Engagement ring thoughts?

Tatiannah · 2019-09-08T08:47:25+00:00

I’m new here and I may get downvoted to hell for this but damn! From this writeup it feels like the most interesting thing to you about your spouse is his money and how you can use it to impress other people.

You come across as a bit self-centered and narcissistic IMO. There’s a reason why they say that there’s a direct inverse correlation between the size of the wedding and the length of the marriage. It’s okay to like nice things; I do too. But to essentially put a price on your commitment reeks of self-centered entitlement.

I wonder what happens if he chooses not to propose or picks a ring that doesn’t meet your standards or ‘wow’ other people... you’re going to say ‘no’ and throw a classless tantrum?

I sure hope the dude has a prenup.

IreneCarter92 · 2019-09-08T09:38:39+00:00

The best engagement ring is something that's meaningful to both of you. If you are getting married because of peer pressure, then DON'T. You'll eventually break-up. But if you are marrying him because YOU LOVE HIM, then the ring shouldn't matter. Because other people are not going to spend their lives with your husband. Their should be an EMOTIONAL VALUE behind the ring not financial. But if you are stuck up on getting a big ring. Then make sure you get him something bloody expensive as well. After all you are both 35. Don't ask what you can't give.

pseudochristiankinda · 2019-09-08T20:15:53+00:00

Sis, you are 35 you might want to manage them expectations. If you want something expensive, pay for it yourself. Or just get what you're given, it doesnt have to be fancy and really who cares what other people think. It's not about the ring it's about being with someone the rest of your life. Y'all need to have a chit chat about budget for it.

[deleted] · 2019-09-08T14:39:04+00:00

I had no say in my engagement ring design decision. And I’m okay with that. I love what he picked. I love that it was a surprise. I love that he took charge. I got engaged at 31 and I was just over the moon that I finally found a man I wanted to marry for the first time and who wanted to marry me. Maybe I would have cared about that kind of thing 7 years prior, but it was of a sort of sigh of relief that he just went for it without all this pressure and giving away the surprise.

I do understand how style can be unique to a woman, but at the same time when you marry someone you become apart of them. To me it was symbolic of him leading and me our lives merging together. Giving up apart of myself, if that makes sense? It has always struck me as controlling for a woman to me to pick out the ring. I know many woman do so I am not saying all those women are controlling (not saying this about you). I just see this area a little differently from most other American women. I don’t care about impressing people I know. Just wanted to share perhaps a less common perspective as a woman from Houston, Texas (lived in Dallas 5 years too) who has witnessed firsthand the southern belle “must-have-the-perfect-rock-on-my-hand” mentality. I take joy in being unorthodox, although I am uber traditional in many other ways.

AgathaMysterie · 2019-09-09T04:54:12+00:00

Guys, go easy on this one.

Honesty is always the best policy. If you want a big-ass ring just show him the one you want. But trust me when I say this: on the bad days a giant rock is just going to mock you when you look at it.

ragnarockette · 2019-09-08T13:01:22+00:00

He is buying the ring so he gets to set the budget. If he thinks spending three months salary on a ring is frivolous and doesn't want to do it, you should evaluate before marrying him if you guys share enough views on managing finances to make things work peacefully. It will not be well received by most men to have a woman badger them for a bigger ring. You can tell him why you would like a nice ring. I communicated to my husband that I wanted to be actively involved in picking it out because I was going to wear it everyday and wanted it to be something that made me smile whenever I looked down at it. He chose not to go with the typical three months salary thing because at his salary that would be a ring that cost more than my car. He gave me a $12,000 budget of which I used $7,000. I felt that the upper end of his budget was still kind of unnecessary and found a ring I really love for nearly half of the budget. I get compliments on it regularly and love it so much. I saw you are a nurse and I would suggest not getting something too flashy unless you don't plan to wear your ring at work. I don't wear my ring to births that I attend because it rips through latex gloves too easily and the size of the rock would make it painful to massage or apply counter pressure to clients during labor. Just remember, how you act during the engagement ring buying process and wedding planning is still part of your guy vetting you too...you aren't guaranteed to make it to the altar if you act greedy and self centered during this time. So, make wise decisions in how you approach communicating your desire for a nice sparkly.

ihearthandbags · 2019-09-08T22:16:14+00:00

I read your post twice and have a few thoughts for you. First, slow down. Nine months isn’t that long and lots of couples talk about engagement, marriage, and kids. If he hasn’t thought about what ring to get you then he can’t be planning on proposing soon, unless he’s said so and you left that part out. If you keep pushing and he’s not quite ready you could push him away.

Also just because he has the means to buy you a large, quality ring doesn’t mean that’s how he wants to spend his money. Have you two discussed financial priorities? If you’re expecting the best of everything and he’s planning on saving and investing you’re going to be disappointed.

You mentioned you didn’t want people to assume your ring was anything other than an engagement ring. Trust me if you have a diamond ring on your left ring finger everyone will get it regardless of the size.

Chill out and let it happen when and how it will happen. It will mean so much more knowing it came from his heart. This isn’t just your engagement, it’s his proposal, don’t take that away from him.

Lab_Brat_13 · 2019-09-08T12:48:20+00:00

Tell him to purpose with a stand in ring, then you can go and pick out the real ring together. I had a friend who decided last minute to purpose to his girlfriend on vacation and that's what he did. Worked out great for them. He didnt have to worry about getting something she liked or worse losing it while traveling and she got to pick out exactly what she wanted.

not_the_notebook · 2019-09-09T22:47:15+00:00

My husband and I bought an $80 Etsy ring together the night we got engaged, because we didn’t have two cents to rub together. 😂

I’ve upgraded since then. But that ring is so special to me.

Rhi91 · 2019-09-08T11:29:16+00:00

Before my husband proposed if we were out he would often walk up to jewellery stores. I would say what was nice. When he eventually proposed I was so happy I didn’t care what carat the ring was, he completely surprised me and it was the best day ever! Don’t get caught up on looks, if he knows you he will get right. Trust him ☺️

Lilla_Snigel · 2019-09-08T12:31:21+00:00

My husband and I went to the store together and I picked out the diamond and setting I wanted. We discussed my budget before hand. It’s traditionally the equivalent of two months of his paycheck (google it if you don’t believe me).

It may not be as “romantic” as leaving it up to him.. unless he tells you he wants to pick it out alone / by himself, then by all means, let him! My husband was relieved that I was able to pick out the exact ring I wanted and didn’t have to worry about guessing based off of a few images. Also, rings sometimes don’t look on the hand what you imagine from a photo online. I very much recommend trying rings on first even if it’s just alone to inform your decisions on size, metal color and cut / style so it for sure looks good on YOUR hand. Because of the difference of how it looks online Vs how it looks on the hand, the ring I ended up getting was even a little different from the images I had saved myself for inspiration. IMO the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen! I like it more than rings belonging to rich Hollywood types even if it’s less expensive / smaller diamonds. I get compliments on it constantly!

Also fwiw you don’t sound like a vain person for wanting a ring that “wows”, I and every woman I know wanted a ring that was beautiful and in a style that they preferred - that’s totally normal. Women I know, from my girlfriends to my own mom, either gave their hubbies2B photos / notes on what to get or just went to the store with them. There can still be surprise and romance in the way he chooses to propose.

This is a piece of jewelry you’ll wear every day for the rest of your life, you should love it!

Good luck and congrats!

Neeuqtekcor · 2019-09-08T12:02:27+00:00

We went and looked a few places when he was comfortable with it. We were together two years before he proposed but began getting ideas less than a year in.

I actually had to steer him to smaller options because of my preferences, and he ultimately took my parents when he was ready to buy. All you can really do is let him bring it up, and then show him what you like and dislike about what he takes you to see in person. Then just sit back and have faith in his ability.

melitele3 · 2019-09-08T22:16:31+00:00

I am a very very picky person and it has always been a challenge for me to find things that I would find beautiful. If I do not like the look of something, I simply do not buy it or wear it, so it was quite obvious to me ring has to be something I find good looking.

I knew exactly what kind of style I wanted, what kind of stone I wanted and what size and material I wanted. I sent my husband an email first describing EVERYTHING to smallest details, links, photos and descriptions but still felt it wasn’t enough as he truly never cares about the aesthetics of any sorts. So we decided to go for ring shopping ourselves - thankfully since he was very wrong each time he guessed what would I fancy. We finally found a ring exactly like I wanted - with exception it was silver, so I asked for it to be redone in gold.

I wanted something that I liked but I didn’t want to be stupidly high price (well everyone has different standards) I will just say it didn’t exceed 10k dollars (price wasn’t even full one month pay check so against the rules of how expensive it should be as I find it stupid). I wanted to be good materials and diamond, but I was willing to choose less clear or less carat for better money deal - which you couldn’t even see the difference with bare eye.

If you are a picky person like that I highly highly recommend you that route - I love my ring and wear it everyday and love it and can’t stop staring at it.

If you aren’t picky and just want to flaunt your wealth can’t really give you advice.

PS. Sometimes the bigger isn’t the better. I have small, slim fingers, J size and above 1 carat looked stupid on my finger. So I choose smaller one but it still looks so big because I have tiny hands. Look for something that suits your build too!

scrollingstreaming · 2019-09-09T05:09:03+00:00

I compiled a list of pages on IG. Then I saved photos and more specifically videos of my dream rings. I made sure I selected three options and then sent them to him. I'm a little ocd so I kept sending him different variations whenever I saw one that caught my eye. I also tried on options by myself whenever I went to the mall solo. That was more for me than him lol. My fiance ended up purchasing mine online and it was different than what I would've picked but the cut and metal I wanted. It's gorgeous 😍 But honestly set your parameters for what works for you and him because none of what we say matters if it doesn't honor the both of you.

pseudochristiankinda · 2019-09-10T13:18:07+00:00

all I'm saying is that my boyfriend is not very savvy when it comes to jewelry. I don't wear a lot of jewelry so he doesn't really know what I like. I definitely don't want silver or platinum. What is wrong with mentioning what kind of material I want so I don't end up with something that doesn't work with gold necklaces that I wear. Everyone got this completely misconstrued. He is pretty clueless when it comes to jewelry and I don't think there's anything wrong and leading somebody to something that you like. I don't need a big rock and don't care for that kind of stuff, I know what I like and it'll be special regardless. I was just wondering if it was a faux pas to send example pictures of what I like to leave him in the right direction. If he wants to put a large diamond on my hand that's fine.

brownsnake84 · 2019-09-08T21:25:30+00:00

You're getting lots of advice here from other women but I can chuck two cents in that might help.

We recently went shopping for an engagement ring and wedding bands. It was awesome. I got to see what looked good on her and we both had different ideas but they eventually coalesced down to an even better version of what I was thinking and I cant wait to slip it on her finger.

A large diamond on a finger can look pretty bad. Especially if your partner isn't so interested in the WOW factor. You really need something that's clearly an engagement ring and that suits you and your hand.

My advice is send the pics for ball park and then do it together.

Ps. You also get champagne at good places!

Title	Engagement ring thoughts?
Author	pseudochristiankinda
Upvotes	0
Comments	41
Date	September 8, 2019 8:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d18fdg/engagement_ring_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/engagement-ring-thoughts.252325 https://theredarchive.com/post/252325

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