let others do the majority of the talking, this will allow you to focus on improving the other laws of power. For example laws 13 and 14. Many of the laws are congruent. It is never too early to shut-up. Practice speaking directly to the point.

M4gikarp · 2014-11-19T02:34:24+00:00

"There are two rules for success:

Never tell everything you know.

-Roger H. Lincoln"

rpscrote · 2014-11-18T16:54:47+00:00

I wrestle with this a lot. My job requires extensive, exhaustive detail on a subject. Thus my personal manner of speech reflects that. It's hard to remember a lot of rules while talking in real time, so I just try to say fewer things generally.

I personally relate this to when I lived in a foreign country learning their language. I couldn't remember my academic language lessons in real time, so I had to work to internalize/habit-ify certain speech patterns. I did this by speaking with lots of people, any opportunity I got, and also by listening carefully and consistently -- letting the flow and "feel" of patterns become second nature. The key to this then is to internalize and make it an unconscious habit to be vague and speak less. Listen (to actual spoken words) by people who speak succinctly and who are persuasive. Allow your subconscious to pick up on things going on. Anybody have suggestions/youtube links of people who fit the bill?

DalekJay · 2014-11-18T17:28:10+00:00

The best example of this I've noticed on TRP has come from FRs from guys who "stay silent" and hold frame when with a woman. For example, a girl will try withholding sex for various "reasons" like she's on her period or she wants to wait with him. bobbybluepill made a post about a woman doing this, and mentioned to her that there are other things they could do while she's on her period,

Halt the entire interaction

Just stare at her, as if to say "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Say nothing, continue staring, hold Frame!

I say nothing, stop escalating, roll to my side next to her, and just stare at her. She stared back, blankly for a few seconds. And then, "What?" which she asks 2 or 3 times. She finally breaks her stare with me, but I continue, not responding to anything. Then she says, "Are you mad at me?" No reply, continue staring. Then she playfully slaps me on the cheek to get me to stop staring and asks if I'm mad again. At this point, I just say flatly, "Not at all. You've got to work in a few hours." and I reach across her and grab my phone, then lay on my back. Her: "What are you doing?" Me: "Checking emails, scores, and seeing what the boys are up to." Her: "Sure you're not mad at me?" Me: "Yup"

And with that, she dives under the blanket and starts to suck my dick. I got a blowjob that lasted over a full hour. She licked my balls, my asshole, and swallowed my load. Took instructions like "Look at me" like a champion. I was told previously not to cock-slap her in the face. NOPE! This time, I cock-slapped her however much I wanted.

TL;DR: You don't even have to say shit. Just HOLD FRAME!

I also like to use this law when people ask me about my job. I'm a student worker for my university's housing department. I move furniture, break stuff to help move it, take trash to dump, paint, recycle light bulbs and ballasts, etc. When people asked what I do for work I used to tell them all about it because for the most part I enjoy what I do (getting paid to break stuff is a great stress reliever). However now I vaguely tell them that I'm the school's demolition man. People are far more interested when I keep it short and sweet.

pjewa · 2014-11-18T20:56:06+00:00

I just wanted to comment that I just went through the first three threads and the discussion this is generating is fantastic! Keep crossposting it here, we could use some more quality content lately.

2014-11-18T18:34:28+00:00

This one time a girl took me back to hers and for some reason she wasn't letting me put it in (we were both completely naked at this point), I tried for an hour before just giving up. I just stayed over the night and talked my way to a BJ the next morning.

Cut off contact straight and the week after she saw me again and had the nerve to ask if I was going back to hers again. Straight up answers from me were "No", "I'm going straight home after tonight" and various other short answers when she questioned why I wasn't. I could of said "Well you with held sex from me and I can't go back to yours as I don't feel I'm benefiting from this relationship" blah blah but I stuck true and didn't even want to give her an answer.

At the end of the night she told me she was leaving and asked once more. I said no and turned away, she went off. Texted her literally 30 mins later and asked if she was still around, she was. Went back to hers and had a completely opposite experience than the first time ;)

Key thing is, once you make your intentions clear and I mean crystal clear from the get go, don't try and justify them cause you'll be stuck in an emotion vs logic argument and those things go in circles forever (trust me, I've tried to out logic an emotional person). Put it on the table and if it doesn't work out. Oh well.

KillYourselfLiving · 2014-11-19T04:38:31+00:00

Play your cards as close to your chest as possible. This gives you an aura of mystery. The more you say, the more common you appear and the less in control you seem to be.

Take for example Andy Warhol. He created mystery by not openly talking about his art and he answered questions by being intentionally vague giving people the feeling that he was being more profound than he was.

If you do not reveal all, people will never become bored with you or your presence because youwill continue to represent a challenge, and will be eternally interesting.

Your silence will make other people feel uncomfortable and humans aremachines of interpretation and explanation; they have to know what you arethinking.

When you carefully control what you reveal, they cannot pierceyour intentions and meaning. Your short answers will put them on the defensive and they will jump in, nervously filling the silence with all kinds of comments that will reveal valuable information about themselves and their weaknesses.

whitepeoplecrazy · 2014-11-18T17:50:20+00:00

I use this tactic when negotiating my pay rate for a new contract. By not saying a word (almost literally) and allowing the recruiter to talk more, I easily walked away with an additional $30k when all is said and done.

momomotorboat · 2014-11-18T18:16:45+00:00

This one is hard for me. I have to write detailed reports and teach people concepts frequently. I'm also a law school student.

What gets my goat is when I say too little and someone points out something I didn't mention as if they're telling me something I didn't know. In the fields I'm in, this can be detrimental to my success.

Anyone have tips that would apply to me?

primordialbeast85 · 2014-11-18T19:16:52+00:00

Now this law I can really agree with. So many people talk way too much. And talk to much nonsense. I like this law and it has drastically improved my standing.

Johnny10toes · 2014-11-19T00:21:50+00:00

This one should be a no-brainer but it's one that a lot of us, including me, struggle with. When you are shooting the shit you reveal stuff in sub-communication or volunteering information. For me I talk about relationship dynamics and one guy thinks I should be Dr Phil. Hard not to talk about things that interest you.

One guy at work, the new guy, rode with one of my older hands. Wanting to fit in he started telling us the things that my old one would tell him. Stuff about his marriage and the like. While none of the info was new to me, I had tried to steer him in the right path but he was playing a game of "Why Don't You, Yeah But," it communicated that my new guy cannot be trusted with sensitive information but may be a useful tattletale. The old hand will use stonewall tactics with me and I don't have to know what he thinks if someone is feeding me the information.

Volunteering information can take many forms but we will look at a real world example that got a person fired. A company in the same line of work I do were out on the job and one guy gets injured and needs emergency medical help. He gets his help. The job needs to be finished so they send out 2 more guys. Then, since it was a major incident, they send out the investigating guys. They are now on the scene and a customer is shooting the shit with them and "Oh hey, I filmed those other guys. It's neat!" The investigators requested the video and 2 guys were shown breaking major safety rules and fired. True they could have avoided that by following the rules. Possibly recognized by management for a job well done. But the volunteering is my point.

2014-11-19T12:15:40+00:00

As a naturally stoic, rather introverted person reading this law made me very happy.

bullyfootrookie · 2014-11-19T13:22:26+00:00

Over the top of the obvious impact your words have the less you say and some of the other points mentioned, I've found it useful in boosting reputation in general.

The less you reveal about yourself, the more people have to fill in the blanks themselves. And the more people have the fill in the blanks, the more likely they are you imagine you being their ideal person.

Can't tell you how many girls have thought I was a nice, innocent and sensitive guy and how many guys have thought I was a suave, charming player without me making any indication of being either to anyone. This gives you leeway to maneuver into any social situation you want to.

The unpredictability that comes from it is very powerful when coupled with the level of intimidation people feel around people they can't read.

Transmigratory · 2014-11-18T21:34:37+00:00

True: speech is silver; silence is golden.

2014-11-18T17:15:34+00:00

One thing I find interesting that could be seen as an example of this law in action are some of my introverted friends.

I know them since childhood and they are total betas.

Yet when we go out and meet new people they are often seen as alpha just because they don't talk much. When they say something it's short and to the point. And they emit an aura of calmness that seems to be very attractive to women.

But when they date it backfires as soon as the women realize that their calmness and not speaking much is just because they are introverted. They also have a hard time keeping a conversation going so they lose in the end.

However after I have seen how well they do in the beginning stages of attraction I definitely will try it. I am a chatty person and that seems to make me endearing but crushes attraction quickly.

ZackCross · 2014-11-18T22:19:41+00:00

I've been understanding this concept for a very long time now, but for some reason I feel that I always have to talk/explain things in detail because the majority of people I interact with are too stupid to understand things if I were to keep my words short and vague. The struggle is real.

kempff · 2014-11-18T17:59:59+00:00

The confident man doesn't need to explain or justify his positions or opinions. He realizes that "No." can be a complete sentence. He's willing to let the interaction end at its natural conclusion point.

Therefore when you explain yourself more than necessary, you are admitting that your opinion has no value in and of itself, and that you need to justify it to them. The more you explain, regardless of how valid and logical your explanations are, the more you convince them that you are the type of man who shouldn't be listened to unless your points are validated from outside.

This goes along with another point relevant to boardroom interactions or corporate committee meetings; not only speak the least, but try to speak last as well. Let everyone else have their say, then you chime in. Not only will it be one of the most memorable opinions, but by listening first, you'll have a better idea of what to say.

2014-11-18T20:07:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RedPillSafe · 2014-11-19T00:36:14+00:00

Use as few words as are required to get your point across.

Get to the Point !!!

2014-11-19T04:36:54+00:00

I like this law because applying it is REALLY easy.

2014-11-19T05:03:21+00:00

I used to talk too much.

Now when people ask about my personal life. I just get irritated and give clipped answers.

Now I'm the private person. Its none of their business.

I say No a lot more too.

reddumpling · 2014-11-19T07:45:54+00:00

When I catch myself babbling on and explaining too much I get disgusted at myself. Perhaps it is this law at work.

epixs · 2014-11-19T12:21:29+00:00

My father always emphasized the point about only speaking when needed.

KHJohan · 2015-04-17T22:33:25+00:00

another way to put it is that the more you say the more obvious your limitations become

Trail_of_Jeers · 2014-11-18T19:00:22+00:00

Coming from IT, I find that most of the people I know tend to say a lot - technical explanations, detailed reports. Powerful people, however, talk less. I can see it when my Aunt Talks. When she over talks, I can feel the shift in the room.

How do I stop talking and start controlling?

Indianbro · 2014-11-18T17:14:21+00:00

This applies to interviews as well.

screamingATtrees · 2014-11-18T22:21:29+00:00

The power of saying nothing.

2014-11-19T03:56:47+00:00

I disagree. A man should be logical, brave, and articulate enough to accurately and elaborately argue a position and explain his reasoning to any manner of person who challenges him. Equally important is having the confidence to pause, critically analyze, and accept valid criticism and ideas. Aiming for the illusion of intelligence is a surefire way to atrophy one's ability to truly think and act intelligently.

yummyluckycharms · 2014-11-19T07:03:49+00:00

Depends on the industry. Consulting is all about BSing the client really - the more words that you say, the more complex you make it sound, the more likely they will sign on.

Sales is the same way - a good salesman never stops talking - he's ABC constantly

Title	[48 Days of Power] Day 4 - "Always say less than necessary."
Author	pjewa
Upvotes	270
Comments	91
Date	November 18, 2014 4:35 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2mod92/48_days_of_power_day_4_always_say_less_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/48-days-of-power-day-4-always-say-less-than.25059 https://theredarchive.com/post/25059

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