After a fight, my husband reverts to not attending any events. Leaving me stuck

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2020-09-25T14:53:35+00:00

I think your husband is being unreasonable. This was 2 days ago. This seems to be more like an extended passive aggressive temper tantrum.

How long is this nonparticipation going to continue? Is there a pattern? That is, do you get into fights just before events such as these? If so, is he using this as an excuse not to attend or to control the situation?

In my opinion this is the more serious issue. This is not how he should be leading your relationship. (Edit: This isn't how someone should lead anything.) There's a big difference between "leading" and "controlling".

My advice is to go and fully participate anyway. His behavior seems childish and under the circumstances you should probably stop caving to it.

Eosei · 2020-09-25T15:13:19+00:00

I'd think it's not possible for you to continue lying to cover up and keep missing important events without growing resentful. You can tell him you'd love for him to come, but if he chooses not to, you could go without him and if someone asks, simply say he couldn't make it, without making a big deal out of it. What would he do if you did that, what do you mean by getting in good standing and not upsetting him? What kind of fights you have, how do they start and how does it come up that he decides to cancel any events?

_trixie_firecracker_ · 2020-09-25T17:47:50+00:00

As others have said, it sounds like he’s being unreasonable and you should just attend the event without badmouthing him. If anyone asks why he isn’t there, just say he couldn’t make it.

I think the more pressing issue is to get to the reason why you are having these kinds of explosive arguments. Is there a particular issue at the heart of your disagreements?

neutralinallthings · 2020-09-25T20:27:03+00:00

Do you argue more when you have an event coming up? Is it possible that he is picking fights so he doesn’t have to attend big gatherings?

just_a_mum · 2020-09-25T15:47:42+00:00

I think what he is doing to you is emotional manipulation and it is a type of abuse. You can be respectful and submissive to your husband while still holding true to yourself.

Tell him that you're sorry he is upset with you still and you would love him to go. But if he doesn't want to, then that is his choice. Then you should go. Don't badmouth him to anyone who asks where your husband is, just tell them so.ething came up and he couldn't make it.

You are not his child, you are his mate, his partner. And similarly, he is not a child. You do not need to pander to his tantrums.

anothergoodbook · 2020-09-25T16:16:17+00:00

If he agreed to go then he is being childish by not going. It’s called sucking it up and going because you made a commitment- fight or no fight.

You need to go anyway (Alone if need be) and show him what you do when you are an adult. If anyone asks and they are close enough - you can tell them the truth. If it’s someone you aren’t great friends with and don’t need the details you can say he was feeling under the weather.

There is nothing wrong with you going by yourself. In fact I highly recommend it. I would say “I’d love if you’d come with me” and leave it at that (don’t mention it again). Give him a kiss on the way out and say you’ll miss him.

He’s making himself stuck and you can choose whether to stick yourself there too. But as someone who has been married for 14 years and many, many arguments - we’ve never missed an event because of it. Even when things were really bad. We have kids and life still goes on whether we are getting along or not. So sometimes you just have to put a smile on and put the argument in a back pocket for the moment.

Nandemodekiru · 2020-09-26T17:37:31+00:00

Just checked your post history. Honestly, your husband is probably just sick of your bullshit. Did you take ANY of the advice that the RPW sub gave you, or did you just blatantly ignore it?

I’m going to be harsh for a brief second: Apologize to your husband for being so disrespectful, and if he’s still willing to work on things, then you need to promise him that you’ll change and get help, and learn to STFU. You blatantly argue with him when you know he’s right just because you don’t know how to take any sort of criticism, and you talk down about yourself. Guess what? You honestly don’t sound like a pleasant person to be around, and if everything you said in your other post was true, then are you actually surprised that he’s feeling done with you? Why should he have to put up with it anymore?

blushingoleander · 2020-09-26T22:08:10+00:00

We also had issues with my parents for a long time in our relationship. I was far too inclined to let them get in my head and for reasons I'll never be able to figure out, I'd repeat things to my now husband.

I had to take time away from them and develop myself as a person to break the cycle.

I spent about a year and a half no contact with my parents. First I was angry and then hurt. I processed a lot and decided what made me happy and who I was in my relationship without their input.

Now we have a decent relationship (parents and I). They keep their judgments to themselves and it doesn't change my attitude towards my husband when they do.

And fwiw, it was a really hard thing to do. I beat my head against a wall for a long time. I thought I was making the right moves and we still would fight. There was more than just going NC but that helped a lot. You are not the only person who has dealt with these issues. Change is possible and whether it saves this marriage or just makes you a better partner for the next time, it's worth the difficulty.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2020-09-26T01:01:11+00:00

My husband has done this and I really hope it doesn’t become a pattern.

fairydust91 · 2020-09-28T07:30:30+00:00

I'm confused as to how its possible that you KNOW he's into TRP and MGTOW and yet you're being like this... Like my guy is barely aware of their existence and I still try to stay in my own lane and out of his. Does he provide for your family? If so, you really need to just STFU. It's really not that hard. Just close your mouth and make the man a damn sandwich. I think the pill is stuck.

Buckley92 · 2020-10-03T15:25:56+00:00

Your godmother is an important person to you, right? Can you drive yourself there? Or get someone else to pick you up if you can't? Apologize, and say you'd love him to go with you, and he will always be welcome, BUT go without him if he won't go. Stop missing events for him. That includes the ceremony. Missing events literally sets him up to do it again because he knows he gets his way.

If you're afraid of making him more upset or angrier if you go without him... or if you're afraid of him criticizing you/leaving you/hurting you or himself/starting a new argument or resuming the old one if you go alone, then you have much bigger problems than this issue that need to be resolved asap.

Title	After a fight, my husband reverts to not attending any events. Leaving me stuck
Author	s3arching4rmwithin08
Upvotes	15
Comments	53
Date	September 25, 2020 2:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/izk96y/after_a_fight_my_husband_reverts_to_not_attending/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/after-a-fight-my-husband-reverts-to-not-attending.263555 https://theredarchive.com/post/263555

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