Discussion: women who love their partner but choose to not have sex

Young_Oryx · 2018-12-28T02:45:53+00:00

It feels just a tad disingenuous that you didn't include the ending of the article: apparently they got high on weed and had great sex with a lot of foreplay, and now their sex life is good again.

I think it's possible for couples to fall into a rut where sex becomes perfunctory and routine (which is what seems to have happened in this article). Taking the time to enjoy each others' bodies seems to have done the trick for these folks.

OfSpock · 2018-12-28T02:39:05+00:00

It's pretty obvious from the article.

He stopped foreplay and she stopped enjoying sex.
She begged him for foreplay and he wouldn't do it.
He finally resumes foreplay for a random reason and she actually enjoys the sex.
He can't lie to himself anymore and continues foreplay so he can get sex.

Moral of the story. Don't suck in bed. If you are an asshole who doesn't care about your wife's pleasure, suck it up and do it anyway if you want sex.

petrichordium · 2018-12-28T02:28:18+00:00

Lol did you not even read the article fully? It ends with a love letter to weed sex, which, like... duh. Stuff is downright euphoric. Girl just needed some ganja and to get out of her head a bit. He was doing just fine by her once she was stoned and not chattering away in her head. So like, it seems like it wasn’t his fault!

Anyway this topic gets posted roughly every fifteen minutes on r/sex and here was my answer to someone who also looooovvves her husband but doesn’t want to have sex with him and ... also only gets attraction feelings to other men:

“If he knew this, how much desire do you think he would have to stay with you?

Taking any passive or complacent tack on this issue is not how you treat someone you love. That’s how you treat someone who comforts you and makes life convenient. This is something you need to solve, even if it’s with a divorce, if you ACTUALLY love him. There are myriad ways besides a divorce, but you owe it to both yourself and your husband to be proactive about this. Way way way too many people just shut down and start having less sex and delude themselves that it’s “fine.”

azngirl7689 · 2018-12-28T04:19:14+00:00

Women hate bad sex. News at 11.

[deleted] · 2018-12-28T02:48:15+00:00

They can't communicate for shit. Or at least they couldn't before.

I don't know what caused it. I do know that as the years passed he became complacent in sex, just doing a bit of foreplay so he could get to the big stuff.

That could be crucial, but no mention of trying to fix it.

I began giving more blowjobs so I could get out of kissing him........He didn't really notice.

He didnt complain that he was getting more head? He didnt notice that when she was blowing him? Fuck me, whyever not?

However, I enjoy that therapy failed but weed succeeded. They probably just needed to get over themselves.

cxj · 2018-12-28T03:26:24+00:00

LOL @ this massive marijuana advertisement

Littleknownfacts · 2018-12-28T02:12:52+00:00

She has familial love but not romantic love.

This seems like a very common problem for guys and I'm not going to say it's entirely his fault that it happens, but I do think a bit more effort on his part could be the start of a solution. I know from personal experience that when guys stop trying it makes sex wholly unpleasant for the woman which makes her cringe at his touch. I will also say that she could also initiate the sex she wants and that would hopefully encourage him not forget to romance her as well.

sadomasochrist · 2018-12-28T02:27:41+00:00

"I want my husband to be my best friend."

"Shit..."

Unconfidence · 2018-12-28T03:10:28+00:00

Considering that the woman ate some pot brownies and got cured, I'd say her specific problem is that she really hasn't figured all of herself out yet, and that some of her psychological facades were repressing her sexuality, causing a cycle of disinterest.

It's never one or the other person's fault that these things develop. Many people aren't ready for the harsher realities of spending a life with someone, like dealing with them sexually when they're not 100%. Rarely are people 100%. When you're dating and seeing someone once or twice a week, it's easy to give them your best, especially when you're not used to having regular sex and have been needy for some time. But when you see someone every day, things don't always align right for the best sex. Sometimes you need to have a quick round, and sometimes you want to sex despite being tired or stinky or hairy. Lots of people aren't ready to deal with the weight of a human being, which is why I take such exception to ideologies like RP which proffer unrealistic ideas of what human companionship is like.

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2018-12-28T02:51:02+00:00

Did you not read the whole article? They end up enjoying long foreplay courtesy of some marijuana. Now they are back on track.

Sometimes you get off track and when that happens, it is the responsibility of the one who notices it to bring it back on track.

GradualDecomp · 2018-12-28T03:26:56+00:00

What this story should tell you is that there are a bunch of reasons why dead bedrooms happen that don't include the guy not being good enough for the gal. This lady clearly had some mental hangups about sex (perhaps anxiety related) and all she needed was to get out of her head a bit and get stoned. I had a dead bedroom situation after my boyfriend lost a good friend of his in an accident. At first he was too deep in grief, and then things just got off track it was very difficult to get things back to normal. It didn't mean he stopped loving me. Shit happens. Sometimes it's fixable, sometimes it's not.

Taipanshimshon · 2018-12-28T02:52:48+00:00

She doesn’t love her husband. End thread

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darudeboysandstorm · 2018-12-28T02:14:46+00:00

Wants her cake and eat it too, not even reading this post instead who would guessed it anecdote time.

This is an ongoing issue in my friend group right now. Friends girlfriend cheats on him while in the same house after three years and then leaves to move in with this dude right away. Weird bit is she still texts him all the time behind new boyfriends back saying she loves him misses him asks about the family etc. Even though hes a dick all the time. who would guess hes a gentleman kind heart etc with good family and hes the typical RP idea of "bad boy" tbf shes trailer trash

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2018-12-28T02:31:53+00:00

Google Amp, ew.

neuk_mijn_oogkas · 2018-12-28T09:44:44+00:00

I think in both sexes this is more common than people admit and people usually use the "low libido" excuse because the truth of "I don't find you attractive" would send them crying.

Basically at one point someone decided that you must automatically feel sexually attracted to anyone you love—I don't think that's true at all and how it works.

I think plenty of people love people they aren't sexually attracted to and I think a large portion has sex with them anyone because "that's what you do" and a large portions says "low libido" and a small portion just says "I love you; I'm just not sexually attracted to you even though I'm not asexual."

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-12-28T18:48:01+00:00

Lord.

I blame her. She gets an F for communication. The initial trigger was him not putting the extra energy into sex she needed. Sex in a relationship is mutable. Not all sex is supposed to be a two hour long foreplay intense affair. It sounds like that dried up entirely and she disengaged from him.

Thing is, ok so a thing happened and she had a response. But she at that point knew something was wrong and he didn't. And she just kept it. Blew him to avoid kissing him kept it to herself.

I would consider what she did in the context of this article's report on her relationship serious lies of omission. Serious dishonesty.

The cycle that went from her being disconnected to her having negative feelings towards him was entirely hers. Resentment borne from him not being a mind reader and not seeing the growing ball of anger in her (which she was hiding on purpose) and continuing to seek sexual connection with her when she didn't want it and didn't let him know that.

Notice she not once accuses him of anything like rape. She openly consented. And hid her reactions from him by encouraging doggy and stuff. And still got angry at him for not noticing her like long term irrational episode about this.

Then weed snaps her out of her rut. Hurray! She didn't have to grow as a person, learn anything about what went wrong in the relationship or that it was mostly her fault, she just got her problem solved, hurray! At no point in the article does she say she sat him down and tried to work on this before they went to a therapist and when they went to one as a pair it didn't work out.

Menelly · 2018-12-28T04:33:15+00:00

I've seen this in a lot of relationships where women are bearing the brunt of the housework and emotional labor load and seething with resentment. Why? Because it makes us feel like we're your mommy, not your partner, and fucking someone you're mentally responsible for isn't sexy.

Title	Discussion: women who love their partner but choose to not have sex
Author	lemonfloss
Upvotes	9
Comments	71
Date	December 28, 2018 2:08 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/aa5tsi/discussion_women_who_love_their_partner_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-women-who-love-their-partner-but-choose.258325 https://theredarchive.com/post/258325

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