Help me understand the compulsive cooking and cleaning...

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November 4, 2019

(40 years old, married 14 years, 4 kids)

My wife, I think, really likes to cook and clean (don't ask me, I don't fucking get it) - I've asked for her the prepare less labor-intensive meals and I volunteered to hire a housecleaner (we do pretty well, I certainly can afford it) - and she gets really fuck-off defensive ("i'll work harder, I'll spend more time cleaning!"). She won't even let the kids wash/dry/iron their own clothes.

Anyway this means every single weekend is spent either cleaning house OR watching the kids and keeping them occupied while my wife prepares anywhere from 2-6 meals, each of which takes from 2-5 hours each.

I've spent years upon years doing this, and all of my weekends suck ass. So I'm done with it.

So - last weekend, I woke up, ran 4 miles, took the kids to the museum, ran errands with them. The next day went on a 7 mile bike-ride. It was fucking glorious. I felt great, and Sunday night, told the Mrs. that we were going to pop a bottle of wine and knock boots. We did.

I've decided: Okay - this works for me. I'll take care of bits of the home + childcare I deem relevant/important to me, and then focus on my health + strength.

Every single day over the past week, she gets at least one nasty barb in, every single fucking day, about how much housework she's got to do and how exhausted she is over it and - when I approach her for sex - that's the reason she's not up for it. My strategy is STFU, don't take the bait, leave the bedroom - and go read.

Anyway - this weekend, as my wife is going to be out running a church fundraiser - I'll be single-parenting the whole weekend.

I decide to hit a similar routine, get up Saturday morning, run a 5k (end up 5th in my age group!) - get cleaned up, run 4 errands (including getting my wife's bike repaired) - then take the kids to a block party/community festival thing - get home, wrassle with the kids - and watch a movie with the older ones.

Sunday (today), go to church, get home, take all of the Halloween decor down, vacuum the house, clean up the bedrooms, wash dishes with the kids, get the kids fed (took 15 minutes, not 4 hours) - take the fam out for a bike ride. I'm feeling good about myself (hey, was even able to do 5 pull-ups on the playground equipment, a first for me).

The second she gets home, she starts sweeping the porch, and then she starts fussing that the bathrooms aren't clean and immediately demands the whole family start scrubbing toilets.

I don't fucking get it, y'all. It feels like, no matter what, she throws herself into cooking and cleaning - and every single moment at home must be spent doing it. Even if the house is immaculate, she'll invent shit. Help me understand - what is driving this?

Post Information
Title Help me understand the compulsive cooking and cleaning...
Author RaymondCortazar
Upvotes 15
Comments 39
Date 04 November 2019 02:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (7 children) | Copy

Is she latina? My wife is similar. I told her to do her job happily or I would outsource it. I don't hear much of a peep now. Simply put, fucking is more important than a clean house. If that is an excuse not to fuck me then we pay somone else to clean or somone else to fuck me. She gets to pick.

[–]fannyfire 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

My wife is Latin too and she cleans like crazy but still has time to fuck. No kids though. 4 kids sounds like a natural cock block...

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

His wife sounds next level crazy with the cleaning. For my wife, she cleans from anxiety. It's the only thing she can control. I help her to learn to deal with anxiety in healthier ways. Like fucking for example.

[–]bourbonhipster 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This most definitely sounds like an issue of anxiety and control.

[–]RedPillGlasses 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife cleans from the anxiety.

Dude, the similarities are crazy.

[–]Vypered 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

doesnt get much clearer than this ^

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fitchick is Latina/Spaniard.

10/10. Would recommend.

Nice to see a comment of yours I can stomach responding to.


[–]iamwolfmonk 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's inventing reasons to stay busy so that she doesn't have to sleep with your ass. What level of dread are you on?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Extremely task focused. Usually a weak captain and it became her coping mechanism over the years.

You are starting to turn the ship and taking the wheel. Just keep making the weekends fun for you and the kids. Ultimately, if she doesn't come along you are having fun weekends and have a clean house. Don't overthink her actions.

As an afterthought, buy her a kinky maids outfit and fun with it...

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 32 points33 points  (7 children) | Copy

You've been married for 13 years. She fucked you like a champ until you got married, then drip fed you sex once a month, when she was ovulating.

You tried councelling.

It didn't work.

You tried choreplay.

It didn't work.

You tried Covert Contracts - taking her on expensive holidays in the hope of getting sex, taking her out for expensive meals in the hope of getting sex.

It didn't work.

One year ago, you discovered r/DeadBedrooms

It didn't work.

Four months ago, you posted to r/askMRP

You were told to start lifting.

You didn't do that.

You were told to write a MAP

You didn't do that either.

You were told that you were drinking too much.

You still do that.

You complained about not being able to lose fat.

Then you got fatter.

You came to MRP looking for answers, yet - when you get them - you choose to ignore them.

You've been handed the Playbook, yet you refuse to read it.

You've been told where the tools are, yet you refuse to use them.

You're a shitty Captain who drinks too much, eats too much, lifts too little and has no plan of action to sort his shit out.

But none of this is your problem - is it?

It's your wife's problem because she cooks too much, cleans too much and fucks too little and sucks too little.

Yep. It's all her fault.

Fix her and you'll get what you want.

Make another Covert Contract and you'll get what you want.

Do everything you can do - except the one fucking thing that you should be doing - and see how that works out for you.

Because none of this is your fault - is it?

[–]DiscordantMonk 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You might have to dumb this down a little, it's too well written.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is the askMRP equivalent of a Mark Hunt walk off KO.

[–]helaughsinhidden 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]i-am-the-prize 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

dude you're being too hard on him, he placed 5th in his age group, show him some respect!


[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Another dive by SBIII exhumes the corpses in the train wreck and the coverup.


OP, swallow your ego for once and masticate this.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep, she's avoiding fucking you. Could be that you're unattractive, you're autistic, not gaming her, whatever the reason, she'd rather scrub grout than fuck you (let that sink in).

The bright side is that many wives who avoid sex with their beta husbands do so while sitting on their fat ass watching tv. At least yours does it constructively.

The path forward is clear - put in the work to be a high value man. Then, if she'd still rather clean than lap up your cum, it's decision time about how to go about getting your needs met.

[–]part_wolf 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’d rather scrub grout than fuck you (let that sink in).

Best pun all week.

[–]fannyfire 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Instead of volunteering to hire a housecleaner how about you stop pussyfooting around and just do it?

What is she going to do??? Not fuck you?

[–]RaymondCortazar[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Did that once before (9 years ago), and she spends that same amount of time inventing other shit to clean...

  • "Oh, the housecleaner missed the bathroom grout, I'll go work on that".
  • "She missed the windows, I'll do that."
  • "I don't like the way she dusted, I'll re-do that".
  • "Now it's time to shampoo the rugs".

[–]fannyfire 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds likes she’s germaphobic. You need to get her to see a therapist.

[–]pinkiepie_notabrony 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't like the way they dusted it?! What other way is there to dust??? Your wife needs help, sorry to say it bro... :( Wish you luck.

[–]askmeanything2 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are driving this. Get out of the backseat and use the steering wheel.

[–]Cloudy_Pirate 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step 1: be attractive You are skinnyfat and doing Stronglifts with dumbbells. -2 How is your dress, grooming, posture, social life etc?

Step 2: don’t be unattractive. Your wife runs the house. You react to her. You are taking baby steps to change this, but you have a long ways to go.

When you are attractive and have killed off the unattractive behaviors you can look forward to lots of sex AND a clean house.

How do we know you aren’t there? Because her actions say that she cares more about how the house looks than she cares about you. The cleaning is just a symptom. Don’t focus on it. The problem is you.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’s not cleaning. She’s avoiding you. She’s running from the ship you are steering because the ship, the captain, and the journey/destination is not worth boarding or joining. You are a faggot. She sees this and cannot unsee it. That is why she is literally, maniacally producing tasks out of thin air to go do instead of spending time with you (and possibly fucking you). She would rather take a brush and scrub the shit out of the bowl of the toilet than spend time in your frame and fucking you. And you’re so oblivious, all you can do is stand there scratching your head, and producing every covert contract under the sun, to hopefully - get her to snap out of it and just fuck you already. What the fuck man. At least you know how to have fun, and are improving. That is good. But you still have a long way to go. Increase your value (obv for you), and your wife will be the lagging indicator. Don’t do it for her, but as a byproduct of your improvement, don’t be surprised when all that polishing the bathroom sink - turns into maniacally polishing your dick with the sugarwallz all of a sudden.

[–]vplatt 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is straight up her controlling how the family will spend time. As long as you go along with this, you're in her frame, and it is all about control. She's not OCD or whatever, but she probably doesn't know what else to do, because you likely have not been leading on this for whatever reason. Is that about right?

[–]JoeBuckYourslf 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

What’re your lifting/physical stats?

[–]RaymondCortazar[S] -3 points-2 points  (4 children) | Copy

5'9. 165 lbs 19% BF (Navy Method). Classic skinnyfat.

Started Stronglifts 5x5 on May 1, 2019.

Current regime:

  • Dumbbell Bench: 2x65
  • Dumbbell OHP: 2x45
  • Dumbbell Front Squat: 2x65
  • Dumbbell Row: 2x65
  • Dumbbell Deadlift: 2x90

[–]fannyfire 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stronglifts does not use dumbbells.

[–]AlohaMaui808 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you make plenty money there's no reason why you don't own a barbell and do stronglifts properly.

What else aren't you telling us?

How is your diet skinnyfat? If you started 6 months ago why are you still 19% BF?

You should probably post a proper OYS this tuesday in the main r/MRP sub

[–]hack3geRed Beret 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best part about dumbbells is that it tells you right in the name what you are if you use them for your main lifts....

Fucking faggot - are they pink too?

[–]SeamusAwl 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

None of those are anywhere near heavy enough to do much more than make your wife laugh at you.

[–]JameisBong 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dread, find more exciting things to do with the kids also. If she takes a break to do some church bullshit,she can take time out to drain your pea sized balls. Get to work man work on developing dread to the point where everything is natural.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anxiety / ocd my mom is like this and I am to an extent because I don’t like a messy house.

[–]RedPillGlasses 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try This.

Next time she is looking at pictures of kids as babies, and getting all teary eyed about it (as all moms do), ask her if she wishes she had more time with them.

“You know, the only one putting these gourmet meals and sparkling clean home expectations on you, is you. You’re creating all this pressure on yourself, the kids and I just want your time and your love.”

“When they move out, you’re going to wish you spent less time cooking/cleaning, and more time hugging and loving them. Just think about it babe.”

That was revelatory for my live in gf, and she is a lot happier now

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her that you don't mind her cleaning as long as she cleans the cum off the end of your cock too!

[–]Rogue68486 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy


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