(40 years old, married 14 years, 4 kids)
My wife, I think, really likes to cook and clean (don't ask me, I don't fucking get it) - I've asked for her the prepare less labor-intensive meals and I volunteered to hire a housecleaner (we do pretty well, I certainly can afford it) - and she gets really fuck-off defensive ("i'll work harder, I'll spend more time cleaning!"). She won't even let the kids wash/dry/iron their own clothes.
Anyway this means every single weekend is spent either cleaning house OR watching the kids and keeping them occupied while my wife prepares anywhere from 2-6 meals, each of which takes from 2-5 hours each.
I've spent years upon years doing this, and all of my weekends suck ass. So I'm done with it.
So - last weekend, I woke up, ran 4 miles, took the kids to the museum, ran errands with them. The next day went on a 7 mile bike-ride. It was fucking glorious. I felt great, and Sunday night, told the Mrs. that we were going to pop a bottle of wine and knock boots. We did.
I've decided: Okay - this works for me. I'll take care of bits of the home + childcare I deem relevant/important to me, and then focus on my health + strength.
Every single day over the past week, she gets at least one nasty barb in, every single fucking day, about how much housework she's got to do and how exhausted she is over it and - when I approach her for sex - that's the reason she's not up for it. My strategy is STFU, don't take the bait, leave the bedroom - and go read.
Anyway - this weekend, as my wife is going to be out running a church fundraiser - I'll be single-parenting the whole weekend.
I decide to hit a similar routine, get up Saturday morning, run a 5k (end up 5th in my age group!) - get cleaned up, run 4 errands (including getting my wife's bike repaired) - then take the kids to a block party/community festival thing - get home, wrassle with the kids - and watch a movie with the older ones.
Sunday (today), go to church, get home, take all of the Halloween decor down, vacuum the house, clean up the bedrooms, wash dishes with the kids, get the kids fed (took 15 minutes, not 4 hours) - take the fam out for a bike ride. I'm feeling good about myself (hey, was even able to do 5 pull-ups on the playground equipment, a first for me).
The second she gets home, she starts sweeping the porch, and then she starts fussing that the bathrooms aren't clean and immediately demands the whole family start scrubbing toilets.
I don't fucking get it, y'all. It feels like, no matter what, she throws herself into cooking and cleaning - and every single moment at home must be spent doing it. Even if the house is immaculate, she'll invent shit. Help me understand - what is driving this?