How do you respond to another guy asking your ltr to dance?

EspressoCappuccino · 2019-11-01T09:17:04+00:00

Your response should be to watch your LTR's response.

br0j1tsu · 2019-11-01T08:05:46+00:00

As long as they're not disrespecting her, no factor, is up to her to decide, then if she agrees is up to you to decide if you keep her. Never mateguard.

currentlyinHell · 2019-11-01T08:22:24+00:00

You don't react. I disagree with most people here, but I think amused mastery or A&A conspicuously appears as a butt hurt and insecure reaction.

In my opinion, best way for me to handle any guy talking to my exLTR was to not react at all as it's my LTRs job to shut down any advances.

If she doesn't instantly shut down the guy or accepts, it's a hard next. Reason for a non-instant rejection is because it means she'll 9/10 times accept the offer if you're not there.

Find and read the girls night out post here or in the main sub for more info.

Whisper · 2019-11-01T16:13:42+00:00

Had to nuke some very bad responses, including "fuck him up", and one dude who posted "Take her, she ain't mine", because apparently Chad allows him to have internet access from the Shed.

The real answer is that LTRs are expected to mate guard themselves. If she doesn't, you picked the wrong girl. If someone grabs her, of course, you step in, because girls can't fight without guns. But so long as words are sufficient resistance to deal with it, make sure they are her words, not yours.

A good LTR avoids not just cheating, but the appearance of impropriety. If you ever hear her telling you "nothing happened" in a situation, then most likely she disrespected you by being in that situation in the first place, because "nothing happened" implies that it looks as if "something" might have. And we all know what sorts of things are included in "something".

So... how to achieve this? First of when you promote a girl to LTR, you are ditching your Indifference Game for Control Game. (If you're smart you did this gradually.) It's no longer just your turn, she is yours, and you better make sure she knows it.

If you think she'd never go for that, or that she would see you as "weak", then you either LTRed the wrong girl, or trained her wrong. If you think girls can never be controlled, then your pimp hand is weak. A girl can always be controlled if she is more afraid of losing you than you are of losing her.

Second, make your expectations clear. If you think that will sound weak, then you don't know how to project DGAF attitude. Any time the hypothetical idea comes up, you show no bitterness or resentment, you just make sure she knows she'd be ending the relationship, no hard feelings, good luck in the future, here's your apartment key back.

(Not telling her you would break it off with her, mind you. Just speaking with the clear idea, that, by doing anything like that, she would be breaking it off with you.)

tom-anonymous · 2019-11-01T13:29:53+00:00

I understand that mate guarding is bad, and having to do it is weak. That said, many of the answers here are over simplifications.

It's important to note that there are 2 types of women in this situation. Type A is a high self esteem woman who has no problem speaking for themselves. Type B are low self esteem women who won't speak up for themselves, and they are depending on their man to be a man and step up and handle the situation for them.

If you have a Type B woman and you stand there speechless without saying a word (as the other guy drags her off), you're going to look like a weak and passive boy who's afraid to protect what's theirs. This is coming from the perspective of a low self esteem woman. Think Marty MacFly when he punches out the guy who cuts into his dance in Back to the Future. Should he have just walked away and let her handle it?

Women do take note of silence and sometimes take it as weakness. Because if you're not willing to stand up against another guy and say something, then you probably handle situations in the real world like this and get pushed around. It's a fine line.

Edit:

In the case of a low self esteem woman - if a guy came up and asked her in front of me, I'd probably laugh at his face and tell him to get lost because she's with me. Mate guarding or not, some women really get turned by the fact a man can easily handle a situation that puts other men into their place.

Sylvester_Sterone · 2019-11-01T11:40:10+00:00

If the girl is into you.. She would reject the other guy. If not, and you’re dating a party girl or drinker, best to reanalyze the relationship. Demote if you still enjoy the vag bag but wrap that shit.

redpilllogin · 2019-11-01T12:33:43+00:00

My response is under the assumption that you are referring to social dancing (i.e. salsa, merengue, bachata) where people go to places with the explicit intent to dance.

I have done this with LTRs and it's no factor. If she wants to dance she'll dance. Normally guys would ask me or both of us if she could dance with them because it's obvious we're together, due to her being all over me.

I never had a guy approach my LTR to dance while I'm standing right there. The only way I can see this happening is if you are perceived as very beta. If that were to happen however, it is up to her to politely decline.

If you are referring to a different setting at a random night at a random club and a random dude approaching your girl while you are right there with her, that dude has zero respect for you. Again it is up to her or reject the guy who disrespected you.

PhaedrusHunt · 2019-11-01T15:06:19+00:00

Umm what kind of dancing? I'm from Texas and two stepping with someone else isn't a big deal at all here

Kkiy0M · 2019-11-01T12:34:46+00:00

You don’t say ANYTHING!!! God bro how can you even ask this?? You don’t say anything and look at her, keep eye contact with her don’t show any sort of reaction or emotion on your face. If she says no and RESPECTS you all by herself without you interfering, then she’s a good girl atm and your relationship dynamic is correct. Don’t get all happy and giddy or show any kind of thankfulness for her doing so though like a little puppy, she’ll instantly regret it. Continue to make your face as “emotion-less” as possible and act like it never happened. Don’t mention it in the conversation either. If she does someone bring anything about him up in your convo to gauge you, just say “mmmm” like you’re thinking of it or grunt or something.

If she says yes, still don’t show any sort of emotion or reaction on your face. If you keep her after that you’re an absolute fool. They might not bang right there on the dancefloor and they might not even touch each other whilst dancing, but the element of disrespecting you and not wanting your approval is right there and very clear to see. Be as nonchalant as possible for the rest of the night, don’t act like a little bitch by showing her you don’t approve of it or you’re hurt in any way. Let her keep guessing in her head what you’re thinking. Don’t feed her thoughts!! Be conscious of the time thought and convey a sense of wanting to get outta there. After the night, don’t drop her home. Don’t hit her up again. Don’t flat out ignore her either. If she does hit you up, tell her something important came up when she wants to meet. Tell her you’re busy with business for a while. Make your reply a lot later than it would usually be. Keep it neutral. Don’t seem happy or angry when you text.

Edit: Whoever’s saying A&A or befriend him is an absolute nerd. You do that when it’s just you and her and she’s trying to shit test you or something, you don’t do that when another guy blatantly comes up to you and your girl telling her “hey come dance”. That shows her you have no pride as a man, it doesn’t show “you don’t care” and “abundance mentality”. Sometimes it’s as if the worst lucked guys when it comes to girls are plaguing this sub with their bad ideas.

RealHedgeFund · 2019-11-01T10:19:29+00:00

I don’t allow her to be touched by other men unless they are family. Haram

__TheDon__ · 2019-11-01T16:17:33+00:00

Don’t do anything. Wait and see what your LTR does. Depending on the decision she makes, you will then make the choice to next her, or keep her around.

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2019-11-01T17:54:47+00:00

This thread is extremely important to the community - I hope it gets an insane amount of input from everyone so we can come up with a consensus answer, because questions like these are highly practical.

A few bits of common sense:

1.) No, you shouldn’t care if the guy that asks her to dance is your uncle or an 80 year old man.

2.) You should not be LTR’ing girls who go to the club, or want to go clubbing at all. With or without you.

Zanford · 2019-11-01T19:17:53+00:00

Context. If you're at some sort of ballroom dancing event/class/lesson where it's completely normal and unsexual for the guys to go around asking girls for the next dance, then you shouldn't do anything, and it's not a red flag if she accepts.

If it's a nightclub or house party where the connotation is more sexual, then look at the girl's reaction. If she's eager to dance, then congrats you learned something now rather than later: red flag and you just got important info and you can demote the LTR to plate or just ghost at the next opportunity. If she looks to you to be the one to 'decline' out loud for her, then go ahead, tell the guy 'she's with me, we might dance in a bit / we're sitting this one out', keep it simple and don't act defensive. Mateguarding is usually a bad idea but there can be cultural nuance where it makes sense for you to be the one to overly decline on the girl's behalf. (But if you feel like she's the type of girl who would have trouble saying no to such things if you weren't there, even if she's not into the guy....that's a bit of a problem. Trust means trusting the other person not to be a pushover.)

Kn31 · 2019-11-01T10:37:07+00:00

It varies because we are all different men. But the laws are universal, hold frame, don't get heated or jealous.

Now setting and circumstances matter, I'll use two extremes.

Her uncle asks her to dance at a wedding- obvious answer.
Some guy comparable to you asks her and they start grinding up in a party/club- again obvious.

Now it won't always be this clear cut, but you're asking the wrong question, it's what happens after the guy asks. Truth is if anything happens to make you feel uncomfortable or unhappy. Terminate with extreme prejudice.

Self-respect and self worth are pillars to trp.

PS Me personally if she doesn't give a hard no it's over. No fuss no fight just frame

p-tittyy2 · 2019-11-01T23:01:16+00:00

Thank you everyone for your advice. I appreciate it.

temerity18 · 2019-11-02T07:43:23+00:00

Don't go dancing with LTRs

Ricky469 · 2019-11-04T14:45:04+00:00

In some situations it's expected and harmless, wedding etc. but I would then ask another girl to dance if I was you.

TigerXtrm · 2019-11-01T11:09:32+00:00

Find some other chick on the dance floor and go dance with her, obviously.

JRSBOOM13 · 2019-11-01T13:24:20+00:00

It’s blatant disrespect to you if a guy asks her to dance. Disrespect is met with action. There is no other way to respond unless you’re beta bitch boy.

strainer123 · 2019-11-01T13:30:30+00:00

I don't think you can say anything not to sound too possessive, but if she accepts then its a total red flag.

bilabrin · 2019-11-01T15:07:35+00:00

Take it away hot shot! Sweep her off her feet, but don't start anything I can't finish.😉

JoeBuckYourslf · 2019-11-01T16:20:49+00:00

I’d fuck his girlfriend/wife/mom/sister.

Mate guarding is weak.

send_it_for_the_boys · 2019-11-01T11:29:47+00:00

IMO I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with her dancing with a guy. Under the circumstances of the type of dancing, the amount of alcohol the place has and the type of place your in. I go to “country dancing” places a lot and 2 step with girls and ive noticed there are a lot of girls that dance with guys simply to just dance. It doesn’t have to be a flirty sexual thing at all. All but I’d rather it be a close friend that’s dancing with my girl period but there are some cases when I really believe it’s not a big deal at all. But if it’s a club type scene everybody’s fucked up and looking to bang then it’s a whole new ballgame, she better reject.

JRSBOOM13 · 2019-11-01T12:42:01+00:00

With an axe

RPOpenUp · 2019-11-01T13:22:35+00:00

She's free to dance with anyone she wants. You can't force certain behaviours on her. However, if she's somewhat of high quality she will not risk dancing because she knows she can loose you. Give her freedom but let there be consequences

Forsaken4321 · 2019-11-02T07:05:47+00:00

I have a nice little thing i do if some dude hits on "my girl" in a club or somewhere else. Its hilarious and works 100%

But first, we dance alot here where i come and its fun most times, so being jeslous here is not necessary. Im in Austria Europe. We have those Disco Fox dance shit. Which is really hard to do good and is more sport than grinding

For example, if i go to piss, and i come back some meathead hits on my target or girl.

I go close to him very friendly and am really inviting to him, and say ohh you are hitting on my girlfriend, very good, but you should know im totally not into the soft stuff, while fiercly grabbing his ass and or kissing/licking his cheeck. "Go get us some drinks boy"

This triggers such a heavy flight reaction its hilarious. And they are cought off guard because usually guys fight them to hush them away.

Somehow now they have the image in theyr head hitting on this girl included getting fucked in the ass by me later :D so running away it is

Domebeers · 2019-11-01T16:09:21+00:00

"Thank god, I needed a cigarette"

make it a compliance test. I view it as the same as if you were meeting your girl at a bar and when you get there you see she's in a group with other men. I may give her a peck on the cheek (maybe, even that is a lot) and then go to the bar and order a drink. The compliance test is if she stays with the group or comes joins me at the bar. Same thing with the dance.

Honestly I don't view it as the afront some of you do. What I'm more curious about is: Is it one dance, ie does she seek me out after. If I have a cig and come back in and she's still dancing with the guy I'd cut in, I wouldn't 'punish' her then and there but I'd make note she failed the compliance test. If she's just dancing on the dance floor when I get back in that's better but it's still not the greatest; the ideal is she seeks me outside or wherever the smoking area is.

Title	How do you respond to another guy asking your ltr to dance?
Author	p-tittyy2
Upvotes	79
Comments	104
Date	November 1, 2019 8:00 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dq17hj/how_do_you_respond_to_another_guy_asking_your_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-respond-to-another-guy-asking-your-ltr.293564 https://theredarchive.com/post/293564

Comments