[FR] “You Weren’t Asking Me If I Wanted To – You Were Telling Me Do This with Me or Else…” (or How I Overcame My First Big Hurdle with LTR of 8 Years)

She has done this a lot before. I began to pick up on it but it was always too late to bring it up until today.

I think I overcame my first big obstacle with my LTR and my first real attempt at changing the dynamics of this relationship.

Short Background: Been together for 8 years. Started dating and moved in together within 6 months. I was into seduction/pick-up community when I met her and as we dated, but I was very Blue Pill. Took my first real Red Pill one year ago (7 years into the LTR) when I started listening to Patrice O’Neal.

What Just Happened: My LTR of 8 years was having a glass of wine and browsing Facebook on her phone. I was relaxing and watching TV next to her.

Someone posted on her Facebook wall that she thought would be fun for us to do together.

It was a 5k run in our city where they blast you with colored powder as you run. You can do a Google search for “5k color run” for better idea.

As I looked at it, I told her that I wouldn’t want to be the person who gets blasted with that colored powder stuff but I would like to either throw the powder or just go and see it live.

From here, her mood completely changed. She began to tell me how we never have any fun and she would just go do this by herself.

I said that I personally don’t find it fun to have colored powder being thrown at me as I run. That I would rather throw it or just go and see it live.

Fun and light evening of us hanging out changed completely. I sat there for a few minutes collecting myself. I felt my breathing increase. My hands started shaking. I felt fidgety. I began to feel extremely nervous. I had to say something and explain to her what she just did, as she has done this many times before.

I was realizing that this is the time I have to speak up. That this is the moment I had to tell her the position she was putting me in.

When she asked me “Would you want to do this?”, she wasn’t asking me if I wanted to do it or not. She was telling me that I should do this or else suffer the consequences of her being upset, her disapproval of me (and this relationship), and her guilting me by telling me that I never want to do anything fun.

She was not asking for my honest opinion if I really wanted to do this or not. She wasn’t offering me a choice and she didn’t care why I did not want to - she was telling me that I had to do this or else.

After I collected myself, I told her “I feel that what you just asked me was not you asking me if I wanted to do this with you and you weren’t interested in my choice of whether I wanted to do it or not. You were making the decision for me. You were telling me that I had to do this and if I didn’t agree and wanted to do it, then I would suffer your disapproval, your dissatisfaction and your contempt for me.”

I finished by telling her that “I am being put into a position where you are not asking me if I wanted to do something or not. Your initial question was “Do you want to do this?” But I only had to give you one answer, which had to be yes and if I had any other opinions about it other than yes, then I was going to be met with cold shoulder, disapproval and silence. So in the end you weren’t asking me if I wanted to do it. You were telling me, do this or else you will suffer my disapproval and my contempt for you saying no; and that was a shitty position to be put in.”

After this she didn’t say anything and few minutes later she got up and went to bed.

During this whole scenario I felt nervous, my voice was shaking as I spoke but I kept calm. I explained everything as clearly as I could in that moment. It was one of the very first times where I was able to say how I felt in my gut and I clearly explain to her how I was put into a shitty position.

I’ve been struggling but getting better with feeling something in my gut and then having the skill and ability to verbalize it in a clear and rational matter, in the moment as it arises.

You guys are the reason I continue to improve my Red Pill experience and knowledge by being one of the soldiers in the field.

I know that this was a small victory; one battle that I won; but I am fighting a larger war. Yet, I feel it is finally a small event that begins to change the dynamics of this LTR.

It is hard to see this objectively right now. Writing this helps a bit. But I would like an outside/objective perspective on this.

Update: thank you for all the responses. There are some fantastic advice. I am reading through them all and we'll be re-reading them for next few days to implement all the feedback. This is exactly what I needed to read in order to see things I wasn't aware of what I did, did not do and should have done.