What's the secret to cutting off your feelings for an ex, without losing all you gained from knowing them?

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T18:21:55+00:00

Go see someone else to distract yourself

OR

Recognise that it is just a feeling and nothing else.

alreadyredschool · 2016-09-18T18:24:40+00:00

Why are you asking for personal dating advice on PPD?

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T18:57:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-09-18T20:02:13+00:00

i have no emotional memory and have never thought of my relationships as anything i "gained" from. i cant even understand the sentiments behind it

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2016-09-18T18:46:22+00:00

I've been playing a lot of Minecraft as of late after my breakup, it helps get my mind off it it, especially fishing.There's just something very calming about fishing in Minecraft. You may have to wait a while, but eventually, a fish will come.

questioningwoman · 2016-09-18T19:04:51+00:00

Take time apart then become friends

bigmfkr · 2016-09-18T19:46:46+00:00

Angrily remembering the bad parts with all the juicy details before setting that sweet OHP or deadlift PR. Working your ass off towards making cash to have something to concentrate on.

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T20:07:28+00:00

I don't know about everyone else, but I still think positively of all but one of my exes. I can look back on my experiences with them both fondly and critically. These are things I did well, these are things I did poorly. These are things I/we enjoyed, these are things I must avoid in the future.

Example, my last relationship was a lot of fun. However, I learned that even when you enjoy spending time with someone, you still need to make time for yourself, and give them time to pursue their life outside of your relationship. I could have done those things better, and resolve to do them better the next time I wind up in a relationship.

SkentyDooBabble · 2016-09-18T20:25:20+00:00

I find that a daily meditation practice gives me a great deal of control over my thoughts and emotions. Meditation is basically just practicing the skill of controlling your thoughts.

Entropy-7 · 2016-09-18T20:52:50+00:00

It is a long and terrible process like picking shards of glass from a wound.

It took me over ten years to get over the last one, and I fear it might take ten more years to get over this one .

Red Pill? Nice theory. . . but a bitch to put into practice.

despisedlove2 · 2016-09-18T20:58:54+00:00

You can't.

The very thing that fortifies your heart against loss also deepens the memories.

It is called baggage. Life lessons. Experience.

Why grudge the memories?

rulenumber303 · 2016-09-18T21:00:27+00:00

Every ex is different, because different things happened in the relationship. No-one can give you a script for this, it is more like there's a toolkit.

buartha · 2016-09-19T01:44:06+00:00

Stop talking to them until you can look fondly back on the time you spent together without a twinge of regret for what could have been. I don't think you can really appreciate the things that someone's taught you until you reach a point where you can look back on your experiences without your feelings for that person colouring them.

I'm not saying it's impossible to get over someone while you're still friends with them, but it will take longer since seeing someone in person tends to reignite feelz quite easily in the early stages of a break up.

ppdthrowawai · 2016-09-19T09:30:31+00:00

The things you gained from knowing them will stay regardless of what you think about them. You don't need to be thinking about your ex for this to happen

The good habits you gained are just that, habitual. You will do them without thinking about it. A good way to think about it is the good things will make you more interesting for the next one you meet.

AutoModerator · 2016-09-18T18:20:17+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair, just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T18:22:16+00:00

Is there good and bad to separate or did she drag you into a bunch of weird domination shit that you need to leave the entirety of behind?

If there was clearly defined good and bad times to separate, then they are already separate in your mind. Remember the good times for obvious reasons and remember the bad times so that you don't repeat them.

It looks to me like you're just having trouble defining them.

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T18:31:38+00:00

time and acknowledging analyzing both, i guess, and the reasons behind those feelings. i think it's harder when you don't know why things went wrong, or didn't want them to end, though.

for example, since it might better demonstrate what i mean... with one of my exes, i know that i still fondly remember our good times because we were good friends, we had things in common, we really cared about each other. that was a beautiful time, and the memories are still beautiful. i miss him and those times a lot.

but, we were bad for each other, and my husband is wonderful. my ex is responsible for the crappy way he ended things, and always will be. but also, i wanted way too much from him. things he couldn't possibly give me. so, i don't blame him for not wanting to stay.

i think both the good and bad parts have their own value, so by looking at them and identifying it, i was able to appreciate both of them.

that being said, i haven't had the same success with looking at my past abusive relationship. i think that's something much harder to overcome, and varies even more from individual to individual.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-09-18T18:39:30+00:00

You need to transfer that energy to another limerent object. Honestly, it doesn't even need to be another dating prospect, just create and another crush from a safe distance and ride it out. It's actually easier to do that during the heart break period. Its like managing anxiety. Tell yourself you are excited rather than anxious. Capitalize on the state of arousal.

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T19:40:23+00:00

So far in my experience? Time mostly. Sucks but it's true. You can distract yourself with other things, but being able to look back on the good without feeling the ache is a matter of time for me.

alreadyredschool · 2016-09-18T20:00:30+00:00

There is so much hate in the world. Either befriend her or treat her like she died.

Let yourself mourn the loss, do not try to restrain your feelings, let them out and you will be over her much faster. No ignorant hope of getting back together since she "died", those hopes just prolongs it. Unrestrained grief is the fastest way to get over someone. If you try to be strong because of some stupid pride thing you will prolong the process. Let your feelings flow, pass through and over you. And when it has gone past turn the inner eye to follow it's path, see them vanish behind the next hill.

Think about fight club where they cry or fight... It works.

[deleted] · 2016-09-18T23:53:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

drok007 · 2016-09-18T20:41:05+00:00

This question doesn't make any sense to me.

gemini88mill · 2016-09-18T21:12:03+00:00

This might not be the best advice but if I had a girl break up with me I would turn that longing for the other person into a dream where if I saw that person in 5 years time I would be someone that she would feel sorry for dumping.

For example 5 years ago my ex is currently with a unexpected kid and a mediocre job. Meanwhile I am finishing up my degree and about to travel abroad to teach English.

If I ever met her again I am able to tell her about all my wonderful adventures. While she can tell me that she has a great job as basically an over glorified medical assistant

Talkytalktalk · 2016-09-18T21:18:40+00:00

Time.

GridReXX · 2016-09-18T21:21:05+00:00

Time / Falling for someone else.

EGOtyst · 2016-09-18T22:47:18+00:00

Bang someone new.

wynterpetals · 2016-09-19T01:40:57+00:00

I use this technique on people I like but make poor choices. I separate the person from their choices. I love/like the person, but I do not always love/like what they do.

[deleted] · 2016-09-19T16:03:36+00:00

GutarsareGettingOld and Sardonis70 had the best answers.

Time and distance. A sufficient amount of time with no contact at all. That's really what does it.

The experiences you gained from her, and what you learned, will stay with you throughout life, even when the people who gave you those experiences are no longer with you.

LeX_Domina · 2016-09-20T08:08:40+00:00

think about every time your ex fucked up--or do like mean dump them before they dump you and do it over the phone

COPCO2 · 2016-09-20T15:48:33+00:00

That's not easy, tbh. It'll all run together for a while.

I suggest defriending on Facebook (or at least muting them in your feed), and going out more with friends that don't constantly bring up your ex. Spend time having experiences on your own, with other people, and as best you can without thinking about your ex.

When you do think of them, realize that you were in each other's lives for a period of time and shared experiences together. You can't separate those events from that person, and it's OK to fondly remember the good times. Just don't try to live in those good times, and put them out of your mind as best you can while you live your life.

The pain will take a while, and only after it's faded a bit, and you've made peace with the situation will you be able to appreciate the good memories without the hurt.

You'll get there.

theiamsamurai · 2016-09-19T14:24:02+00:00

For men: Go fuck ten other women. You'll stop focusing so much on the sex and intimacy with your ex, and only see the aspects of her as a person, whether good or bad (admittedly, sometimes they will all be bad, but that will make getting over her easier, because you will have fucked ten other women already)

For women: It happens naturally unless you were alpha widowed.

Title	What's the secret to cutting off your feelings for an ex, without losing all you gained from knowing them?
Author	ProbablyBelievesIt
Upvotes	7
Comments	123
Date	September 18, 2016 6:20 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/53ddvo/whats_the_secret_to_cutting_off_your_feelings_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-the-secret-to-cutting-off-your-feelings-for.272899 https://theredarchive.com/post/272899

Comments